WildChild

LOL True, True.

Right now I am in not a fowl mood, but one of the stages of broken hearted. Even though it totally is the truth, my thoughts on that one at least at this second is: I don't hate you for who you are, I hate who I am because of you. But yes, in the whole circle of things, it is so true isn't it?

Yup, you're right RayKay. This list actually can fall into many facets of life. I think I will wallpaper my bedroom with this list along with my poster I have hanging there now, "Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" LOL (My boys know it does not mean them, and no offense meant to any man out here, I just somedays feel like that LOL)

How ironic that I just received this email from my Aunt (even more ironic, she has no idea the emotional turmoil I am in right now ). Call this food for thought, and something for all of us to ponder and remember. 1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you. 2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry. 3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. 4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. 5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can' t have them 6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile. 7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. 8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you. 9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful. 10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened. 11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around. 12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you. 13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to. REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

I am so sorry about your house, your home. RayKay is right about your exams. Don't let your Dad have any excuse to come at you with your grades. Many times when people are told they are failures, they tend begin believing that. Efforts become less and less because "why try, it won't make a difference anyway." But in the end the Ben it does matter. Why? Because it is your life. Your efforts now will pay off for YOU! Good luck, and keep your eyes straight ahead on YOUR future. Again I am sorry for your family's loss.

Well, I certainly hope you are able to connect up with her. Keep us posted on the outcome

You're right Ash, there are many wonderful qualities about him. He brought many of the wonderful qualities I wanted, needed, and desired into my life and into the relationship. I guess when I see or want something I am patient (to an extent LOL). We had this connection like we had known each other in another life. My best friend saw it as well. When we first tried dating and ended it I for the most part gave him his space. I knew he was coming out of a very long and turbulant relationship. I was disappointed because he was like a soulmate, but I also knew if I pushed it would drive him away. I know he wanted to be with me, he just wasn't ready and time and time again he would tell me he wasn't going anywhere, that someday we would be together but just not at that time. When we started dating this second time around, I continued to not push things. Even if I wanted to, I didn't. I let him set the pace, and maybe that is where I went wrong. I didn't express myself enough if something bothered me because I was afraid of what might happen, and I also knew he was taking a big step for himself by trying another committed relationship. I needed to take what I had learned from my marriage and incorporate into this relationship. I'm glad I did though. It has taught me patience and understanding of others situations, and most importantly it is not always about my needs or wants. However, I now feel like I have created a spoiled child. That if he doesn't get his way he pouts, yells, and says things he probably doesn't mean. With a child, their behavior may not be right but you look at their age and realize they are just growing. But when it comes from a grown man, it is hard to not wonder why? I guess when things get bad you turn to your family and friends to vent, cry or whatever. So when things are good or something good does happen the ones who love you and are closest to you and/or the situation have difficulty seeing the good qualities. Why? Because they don't forget what the person has said or done like the people involved in the relationship. You live it day in and day out: life. So I guess in my situation, not everyday was a bad day. There were many good days, and many days where I felt like I was on top of the world, many days where I couldn't have felt more special than how he made me feel. He has grown a lot. He wasn't going to any adult sites anymore, our bedroom life was where it should be, he would compliment me and encourage me more and more.I don't know if he is finally comfortable showing me all of him, or if it is that he has actually grown into a different person. His better qualities were more and more apparent each day, and his ugly side was less and less. But when his ugliness does appear it shouldn't be in the form of making cutting and personal digs, disrepecting my feelings, telling me to leave if I don't like his rotten behavior. He gave me an ultimatum, and shockingly I called his bluff. He has only himself to worry about, I have three of us to worry about. I have to make conscious decisions, and that also includes the living arrangements. I LOVED living on the lake with the sunsets and huge yard. It was great for the boys to have the outside space to play rather than being in the cramped mobile home park where we are back to living. But, the lake home is too small for a family of four and a dog. Two hours each day I spent driving and dropping off children. Seven days a week sharing a small space. The kids sharing a bedroom with his computer. He was worth it all, we were worth it. But this was never suppose to be a permanent living arrangement, this was suppose to be until we could find land. I slowly started to see that the closer we get to spring and summer things started getting pushed to the back burner. I realized that he wasn't going to follow through with it. It wouldn't be a big deal about the land had I not been paying for a house I wasn't living in. But I couldn't keep doing that, not for another year. So I look at his leading me on to believe one thing as being deceiptful and unfair. It is also disrespecting and being uncaring of my situation: my empty house. So in the end, I still feel like I told him Monday night that everything seems to be on his terms: the whens, hows, whys and wheres. Thanks for listening guys.

I am at the stupid stage trying to convince myself that maybe it wasn't that bad, maybe I could handle it. But I know that is not right, and that I can't handle it. Why does something so simple as ending something have to be so hard, and desperate. Can anyone come and rip my heart out and scream at it, "Quit caring!" My mind knows whats best, but my heart is so heavy right now I can't hardly stand it. I'm becoming anxious. Over what? I mean yes I love him, yes he has great qualities. But he took me and our relationship for granted. He disrespected me anytime he didn't like my opinion. Said not only mean things, but cruel digs at me about who I am. STILL can't believe he said that to me. It brings me to tears.

I know, I don't know either. I mean, I like to game and I can understand it is his hobby. But to ignore the boys after they have been gone all weekend and they miss him so much when HE is gone. Ignore me, trick me so he can get on the computer. He just spent a ton of money on the computer, but tells me that he lives from paycheck to paycheck. If you're that broke (which he shouldn't be...makes good money) then why blow what you have. It will be interesting to see what comes of any of this. Like someone mentioned, he will probably never have any solid relationship if he continues like this. I guess it makes me sad because he has such a history with women that in no time he will have some chick out there. I don't care if even it's for a one night stand, he will have slept with someone in no time flat. That makes me sad. Like I said, he cares about me but I don't even know to what extent.

You guys keep cracking me up, and I need that right now so a HUGE thank you. At one point I hoped the shingles would spread everywhere, but I quickly reminded myself that isn't nice LOL I can't even begin to imagine the pain he has right now, and maybe that's why he is the "dude with the tude". As for diapers, no doubt. Big spoiled, baby right now! Ironically, he is gaming as we speak. Told me he was working in town this week until he feels better, hell he isn't even working today.

I just can't believe that a relationship is ending over a computer and the lack of him respecting me because of it! I just want to yell at him "Are ya stupid?! The best thing that has happened for either of us, and you throw it away over a piece of machine and your fowl mouth!" I checked out that GamerWidows site. The first post I read is about a gal whose guy told her if she didn't like it to "fn" leave. I almost thought someone was pulling a prank on me LOL

I'm on board LOL And boy do I wanna whine right about now :splat:

You all are so wonderful, I have a great group of friends here. I am just so sad right now. Everything each and everyone of you have said is right. I know he isn't a monster and he has so many great attributes, but for the love of pete he can be down right mean and cruel. I'm at that stage right now where a person just wallows in self pity. Going over and over things, letting it consume you. Wondering if they even care. I mean I know he cares, but is he sad? Relieved? Is this it? Will he realize how senseless this is? Will he realize that if he just cut down on the gaming and stopped being so mean when he is angry. I just complimented him a few weeks back how he is not so quick to jump the gun and get defensive like he used to. Funny thing struck me on my lunch. On Sunday he mentioned that it would be more than just a few months before we would be buying land. At this point he had been gaming for 3 days, and on Sunday pulled a really crappy move by enticing me to come and watch a movie with him (I was doing some research on the computer about his Shingles), so I left the computer and within five minutes he had his headphones on and was gaming. You can only imagine my anger. So Monday, knowing how hurt I was over his sneaky move on Sunday night he still had the audacity to game. He then comments on Monday was that he didn't want to move in with me because of me b!tching about his gaming. So, I think he purposely was gaming to get me mad. Get me out. He's not feeling well, doesn't want to deal with it, wants space and has no way to tell me to leave. Who knows. Jeez I can already see I am going to be rambling on and on for days on end. I apologize in advance. How can someone who really has so much to offer someone not see how his words and actions are disrespectful and mean? (PS BillyJean, I remember the post you're referring to, but that wasn't my guy that said that to me about bringing something to the table. The hell I would ever have some guy ask me that LOL)

Thank you guys so much. God it is such a struggle isn't it though? How easy it would for me to go back because of a warm smile or an apology. So easy to lose site of the whole picture when you only get a glimpse of if once in a while. What's frustrating is I never told him he couldn't game, just not so much and not so often. But I have to keep reminding myself that no matter how much he said he cared, I wasn't ever going to be a priority. What sucks is I have to go and get the rest of our things. Plus as you all know, my house looks like a storage unit. I guess that will give me something to do getting things organized, but I really wanted a clean break. I don't feel like talking to him or seeing him. I'll be honest I am afraid if I see him I will want to make things work. On the other hand, I hate being treated meanly and I know when I go out there he will be on the computer and ignoring me. Which probably should be the way it should be, but it will make me even more sad that he has nothing to say to me. I don't know, now I'm rambling LOL

Well, I did it. I don’t know for how long, but I did it. I left. I am happy, sad, angry, confused, hurt and relieved all in one. If you rolled me up, I’d be a bouncy ball because I am all over the place with my emotions right now. I was upset with him on Monday night because again he was gaming. He had gamed every night since Thursday, and spent all day Saturday and Sunday on there. (Granted he has shingles and can’t go anywhere, but he certainly didn’t want to watch movies or anything with me). He again told me on Monday night that he is going to game for as long as he wants and as often as he wants, and if I didn’t like it to get the “f” out. I realized, no I don’t like it. I don’t like me and the boys being ignored. I don’t like feeling like there is no real purpose for me even being there. He also told me that the reason he didn’t want to live with me at my house was because he didn’t want to be stuck there with my “b!tching about his gaming”. He told me yesterday morning he didn’t kick me out, that only if I didn’t like it I should leave. I think he was surprised when I told him that I didn’t like it so yes I was leaving. That basically he picked his computer over me. It amazes me how a freeking computer can be the demise of a relationship. That if I don’t like being ignored, to get out. If I want him to live in my home, I have to tolerate his behavior. Tolerate being ignored, and not be allowed to voice my feelings when I finally have had enough of being treated like I am nobody important. Isn’t weird how you believe something to be the truth, but in the heat of an argument things get said that have never come up before? People want you to believe them on a normal day-to-day basis, but all of a sudden they say something when mad or hurt that blows you away. And more than likely when it is all said and done, they will come back and say they didn’t mean it. After awhile it is hard to know which one is the truth?? Last night when I was packing a few things to get me through until I can completely move out, he acted like he didn’t care. In fact told me that he wished I was out of there faster. In the end he verbally slapped me in the face. He looked me straight in the eye and said, “No wonder you can’t keep a man. Nobody can stand being around you, you’re nothing but a pain in the @ss.” So even if he comes back and says he didn’t mean it, how does he take away the pain I feel right now because of that comment. He told me early last Fall he hated me. I guess maybe I should’ve taken that serious even though he said he didn’t mean it because in the end I guess the reason he did ignore me was because he couldn’t stand me.

Man I am so sorry, I can't even begin to tell you. You know you did everything you could...I hope you believe that. Her decision may have been a rash and hasty one, and sadly a permanent one.

I guess I would. I gather that this has really weighed on you for a long time, so even if it is just to talk once, I believe you will feel better. Like I mentioned, do a little research. Maybe do a search for her on the computer etc...

That's what I keep telling myself, but it is the ole cliche' "Same thing, different day." Thanks Ash

The longer this exists, the more I fade. Dreams of tomorrow happened yesterday and anticipation for the stroke of midnight no longer exists. Nothing new or exciting to make hearts beat faster, only ogling the hand that ends the day. I wonder if I’d followed the beat that made my heart race if I would still be sitting here fading. My goals, meanings and hard work would be plaqued on the wall had I listened not only to society’s lectures on sense of morality but my own. Now safely tucked away for me to be haunted by on days like these. As I gaze outside life is happening around me and I choose to stay safe in this shelter. The sunshine blinding me as it calls out for me to be hugged by its warmth one last time. Even though I know its safe rays, and I recognize them, I cannot bring myself out of this place I have hung my hat, and now my weary head to feel its embrace. I know not what path I am to take, and can only be guided by what is offered. But by whose offerings? Should they not be mine? I can only imagine that this grey will turn to black, and I will lose site of myself and my path slowly blends in with the others. Glimpses of me do appear as have the blinders to quickly partition the outside from seeping into my mind, hopes and dreams. Maybe my dreams of tomorrow were only a fantasy of what is today. Maybe it has always been about today and never tomorrow. Yet as the sun says goodnight I weep, crying out silently for the hands of time to stop and sadly, longing for yesterday.

I am so, so sorry Don't berate yourself for not shedding any tears. Grief comes in many facets. I almost wonder if you are still in shock as well. You know you did what you could do to try and prevent this. As horrible as this sounds, you are right that your friend is probably blaming you because it seems when something sudden and tragic happens someone "is to blame" for not preventing it, whether it is blaming themselves or someone else. I truly am sorry all the way around for this tragedy. God bless.

Well, as goofy as this may sound maybe she didn't get the letter? Maybe she lives with someone and they intercepted it. Or another possibility is that maybe she hasn't been able to respond because of something that is going on in her life. And of course last but not least, post offices will hold mail sometimes if there hasn't been a forwarding address provided. I would do a little more research and see if you can look her up

Both RayKay and Hope75 make a very sound point. Although it may seem simple enough for him to hold your hand or give you a hug, some people are not comfortable doing so. He may have been raised in a home that showed little to no affetion, or maybe in one of his last relationships he showed affection but she rejected it. It's very easy to say that once you get married things will get better, but as RayKay and Hope75 pointed out it doesn't and sometimes gets worse. As I mentioned before, sometimes things seem to creep up on you before the wedding. However, you do need to stop and see in your heart of hearts if this is something you can or cannot live with. If you examine this part or aspect of the relationship, and without adding in any other factors or his good points, can you live without any affection? You can only make that decision, not him. This is a need you have. If you can show him affection without him rejecting you, would that be a happy medium or compromise? Yes, this would place you in having to initiate the affection that you need, however on the flip side, if he doesn't reject it then you will still be able to show affection and receive it even if you are the one who initiates it. Just a thought.

RK, getting married won't resolve their issues, no. However, maybe some of the problems they are experiencing is due to the stress of the wedding and without them even realizing it. Marriage/wedding, even though it is an exciting and important part of ones life, is one of the "stressors" in psychology. I wasn't pointing fingers at anyone, I was making a general suggestion about holding off without knowing what the other problems are. It is not uncommon for people to get jitters and start questioning everything about the relationship. All of a sudden something that never was a problem is a problem because people think to themselves "Can I live with him leaving the toilet seat up even though it is my pet peeve" or "Can I live with her for the rest of my life when she chews like that". This is the rest of your life, and that's why they are called "last minute jitters" or "cold feet".

Although I think it has to be said that he isn't going to change unless he wants to, I also think it should be said that just because this is causing problems doesn't mean they should hold off on the wedding because it "has some underlying problem or meaning." Obviously her problem needs to be resolved, however if he doesn't feel it is a problem there are two resolutions: 1) Live with no affection and accept it with no resentment or 2) Don't live with it and decide if this is enough to put a wedding off. Planning a wedding is stressful and when the date is growing near this puts a lot of stress on a relationship. I think sometimes people are too quick to not look at the whole picture. If there were other serious issues going on, then a closer examination of putting the wedding off may be needed, but to direct someone to call off the wedding not knowing the complete details of what the problems are is not fair to the poster. Sidenote: 9 months may seem soon to some and not to others. I bet we all know someone who met and were married in record time.