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WildChild

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  1. WildChild
    I am curious now though. Has he always done this or just recently began?
  2. WildChild
    ditto
  3. WildChild
    You need to take the bull by the horns and stop tip toeing around the issue. I did the same thing and it got me NO WHERE. I finally voiced my opinion and made it clear I meant what I said. The kicker is, and I hate to say it, is that he does not want you involved. This is about his fantasy. My guy at least once in a while would look with me, but only when I initiated it. He denies he goes to these sites but I made it clear I am not dumb and he is fooling no one. I won't stop on the issue and nor should you. You catch him, you confront him. He denies it, you tell him you're not stupid. I would try the ole what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I started that approach last night. Anytime I see him doing something he knows hurts my feelings, I am going to do the same thing. They need a taste of their own medicine, and you are there feeding him the sugar to make the medicine go down better. How about not giving it to him for awhile. He already said he needs both. Let's see how well he does not having the real thing.
  4. WildChild
    Men (and women) are going to masterbate and he may very well need the stimulation to help in that process. He is opening up to you about this, which actually is a good sign. HOWEVER, it is not just about him getting off now. It is about how addicting internet porn is. Once you look at one site, you click another link and it leads you to something else and so on and so on. It's not like a movie you can just pop into the DVD player. Internet porn is so widely spread in every facet. You don't need to embarrass yourself by going into an adult store or the back room of a video store. One click of the mouse and you have entered a whole new world. I realized by me tolerating it is saying it is o.k. to disrespect my feelings on it. Like I said, I didn't mind it but when I am sitting there washing the GD dishes in my pj's and he is looking at some 20 year old that is where I feel humiliated and not good enough. How great for him: I do his dishes and he fantasizes on the computer. Tell me how it would look to my kids if I was in stilettos doing the dishes just to appease to his need of fantasy
  5. WildChild
    Hopefully you can call these places and explain the situation and they may waive the reconnect fees. I would do it quickly though so they know you are telling them the truth and not some made up story. It is amazing how your self esteem can soar one day and the next day you feel like you have crashed to the ground at a million miles an hour. Never underestimate them, but most importantly yourself. You can do this even though it seems like forever. It is very easy to take it out on the ones you love, but you are acknowledging you may do this and that is good. At least you are not blinding yourself into believing you aren't doing that. I always made sure to apologize and told my oldest it wasn't about them and how sorry I was. It doesn't make it right, but he also understood. You may need to contact your physician about temporarily getting on either anxiety meds or antidepressants. I ended up having to do so myself and it helped tremendously. I eventually went off of them and am back to my normal self before the whole divorce crud. You will need to start letting people in to help. If they are willing, then let them do it. It will help with the stress and management of each day not to mention your sanity. Remember, don't underestimate him. Keep one step ahead of him at all times, and never let your guard down. As you realize now, he is capable of anything whether it affects you and the kids or not.
  6. WildChild
    Well, I am in the middle of a crossfire on this same issue. I never minded porn or watching it. Hell we even went to strippers together. However, like you my bf is watching it at all times whether I am home or not. Our sex life is nil to none to say the least, which I now think has to do with him more emotionally than anything. But I realized that by tolerating him going to these sites which flaunt young, taunt women I am basically hanging myself with my own noose. I threw out all the magazines (and he was fine with that), and told him last night I am going to start doing the same thing to him: make him feel inadequate. Make him wonder if he is too old, too overweight, not up to my standards. Porn is there, and there is no way to stop it. A lot of it has to do with fantasy, but many of these sites require you sign up to even enter the sites and that leads to a bunch of BS which I recently found in his emails. I guess I am at the point now that I won’t tolerate it like before and he basically shot himself in the foot. Like I said, it is pretty normal for people to look, but when it becomes a problem then it is wrong. This may be something he needs to do on his own (from what I have learned by opinions of men on this site), but to lock you out of the room is not right. You need to figure out a happy medium because if he is going to that great of lengths, you never know where it might lead him or your relationship.
  7. WildChild
    I agree with Bethany. Although it is difficult to walk away, this may continue on and on if you let him call all the shots. A different approach may be to tell him that for now you two will take a break and once he has gotten rid of his "cling wrap syndrome" then you two can move forward together. You really do need to concentrate on your health and any added pressures is not going to help your healing process. You're not giving him an ultimatum, you are giving yourselves time to get your ducks in a row. I would caution you though, that very seldom do cheaters change their behaviors once they leave their SO for the person they have been seeing outside of their relationships. You may want to keep in mind that just because he leaves her for you does not guarantee that he won't do the same to you.
  8. WildChild
    You took the first step by finally letting it out here. I wish you the best and I truly hope you will follow through and seek counseling. And if you don't feel ready we are always here to listen and support you.
  9. WildChild
    Life has a weird way of spinning RayKay. It's normal to wish or hope that he would be the one to get sick first, I can completely relate. In some way, shape or form her being diagnosed will have a horrible impact on him. I promise. And when his chosen day arrives, he will be surrounded by no one.
  10. WildChild
    Did he tell you he wasn't sure if he was in love with you during this argument? He sounds very depressed right now and not being happy with important things in his life i.e. work and where you live may be giving him the added dismal outlook on life. Plus, depending on where you live the weather may also have a lot to do with it. Where I'm at, everyone has cabin fever right now and is ready to "off" everyone and everything because of the cold weather. I don't know if I would make any rash decisions right now. Find something or somewhere within yourself and sort through your thoughts. There is an off chance that he may break things off, but I am reckoning it is because of the daily pressures in life that has him so neurotic right now. And he is doing the right thing by taking time to himself to sort through things. Use this time to do the same for yourself.
  11. WildChild
    You are doing what you should be doing: letting all your anger and feelings out and in a constructive positive way. I am sure your children are filling in the bridges on many things. Support one another and never forget to show and tell each other how much you love one another. Nothing lasts forever, nor shall this. Just remember o n the way to what you planned to happen, something even better comes along.
  12. WildChild
    I'm sorry you are having such a horsecrap day RayKay! Hopefully we can cheer you up You have been put in a difficult position about your father, however given what he has done to your mother and all of you kids it is no wonder she feels that way. I don't think he will be too surprised by her decision though given their circumstances. I'm sure her tests will be fine, she is such a trooper and so strong. Plus she has such a wonderful support in you Thought to ponder~ Take heart again; put your dismal fears away. One day, who knows? Even these hardships will be grand things to look back on. -
  13. WildChild
    How did you find out?
  14. WildChild
    Yes, you did the right thing. Don't let her tears wash away what she did to you. She got caught, plain and simple.
  15. WildChild
    I know that you feel you have your right to him, but to be angry that she asks him to stop all contact with you is not unreasonable. They are the ones who were supposed to be in a committed relationship. You bascially are doing the same thing: telling him to drop her and be with you. However, he remains with her. Men find women attractive if they have respect for themselves. I find it no surprise that this new change in her has drawn them closer, and I don't think she is playing games. I believe she has found her confidence again and that in itself is attractive. Don't be angry at her, she didn't ask for your two's affair. Be angry with yourselves. Him for leading two women to believe different things and yourself for falling for it.
  16. WildChild
    I can't even begin to imagine the hate and betrayal you have had to live with. Please try to understand that this is not about you or who you are as a person, but the sick people that did this to you. I really encourage you to find a counselor to talk to about this. If you don't feel comfortable talking with one on campus, find one that is near where you are now. You have a lot to work through from your past, and hopefully counseling will pave a better future for you and any relationship you may begin with someone.
  17. WildChild
    ROFL God wouldn't that suck to get stood up at the alter!
  18. WildChild
  19. WildChild
    Deluded, maybe. Lonely cuz it's Valentines Day....yes. My now boyfriend got a hold of me last Valentines. We had been broken up for about 2 months and our communication was hit and miss. Low and behold after weeks of him ignoring me he IMs me on Valentines and wanted me to come and stay the night. Your guy is lonely...probably the second worst day to spend alone.
  20. WildChild
    I agree with RayKay. Although you have known him for over 5 years, you've only begun dating one another less than 2 months. Knowing someone and dating them are two different ballgames. He may really care about you and doesn't want to lose you hence the proposal of marriage, however he has indicated his trust issues with other men. Although he is leaving for a year, what is his reaction going to be if you are casually talking to another man with no other intentions outside of talking? If you did accept the engagement and decide 6 months down the road that it just isn't for you then you have a whole other issue. Why not suggest waiting on the engagement until after he returns so that you can enjoy the engagement together and not apart. This way you haven't committed yourself to something you are already questioning of it being too soon, and you can then see how your relationship really is once he returns not to mention how it is with him being gone all that time.
  21. WildChild
    I have been following your posts azul and I have to ask if you are in one on one counseling? My divorce is the product of an affair and I would strongly suggest if you are not in counseling you do so.
  22. WildChild
    If you are adding more protein and continuing your weight lifting, you are probably gaining muscle mass. I added more protein to my workouts and weight lifted when wanting to lose weight, and I literally went from 150 to 163 in 2 weeks, and went up a pant size My trainer told me I gain muscle faster than burning the fat and even though I was having adverse affects initially, he explained one day I would wake up and literally be leaner...however, it would be probably 2-3 months....ugh! So I quit the weight lifting because I was bulking up way too fast. Now that I have gotten to the weight I want, I will begin the lifting again.
  23. WildChild
    Aaahhh, the pros and the cons list. Ironically I just did this last week...yey for Wild for actually contemplating the good vs. bad LOL When it's good, it's good and when it's bad I'm miserable. I actually read that it is normal for men to pull back without them even knowing they are so that they can come back to their SO revived and refreshed and ready to give even more. Many times I do feel loved even without the intimacy, and sometimes I feel ignored. It's not a matter of "oh, spend every waking hour with me if you love me" kinda thing, it's the ignored for hours and hours on end. Avoidance, and that is what makes me wonder what he is avoiding me for. I am sick of being the home IT spy I was SOOO relieved to tell him I had been tracking his sorry * * * for months because of HIS challenge to ME. That everything he told me I had an answer that would put his words to shame. I think for once I left him feeling like he was defeated, especially because of his actions last night and this a.m. I actually think I caught him crying when we came home. GOOD. I hope he bawled his eyes out. I actually feel invigorated and empowered because I feel like putting the ball in his court. Shape up and fly right and I mean straight as an arrow, or we are gone and for good. No phone calls, no im's, no visits nothing. Out of our lives period.
  24. WildChild
    The sucky thing is I snooped at his email. I didn't just find it in his contacts like I told him. How do I tell him that. And even so, he will have some twisted lie he has created that he will stick to and NEVER admit to what he did, so why even tell him how I found out because it will be turned around onto me and lose focus on the real issue. This just all aroud sucks. Up until this feeling on Saturday I had I trusted him and now, I realize I can't trust him. How do you just forget about all of the good overnight? I can't. I have to keep working up to this because I know I need to leave unless of course some miracle happens. He is an addict, he knows it, and he won't stop any of it. He will keep gaming and denying he looks at porn. And then what ircs me is that he tells me I am the one who added this one porn site to the favorites cuz he didn't. I think he is clinically sick. He believes these lies as if they are the truth.
  25. WildChild
    God I know it, I know it, I know it Why is my head going "leave that SOB no matter how many good qualities he has" but my heart is going "stay and give him one chance to rectify this." Somebody shake me please...or literally pick me up and physically move me out. I know I am right on this one and I don't want to buckle, nor do I want him having me come accross as being crazy.
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