WildChild

To use the analogy of death of a loved one is probably the best way to explain it. Obviously death is permanent, we will never get to see our loved one again. If you have ever lost someone you were very close to, do you remember the stages of grief that you went through? Grieving their death, their life, their memory? Like death, the end of relationship has the same stages of grieving. Grieving for the loss of someone we loved, the loss of the relationship, memories. What's happening is normal. There are many stages of healing, and you are going through a stage right now. Having gone through this with my divorce and the death of my stepfather on the same day, I feel comfortable asking you to look at 3-4 months ago, remember how it seemed like every thought was around her and your relationship? These tears and thoughts flooded you at any given moment? And what seemed like all of the time? Picture yourself now. Are those thoughts and tears consuming your every minute? Chances are they are not. You could very well be at the stage of acceptance. I believe that tears cleanse our souls. We cry when we are happy, scared, sad and angry. We cry to release these feelings. And afterwards, no matter what the reason we cried for, we feel better. You may have just needed to cry to let some of these feelings out.

Reread the above. If you stepped out and looked at it in bystander's shoes, what would be your thoughts? What if this was a friend or family member that posted those words? What would you tell them? If you look at the whole picture, and not just what you felt is it the same as what she felt? No. She may have realized that she should try and make it work because you did treat her so well, but she would continuously break it off with you. Why? Because it didn't feel right to her. Maybe she was afraid of having it so good because she never has, or didn't feel she deserved it. Regardless of any of that, it doesn't take away from the truth that you felt she was never "into" the relationship. You broke it off with her. Why? Because you were frustrated that she didn't reciprocate the same. You both may have been enamored by looks, humor, etc... however, it doesn't take away that you were not receiving enough in return to make you feel fulfilled, loved, or wanted. Where that you were so frustrated you ended it. I know what it like to want to be with someone and it doesn't work. I also know what it is like to try so hard to want things to be right because you feel a connection. BUT what is important is that the other person has to "feel" it too. It has to feel right. It is o.k. to always hold a place in your heart for her. But I have to wonder if you are dating someone, how much of you are you giving her right now? If you continue to constantly wonder about your ex, how much of that do you think is trickling over into this relationship, or the next one? A person can't put 100% into something if their heart isn't into it 100%. Are you putting 100% of you into this current relationship? If not, why? You may be walking in your ex's shoes.

OK, call me way off on this one but I have a hunch that you are trying to figure out lite plans for you two so that you can contact her with your ideas so that she will see that you are "serious" about just being friends. Do not call her, email her, flowers, nothing. Do not put your cart before your horse. I hate to say this Dogg cuz I was really rootin' for ya, but I hate to see you set yourself up for a fall. I know I pegged her wrong...but it is very apparent she is not interested in having a relationship with you. I'm beginning to wonder if even a friendship at this point and time.

Well Ready, I would love to tell you congratulations on winning the ring, but given the circumstances I'm sure it is bitter sweet. However, I would still go get the ring for yourself. I would tread very cautiously with this. I have read your posts and didn't have much more to offer than what everyone else has told you or warned you. Something "hasn't been right in Denmark" for a long time here and it is so hard to see it when it's your life. Even though you knew things weren't good, I don't think you wanted to believe he was doing anything bad behind your back. I am sorry to say this but I was not surprised (although sad for you) when you wrote that some gal has offered for him to live with her. Now, it doesn't necessarily mean that those two have been messing around, but his behavior has not lead me to believe different. If it's not her, than who or what? I believe in cold feet, but I think this goes beyond him having cold feet. I can't say that i would advise you to go live there. I really think as much as you love him it is better to walk away from this. You don't need this BS and him dangling a carrot in front of you. What this is him wanting his cake and eating it too. And I don't mean your wedding cake either. He is playing you honey

I completely agree with Isle. You really are wise beyond your years. You have offered so much advice and support on this forum alone. Depression is a powerful thing. I understand the need of not wanting to go on medication, I too was there. But I became so depressed and feelings of wanting to end my life I knew I had to do something. I was prescribed meds and after 2 years I was able to go off of them because I no longer needed them. Sometimes disorders cannot be tamed down without the use of medications. Bipolar being one of them. I have a friend who is Biopolar and a manic depressive. She is a completely different person when she is on her medication, and you can tell when she isn't. She feels much better about life and herself while taking meds. She to was like me and you. Didn't want to have to medicate for the rest of her life. However she researched it and realized that again some disorders need medication to help balance out the chemicals. You really are a sweet woman. I would hate to see you do something drastic like end your life when there could be solutions out there to help you cope. Please be good to yourself.

Well, I am at a loss on what to tell you. You either need to work up the confidence to start approaching girls outside of your circle, or remain in your circle of friends. Based on what you have told us I think you want to remain in that circle and not step out of it, however in the process you are choosing girls who see you as their friend and nothing else.

I'm glad you turned to someone close to you to help gain a different perspective. Your friend I think has nailed exactly what we have been trying to tell you. I am assuming you have had no response to your last email you sent? Aren't you glad you didn't send the flowers Keep us posted.

What about when you and your friends hang out? Movies, malls, parks etc.... no one catches your eye?

Stinkweed it has to feel good to get this off your chest. I believe you are in a state of panic right now, and that I think is caused by certain factors that results in a vicious cycle. I am going to give you my thoughts and they will be random. First and foremost I really think your lack of sleep needs to be dealt with. Now this is where the vicious cycle begins. You are lacking sleep, which makes it hard to concentrate. Once you can't concentrate, you begin wondering why and lose what concentration you do have for the given moment on why you can't concentrate. Once you lose that concentration you begin questioning why (am I stupid, what is wrong with me). Anxiety then sets in because you are so concentrated on why you can't concentrate and you have to study for this test, while feeling anxious and overly tired. You have the added pressure of trying to please your parents so the anxiety really sets in because you don't want to fail, and this being your last year in school so you want to make sure your grades are good for college. You then take the test that you have studied your @ss off for and get a D, which then brings on anxiety of why because I studied and this is the end result?!! You go home mad, tired and anxious knowing you have to tell your parents, resulting in more anxiety. You hear their bit of how you must not have studied enough, or it's easy enough, which then leads to more anxiety of then I must be stupid if it's that easy. You go to your room to do your homework and study, and feel what's the use I can't even get a decent grade on something "that is so easy" AND I studied for. Which in return keeps you up running this through your head keeping you up at night. And the cycle continues. And it is vicious. I understand having frustration with teachers that don't teach in a style that is understandable. I too had the same situation and when their teaching style does not mesh, it makes it hard to understand the concept. There are courses, books, etc...that explain different learning styles. You said yourself that in the one class it is a breeze. What is different about the teaching style of that teacher compared to the one you are having difficulty with? Furthermore, what is inside of you that makes you understand that class/course better? Is it because it is visual, word structures, formulas? If you can try to understand what makes it so different, maybe you can try to apply that concept in a way that works for you. You mentioned that your Mom believes it is easy, could you ask her to help explain it to you? Most importantly, you are not a failure. It is important to realize that no one is good at everything. Somethings come easier to some people than to others. I bet there is a good chance that there is someone in your class that you excel in that looks at you and wonders how you make it look so easy. Finally, please look back at what was happening in your life when you said that you were the happiest. What was so different then? Maybe you had cut yourself a break and it felt good. I hope I have understood what you were trying to relay. You have a lot whirling around in your head right now, and understandably. You must do what is best for you and I don't think dying in your sleep is the answer LOL Please get some good sleep. And start giving yourself some credit. You are very bright just by reading your post

I see a pattern of you liking your friends. It is easy to become attracted to the people you see the most, but you are in a tough situation when your eye keeps wandering to your girlfriends. Many people do have the fear that if you step over that friendship line and should the relationship end, not only have you lost a significant other but you have lost a friend. Now that's not to say people can't become romantic with one another after being friends, and many relationships do start out like that. However, you may want to look at why you are staying within the safe relm of your circle of friends and not looking beyond the circle.

LOL LOL I am so glad to hear you have your Mom to confide in and support you.

Good luck Winschica. As often as I have said this, I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. Meaning if you are not pregnant, something has come to you or out of this experience. I am sorry that your bf has been little to no supportive of you. Let us know how everything turns out. ((HUGS))

Have you ever thought that maybe he has too much respect for you than you have for yourself right now.

Landing strip all the way

Well, I have been in your same shoes Dogg. Met a guy, was attracted to him, and we became friends in the course of things. We did a lot together: dinners, movies, stayed at his house, partied, long phone calls etc.. Never has sex with him, kissed here and there. He told me I was attractedive to him but not his type and didn't want to lose my friendship if we pursued a relationship and it failed. Through the course of this I had to swallow my feelings for him many times Dogg. I knew he just wanted to be friends, but I too felt that if he sees how special he says I am than maybe one day it will happen. He dated women, and because I truly wanted his happiness I would help and direct if I felt the woman was good enough.

Winschica, I wish you were here to give you a hug! Honey, you have to do what is best for you and your life. You have some time yet to sort through these emotions and decisions, and in the end you will decide what is best for you right now. Also, I didn't mean to come accross as saying your boyfriend was "pressuring" you. What I meant, and it didn't come accross the screen that way is that his thought on what should happen has added pressure to your decision. I'm sure your thoughts are very scrambled as is his. I wish you the best honey. It will be o.k. either way.

First, please, please, please, please do not send her the flowers, and this is coming from a girl who LOVES receiving flowers. Your email Dogg said it all, you told her your thoughts. If you send her flowers, that is going to come along as pushing. If this is really, really your desire (and I vote tread cautiously) you need to back way the hell off this early into the "reconciliation". Second, men love a chase. You know that Dogg. She is not within your reach right now, and that is what has got you intrigued even more And thirdly, this line from one of Cheryl Crows songs always rings in my head: It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you have. You wanted her in your life, she will give you her friendship Dogg.

If I may throw in my two cents. I think the email is a positive indication that she too enjoys you Dogg. And now the part you won't like. I am afraid that even though you say you will just be friends with her, that in your heart of hearts you will deep down hope that every time you see her, spend time with her etc...that maybe THIS will be the day she will want to further your relationship. Now, there is no saying that couldn't happen. BUT, if it doesn't happen, you will without a doubt feel very disappointed in her and in yourself. You will have led yourself on to believe that eventually she will come around. Can you honestly be o.k. and support her should she date someone else? Will you put your feelings aside for her and encourage her to do the right thing if she meets someone she is interested in? More importantly, since it sounds like you agreed to be her friend, are you going to continue to put all your eggs into one basket? I would hope that you will take this opportunity to date other women while continuing to do things with her. Remember, there is no committment here. Please don't talk yourself into feeling one way just on the notion that maybe someday she will feel different.

I am presuming that your bf continues to feel you should have the abortion? Are you scared because you are pregnant? Are you scared because you have been put in the position by your bf to terminate the pregnancy, however you originally thought you would keep it? My exhusband wanted me to abort our first son. I wouldn't. I made it clear to him that I would raise the child on my own if that was the case, and would hold him with no responsibility if he chose to walk away. Part of my thought was that by aborting this child in me, I was taking away a part of both he and I. The other posters have made very good points, it is in the end up to the individual. I feel you should find someone you can confide in that is close to you. Abortions can be a very touchy subject and you need someone close to you that will support you either way.

I have not had an abortion myself, however I have friends and family who have. Most of them say there isn't a day goes by that they don't think about it whether it is the anniversary of when they did it, or when the childs birthday would have been. I have however had two miscarriages, and whether the pregnancies were planned or not, I can tell you I still feel such a loss.

It does get disappointing when the weekend comes to an end. No more lazy days, sleeping in, doing nothing. The hump and grind of everyday comes on Monday morning, and those are especially tough. So her "dismal" look on life disappears once the weekend gets closer? If it is because she so looks forward to the weekends with you, why is she so sad if you two spend each night together? Maybe it could be having to say good night to you until the next night????

You're welcome!