Jetta
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What on Earth makes a relationship survive?
Jetta replied to PhilliesFan001's topic in Dating Advice
It's called Commitment. They commit to making their marriage work, or just plain refuse to divorce under any circumstances. The ones who make it work do things like: decide to woo their partner throughout their life; send flowers/jewlery, date their partner regularly. \\ Things to keep their partner feeling special. That was my parents. My mom's parents just stuck it out in a bad relationship (infidelity, abuse, alcoholism). Maybe it was the stigma of divorce that kept them married. The did break up once and date others but reunited and stayed married until death having 5 more children that includes my mom. That's the example my mom uses for me. Saying I should have stuck it out rather than divorce. I think she's right on the 2nd marriage, I should have choose to stay. Oh yeah that's the other thing. It's all a choice. You choose to work through the issues or choose not to. The problem is choosing not to just gives you more to work through with the next person usually. I will add: Marry for love, not for any other reason. Because you can reflect on those loving feelings when the going gets tough and there will be tough times in every relationship. -
I'm excited so I had to post! Opted for response. The band is still looking for a singer/songwriter! Woohoo!!!! I'm calling him tonight. Hopefully it works out!
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I think it's a wonderful idea. Good luck!
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Well I tend to be shy myself and it really doesn't help to be that way at all. I know for me it comes from feeling judged, the need to say the right thing always, etc. So realize no one really cares about anyone other than themselves and everyone loves to talk about themself. Ask questions and listen. You don't have to find things to say then. I know I'm listening more and boy to people really open up.
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Well it's a problem I've had. Why not go to a local college and take some assessment tests. It may help you figure out what you like. Other things to consider: Do you have any hobbies? What classes did you like the most in school? What shows do you generally watch? What interests you about those shows? You can get an idea of what interests you and then see if it's where you want to go in life. My brothers girlfriend figured out she wanted to be a geneticist just by something they studied in class one day at school. Take that small thing of interest and figure out how to make it into a career. You have one we all do.
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I think you need to be on medication to treat depression. Talk to your school counselor or primary physician for a referral.
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No plans to quit the day job. Thinking of it as a part-time job (nights weekends). A fun part-time job.
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The problem is there is limited time for appeal. No I do not have a history of this. Really I cracked from the pressure of my life and all the losses. I had what they call a pschotic break. Some people never recover from them, I am recovering. The doctors think I'll make a full recovery but it'll take time, which is what I don't have.
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Is the other guy offering? My advice.... Never settle, I did and look at the horrors it has caused.
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I just forgot about it. I was very spacey for a long time (reason I'm now on meds and was diagnosed with a schiophernia). I had just started my temp job (day 3) after not working for a year I didn't want to risk losing the job. I had no money at all. My brother put gas in the car so I could get to work. The really kicked me when I was down and took full advantage of a bad situation, which just made matters worse (emotionally I was beat up). I'm finally starting to feel like my old self, at least more so. I'm still a lot weaker than I used to be and they keep right on kicking me. AwdreeHpburn - My daughter thinks it's me not visiting her. She doesn't know it's them doing this to me. She's 4 years old. My ex husband lets me talk to her the nights he has her (to say goodnight and prayers). I see her once a week (supervised). My ex MIL was handling the visits now she wants me to use the parenting center (costs $30/hr.). My ex husband let me visit her on Saturday and the weekend before. I hope he continues. She likes the visits and so do I, she tries to stretch them out as long as she can.
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And the worst part is I really don't have the money to. I missed court, which has just made matters worse. It'll cost me thousands to get a normal set up with my daughter (as far as visitation). Not even sure if I can fight for custody, seems far-fetched after the year I've had. But there's no way I can do supervised visits at a parenting center for a fee for the rest of her life. Simply because I flaked out, they said I was a danger to her (just said I was I never did anything). Oh yeah I thought she was possessed so that's why, they said I called her the devil (I never did that). Man this just so sucks. My ex and I had this all arranged, shared custody, my ex MIL is a totally evil. She's actually cut me out of my daughters life. Now I have to take my measly paycheck and give it all to a lawyer just so I can somehow be a part of her life. My ex is totally fine including me, knowing it's good for her to have a relationship with her mother. My ex IL's who paid the attorney are not. My ex is just a follow along guy. God I hope I can actually get custody of her back. I'd hate to spend thousands just for weekend visits. I was going to forget it because my ex and I were actually handing it well I thought. But my ex evil MIL just can't leave well enough alone. She is truly an evil woman and I've wished death upon her (never before have I done that) and I wish she burns in hell. Only wished hell on my first ex husband. Yeah I hit bottem and they kicked me when I was down. I just had to vent because my mom wants me to let it go, but how can you? This is my daughter! I'm bringing in about $250/week. The attorney is $220/hr. See the dilemma? Thousands he said. I had a bad feeling about this woman but he was a nice guy. I never thought anyone could do something so awful. She legally kidnapped my daughter from me.
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Oh that's tough. I'm not a big fan of NC, mainly because I have children so that's really impossible for me. I believe in cordial relationships. Granted we did go a nearly a year with minimal contact and it just happened naturally. You responded in a way that was confortable for you. No need to take it further. She does sound like she wants to get back together but it could just be the lonliness factor. So unless you want to reconnect it's best to keep contact to a minimum. Okay so maybe a part of me is for nc.
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Now I'm not suicidal but I'm planning my funeral and I've never done this before. Last night I saw a video of two teens who died in a car accident while fleeing police. They were sideswiped by a Semi and the car was shattered into pieces. I was shocked initially but later I was internally happy when I thought of it being me. I realized could have a quick exit that would lead to certain death. I've had close calls in my life and with the loss of my children, parental rights on one, custody on the other. I really don't feel like I have a point to life anymore. No I don't plan on doing anything to myself but it was nice to know I could go suddenly and quick. I'm always afraid of living with bodily damage (mamed, paralyzed, etc.) But I have hoped for a peaceful passing. Anyway today I e-mailed my best friend to tell her I'd like her to bring my daughter to my funeral (if I were to die). And that I didn't want my ex-husband or his family attending my funeral. I decided to e-mail my ex telling him I want either my best friend or mom to bring our daughter to my funeral. I'm hoping since this came to mind my time is near. I've never thought of my own funeral stuff before. I know it's important to make wishes known and since this came to mind I made it known. I've never had funeral wishes before or felt internally happy about my own death. Both seem really odd to me and I'm kind of wondering what others make of these things.
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Have you tried taking meds for your depression? You really should meet up with the school counselor about your depression and also meet with your guidance counselor to discus possible majors. My parents pressured me into Music Education I hated it and well I'm a college drop out. Only planned on taking a semester off but haven't been able to go back (lots of sabatoging people in my life). Anyway I see that you have those feeling of being sabatoged. Do they really expect you to major in Engineering? If you hate it find something else. Some classes can transfer but it's true most can't. Wouldn't you rather have wasted a year on wrong studies than a lifetime in a bad field?
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As you said this is a defense mechanism. You know they're out of bounds so they're "safe". As far as your boyfriend catching you by surprise maybe if you understand his reasons for breaking up it would help you heal and avoid these self-destructive relationships. One reason I can think of is he has a fear of commitment and moving in together was too committed for him. He freaked, broke up, and left you shell shocked. It's possible he just wasn't ready to take the next step and wasn't able to communicate his feelings well enough to you. I think by understanding his reasons for the break-up; you'll heal.
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I was going to suggest light therapy. Have you tried it yet? If so, it would work very well for SAD.
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Littledog, Well it sounds like you've tried, and he doesn't seem to want to heal the marriage. It's too bad. Prepare yourself as much as possible before taking that final step. Good luck to you. And of course you'll meet someone again. Tons of available guys are out there. When you're ready one will come along.
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Well I'm 32 years old and interested in joining a band. I didn't do it when I was young because I wasn't thin enough. Well I'm still not the stick figure type, I'm the curvy type, but have talent that's being wasted. The karaoke people like my voice, the band jam people like my voice. Now to find a group to go out singing with because it makes me feel alive. Oh I've also modified my teen dream of superstardom to my adult dream of local sensation. So my regular body type might actually be acceptable. I saw one group that plans to write original songs and I totally want to join that gro up. The posting is from a few weeks ago and I'm waiting for the site to get back to me on my enrollment. I totally hope the position is still open, just waiting for me. I've spent years telling finding reasons not to do this. Even tried pursuing real estate because that's a more realistic career. That's when I found out you're supposed to pursue what you love because you have to work hard pursuing anything and it's much more fun to work hard at work you love. So wish me luck because it really freaks me out to do this and so far I haven't found a good replacement career.
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I've realized that many go through periods in their life where they want to end it. Some of those people have really surprised me. Many seem to be missing something, even those that seem to have everything.
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I honestly think you should reconsider leaving. You just quit med school, you have an infant. This is a lot of change and often change causes reactions in people. Why not try a marriage counselor first. Your problems can be worked through, really they can. Maybe the pressure of family and school is getting to your husband, so he goes out trying to recapture his youth and freedom. You both need a heart to heart talk. Explain how you need him, give specific examples of ways he can help you with the baby (remain calm). Do you want to return to school? If so make a plan to, if not find a job/career that's of interest to you. Stay married for now, reestablish yourself, and see how you feel in a year. I divorced prematurely and now I see it could have been resolved or at the very least I should have prepared myself better. Get on solid ground first. You may decide to stay or still decide to divorce but at least you'll be prepared.
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Wonderful proposal. Good luck.
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Check out this site. link removed You can look up various details and piece it together to see if it means anything.
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Start looking for another job but keep the one you have until you secure the other.
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Oh that's really cool. Glad the new college is working out for you. These will likely be your friends for life. Keep befriending people.
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How do you get over making huge mistakes in life?
Jetta replied to stilarock's topic in Emotions and Feelings
You start by being grateful for what you do have. You said you have a "good job". Well that's something. Try making some friends at work, getting involved in some activity (a hobby) and meet people that way. Change your focus from the past to what you can do in the present. You made friends then you can make them now. Just get out and socialize.