Jetta

Renaisancewoman, I'd love to move to CA so if you can go for it, especially with family there it would really be helpful I'm sure. I can't leave this state, at least not right now, so I am trying to build a nice happier here.

So I found a place today and have put in the application. I now need to call and get everything else set up, phone, electric, etc. I feel really good about the place. Even my kids liked it. My son kept saying he hoped that was the place I choose. So when I went back to sign up he was really excited. Now he's grabbing stuff and packing. I'm moving in on Sunday (U-haul rental was cheaper for Sunday). It's a completely new area but a nice one and reasonably close to downtown with several park 'n rides. Yeah!!! So this week will be busy with getting set up in a new area, and I hope I can get the daycare thing figured out. A friend is really helping me with suggestions. I guess she knows a lot of people in the area so major referrals. I can even paint the apartment walls!!! And the floor plan is just cool. Not the typical apartment layout. Oh I just love it. I'm really really happy. It's a nice, family friendly place too. I wasn't even shaking when I filled out the form. So it seems entire being is now ready for this change. I filled out previous apps and shook while doing it.

My son is visiting and after an experience today I totally know why he's living with his dad now. I had some wine and I nearly finished the bottle. I probably have a glass or two left of the bottle, but I am drunk. That's a lot of drinking for me. I'm fantasizing about men now. I've been packing, have some apartments to check out tomorrow. Ordered the U-haul, so I need to have something so I can move next weekend. Yes I really want out, and am really wavering on where to live. Now that I'm drunk my ex is looking so attractive. OMG desperation is setting in. He of course knows it's been a while, and he's like a dog that can totally sense when I'm in the mood. It's so bad. America's Best jilted me, and I'm really pissed off about it. My son goes through glasses like water, and they didn't order my protection plan last time I was there. I metioned to the lady 3 times to put it on there. I called because I didn't see it on the receipt when I got home. Well I was assured via the phone that it was on their computer. So they flat out lied to me. I sent the company an e-mail, and I'm just really upset about it so I told them I want a refund on their eye exam thing. I sign up for 3 years of eye exams for $99, and of course said I couldn't do business with an unethical store. They could have just said we simply can't cover him, but man I'm so mad about that. The kid has serious mental issues that I just can't deal with. I'm too young and immature to be dealing with a problem child, really I am. But he's my son so I have this guilt mixed in there. God it just sucks. Then of course you get this crap added onto it. Man I'm glad he's not my main problem anymore. Okay yeah I'm drunk. I'm horny and the ex is hoovering. Looks like someone is getting lucky tonight and it's not the guy I want to be sleeping with either. Oh I don't want to live alone. What will I do in times like these? No this is not my normal self, just the ramblings of a drunkard.

Thanks BellaDonna good advice. Okay so I didn't handle that one so well. I'm just not the most social person. I'm really a cut to the chase and get down to business type. And I generally stick my foot in my mouth.

Okay I have a problem. My supervisor is really worried about me taking her job. She is telling me how much overtime she works, she's mimicing me, etc. When I dress according to the company code the executives think I'm one of them. That is really why I've had problems with interviews. I'm too smart for the jobs I'm interviewing for (at least that is what serveral interviewers said to me). Yes I need to finish college so I can get a job that fits me. But right now I just need a job to get by. I honestly don't know how to ease her mind without risking my job. Any suggestions?

Hey Brando long time no see. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face. I'm nearly there, this has really been a process. I guess I'm gorwing up finally.

Thanks for sharing, that really helps. I ordered the U-haul. Now to secure the place. Yes I'm backwards I know. I was having an internal debate over the place with the washer dryer, or the one that pays heat. The washer/dryer place has a bigger kitchen, and is in a nicer area, but I'm thinking the additional utilities will add up quickly and push the envelop too much. Plus I just didn't really like it. This other place pays for everything, except your laundry which you do in the laundry room and although the building is older for some reason I like it. All the people I've met were very friendly. And I really can't believe they're so totally okay with you pretty much doing your own thing there with decorating. I mean that's great. I think I'll check into a portable washer/dryer, than that fixes that part. Just babbling because I'm getting more secure about the whole thing. At least talking myself into feeling more secure.

Yeah that's one of my concerns, money. I just filled out the form. I mean if I don't like living there I move when the lease term is up. It's not the nicest place I've seen, but it's among the cheapest and it seems descent. The kitchen is tiny though. I don't know if I've ever had such a small kitchen, not that I enjoy cooking anyway but still it's a necessary evil. I am so nervous about this whole thing.

Okay I'm really having a hard time moving out. I found an apartment that's decent, feels good, but it's small. They let people paint and do things to it so I could really make it homey (minus major construction). I'm really freaking out now though. I have NEVER LIVED ALONE. NEVER. This is a huge deal for me. I'm so scared. Plus I have to actually move. Moving sucks. I'm not even sure what to take really. See I'm freaking out. God I hope this works out, I'm really scared. Tell me these are normal feelings.

It's probably a phase. You did just move, your also at a age of figuring out who you are or want to be, and maybe right now being alone is just what you need. Really I doubt you stay in the phase for long. I know I go through periods of hermit like behavior. But there's a lot to deal with in the world sometimes and well if you have a lot going on personally then seperating out is usually easier. Anyway enjoy your time away from the drama.

Well my concern comes from the fact he's acquaintance friends with people that work there, and being that it's a small town everyone knows everything and talks about everyone. They do have security and it is really watched (camera, door codes, etc.). So it's probably fine, but he's a very charming man and attractive so I'm sure he could smooze his way in if he wanted, but now that I'm writing I don't really think he'd do that. He has a daughter himself. And I'm probably overreacting or not, but enough people have heard about it that if something were to happen they'd know who to find. And I really don't think in my heart of hearts it will. But it did scare me at the time.

And I got a call from a realty company that has a very low monthly fee so I can keep my license active!!! I'm happy because I know I'd like to get into it just right now isn't working so well for me. Plus they seem like really great people. Now to transfer everything. I'd really like to keep it for personal use now, and eventually develop it into a career. I've been so overwhelmed with life I just need to settle in somewhat and regain some focus. My other job is going well. They seem very happy with my productivity. Now that I have a CD player to listen to while working it's really a breeze. I really love downtown, it's so fun that everything is right there. I can go shopping on my lunch break! Okay not for long but the option is there! I just have to figure out the commute stuff. In other news. I'm still figuring out the living situation. I really hope to have that settled soon. I hate moving. I suppose I can call the bank tomorrow and see what they say about a mortgage. I'd much rather go that route. If not I have another place to check out. I really hope I have something finalized by the end of the week, okay by Saturday and hopefully I can move in next weekend. The market is set for buyers so really it's totally possible.

This all started because I went to karaoke to get away from the problems at home. Now I know I need to really stay out of the bars. This guy is very attached to me and I really don't know much about him. He has befriended some aquaintances of mine. He knows a lot of people. Everywhere I go I see someone that knows him, including my daughters daycare. Yes he knows where I live. I didn't think he did but his friend gave me a look that says he knows. I am moving soon, but my daughter is in a center and he'll still figure it out if he really wants to. Who knows maybe he's figured out that's he's scared the crap out of me and is laying off. But if he doesn't then what can I do? Oh the friend has a dad who is a retired police officer. I really think it was an idle threat, but still that's not normal. Rob doesn't have me worried the other guy does. But I was curious about what he did. It was subtle. Like he went to get something behind me and came around the other side, but I was standing where there was nothing to get. And by the end of it he was standing straighter and his chest was out. I only noticed because my 10 year old son has been doing that circle thing lately. I really bring out the animal nature I guess. They are both about 27 years old.

Okay I seem to attract possessive guys. Rob doesn't have worried, but the other guy really does. As far as Rob, when I walked into the bank he walked in a circle around me once. Now it seemed kind of territorial like, which I thought was unusual. However it's something my son does when I'm talking to guys. My son says he's making my bubble bigger. Basically he's doing it to keep guys at a distance, which it seems Rob was doing as well. But this other guy I met this guy back in October. We have never really got together, but there's a strong connection between us. However I met this Rob guy now and like him better, well this other guy I think got word or somehow sensed it. He got in a bar fight last weekend. I wasn't there, where he was expecting me to be, and for some reason there was a big fight. Maybe it wasn't related to me at all, but no one is giving me details about it which is why I think it may be. Anyway with him I'm at the point that I think it's a dangerous thing. One of his friends has threatened my life (I made out with another guy before really knowing this guys true interest). I really know this is not a good situation and I don't know how to get out of it. I seem to bring out the possessive nature of boys/men. My son has been this way since he was little. It was always a fight wbetween him and my now ex because they were both wanting my attention. I don't know why this happens, but I'm really scared about the other guy now. I mean I did want to get to know him but now from what I'm seeing I'm afraid I won't be able to get away from him.

Is there a level of possessiveness that's normal? Or is any type of possessiveness red flag behavior?

Just ask your family doctor.

Ha you made me laugh. He has me feeling like an actual girl again. I mean I've had to be the strong one for so long it's really fun to be thinking and acting all girly. I don't recall ever having these thoughts/feelings before. So if it ends up he doesn't like me that way I'll be one sad girl. It is so fun to feel this way though.

Glad I could lighten your mood. I'm not deeply serious or anything just curious because guys are just goofy. Well I have a comfort zone weight wise and right now I'm not in it. So yes I would like to tone up. But I'm still me, playful, active, etc. Besides I used to attract the wrong types of guys and gained weight really because of it. I really prefer regular, nice, respectful guys. Those have been hard for me to find.

Well the girls I know who are fertile did end up pregnant at some point. A female friend of mine who was very active as a teen and really always loved and wanted children is the only one of my friends who does not have any children. It appears she won't ever have them naturally if at all. So I really can't answer your question. Aside from those who don't get pregnant most likely aren't the most fertile of the group.

Thanks Darkblue. Just so you know I'm not a hottie or anything (I do need to lose weight, and no I'm not a skinny girl who just thinks she's fat). I'm the curvy type much like that one girl Anna Nicole Smith. Body type, not personality wise. Fat and thin we look very simliar from the neck down. Okay I have one more question that my female friends can't answer. I called on the phone to ask some loan questions. Initially he didn't know who I was, then after remembering who I was, his name went from Robert to Rob, and he repeated his first and last name at least 4 times. I didn't know what to say to let him know I heard his name the first time but what the heck was that about? And what should I have said to acknowledge that I did hear him.

So I've learned the job much faster than most do. I'm fast and accurate (she found no mistakes on my first two days of works). Spot checking. But I'M BORED! I mean the first day I was like woah lot to know, by day 3 I was thinking I hope there's more to it than this. I have an interview Tuesday. Yes I'm going to go. I mean you just never know. It's at a realty/mortgage company. Yeah! Maybe I needed the dense job to show me that I really am capable of more. I also have a crush on the loan officer guy. I don't know if he's just a generous person or has some kind of interest in me. How do you know what a guys intentions are? I suck at reading guys, I just wish they'd come out with it. They all play games, why? At least the guys I attract play games. I'd probably be visably shocked if a guy came up to me and asked me out. That just doesn't happen to me.

Well as an adult who has lived through some mistakes created by having sex before I was really ready for the consequences of that interaction. The advice I give comes from the fact sex isn't just for fun, there are rammifications of that action. So if you are going to do the deed even with protection your fun could end much sooner than you had planned. Also not all children are healthy mentally, physically, etc. This is what adults know and are trying to protect you teens from. But as a teen you think you're invincible, and it won't happen to you. But when it does happen you'll see those around you were only trying to protect you from making a mistake much like we may have done at your age. Life is meant to be lived so if having sex is what you want to do, then go ahead. But realize that every action has a consequence and you aren't always aware of that consequence until much later.

That really sucks. You can still make up for the errors of their ways. You need to reach out to people. Don't expect them to reach out to you. Start by saying "Hi, how are you?" You start chatting, get to know them on a more personal level, then invite them to hang out with you sometime. Show interest in them. With that said I tend to be more closed off. Even if I want to get to know people I have a hard time doing what I know to do. Just because I tend to feel like they judge everything, so I become more self conscious. I've learned I am more comfortable in one to one situations, just more relaxed. Maybe you just have to figure out what social situations work best for you and then work those to your favor.

Oh DN I'm laughing out loud now.

Oh I am so going to hate that.