Jetta

Yes I am really 31. I was married at 20, divorced at 23, married at 26, and again divorced. First cheated then abused me, 2nd abused my son. I may sound like I'm 16 because I'm excited about life for the first time in 10 years. And I really do believe this guy likes me but for some reason hasn't made a move and I'm not sure why. Generally I'm not the girl people come up and talk to. I have to make an effort to be outgoing because I am on the shy side. When Rob was first approaching me I was basically blowing him off because I really was not anywhere near ready to get into another relationship and I wanted to be alone for a while. Well now that I've lived alone, and done the party thing I'm ready to get involved with someone again. There are other guys that have shown interest, this is just the guy I'm most interested in right now. So when I get my certified copy I'll have an excuse to go to the bank. Hopefully I'm not too nervous to flirt with him, and if I get gutsy enough to ask him out well then I will. You know there is nothing wrong with being excited. Does life end when you become an adult? Yes I really do act like a teenager, at least that's what my son says. He says I'm fun, other moms are angry all the time. Frankly I'd rather be fun than angry all the time. BTW if you really think this world is reality, you've got another thing coming. We are here for but a moment. Our souls live forever.

Annie, you didn't ask a question you basically gave a command. Not all guys like women to ask them out. He wants to be the man, and he doesn't want a woman who won't allow him to lead. And you don't know what I know about him; all you know is that we haven't had an official date. If I feel like asking him out is the right thing to do I'll do it, but right now it's not.

Okay so when he asked if I had a boyfriend in our initial conversations, that was just small talk? When he told me about paying off his credit cards, how he owns a home, asked if I enjoyed traveling, etc. Sounds to me like he's prepping for marriage and kids. Now he really knows I don't have a boyfriend, but he was highly suspect for a long time. Yeah I was interested in another guy who turned out to be a self proclaimed Vampire/Satan worshiper. He kept those details about himself hidden. I thought it was a joke initially, but I found it was no joke. Basically Rob just got my home phone number, I had to rid myself of this other guy first. He got my number on Tuesday last week. So if he plans to call, when?

Yeah I know it sounds crazy but I know he's interested based on behaviors that would take a book to write it all out. Now that he knows I don't have a boyfriend I'm told that I qualify for an account upgrade. Now nothing in my account status has changed, except my last name, this account upgrade would give me free checks and it's no charge I was told. I'm certain the upgrade was mentioned before along with a $5/mo. fee that I said no to when I originally qualified, but now I'm told it's a free account upgrade? The last name really does bother him because it's my ex husband's name, and he was probably concerned that I would get back with him. He did meet me while I was still living with my ex. Now I was standoffish at first, because I was so not ready and I knew this guy was thinking marriage. He was talking about how good a mother I am. Introduced me to his boss, listens in on my conversations with other bankers, etc. When I met him I knew he was a catch. I just wasn't ready. Now I am, and honestly was surprised he still cared. But his reaction to my decreased rent payment, woah he cares. All his coworkers know their bank is no where near where I live anymore, so you'd think that would be a big hint. The marriage thing. Well he's the first guy I actually wanted to marry, and I respect him. I really just want him to ask me out. But he's totally the guy, which make me very nervous around him or even going to bank. Oh and I lost some weight, which I really needed to do. But he was feeling all self conscious and patted his stomach, as if he's fat! I know he likes me so what is the hold up!?

But he hasn't asked me out yet! ](*,) I know it's because I didn't legally change my last name right away. He actually returned a business phone call the day he knew I went to court to have it changed. He NEVER returned my phone calls before. I totally want to marry this guy, and I have never wanted to marry any guy! So now because I have these feelings for the first time ever I'm totally freaked out around him. I mean I was always the distant one, uninterested, etc. Because I wasn't interested! Now I'm trying to remember how I used to act because those guys married me, yeah I sucked at saying no to their proposals because I was more worried about their feelings than my own. Anyway, I'm past that now. I really want this guy! Tell me what to do, aside from biting my nails why I wait! Oh being in this position isn't fun! Oh here's some details, may help for advice: He's Rob the bank guy. I've mentioned him before. He finally got my home phone number (guess he didn't like the message I left) a coworker got it for him. They told me I needed to make an appointment with the banker and he wanted my number because he had to check his schedule and would let me know if it didn't work. Now I know he's somewhat interested because he thought I got a boyfriend. I lost my job and used my credit card to cover some rent. Rob let an unauthorized charge go through on an already negative account, then charged me an overdraft fee! Now before he was doing things like covering fees, when I went in for paperwork there was no charge, for example. Anyway, he heard I was in on Saturday, got my unenthusiastic reaction to Valentine's Day, and now he really has my home phone number. The last glitch is the name change but I'm waiting for the certified copy. So he knows there is no guy, knows I'm in the process of the name change, and has my number. HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO WAIT!? Is he really going to wait until the name is legally changed completely? I totally want this guy. I think he's amazing. Oh sure no ones perfect, but he's like my perfect guy! He told me stuff about his childhood and other things, so even though we haven't had an official date our conversations felt really datelike. I just want the official date, really I just want to be married to him. He can date me afterwards. So you know where I stand. I haven't really done much to make him think I was interested, but I'm not him so maybe he does know. My friends keep saying guys need it to be obvious and I'm more of a subtle type. How would I make it obvious without completely embarressing myself? Should I just wait around and hope that certified copy arrives tomorrow? Then I can go into the bank, where they'll give me free checks, and make the change! Oh I just really had to get this off my chest.

Well obviously your not ready to be committed to anyone. Sex is best when it's shared with the one you love, plain and simple. Otherwise it's just a meaninless motion. And I found this out through experience. Now that I've become Christian and see what God has to say my views are changing. God says sex outside of the bond of marriage is a sin, so my future partner is just going to have to trust that I know what I'm doing. But like I said in my experience the best sex was when it was the guy I was in love with. Any other sexual experience I had was a waste. So if you want to go f#$ around with other woman. Go ahead. You'll lose everything you have with her including her, and you'll gain the knowledge that it really wasn't any better elsewhere.

Every parent does things they aren't especially proud of. I gave my son Infant Tylenol a few times just for the sake of knocking him out so I could get more than 2 hours of sleep. I felt guilty enough about doing that to him because he wasn't sick I was just exhausted. He's 10 now and thankfully sleeping through the night.

Thanks for the advice. I'm just kind of feeling like what do I want and where do I want to go now?

Do you have any suggestions on getting back out there? I've got this block up where I just really don't want to become involved on one side and really miss having someone on the other. Partially because my life really isn't stable in any way shape or form and I'd hate to drag another man into my mess. Another reason is that I really want to figure out who I am (as if that's not a lifelong process). I tend to be a serial monogomous type of person, so dating for fun just doesn't come naturally. Does anyone have any suggestions?

You know I'm exactly the same way. I wish I knew how to overcome it. Probably why the guys listen in on conversations with others rather than speak to me directly. If I don't like a guy I can talk to him no problem, then he thinks I like him. Hopefully someone has some real suggestions.

Okay well the girl and I got to chatting. She was asking me if I looked like my mom and various other questions, and I said not at all, I look a like like my dad's sister according to her. I said I always thought she was so pretty so when she said I looked a lot like her I was really surprised. Then the voice I'm sure was his said "Oh she's pretty.". He also noticed I lost some weight and I caught him patting his gut, which is really nothing.

Okay well the guy I like the most I met right while I was leaving my ex. So I really wasn't ready to get involved and did say I would need some time. But of course now I'm feeling more interested in developing something and I'm wondering if I'm too late. How do you know if a guy has lost interest, or is just shy because now he knows I do like him? I was kind of dismissive of his advances before and he hasn't really made any since. A few recent happenings: Last time I went into the bank I checked his name as the person to see. However he was busy so the girl who has the desk within his view came to get me, another came out but she just stepped back and let the other one take me. He listened to the conversation. Made a few remarks but when I turned to look his way he was involved with his client. So it's like I was hearing a voice but can't be sure it was his, he wouldn't look at me! I saw a form to complete for a contest and I was like oh forget that, and overheard him say "just leave your number". I didn't leave it there, but I ended up calling (after hours) and leaving my number on his voicemail (very nervously). Like there's a long pause where I chickened out but realized I had already stated my name so had to leave my number. I'm not even sure I left my correct number (I was that nervous). Okay so he hasn't called (it's been a week). It is the holidays and well now I'm like wondering if I really left the right number, if he just isn't interested after all, or is just waiting until Christmas is over. It's okay if you need to burst my bubble. I'll find another guy to be interested in, I'm just really curious about this one right now. Thanks.

Well I have an out. My kids have swimming tonight, I thought last week was their last lesson but I was wrong. So now I have to call him and break the news. He is one of those nice and persistent types. So really I do want to nip it in the bud.

Yes I moved and I don't have internet at home. Since I had no questions I just hadn't made the time to stop in. I really enjoy my single life truthfully, okay well I did meet a guy I really like and am really hope he likes me too. I gave him my number last week, it's Rob the banker guy. How long should I hold out hope for his call?

Okay I have a date tonight with a guy I'm really not that interested in. It's my first date since my divorce. He's a nice guy but I just don't feel anything for him. So what can I do? I tried to say no to the date, but he blew off my excuse with the remark "You still have to eat dinner.". So how do you end something before it gets too far? Technically this would be a 2nd date, although the first was me running into him at a bar. We were talking all night and he paid my tab. Basically I like him as a friend but don't want more from him. HELP! Thanks.

Of course it doesn't make sense because I didn't explain the reasons for the bad feelings. But it comes down to... The world is made of energy, thought forms are energy, prayer is energy. People send and receive various forms of energy constantly. And each of us is interconnected so when a positive or negative thought is sent it is felt subconsciously. When an energy connection is broken, that is felt. Anyway I'm moving today.

Mabe your paths will cross again, in several years, in a different lifetime, etc. I know by saying that she realizes this is likely the last time you will see each other in the foreseeable future. But who knows what will happen in 5 year, 10 years, etc. I'd say it's a sign there's a connection between you but the timing isn't right. Maybe you both have stuff to go through to get to where you can meet again and be together.

I may try but that's a tough one for me. I know he has my cell phone number and I really think he's watching my spending habits. I also think he's divorced with a son (but he only flashed a picture that a child drew). I have mentioned before on this site that I am intuitive, that is why I tend to see things differently. I sensed an energy around him and I know he was harboring some bad feelings towards me, and I do know it wasn't all about me. Yes he was having a bad week and I really think seeing him today happened for a reason. But then I'd have to explain a whole heck of a lot more that I'm just not inclined to do. So I really should just meditate and get my answers that way. But sometimes I like to see what others would say about certain things so I post.

Truthfully both types. Generally it's other aspects about them that turn me on or off, but both body types are attractive to me.

Pav, I'm glad your saying I don't need a rebound guy. I'm really not the type to do that. I usually feel people out first and then decide if I want to get involved. I do have some bank questions to ask him anyway, and right now I'm not quite ready to get serious but I am interested in him. I really prefer if the guy pursues me but I am wondering if there's a way to really let him know I'd like to go out with him without actually asking him out myself. Any suggestions?

Well my friend seems to think he's interested. Most bankers don't ask if you remember them. He also said he really wants me to have on-line access to my account. Now that's an usually way to recommend a bank feature IMO. He also told me he has no credit card debt and is working on building his savings account. Oh and he owns a house in a specified neighborhood. Now maybe he just is an open book type of person, but this does seem to be a lot of info. to be giving a bank customer. Anyway my friend and ex both recommend I call him to ask some bank questions next week. My friend says I should make an extra trip in the bank, however she advises I save him for later and date a few other guys first. She says I can't date him yet because I'm interested and you have to have rebound guy or two. Which by her definition is a guy I'm not really interested who takes me out at least once. Plus she knows he's watching my spending habits right now. I didn't mention here that I'm moving to a different town which is why he wouldn't be my banker anymore. He said that switching branches wasn't easy and then mentioned where he lived. I didn't really feel the need to go through the entire conversation as my questions didn't pertain to that. I was asking about a couple of specific things because that is what I was curious about.

I did say to him he looked a little rough and asked if he went out last night. He said no and asked if I really wanted to know. I said yes and he went into how he's worked 6 days this week and various other things that were going on. I just thought it was unusual that he'd ask if I remember him. And wondered if that was an interest showing thing. And no I haven't just jumped from relationship to relationship. I was single for 10 months after my 1st divorce, and still didn't want to be involved. But my most recent ex kind of pestered me until I gave in, and my friends and family were pushing us together because they thought it would be good for me to get back out there and he seemed like a nice guy. I know in my heart if I am or am not ready to date. I really don't need people telling me their opinion about it. What I asked was if this guy is interested and what can I do to show some interest in him without coming on too strong. BTW my ex husband has been giving me dating tips. Does that tell you anything about the kind of relationship we have? There is no love between us, we have been roommates who have sex really.

Okay I went to the bank to change my address and Rob the banker comes up and says "Do you remember me?" I said "Yes I remember you." Of course I never said his name, and I do know it but for some reason I just never said it. Then he seemed grumpy and I metioned that he looked a little rough and asked if he went out last night. He said no he was working the last 6 days and about to go home in 10 minutes. Later he stood at his desk giving me the full frontal. He then said that it looked like he wouldn't be my banker anymore but I could call him with questions anytime. We had a bit of a conversation while there, but most of the time he seemed really aggitated like he was mad at me or something. Is he really interested or what? And what can I do to show interest in him?

I'm not against gay people. I just am not one and really have no desire to try that path. I was just wondering about this sudden onslaught of flirty attention from woman. I know in bars I have had it happen before (I didn't notice my friend did and pulled me away saying it was obvious). So the fact I am noticing this means it's pretty obvious because I never notice when anyone flirts with me (according to family and friends). I really did wonder if there was something I was doing that would bring this kind of attention. I will say I have astigmatism and do wink unintenially. I am also happier these days, just have a more positive aura I'm sure. And yes I admit to looking at woman in a comparison kind of way. But doesn't every woman do that? I know flirting makes people feel good, as long as it's innocent I'm fine. I just don't want people getting the wrong idea about me. And really these female advances were pretty strong and well it kind of scared me. I'm not used to rebuffing woman so I really don't know how to. I guess I get to learn.

Okay I don't recall having this problem in the past. I'm starting to wonder if I'm giving off some vibe. It's really freaking me out. Okay this is happening at work. My married boss stuck her chest out and kicked her leg up while talking to me. An obvious lesbian woman flipped her hair as I walked past and simply said "Hi". I'm like I AM NOT A LESBIAN! What could I be doing to invoke this? Because I really don't want it.