HugeHeart

Thanks, Dave. I just went into NC with my girlfriend (only been a day). I am already questioning whether I should have done this (I don't know if I have overreacted about txt msgs or if I am justified-- for those who are curious..see thread in relationship conflicts) Anyway, your post has made me feel a little better for the time being. -HH

Well, this tops the cake. I am writing this message from a computer lab on campus right now. I bumped into my ex not but five minutes ago. We talked for about 10 minutes and for some stupid reason I asked her if she wanted to grab a bite to eat after her class and talk. She told me "It's too late.. I am not going to call you or talk to you anymore". I was the one doing the No Contact and she threw it back in my face! I didn't realize how emotionally drawn I still was to her. I should have just noded my head at her or waved when I saw her (if even that). Ugh. This is a good lesson- no contact means no contact. I just got myself hurt again. HH

I appreciate the insights. I went back into NC again, and last night I receive three text messages in the matter of an hour. The last one she sent said "Thanks for not being there for me in my time of need. Have a nice life." After reading what you had written, it looks like she is trying to get a reaction out of me again. I am tempted to contact her, but I will try and resist. Why is this girl so insecure? If she is back with her ex, why doesn't she just go to him for comfort for her problems? I guess it really isn't about me (although I did hope in the back of my mind that she was contacting me because she cared about me). The more I think about it, however, I think it's probably just her ego and insecurity that is causing her to try to get me to talk to her. HH

Well, except for a six word txt message, I managed not to speak to my ex for five days. On the fifth day she txt'd me: "I cannot believe after all we have been through that you would intentionally not respond to my phone calls or messages.... You are not the man I thought I knew." I was really annoyed by what she wrote so I called her and confronted her on why she said what she had. She asked me why we can't be friends and I told her that she hurt me badly and that I needed to take a huge step back. Five minutes later she is sobbing on the phone. So I wound up going to her place, and spending the night there (no explanation needed). Early in the morning I got dressed and left, even though she told me that I could stay. I think I made a huge mistake. I feel worse now than I did before I went over to her place. I've seen messages on advice of how to make it through this sort of thing, but HOW do you guys do it? I mean, it kills me every single day that I don't speak to her. Yet, I know that if I started seeing her again "as friends" (whatever the heck that means) I am setting myself up to get hurt again. HH

Im bumping this post to the top. I hope you all read my entire story. I could use some advice. Im dying inside.

I have been posting bits and pieces of this relationship I have hadiin various forums, so I have decided to edit this post and tell the entire story. Please, bear with me. I met this girl in the fall of 2006. Things began slowly, as I guess most relationship do. As the weeks went on I began to fall for her. I was a bit anxious and forward in the beginning and tried to kiss her twice- both times she rejecteed me. But I was patient and things began to blossom. We had never talked about a comitted relationship, so i guess I shouldn't have been surprised when, on Christmas Eve, while in her room, I found a used condom wrapper on the top oof the trash can. When I asked her, she admitted to having had sex with her "ex-boyfriend". I left, only to return about an hour later (she called me and asked me to come back). Anyway, after a bottle of wine and some talking, I spent the night, and she told me she loved me. She also asked if I wanted to be "exclusive" with her. I don't think I responded at that point. Now that my eyes were open about her ex in the picture, I started to feel a bit guarded when I went to her apartment. He'd call her cell at times while I was there. Fair enough, since we never spoke about a monogamous relationship. Then, the first week of 2007 something happened. She seemed to open up to me, and we became really close. She asked me again about being "exclusive" and I said yes. I let my guard down, opened up to her and we were on our way. About 3 weeks later I receive a text message from her saying "I can't do this anymore. Something has to change". I asked her why and she said I was too suffocating and that she wanted to take a step back. I agreed. Then the following day, she calls me and asks me to spend the day with her. She grabs my hand, and said something about being my boyfriend. I spent the night and the next at her place. That Friday, I didn't hear anything from her. Saturday, nothing. And Sunday, nothing. So I called her and asked her how she was doing, because I hadn't heard from her. Once again she told me that she couldn't do this anymore, etc. She said she liked it better when we used to study at school together, that she would like to be friends. So, i asked to see her the next day with the intention of ending the realtionship entirely. The following day, I met up with her and we talked. I told her that I couldn't see her anymore. This is when she asked me why it had to be all or nothing. So I told her that this was a difficult decision for me, but I didn't know what else to do. I drove her to her apt. and I said goodbye. (I thought it was a final goodbye). Anyway, as i was getting myself back together emotionally in the car, I see this guy walking down the street. I knew I recognized him. It was her ex-boyfriend! I watched him enter the apt building. Ugh, I felt really sick at that point. I broke up on Tuesday with this girl i was seeing for a while, and I get a txt message from her today asking me "How are you doing?". I didn't respond. Then, I checked my email and see that she sent me an email. It was a two page email about how she is struggling greatly in her studies and that she doesn't know what to do. She also said that she happened to see me walking on campus at school the other day and that it was "nice to see your face". Well, I have to admit, I broke down and sent her a text message. I told her I was fine and that I read her email. However, I haven't responded to her email or sent her any other messages. Should I go back into "no contact" mode again? Should I just be cordial and respond to her email? Why is she asking me for advice or even texting me and sending me emails? This has got to be the most confusing relationship that I have ever had. I love her and want her to be happy- why is she reaching out to me for help? Or is it just a trap? Additionally, that very day she txted me.. she sent me an additional two text messages asking if I was going to respond to her email. Then she called me and left me a voice mail.. She wanted to know how I was and once again asked me why i didn't respond to her email... Then said said "you can call me if you want..you don't have to feel weird about calling me" I still haven't spoken to her, except for that one small txt message. I think thats it. I didn't include a lot of emotion in this post, but I will tell you, I'm dying on the inside. I keep fighting the urge to pick up the phone and call her. I really fell in love with this girl. It has been really tough trying to maintain no contact for the past 5-6 days. Any advice? HH

Excellent advice. I wish I had read something similiar to this before my relationship had ended. HH

I'm 30 and she is 28. We were together for almost five months. I'm not 100% sure, I think she was with him for a little over a year. But while we were together, I am certain that she was still seeing him. I am trying to save face, but I don't exactly think I broke up with her. She told me that she wanted to take a step back, but still remain friends. So, being hurt, I told her that I didn't want to have anything to do with her anymore. I must admit though, I'd get back together with her in a heartbeat.

I felt the SAME exact way in my relationship that just ended. I really fell for this woman, but she never felt the same way about me. If you feel there is something wrong in your relationship, then chances are there might be. How can you care less? I don't know if you can. (at least I couldn't) Try to find ways to keep yourself distracted (hobby, movies, anything). If she really does care about you, she will let you know. Good Luck. HH

I finally ended a relationship with a woman and I am really hurting inside. Actually, I had spoken to her on a Friday and then I didn't hear anything from her until Monday to which she told me that she needed to take a large step back. So I met up with her on Tuesday and told her that I cannot see or speak to her anymore. What does she tell me? She says "Why does it have to be all or nothing?" Amazing. As I said my final goodbyes, who comes down the street? It was her so called "ex" boyfriend. Ugh, it was like a knife through the heart. Everything made sense. It's a really horrible feeling being used as I was. Sigh, this sucks. HH

Wow, great comments from everyone. In the end..I'll be the one hurting. Guess what? I am the one hurting because she sent me a text message telling me that she can't do this anymore. Ah, such is life. Even though I feel really horrible right now, I guess I'll feel better in a few weeks or months. I guess if you don't take risks you will never have the chance to be rewarded. Unfortunately, I took a risk and got burned badly. HH

Here's the deal. Someone told me that this girl is just using me. She is friends with every past boyfriend she has ever had (I'm not sure if this is normal or not). What do I say? Are you using me? Do you want a relationship even though you say you don't but then ask me if I do? Relationships are supposed to be fun, not stressful. HH

Thanks for the advice everyone. We spoke yesterday for over an hour about what the future may hold. She keeps trying to get me to tell her than I want a relationship with her and then she asked me if I wanted to be "exclusive" with her. Yet, she speaks of her ex. Am I imagining things here or is something not right? Perhaps I should stop analyzing everything, wear protection, and just have fun with no expectations. HH

I've been seeing this woman for about two months now and I am thoroughly confused. When I first met her, she told me that she had an ex-boyfriend who she was still seeing from time to time. Anyway, I think things between her and me have been progressing, and I've spent many a night with her, gone out to eat with her, spent Christmas with her, etc... I know we do not have a monogamous relationship but this bothered me the other day. I was in her bedroom, talking and what not when I happened to look at her waste basket. What do I see? A condom wrapper and a bunch of tissues. Ugh, it gave me a bit of a sick feeling inside. When I asked her about it, she told me that it was her ex (which probably really isn't her ex?) She asked me if I was upset and I got defensive and said "what do you think?" Then she tried to do some damage control and blah blah blah. I know this is not a committed relationship, although I must say I had it in the back of my mind that maybe in the future it could be. But I have a strange feeling that this girl has trouble written all over her. I know I am jumping around right now, but she asked me if I wanted a "relationship" with her and she told me she loved me (although it was under the influence of alcohol). I don't want to reciprocate these words to her (i.e. relationship or love) because I have a feeling if I do, I'll just be setting myself up for great disappointment. So there's my story. What do you think? PS- For thos that remember, this is the same girl I had mentioned about 2 months ago in another thread. HH

Hi everyone, I just wanted to thank everyone once again for their advice on a previous thread. And would also like to say that my relationship with this girl is starting to take off. It's amazing what happens when you just be yourself and not second guess every decision that you make. ---