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amaranth_04

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Everything posted by amaranth_04

  1. amaranth_04
    That's exactly it. I'm a girl but when you've cared for someone that way, I just can't fathom how you can treat them in such a way. Nevermind that you're no longer in love with them, but the life shared even for just a while should mean something. I suppose those who behave as though you never existed think what happened was their due and take it for granted. Dunno if like you say, it's loyalty, I guess some people are just made that way, and some others not.
  2. amaranth_04
    Yes, at least she's open to seeing you again. Good luck x
  3. amaranth_04
    Hi, I agree with what was said in the previous post. I would like to add, it depends on the reason the two of you broke up, and if you feel that it can work again. If you have moved on even a little, don't fall for a call. Stand back a little and see if he has something concrete to offer before you make a move.
  4. amaranth_04
    It is what you are essentially doing - playing a game. You aren't going to be direct with her; instead, you want to assume certain feelings and behaviour in the hopes of eliciting a reaction from her. And as in all games, there's the risk of losing. I suggest what the others have said. Move on with your life. And do so honestly, not because you want a reaction from her. It could backfire on you if she does not notice what you're doing, and you have to deal with the rejection again. You have very reason to move on. She ended it. It doesn't seem like she wants to get back. Sure, she's calling you everyday now but has she made the move to actually get back with you? Is she perhaps feeling insecure about being alone and wanting you there til she finds another? Is she feeling insecure also because she's wondering if you indeed have moved on or even found another and she's the one left behind ? So do keep in mind other possibilities for her reaction. When you honestly move on for your sake, if she realizes her mistake, she will come looking. If she doesn't, you will have moved on. You could see what she has to say when you meet her this week. If she's not offering anything concrete, and I'm gathering you want a relationship with her again, not just friendship, then tell her you feel the contact has to stop. Perhaps you could add that you won't ignore if there's something really important to be said, but other than that, you don't want the 'hi, how are u' phone calls etc. You could say this if it seems like she indeed is agonizing over losing you for good. But keep in mind, the other possibilities stated above ^^ for her reaction re: insecurity, because if she is indeed agonized, she will ask to get back together with you.
  5. amaranth_04
    Hi again, I did come accross harsh. I know nobody's perfect. It seemed to me you were pushing to get back with her just a bit too hard, like her feelings don't hold up as much as yours do. No, I've not been in your position so I can't guess at how guilty you must feel. But I have an idea how your ex feels, thereforeeee I was pushing for her perspective just that bit more. I suppose it's one of those things you just have to learn from, make a good from the not so good. Good luck.
  6. amaranth_04
    I just realized... you're the one asking about the lovespell... Leave this girl alone. Are you taking her feelings for a joke ? Enough's enough. You messed things up with her once already, well actually three that I've read here.. are you looking for a fourth ? Leave her alone.
  7. amaranth_04
    Hi, wrong, not one. three. Leave her alone. It's payback time. I'm not saying she's out to get revenge on you. I don't think she could be bothered and is probably too tired of it. I'm saying you made your bed, now lay in it. Don't give the girl a hard time, pushing her. If she feels even the slightest bit hesitant, she has every right to, don't persuade her to feel otherwise. Her feelings are valid. Yes, you did not deal with the situation in the smartest way. You made a bad situation worse. I'm not surprised that she seems distrustful of you now. If she says she's over you, let her go. The ball is in her court, she can choose to serve it back or kick it out.
  8. amaranth_04
    Well it's up to you if you want to wait before telling her. If you feel it's getting to you too much, you could set some rules now about when/how often she should call. Maybe ask her to get thru the week or mid-week, then call and let you know how it's going. Maybe not too much of the shoulder to cry on. It's good that you want to be there for her but your hands are sort of tied in how you really want to show your concern for her. If she's calling up and literally crying to you, it would be a bit difficult. You could start with guidelines on frequency and extent of contact. It's not just to help you take the break-up better. You have to show her that she can't just do what makes her feel better but at your expense. She has to share in the pain of the break-up. Of course, you do what you're comfortable with. Good luck.
  9. amaranth_04
    A housemate of mine had a charm placed to help her attract men. She went to see a woman she had heard about who was supposedly good (don't know how she came accross her.... probably charmed her way in hahaha.. anyway..) She bought a bracelet and the woman placed a charm on it, in one of the ancient languages. Each time her bracelet rattled, it was supposed to draw in the attention of whichever man was there. I'm not in contact with her so I don't know how successful it was for her. I don't approve of using black magic. It may or may not work but it's one of those things I'd rather leave alone, don't need to or want to know anything about it. You're right, it feels manipulative to use one. Best if whoever you want back comes back willingly, I mean knowingly willingly. I never told my housemate that I disapproved. Never know one day if those sounds at night are not from my wind chimes.
  10. amaranth_04
    seems like she's doing this on her terms w/o really considering yours, and that's not fair. What's that supposed to mean... doesn't sound too positive to me. She wanted the break-up, you agreed to it. Now she has to agree to some of your terms too on how you want to handle it. Tell her you're having the break-up cos she thought that's what's best (for her) and you feel while it's this way, it's best if you stop contact til she gets back, or keep it to a bare minimum. Make sure you're specific about what's the bare minimum or she could take advantage of it. Tell her NC is the way to go til she decides when she wants to be back. You're not pushing her away, it was her suggestion to break-up and she can have contact with you all she likes but she just has to make a choice. If she can't get back soon, and wants contact at the same time, then she has to work on an LDR. Can't have it both ways all on her terms. Sounds like she's protecting herself by being single for now in case the LDR goes sour. So you should think about your own well-being, too. Soon, the two of you will have to make choices to be closer to one another for good. You can't keep going back and forth breaking-up and reconciling. Wears down the relationship.
  11. amaranth_04
    True, you don't want to know if she's out partying. Don't worry about it. What was she expecting when she ended things, that'd yoú'd be sitting at home pining for her ? (nevermind if you are, she need not know about it, and she certainly should not expect it.) She ended it, it's up to her to reach out to you for a reconciliation. Don't drive yourself nuts feeling her feelings for her, or thinking her thoughts. You want a woman with guts who will admit to making a mistake in ending things and trying to make things right. If she's that sort, you need not worry, she will come looking. If she isn't, you also need not worry 'cos you should want someone who's willing to make amends and be humble enough to ask to have you back if they want you back. If she doesn't want to get back, you're already doing well with taking care of yourself, so no worries there, too. Good luck with your healing.
  12. amaranth_04
    Yes, it makes perfect sense. She hurt you by ending things, quite abruptly, too. If you want to get back together at some point, it would be up to her. She would have to make things right. Also by then, you could be over her. Maybe still working on it, but over wanting to get back with her. After what you've just said, it occurred to me your impulse to ask after her when you met the brother was you trying to get past no-contact. By ''getting in touch with her'' thru her brother, you could have consoled yourself after that technically, you would have not broken NC. However, you realized that whether you found out about her indirectly or otherwise, you'd be faced with similar repercussions; dealing with the possible rejection in the knowledge that she had indeed moved on. thereforeeee, you immediately changed the subject. So your instincts were helping you. You learned your lesson from the previous contact that did not go well. You had taken in the knowledge of what you had best stay away from to lessen the pain for yourself. So you see, you did make the right move by not asking about her. Your gut told you, you werent ready to have contact/knowledge of her. Keep going with NC since it's helping you along. You can always find out about her further down the track when you're in better shape emotionally. And in that time, when you do ask, you would just want to know how she is w/o having ulterior motives for getting in touch and have them backfire on you, and back to square one in healing yourself.
  13. amaranth_04
    Hi there, I'm sorry to hear about your baby. This is just not right, he sounds like a kid. Leave him behind, he's not worth it. I read your other post. He seems to have the tendency to rush with things. Next time, don't give up your home and lifestyle for a guy you don't know much about. And the way he acted after your split was indeed unreasonable. If he cared about you, he would have asked you when he found out about your pregnancy. You should have told him, too, but I'm pretty sure you'd have seen the ugly side of him right then. If he cared about you, he would not have kicked you out with nothing to your name. Nothing said about the baby til now, what does he think happened.. you could still be carrying his child and yet he's made no move to find out about your well-being, and about his child you were carrying. In fact, he moved in the opposite direction. I mean you were carrying his child ! and yet no input from him about what the two of you should have done ? You are better off w/o him. He's not worth all this hassle. Take care of your own health. He had no right treating you the way he did. Treat yourself better.
  14. amaranth_04
    hmmm, you want to know and at the same time you don't, bit difficult that.. If she knows you well enough, she may guess at the way your mind was working when you met her brother. Depending on your break-up, do you think she would welcome a hello from you? From what you said, i'm guessing she broke things off? You don't have to answer this. Well, if you happen to run into the family again, just as you're saying bye, slip in ''send __ my regards'' and let it go there. If she wants to get in touch, she will do so regardless. Don't beat yourself up about the meet with her brother. You can't turn back the clock. You reacted based on however you were feeling in that instance, so leave it at that. If you're not prepared to have contact, then don't. You have to be prepared to hear something you don't want to if she were to get in touch with you, or if you were to ask after her. Consider the situation that led to the break-up, and if it's worthwhile letting her know you still care.
  15. amaranth_04
    Hi Ruthlah, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. it is a tough time. You do understand that you're being clingy, so that's a good thing. You see, if he wants out, there's just no way you can pull him in. If you keep on pushing after him this way, it will come to a point where he will force no-contact. I would suggest not initiating contact. For now, work on staying away from him. Get your mind absorbed in other activities with your family and friends. Don't dwell on it. Just get yourself to ease off emotionally. Don't think too much about what will/won't happen with him etc. Once you're in a position where you can see him but not be overly emotional in front of him, then perhaps you can resume contact. You didn't really say why the two of you broke up. You don't have to state it here, but see if you can find out why he really wants to break if off, if you don't know already. At least then you can see if it's worth saving. But ask these qns only when you can speak with him calmly, and that's not now. I know it's difficult. You're looking to him to make you feel better, but remember, he got you feeling this way in the first place. Look to your friends and family for consolation. You have to resist the urge to bombard him with calls. emails etc. It will only push him further away and make you feel worse each time you reach out and get no response. Calm yourself down. You still have control over the way you feel; try to see this by stepping away from the situation a little, not just be caught up with the way your heart's feeling. It's not easy, but keep calm, don't overthink, make yourself to eat, rest even if you can't sleep. Lack of sleep will only reinforce your feelings of helplessness and make you think up worse-case scenarios. Put on some soft music, talk yourself thru keeping calm, that everything will be ok, that you'll be fine. Just pay attention to the little acts to keep yourself going on your own away from him. Keep doing this til you feel stronger and then you can start to analyze a little at a time. You will be fine.
  16. amaranth_04
    I guess that's why they say taking it slow is best... Hi there, Your bf and you seem to have a good thing going. Just a few qns.. Do you feel that it's him wanting the time apart more than you ? I can understand wanting to grow but it's always done very narrow-mindedly I feel, meaning, growing in the romantic esp. sexual arena. I hope this is not the case w the two of you. If you feel he's the one for you, why can't the two of you grow together ? Education-wise, later on in your careers and so forth. If that's the case, you needn't worry about focussing your energies in the meantime in those other aspects which will pay off for the two of you later, when you settle down and start a family. Do you get what I'm saying.. Growth can be for so many other things in life. I hear a lot of people saying (I don't mean just here but in general) they want to try everything in life, but when you look closely they only intend it in a sexual way. Well of course if you're not sure if he's the one you want to settle down with, then go ahead and keep looking. But if the two of you share similar goals for life, where you want to be 50 years from now is basically on the same path, then you've got the right one for you. Just spend time together growing in the areas you need to at the moment, but not growing apart. If you feel the romantic side of things is settled, meaning what you want in a partner is there, then sort out the career side etc. Just a note, if you focus on things too far apart from one another, then you will tend to drift apart. When you reach a point in your relationship where the only way to progress is forward, you have to be ready to take that next step, or you will just be in limbo, letting it hang for too long. Which leads me to my first line ^^^^ up there. Take it easy til you are ready to and able to, make that next step. At a crossroad such as this, you will have to compromise. Unfortunately sometimes when you don't have as much at stake, that is marriage, a family together, compromise is not as self-sacrificing. I suppose it's a risk you take when you put all your eggs in that one basket too early on and they're ready to hatch and you haven't the space for that. I'd suggest keeping the contact going. This is not the time for ''absense makes the heart grow fonder''. Rather you could risk being ''out of sight, out of mind''. All you can really do at the mo is focus on each of your goals to finish your studies to get to the mutual goal of building a better life together. Just be open to the fact that if you're no longer a couple, each of each could look elsewhere for that intimacy. To help guard against that, keep communication open, be each other's best friend, time and again check in on the other to see if they're dreams have changed, if they're thinking has changed, now is the most likely time for that happening, at the age the two of you are in. Just keep in touch and be upfront. You can make ''promises'' now, but be open to things changing and words breaking. Best wishes.
  17. amaranth_04
    Sorry to hear that, ocean9. Good thing you got the truth fairly early. I agree with Apoc and I firmly believe that when you really want something, you will try for it, and the other person will feel your interest. She felt yours, and now you know why you didn't feel hers.
  18. amaranth_04
    Hi, I think you look just fine. If you're looking for tips to improve, try creating a style that suits you. You don't have to spend a whole lot, just attention to detail. For example, if you're going out, try wearing a shirt with a collar, make sure your clothes are pressed, things like that. It seems a trivial issue but it's the little things that people pick up on to get a whole impression of you. As the other posts have suggested, good hygiene is a must. You could try shaving your facial hair as you said, trimming the eybrows. They are only a small part of your face but the eyebrows give a 'finished' look to your appearance. Talk with your hairstylist about which haircut suits you. Instead of drastically shaving your head and not liking it, then waiting months for it all to grow back , try a different style. You could try a short fringe that falls lightly accross your forehead to ''slim'' down a wide forehead. Just go for the little things as they all add up. There's no reason for you to go for surgical options. And lastly, as everyone has said, you need to work on your self-confidence. Just by appearing cheerful, people will be drawn to you. See if you talk about the right things when you meet people; some of us are quite sensitive and could take offence when none was intended. It's easier to start off a conversation on shared interests; keeps it from being too prying but at the same time, you feel a connection with one another. Start hanging around with a group of like-minded people. Once you gain confidence from the sense of belonging there, you can venture out easily to try and know all sorts of people. Hope this helps some.
  19. amaranth_04
    yes, just be clear that it's about 'meeting people and getting to know them' sort of dates. And make sure you know what they think it is. Once you decide to make a move into proper courting, you will have to make the choice. Just be upfront right from the start so everyone knows where they stand, and there aren't any hurt feelings from the other two once a choice is made.
  20. amaranth_04
    hi there dopestar, You did the right thing. Try not to think too much about the relationship for now. Make yourself eat if you're not, just lay your head down to rest if you can't sleep. Watch a movie and get absorbed in it. Better still, watch it with a friend. Just take it slow and be deliberate.
  21. amaranth_04
    I agree wholeheartedly with lisaria and jonnyg. Í'm pretty sure he won't even give you a proper farewell if you were to meet him once more. He won't give you a reasonable explanation, if any, about his treatment of you while you stood by him. He won't be able to justify why he did what he did. All you need to know about him has been shown to you and a break-up is most appropriate. He can't offer you what you want, basically 'cos he doesn't seem to know what he wants. You are much better off w/o him. Don't give in to the urge to call him. You'd be calling for some sort of recognition from him for your investment in him, but you won't get it. And you will be sorely disappointed again. Don't give him the power of being the only one to end things; that if he said a proper goodbye to you only then would it officially over. That's not the case. You have the right to end it the way you please, saying ''enough is enough'' in your mind will do just as well. Don't let him control the way you should feel, he will only make it the way that's suited to him. He has not done anything the proper way so you need not bother about such things where he's concerned. In fact, leave him to get on with his life. Just focus on yourself and the best way you can get past this. Try keeping just one phone in your house if you've got more, and when you feel the urge to pick up and dial, walk away and go do something else in another part of your house. Stuff like that. Step outside for a walk instead. Do something til the urge passes, then remind yourself why it's a good idea not to call. The more you keep at staying away, the easier you will find it to resist the next urge to call, til it lessens and goes away. Stopping contact with him is the best approach for you. Or you just may find yourself back to his side, standing by him faithfully while he takes your emotions for a ride with another girl.
  22. amaranth_04
    But of course you will grieve. You invested yourself in this for the past 5 years, put a part of you, or rather all of you out there for her. But it's good that you're dealing with the pain, going through the motions. Cry when you need to but remember to smile too, like you're doing, to keep a a balance. In time, you'll cry a little less and laugh twice as hard.
  23. amaranth_04
    Hi patrick, What your feeling is a normal reaction to sharing your life w another for the past few years, and then to have the rug pulled from under you w/o adequate warning. You're still reeling from it. It's hard to deal with the empty space left, when you can still hear their voice in your head, hear it so clearly that you turn to look at them thinking they're right there in the room with you. And you see them but you realise it's only thru the eyes in your mind. And you feel them deep in your heart, and you react so strongly you feel your stomach spasm... just like you did driving home from work, passing the guardrails.... I could go on and on..... you do react physically but.... It passes. Or at least it gets to the point where you feel you can cope with it. When you're still caught in the immediate pain, you have to say to yourself that you will get better. Whether or not you believe it at that point, saying it will help you believe that it may be true. In that time, don't think about the what-ifs or all that you shared. Leave that be for the moment, and work on keeping yourself calm. I don't mean be aloof to your feelings; in fact, let the pain wash over you. When you let it out instead of leaving the thoughts to swim all over your mind, you will have a better handle on it. The pain is no longer beyond your grasp; it's tangible, you see it in the way you actually react physically, and you know it's real enough. When you know what it is, you are better able to deal with the feelings you have. Anyway, I sidetrack. Just wanted you to know that I do understand what you're going through. I read about your situation and felt for you. Just deal with your current feelings for now. You can worry about the technicalities of the situation a bit later. The timeframe varies, but as everyone has said here, you will get better with time. Sure, you will have moments where you think about it and feel this sadness inside when everyone else sees a smile on your face, but you will learn to put things in perspective. In time too, when you're ready, you will start looking to bring back some happiness into your life. Just take things easy til you get there. Don't worry about her, as her actions have showed you her thoughts and that's all you need to know. I know you gave your love to her but some people are that way. There are all sorts out there, all you can do is keep your end of the deal for your own peace of mind. I've said a lot. There's a lot more but suffice to say that you're not alone. Be kind to yourself, live one day at a time. Just getting through the next ten minutes is sometimes a struggle in times like these. But get through it and you will have made it thru those ''endless'' minutes and before you know it, seasons would have changed. And so it goes. And when you've pulled thru this, the strength you feel after will be like nothing you've felt before. Even in times where you feel real fear, you will feel real strength too, all from within you. It's as though every feeling after is magnified. You will feel that you feel keenly. I enjoyed your prose, too, by the way, you sound like a romantic, real nice. I felt I should respond to you, and I hope I helped you feel just that bit better by letting you know that you will be just fine. I wish you the best in getting past this situation and taking from it an experience that is a part of your growth.
  24. amaranth_04
    Hi dopestar, It's good to know you went through with it. And that you stayed right there to break up with her face to face, that's the right thing to do. What your neighbour told you just reinforced that you were making the right move. I wish you the best in moving past her and getting the good things that you deserve. It's not always easy cutting things off, even when it's for the best. As the days go by, I'm sure you will believe in your heart that there's something, someone, better for you out there. Take things easy in the meantime, you handled a tough situation very well.
  25. amaranth_04
    Is it just his company that's compelling you to keep him close.. You seem to know how much you want to/can invest in this relationship. You've even stated >> specifically when it's likely that you can get too drawn in, but still what you want is: Since you know quite surely how much you can put in w/o feeling the loss, why can't you stick with it? You too, like him, want to have your cake and eat it too. If spending a lot of time together for over a year will get you feeling very involved, what do you think including sex in the time spent will do? I don't know if you see sex as separate but it does sound like you will get drawn in. If you're dating exclusively and doing the deed, quite likely you will be drawn in. You do have a choice. Perhaps you like this guy's company but the sex bit seems to have a stronger pull for you. You do seem to know your limits in emotional attachment. Of course you can have your cake and eat it too, but make sure you don't get sick from it. Either you listen to your inner voice and stick with what you know you can handle, or go for what you're desiring, and deal with whatever happens after. You will just have to learn from it and it will either redefine your boundaries or reinforce quite painfully that you've overstepped them. Good luck.
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