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amaranth_04

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Everything posted by amaranth_04

  1. amaranth_04
    Hi Dmvcc, I am sorry to hear about your dad. If you think you need her by your side only 'cos she would understand your relationship with your dad better than anyone else, then you could get in touch.. since she doesn't know yet, make sure that before you tell her that you know she will be by your side immediately to support you through this. However, if you feel that you will lean to her for total emotional support, and this of course will naturally happen in a time like this, and that the lines could get blurred, then perhaps you would be better off looking to other people, family or close friends, for the support you need. If under normal circumstances you would not get back in touch, do the same in this instance if you feel she will add stress to your situation, perhaps not immediately but eventually. Right now you just need to spend time with your father, not have to worry about her. Keep well.
  2. amaranth_04
    Hi Brandell, I got your message. It's fine. Yes, your reaction is understandable esp as the meeting was unexpected although you lived in close proximity to her. It's not an unusual reaction. For one, it's only been a little over 2 months since the break-up. And there will be a first time after that... the first time u can think of her and not cry... the first time you can wake up in the morning and realize you didn't think of her last night.. the first time u see her after the break (or NC) which happened... and then the first time u see her w a new bf.. There's not much you can do except a little of what Bexcelant stated.... visualize your next move. Don't go crazy thinking about it but just mentally prepare your reaction, as close as you would like it to be. Best thing to do if you were to run into her alone or with another guy is just smile an acknowledgement if she catches your eye... if not, just keep on walking and walk straight home or the nearest semi-private area and take deep breaths and calm yourself down. If she does stop you for a chat, stay calm, distance yourself a little and say a few words,, then leave... if you can't bring yourself to chat, just cut it short politely, a smile and a hi and bye and leave... the thing is, you don't want her to see you hyperventilate... so if you feel you're close to it, just get yourself to a safe place and let go. One last thing, why do you want to see her.. if by accident, ok.. if not, yes, you're not ready for a calm conversation with her... calm is the best approach here I think, seeing as she may not feel for you the way you feel about her.. Does this help..
  3. amaranth_04
    Hi there, Even though it hurts, you have to keep on going with your life. There will come a time where you can remember what happened w/o it hindering your progress in life. Keep going til you get there, and when you do, take that experience with you and carry on. Just a note.. you're still very young and lots can happen to you and to your bf, and there will be a lot of changes in your thinking as you get older. Even when you're an adult, there will be changes in life, too. So don't let this be the deciding factor on your future plans. It will all come together the way it will. Best wishes.
  4. amaranth_04
    Since she asked for space, I suppose it's up to her to get in touch. As long as she doesn't blow hot and cold, and confuse you further.
  5. amaranth_04
    Oh ok, got the impression that the friend is male.
  6. amaranth_04
    Some people like to discuss it with a few close friends to gain some perspective, to clarify etc.. I'd say definitely not discussing it with just anyone. Some others would rather just read about it to find out information and feel it's too private to discuss outside the relationship. Agree with the above post, if you're not comfortable with it, tell her, and set some guidelines.
  7. amaranth_04
    I agree with giving her space but what's that about.. unless you're calling her regularly when you're ''not supposed to'' interrupting her time with her friends.. but i wouldn't be rude.. don't want to open a can of worms here but is the 1st grade friend really out of the picture..
  8. amaranth_04
    Agree with maggie. Some people do, some people don't. Cheating is not gender-based.
  9. amaranth_04
    They are very descriptive, good in that sense. But if you're putting it down on paper, I hope that's enough of a release for you and that you keep safe.
  10. amaranth_04
    I agree with shocked&diamayed. I'd just like to comment on the bit I talked before that you should not be made to feel guilty for trying to move on. With your post after, it just seemed even more so that she's stringing you along. Of course, it's meant to confuse. It's not fair to you that you have to hold back just because you've had your own experience. She doesn't want to stay and experience things with you, she wants you to stall your life while she goes out and gets her esperiences, while at the same time holding you in on a tight leash. I don't think she's afraid of commitment. I think she does not wish to commit 'cos she feels you're not on the same page experience-wise. She seems to be holding that against you, not just wanting her own experience. Insecurity. She needs to grow up. She doesn't own your life, she's no right dictating its progress. What are you supposed to do for meeting her at the time you did? You can't be made to feel guilty for living your life w/o her before when she was not there yet. She's out dating but as soon as it sounds that you might be, she questions you. Does that sound fair to you? She wants to keep you there while she gathers her experiences but there's at least half a chance that her experiences will take her elsewhere, leaving you all alone. I suggest carrying on with your life knowing that you're doing the right thing and have nothing to be guilty of. You offered yourself to her, she declined, and so you move on. Whether or not you will get back with her further down the track, time will tell. Keep in mind though the way she holds things like these against you, things that are out of your control. She was with you for over 4 years, surely she was aware fairly early on that you'd have had more experience than her, given your age. If she wants someone with her level of experience, she's better off sticking to someone her age. Hopefully, after a while experience will teach her what she let go of.
  11. amaranth_04
    If she needs the space, you've got to give it to her. Best thing for you to do would be to show her you're reliable and steady in her constantly changing life.
  12. amaranth_04
    Agree.. objective of NC should be to focus on healing yourself I feel. Whatever happens as a result is just that, a result.. should not be the driving force.
  13. amaranth_04
    Nice poem, the jello bit made me smile.
  14. amaranth_04
    Nice ones, Silent Man. I like the way you've arranged them in themes. Hope the order is true and you're at the last one.
  15. amaranth_04
    Going good, thnx. Pity I threw away my book of poems, or I'd have some to add here. Then again, maybe not verses from when I was 12 eh..
  16. amaranth_04
    Hi there, enjoyed reading another poem of yours. Still like words to a song.. ok no country-pop..
  17. amaranth_04
    You have to see he's no good for you. Your family's, friends' and, his friends' reactions reinforce that. You can't keep on thinking that you need him. You do not. You only need yourself, and the people who are still by your side. It's hard to let go 'cos you were together a long time, yes, but esp. because of the way he left you. It was sudden, and w/o closure, no explanation, no validation for the four years shared. You just have to go through the motions each day, til you no longer have to make yourself go through them. Set a schedule for yourself, stick to it. You need some structure around you 'cos you're feeling all over the place now. The best thing to do is to cut all contact, as though he never existed. That will help you move on. Don't go over and over how and why he did this. He did it, and that gives you your answer right there. That says enough about the man he is, or rather, the man he is not. You have to make an effort to focus your thoughts away from him, and take things slowly one day at a time in moving yourself away from him, mentally and emotionally. If you want answers, try reading books on relationship psychology to help you place all the thoughts you're currently having.
  18. amaranth_04
    Hi there, I'd suggest leaving her alone for now since she asked for a break. A few weeks is not enough to get over a serious relationship. It seems as though she jumped into one with you without giving herself time to work through her feelings from the past one. Unresolved issues will come up. Perhaps the two of you were getting a bit more serious after three months and she realized she wasn't ready. She was quite likely just looking for some comfort and companionship. This was a rebound relationship that seems to have run its course. You can try things again with her once she's ready, and you will have a fairer chance going in.
  19. amaranth_04
    Hi there, If he left you in that manner, quite likely he's not going to offer you an explanation, at least not one that makes sense. Are you trying to move on or holding out hope for his return ? If you're moving on, you have to let go questioning why how etc, 'cos you may never know, and you're right, it will just drive you crazy wondering. Have you put away whatever that reminds you of him, get rid of them or set them aside for now, photos, letters and so on. Limit yourself on how often you think about him. For now, it's still early days, and after 4 years together and a break such as yours, you won't be able to just stop thinking about him. Instead of going the extreme and not succeeding, give yourself some time each day where you think about it, 'cos you will think about it even if advised not to. But limit yourself, and the rest of your time, do other things to try and take your mind off him. He may still linger but when you're absorbed in other activities, thoughts of him won't invade your mind. In your sane moments, remind yourself of the way he left you. The way he left you after 4 years together. Do not make excuses for his behaviour based on other happy times shared with him. He did what he did this time the way he did it. No excuse. See that and see him for what he is. When your resolve to not contact him weakens, remind yourself why you are feeling the way you are feeling now, because of him. I read your other post where you explained your situation. If you have tried to get in touch with him at least for proper closure and he's not offering it to you, get that closure for yourself. You have to take steps to end it for yourself, not let him have the final word and only then it means it's done, because if you are going to do it that way, he's just going to string you along. Distract yourself, with other people, activities. Soon, you will feel stronger to not get in touch. And when you're more removed from the situation emotionally, you will see it for what it is, and realize that you deserve better and he's not worth the time and a place in your life.
  20. amaranth_04
    Hi there, If she has had her eye on you for ten years, that's quite a while. I'd suggest being upfront with her, her expectations, yours, for the moment. You wouldn't want her wondering if you're not interested in her after all if you're not making a move. And you probably don't want to lose her after 10 years and being single soon. If she's ok with taking things slow, you could perhaps meet up less frequently than you would someone you were seriously courting. Maybe once a week for a semi-intimate evening and another day just to hang out. You have to be careful what you do those times you meet as it just may speed things along. If you like her and spend enough time with her, you're bound to fall for her.. there's no ''rule'' to follow to guard against that save never seeing her again perhaps, and I don't think you want that... it's a bit hard to gauge and rein in your feelings if you already like this girl and consider her a future serious g/f. You will have to get into specifics with her about how far is too far, or how slow is too slow as may be the case for her. Always be upfront and look out for expectations changing along the way.
  21. amaranth_04
    Hi there, I agree with goodquestion where he says you're asking for it by repeatedly asking her if she's going to break up with you.. I can understand her frustration at that seemingly being the only option you want to go for. However, other than that, I agree with Oceaneyes' post. She seems to be the one with the bigger problem here... she almost sounded bratty the way you were describing her behaviour. It seems as though if you're not there when she snaps her fingers, she's going to throw tantrums. You had to study when she had to move. If she really needed you there, could she not have arranged to move out the following week ... 'cos you can't exactly arrange to take your exam the following week. When you could go with her, you went. She asked you to not go the second time etc.. it's almost as if she's testing you, sort of an entrapment... you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't.. Be firm with her. Let her know you will support her when she needs it and she has to be clear about it, not play games with you to elicit a reaction. Let her know you won't tolerate childish antics. She quite obviously wants some sort of recognition from you.. perhaps she's a little unsure about the depth of your commitment, something along those lines ? Ask her about it, her reactions seem to reflect a deeper discontentment.
  22. amaranth_04
    Hmmm Well, I think it all comes down to her wanting to play the field. That's the impression I get from you. Fair enough if she feels she's too young to settle down but she can't keep your life on hold. I wonder, why is it so necessary to ''play the field'' if you are satisfied with the one you're with.. Does she feel her ''inexperience'' is inadequate compared to yours? Understandably she was hurt when she found out about your new g/f since she has feelings for you.. but you can't be made to feel guilty over that as it was her choice to break off, and it did not seem like you had set specific terms about what could be/could not be done during that break and when the two of you will get back together. You did say you wanted to be with her yet she resisted. And your break-up was about 6 months prior to you going out with your new g/f ? You can't be blamed for moving on. The two of you need to sit down and have an open talk. If you're really who she wants, there isn't much need for her to keep looking, is there.. Fair enough she wants to experience things before settling down, but surely that can be done with the man she supposedly loves? Learn and grow together? Unless this need, for experience let's call it, is purely in the sexual arena.. Well whatever the area she wants to explore further, the two of you need to discuss which can be done together with compromise, meaning for example if it's travelling the world with a group of girlfriends, and you've done that with your buddies, let her have that experience, I'm pretty sure you can fit that in. But some other experiences are a bit more awkward and hurtful to wait for.. if you catch my drift.. So since the two of you are still very much interested in one another, you need to be a bit more upfront and specific about expectations. If there's too much conflict there, then it would be time to go your own way. I hope this helps some.
  23. amaranth_04
    Hi there, It could be a phase.. he's growing and naturally curious about the changes he is experiencing so it would make sense that he's trying to see pics of other men, to compare, relate to. Besides the physical curiosity, he's most likely sexually curious, too. He would have heard about homosexuality and may have wanted information, much like wanting heterosexual information etc, and you ''caught'' him while he was finding out about the former. I get what you're saying about going the one step further enlarging pics.. this could be just wanting a closer look out of curiosity. However, I can't really tell you where that curiosity is stemming from. If your feelings are just based on him not going out with other girls, that could be 'cos he's just shy. Your feelings could be accurate in the sense that he's curious about homosexuality but it's harder to gauge where that curiosity is coming from... a natural curiosity, or a ''specialized'' one.. only way to be sure is to ask him. However, I don't recommend asking him, at least not at this point. I'd suggest approaching it delicately when/if he broaches the subject... or rather in the case of his family, showing an openness about it to give him the confidence to broach the subject.
  24. amaranth_04
    Hi there, Did she get this way after taking medication 'cos it could be a side-effect. If she changed and then was diagnosed with depression, then it could be the depression that's making her behave differently. Depression must be serious if she's on meds... if she was just really unhappy, I'd suggest just talking to her about what's really bothering her.. if she'll have the chat.. I think that's a valid reason for her behaviour. If that's the case, have a discussion with her and find out what she wants to do and if you could compromise. Of course, this will only work if she's willing to try it with you again. May be a good thing that she's pushing you away esp. if she doesn't know when this phase, if it is a phase, will end, .... or when she wants to end it.. it's a choice, grass is greener etc.. and once through the phase, will she want the same things..
  25. amaranth_04
    Hi ang3l I really liked that poem. These four lines esp - Great use of imagery.
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