Alec

To shorten this story 4 months ago my girlfriend broke up with me. It was pretty hard for a month because I didn't understand exactly what went wrong. The whole commotion could've been avoided had she told me certain things and not kept them to herself. Anyways, fate has kinda started throwing curve balls. 1) School started a little over a month ago and I started seeing her around again (I hadn't seen her all summer). Turns out we have counselor's office together (only 2 people in there) and i'm the only senior she has in any of her classes. 2) Turns out she's in my college class as well, and likewise i'm the only one she knows. We ended up buying our books together to save money. Well, basically we have become friends again, which we were before. She has a new boyfriend now (for 2 months). What I really want to ask is, her birthday is in 1 week, I was going to get her a card and place it on her car and then pretend throughout the day that I don't know it's her birthday and then let her find the card on her car later on. I was going to just tell her the normal friendly birthday things etc... I want her back desperately but i'm not stupid to where I want to grovel to get her back, so is it alright to send her this card, or will it offend her and hurt what i've tried to get back over the past month?

That brought me to tears man.... That is the most powerful story i've ever read, and though I know it must be hard for you, such a story I think would be loved by the world if written out. But, regardless, just want to say wow. It makes me think about things alot more.

Well i'm just throwing this topic out there for anyone to discuss. But in all seriousness why is Dating complicated, why are relationships COMPLICATED. Ex. 1) There are over a thousand little things that can end a relationship 2) A relationship to me seems to be extremely fragile, and after all i've seen and witnessed over the past 3 months i'm wondering, what is the point anyways? 3) It seems also that a thousand little things can go wrong at any time and that even though most of them aren't your fault, or your partner's fault they can still damage a relationship. I'm not sure exactly how to phrase this other than simply, "Why does dating and relationships have to be complicated and not simple such as love between two people that are willing to do whatever they can to make the other person happy as well as themselves." Thoughts, Comments, Additions? All welcome

Hey just got a question, I've been broken up with my ex for about 2 months now. For 2 weeks I egged it on etc... until I crashed and burned. (she broke up with me and I kept in contact etc...) Anyways we finally 2 weeks ago talked about what went wrong. Basically she never told me that talking about her family problems bothered her (i just wanted to do what I could to help her ex. talk about things) and that I basically smothered her. Which i'm not that kind of person this was simply accidental, the relationship seemed perfectly fine but now looking back she just never told me something was wrong. From this mis-communication there was about 3 weeks of just pure drama. Right now we're kinda iffy, she is dating someone she probably will not last with and i'm doing my best to move on. There will be about a month's spacing between the talk with her and the next time i see her (start of school). Ok, so basically what I want to know is this. What is the best way to re-initiate a friendship. Her birthday is in a month I was going to send a card, or should I just simply start maybe saying "hi" in the hallway?

Well i mean, let me rephrase. It's not that I have low self-esteem, that part I mainly mean here lately because of all this I feel really bad. And i'm tired of feeling bad about it, and on top of that I really want to make sure that I'm not that kind of "controlling" person. So if i'm in a relationship, what are some ways to make sure you aren't "controlling" Mainly just keep communication good between yourself and your partner (she never told me she was bothered at any point, which was the problem with everything). So iono just wondering. Thanks for the advice btw, there have been times when i've been down like that and your right always best to get these problems straightened out before you ever go back into a relationship.

Ok, well see my girlfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago. I ended up finally having a decent calm conversation with her last night. See the problem was is that she thought I was smothering her while we were dating and that even though I was trying to help her in any way I could (she had had some problems at home, didn't have very many friends at this new school) that she really didn't feel like talking to me about her problems anymore and just felt she wanted out of the situation. She said i'm very controlling and that i'm very jealous (she has a new boyfriend now and I know i have made some mistakes in certain things i've said to her in the past over a few quarrels, but i mean I can't help but be slightly jealous). What i'm really looking for is, me as a person when it comes to dating, like honestly I don't really know what to do exactly, I just try to be a friend and I know with this girl that she never once told me that talking about her problems was bothering her, she just kind of broke up with me and tried to get away so that she wouldn't hurt my feelings. I know in my mind had she told me, I would have stopped, and had she told me how she didn't feel like we were dating, I would have made the correction. I'm the kind of person when it comes to dating i'm very awkward because I don't know what to do. I've learned alot since then but now I feel very badly about all this, I have a low self-esteem, and I just feel so horrible that I smothered this girl and have made her feel this massive awkwardness towards me when this whole time all I wanted to be was a best friend. I know i'm slightly controlling but I don't think that i'm the kind of guy who wants to control everyones actions. Is there any way to just help myself in terms of future relationships. I don't want to be controlling, I don't want to be awkward, I just want to simply care about someone and have them care about me back and I don't want to ever make someone feel like i'm controlling them. Any advice on what I can do to figure out if I'm controlling, and possibly fix it. I don't want to be that way I want to let whoever I date be free to their will. I'm really tired of feeling bad about all this, no self esteem, I feel like i'm a horrible person, and I know i'm not, i'm far from it.

Another thing to think about is if you both accept the baby and agree to raise the child etc... Nothing is really keeping you from marrying him now is there?

Basically my ex and I broke up a month ago. You can get all the drift in my other posts. Basically she went out with me for a month then realized she really didn't like me, I wasn't OK with it at first because for the first 2 weeks she never really gave me any clear answers. She's been going through a hard time in her life and after 2 weeks she started making new friends. We took N.C for about 2 weeks, during that time she got a new boyfriend, started hanging out with new friends, and totally blew me off entirely. Now I know this is healthy of course but here is my concern. After 2 weeks of N.C I saw her at the movies with this new boyfriend and it broke my heart. She had told me she wasn't looking for a boyfriend at all and just needed time to think. So I called her the next day wondering if everything she's ever told me is a lie etc... It was one of those crying yelling conversations that was more about me dealing w/ith my emotions and saying my concerns but in the end she jsut felt like she was a horrible person for doing all this stuff to me. Now this girl mind you was my best friend once and I was even hesitant about going out with her, now there is a strong tension between us but we both want it to end i know. We want the grudges and all this crying, accusing, supposed rumors etc.. to stop so we can live our lives. I care very deeply about this girl but I have accepted that we can't date. I know so much about her and what she needs and I just want to be a good friend to her. I know it's gonna be sad when she breaks up with this current boyfriend and leaves that set of friends, she'll be back to where she was, with only 1 or maybe 2 good friends. I want to be a good friend that she can fall back on as in will always be there, but right now she despises me because I am associated with the guilt and feeling like she is a horrible person. So, I told all of this to a new friend of hers who happens to be one of my best friends. I trust him and he has told me he's gonna talk to her. What do you think would be the best solution to this? I'm thinking and he suggested that we sit down one day with a mediator (him) and simply talk. Say what has gone wrong, what has happened, get over it, forgive each other, address what is wrong, and move on. She is such a good person but right now she is very stressed, problems at home, and now me. I absolutely DO NOT want to be a problem to her and I don't want her thinking I am. So i'm not giong to talk to her, i'm going to let this friend of hers do the talking over time, and when she feels ready then we'll sit down and discuss what has happened. What do you think? Edit- this is also one of those things where you really wish you hadn't "dated" the person.

She told me today that "When I called her the other day that it scared her like I was attacking her and that she doesn't want to have anything to do with someone like that." However, when I told her why I did it, that I was so sorry sorry for hurting her because the reason I called is I saw her at ht emovies with another guy and they had been dating for a wbeek, she promised me she wasn't looking for a boyfriend so I called her and asked if she has lied to me about everything, used me etc.. Anyways after i told her that she kinda calmed down and said she was sorry that all of this happened but it did. So i'll just kinda wing it on the outside and give her some time to calm down then casually try and be her friend again. She was like a best friend to me and was hanging out w/ith me, I brought her to my church and then she just up and abandoned me. For 2 weeks she acted like she still wantd to do stuff with me and the others but she never did and the final straw in that was when she passed up doing something with my friends I had told her about and went to the beach with 2 guys from summer school. So we went NC and now she's dating one of them. It's really ***ed up that she did all this crap. But it's not 100 percent her fault it's both a combination of her fault, life circumstances, internal problems, and me pushing her away a bit after those first two weeks. So we'll see how it goes over time.

I met this girl about a year ago. She moved into my school and had a boyfriend. I stayed on the outside for about 8 months til about four months ago when her last boyfriend cheated on her. I became a friend to her, helped her out, and eventually asked her out on a date. We hit it off at first but the relationship was unusual. It was mainly my fault, the first two weeks I didn't do minor stuff like hold her hand at class, I wasn't really a boyfriend just a friend. The last two weeks I made the change, I became a boyfriend to her like I should be and she a girlfriend to me. Well those last two weeks were kinda rocky, things were so so busy that she could hardly get time to spend with me, though anytime she had she did, I knew it frustrated her but I told her constantly that it was ok, that that was just life. The last few days she seemed on the outside ok but as I came to found out something went wrong, I don't know exactly what, but she started to feel like she didn't like me as a boyfriend anymore. She told me she was so confused with it because I was everything she ever wanted, didn't do anything wrong, and that I was perfect, she didn't understand why she didn't like me anymore. So she broke up with me. Anyways, 4 weeks later after 2 weeks of trying to be friends and 2 weeks of no contact I saw her at the movies with another guy sitting 4 seats down from me. I tried to throw up in the bathroom a few times and the next day I eventually called her and asked if he was her boyfriend. She said yes, that he had been for the past week. I basically blew up, everything I had bottled in inside me I just let it go. I yelled, I cried, she yelled, she cried it was horrible for us to be doing this after all we've been through. She eventually blew up on me and just started screaming something like this, "I've had a horrible last 2 days, nothing I do is ever right, I came home from that movie friday night and got the crap beat out of me by my step-dad for (she skipped it), and now your calling me yelling at me. Nothing I ever do is right, not with you, not with Sean (her ex-boyfriend), not with my parents. I am SO sorry [my name] I honestly never meant to hurt you, now I've screwed everything up. I'm a horrible person [my name] I don't blame you for being mad at me, or being angry with me." I told her that it was mainly all my fault, to which she replied it wasn't. I told her that i loved her, and she replied she didn't know how I could possibly be saying that. I then did a one way conversation as a friend telling her to look at her life, she hasn't screwed everything up yet, that she really shouldn't have a boyfriend right now it's not fair to her nor for this new guy, and that why does she want me to hate her, I never want to hate her. I'm so angry, so confused, yet so sad. I understand that we can't be boyfriend and girlfriend i'm not trying to get her back or anything. THe advice i'm looking for is: I want to be her friend, something I told her when we started dating I never wanted to lose. I feel so awful that all the phone conversations we've had since she broke up w/ith me have involved her crying or me crying and her feeling guilty. I don't want that anymore, I want her to know that I still love her, but that I don't have to date her, that she can date other people I just want to be a best friend to her like I should've been all along. I love who she is as a person, I hate what she is going through in life (dad left her, strained relations with mom/step-dad, she misses her old life, she thinks she's ruined everything with me). How do I help her stop crying, stop hurting. I"m gonna move on in life of course but I don't want to abandon her as a good friend, it's the last thing I ever promised her the day before we broke up. That I would never abandon her like everyone else in her life has. Just what can I do, simply tell her I want to be her friend etc..?

Hey now, you might have made a mistake, but you learned. Just knowing that you made a mistake has made you conscious of it and bettered you as a person because you know not to make it again. You've been hurt, i'm so sorry, there is nothing more painful than caring about someone and them just slapping you around. Get away from him, that town even if you can. Take this time to be single and get friends to help you, no boyfriends, just friends. I know you prayed to god about this alot, your a very caring person who just got pushed around. YOu sound like a person who believes strongly in abstinence, just because you've had sex doesn't mean it's too late, pray to God and dedicate yourself again to abstinence and then stick by it. Doing this will strengthen your will as a person and really help you along the way. Deeply sorry for what you've been through, best wishes.

Since your your own person and free to choose your own life please ignore me if you want, Go because Christ died on the cross for your sins and loves you very much. He's sent someone into your life to bring you closer to him. Take the chance. The decision in the end is yours to take, your path to either heaven or hell. So go to church, because God wants you with him, not in the midst of satan's snare.

In any type of relationship it's always necessary for each partner to have a life of their own. The better "life" they have the more love they can give to another person. Get a hobby, start splitting your time up. Head out with friends some more, hopefully she'll do the same. With the other half of your time that you would spend together, do new things. Go new places, you know her so well i'm sure (5 years). Let me give you an example that you might comprehend: If she has always wanted to go to location, then take her there. If you've already done something liek that then i'm sure you can think of something else along those lines. And um, are you married, or still dating? Sorry if I didn't read your post crystal clear, if your not married then you might want to sit down and think about the future. Cheers m8.

I'm not technically looking for advice, but if any comes then that's fine, and would be apprecitated. Basically my ex-girlfriend broke up with me 4 weeks ago, we talked for about 2 off and on then we went NC for about 2 weeks. The breakup was mainly because she has so many problems at home, in her mind, and the way she feels about me. She just couldn't have anytype of boyfriend in the situation she is in with the stress, the confusion of feelings, and various other psychological things that are going through her mind. Anyways, tonight, after 2 weeks of NC i go to the movies with my grandfather. I see her car parked 2 to my left. So I write a simple not telling her that i saw her car that i'm going to see "The Notebook" and that i'm guessing maybe she is too (I promised her I'd take her to see it, was the last thing I ever really promised her our last night together). Anyways I get in there and sure enough there she is. She is sitting with her sister/sisters fiance and a friend of hers. He is as much as i'm aware a friend, I trust him to be just simply that. She's not looking for a boyfriend, I trust her to stand by her word. So don't go thinking that. But anyways we see the movie. It's truly a great story, yea watch it and um put me in Noah's place, and you basically get my story. So I sit there, it's really hard because she's like 8 seats over, I never talked to her. I went to the bathroom twice (i hadn't been feeling well earlier) and just kinda used this excuse to calm myself and just basically shut up. I came back in, sat down and watched the movie. After it was over my grandfather got up to leave and I kind of sat there in a daze. I wanted my life to be so much like that, god i love her, I can't escape it. And even if she never comes back I will still love her. I just simply cannot, it's like there's something different about her from the other girls i've met. Something that tells me "she's worth the pain". I've spent the past 4 weeks reading scripture, and though i've gotten over the breakup to a very good degree I still cannot picture my life without her in it. And with this NC continuing I know she is trying her best to solver her problems. Only when she is complete can she truly love someone. In conclusion, I left the theatre in a daze. Got on my cell phone and sent her an SMS that i don't really care if i get a reply to. It follows, "Now u know how i feel, good seein u though i guess ill b seeing u, later left u a note." Perhaps it's just some vain resiliant hope in me that the movie will help her come to terms, or lock into her mind reality. Just let her realize what I'm going through, what I feel, and just maybe help her face whatever confusion she's going through. I don't expect anything really; i've learned not to, but doesn't it just make you wonder about divine intervention. You know what I want to tell her so badly, that every night I pray. I pray that God help her, because she has been through hell. And if there is anything I can do to help her, anything I can say, anything i can sacrifice than so-be-it. And i just want to tell her that so badly. That movie is what I want in life so much, and the thing is. It's real, i'm living it, and it rather took me by surprise. God's will be done, maybe the rest of the movie will pan out, who knows. Just wanted to say that, it helps me to deal with things. Sorry if I waste any space...

Yea don't contact her and work on yourself. You really need to work on yourself, no offense but you sound pretty demanding in your relationship. Especially wanting affection, just learn that affection and love are a part of a relationship that in time might fade away, you need a stronger foundation than that. You have the right mindset, you know you've done wrong, now all you have to do is not contact her and work on bettering yoruself. Good luck.