hattriq

Everything that the two before this said does help and I am lucky to get this kind of advice. It is hard because I do have to see them five out of seven days but it almost makes the other two days that much better. My wanting to see her goes up and down but is still declining steadily. I just wish that I didn't have to see them (esp. her) so much because I never get anything that I want or need out of it. I would like to think she does care about the time we spent but she really acts like she would rather see the end of the world than me and that sucks. It hurts more than I can express. I don't want her back but I don't want to see, all the time, just how over me she is. Anyway, thanks for posting and I hope that I can help someone the way I've been helped.

Yesterday was two weeks for me and I thought I was making good progress. Then we started arguing at work and things got a little ugly. Nothing physical obviously but I told her that she was being mean for no other reason than to be mean and she just said that she could do whatever she wanted. So after work I knew she was mad so I went to the house to get my computer because it's the only thing that I think she would do anything to... because she knows how much that would bother me. So anyway, I was unplugging stuff and I went in the bedroom and his stuff was in there and I was really upset but went about my business. My sister had wrote her a very nice not a while back and it was on the mirror over the dresser so my sister took it back. I know that she really treasured that note and what it said but I couldn't stop my sister from taking it because that is how she felt. So today at work she was really mad about that. She also called me right as I got to work and asked why I was driving by the house. I hadn't been and told her that but I'm not sure she believed me. I did find it amusing that she was being so paranoid though. I figured that they may have finally done something and she was a bit uncomfortable with it... obviously that's just a guess but it's only a matter of time the way I see it. Here's a question for all. Why do I care so much about what they've done and when they do it and where and every other question possible? I know it can't be helping me and it's the reason why I can't sleep right now. I don't understand why she is proud of hurting me so badly, and why does she hate me when I try as hard as I can to not do the wrong thing. My sister said something tonight that didn't sit right with me. She said that as I heal, and don't act like I can't live without her, it makes her mad because she wants me to want her. What I don't get is that if that is true (and I don't think it is) why would she treat me so poorly that I can't stand to be around her or talk to her at all? Push me away but want me to want her. I think she wants him and can't really wait to get me out of her life. If what she wants is for me to want her, she has that but it is fading fast with every bad thing that she does to me. Explain this to me please, a females perspective would probably help me... if even a little. Sorry so long

thank you for saying that. I am trying to be as civil as possible because I don't want to upset anything any more than is absolutely necessary. I see that she didn't care and that hurts more than anything but I am finding all kinds of people coming to me and telling me that I'm better off and that she was never good enough for me. These are people that aren't my family and I really only considered them aquaintances before. That makes it feel that much better though.

I agree with the part about not being a doormat because it won't do you any good and you won't get what you want in the long run. I forgave and wound up alone anyway. I'm not saying that would happen to you but I'm saying that you have to take things like that into account. I asked her why she would flirt with just about any guy right in front of my face and she said it's because she knew I wasn't going anywhere. I saw that that was true and I told her so by taking her back after she cheated. Not the same situation but something to think about.

thanks guys, it really does help to know that you aren't the only one going through this. The night before last I asked the other guy if he would have dinner with me and he made up an excuse so I thought he wasn't being much of a man. After work I went to our old house to get some things and they both came home. She told me that he wouldn't be staying there but that doesn't really matter. He asked if I still wanted to talk and we did for about an hour. I don't know if it actually helped but we were civil and I was able to say things that I had wanted to say. Now more than ever I see that I don't want to be with her because she doesn't want to be with me and she hadn't for some time. It's easy to see now but at the time I obviously didn't see it. Right now I'm just sad at what I thought we had since you can't miss something that wasn't there. I'm doing the no contact thing as much as possible since we do work together and I have to go to that house to get my stuff. You see I'm living out of my car and as I need things I have to pick them up but other than the other night I've been able to do those things when she isn't there. I have to go to school but I appreciate the posts and keep them coming.

I met my ex where we work and was instantly in love or as much as you can be after just meeting someone. We started dating and things moved alone well. She is very needy of male attention and I never dealt well with that. We worked in a restaurant and she would flirt profusely with just about any guy she could. After a while I started to deal with it better but there were times that she took things too far and it usually wasn't customers at our work. We got engaged on our 4 yr anniversary and were to be married on our 5th. She was the one who pushed for it although I could see myself spending the rest of my life with her. The place was reserved, dresses bought, caterer planned, everything was about done and she started to move away. I didn't know it at the time but she was switching days at work to work when this guy did and I thought he was our friend. He lives a ways away from our work so he would stay at our house on weekends and we would all hang out. I also didn't know at the time that they were talking on the phone a lot and she was falling for him I guess. I thought the problem was something else because I'm not a partier and she acted like she wanted to be so that caused problems. One night we all went bowling and she was all over him and his friend right in front of my face. She had been drinking and it reinforced all the reason why I didn't like that lifestyle. Apparently that wasn't the first time she had been all over him while they were out but it was the first time I had seen it with my own eyes. One week later she broke up with me and gave basically no explanation. She just said we grew apart which I now know means she wanted to be with him. He works with us so now I not only have to see her five days a week but him 3. Pretty much everyone sees what happened but she tries to act like she wasn't ready for marriage and it was just an unfortunate thing. I know she is lying because the next night after she broke up with me she stayed out all night with him at her friends house and then after three they kissed. I say that because she told me that nothing happened before but I don't know what to believe. I want to talk to him and see his views because I was thinking that if we did that, it might ease some tensions around work. She talks to me but never about what I really want to know and that sucks. Am I wrong to want to clear up the story that she tells about how she is hurt and it was unfortunate by telling people who ask that it is because of him? I just don't like her acting like the victim. Is talking to him a terrible idea because even as I say it it does but I really want to know. I did learn a lesson and that was no matter how much you care and work to make it work, you can't do it alone and I will see that next time. Thanks for any advice