Nifty_Swifty1

I really don't think The phonenumbers are anyting. I have womens numbers all over my house, but they are my friends and nothing more. Further more him going out with the guys and not telling you about that isn't anything to be woried about. Most guys really don't think much about it. I, on the other hand, have to tell the person I'm dating when I'm going out with friends, but the only reasion I do that is becouse the only friends I really have are women, and it just wouldn't be right for her to hear I went out with the girls and never told her. Thats beside the point though. I really don't think you have anyting to wory about.

I'm not a girl, so I can only tell you what I've seen work the best. Don't now how close you are to this girl, but unless your fairley close or she knows that you like her much more than the candy might scare her off. If you really are going to go for mere, gold isn't so hot any more, go for the sturling silver. If she was your girl, then I would have to say white gold, but that would probably be too much. A simple chain would probably be fine, or find something that fits her. I have a friend that is into turtles, so I found a chain with little turtles in some of the links. Just do what you think is best, but remember that women have psycho alarms that you don't wan't to set off.

Him changing has to be his desishion. If he dosn't wan't to, then he isn't going to. If you don't see him changing now, then you just need to move on. ... I wish I could take my owm advice. I'm haveing a hard time doing that, so I know its hard, but we have to do it for our own good.

Well, for you first questions I would have to say that most people don't want to commit. They are too selfish to truly invest in someone the way that is needed for a true relationship. It's not that people don't trust each other; it's that they don't trust themselves. You can never trust someone more than you trust yourself. They think that if you can rationalize doing something, then the other person must be able to do the same. Now, your third question is a very simple answer with a very long explanation. What makes a long term relationship work is love. Not love the way most people think of it, but love the way it is truly meant. God is love, so Love has to be God. That means that any characteristics of God are characteristics of love and any characteristics of love are characteristics of God. You cannot separate the two. Just as I am Levi Smith, so Levi Smith has to be me. If you don't know Levi Smith, then you don't know me and if you don't know me, then you don't know Levi Smith. If you don't know love, then you don't know God. Your misunderstanding of love hinders your understanding of God. It also works the other way around. Your misunderstanding of God will cause you to distort your understanding of love. That being the case lets take a closer look at what love is... At the same time well have to take a look at what God is since you can't separate the two. There is only one God so there can be only one love and at first glance that doesn't seem very realistic that you have to love everyone from you're spouse to your enemy the same, but you have to realize that God is father, son, and spirit. Three different embodiments of the same God... the same function. The father none of us have experienced but he can be understood only through the other two and we will only be able to truly experience him when we meat him in heaven. The Son was given to a select few at a select time and a select place. The Spirit was given to everyone regardless of who they were, where they were or when they were. That means that there has to be three kinds of love, Agape, Arose, and phelayo. Agape is the love of God and can only be understood through the other two until the time we experience it in heaven. Arose, the romantic love between a husband and wife, is given to a select person at a select time and a select place, and phelayo, brotherly love, should be given to everyone regardless of where, who, or when. The kicker is that even though they are different embodiments of love they still have to be the same love. That's what still has me working. I can love my friends, family and the "one I love" the same, but I have yet to be able to love my enemy in the same manor. How do you love some rude bum in the street the same as you love your best friend. How can you love the man that breaks into your home and kills your children the same as you loved those children. You can't even hate that man for a second. Hate cannot be in the presense of love just as sin cannot be in the presense of God. Now I'm not in any way saying that you can't be angry. God has been very angry several times throughout history. Once he destroyed everything on earth because of his anger. He almost destroyed his people because he was angry, but the love he had for his creation always preserved his creation... even if it was only Lots Family from two cities, or one family and two of each of his creations of the whole earth as with Noah. Love never fails... For most people that have been conditioned to see love as the world sees it that seems impossible. I hear it all the time. "That's my ex. I don't love him any more." "She stabbed me in the back... were not friends any more." "I don't have feelings for them any more, so I don't love them." There is nothing in life that makes me angrier. Love never fails. That means that if it fails, then it was never love to begin with and if you still call it love, then you have no idea what love really is. All that these thing are is nothing more than infatuations... lust... These people stopped being friends, or dating... or maybe even got a divorce because there feelings changed. Love has NOTHING to do with feelings. God is the same yesterday, today and forever. God never changes and if God never changes then love never changes. Feelings change all the time, so you can't say that love involves feelings. I hear all the time that people are looking for there true love. What they are really saying is that they want someone the come along and cause them to have feelings for them. They want that magical click. They think that if the right person comes along that they won't be able to help but love them. That's just setting yourself up for a big kick in the teeth because you are basing your relationship on nothing more than lust. That's not how love is. Love is a choice. It's the choice you make to invest in that person and to really give them a peace of who you are, to let them cut covenant with you. That is love. Love is a choice... not feelings. It's that choice that causes those feelings that you're looking for, but you always have to remember that feelings change and that those feeling are not love. Love is the choices you make. Are there things that Love wants? Yes, God wants the best of you crop, and so dose love. If you aren't willing to give the best of what you have it isn't love. You remember all of the sermonetts that you hear every week for offering? That is what love is because that is what God is. Love is investment of everything you have. God gave us everything didn't he? There can't be love without investment. Unless you are willing give of what you have, what you want, and who you are it isn't love. God never changes. The love for the people I have been able to love has never changed, but life would be so much easer if it could change. When the Jews cut covalent with the.... well, I don't remember right now and I don't have a bible with me, but I think they were the Imeaicites or something like that… Any way, as they were taking the Promised Land a group of people came to them pretending to be travelers from a far off land and they cut covenant with Israel and because of that covenant Israel could not harm them. They had to honor that covenant even though they had been lied to. Love is a covenant, and even when you're lied to or hurt you can't break it. Jesus was the blood sacrifice for the new covenant, and as I said before Jesus, the son, is represented in love by Arose love, so lets take a quick look at what is involved in blood covenant. First two Designated individuals, or representatives of two families, or any two groups of people would meat at designated place and time. During the ceremony of Blood covenant a number of things would be exchanged. Names would be exchanged, so that you would no longer be able to associate one separately from the other. Mantels would be exchanged representing the blessing of the other (Remember Elijah and Elisha? Elisha wanted nothing more than Elijah's mantle. He followed him around for years holding it for him in hopes that it would be given to him in the end. He wanted that blessing more than anything and he would do what ever it took to have it). They would exchange weapons. Not only did that signify the protection of each other, but also once you gave the other person your weapon they could do what they want with it and whatever they did, they were doing with your weapon, what they did you were doing. They would also exchange places. It wasn't enough to have the others name and weapon and blessing. They would exchange places, meeting in the middle to represent that they were truly one and the same. They became the other. I hope I'm not the only one that sees that is the same as marriage. David cut covenant with Jonathan in because of the love they had for on another. Lets take a look at what this covenant ended up showing us in the end after Jonathan had died. David was so driven by the covenant that he had with Jonathan that he asked to find anyone related to him so he could honor his covenant. The only relative they could find was Methesishef, An old lame guy. Now here is where things get really interesting. It was agents the law for the lame to be in the city. Not only was Methesishef in the city. He was in the palace. Now only was he in the palace, he was in the kings court. Not only was he in the kings court, he ate at the kings table. The covenant that David had with Jonathan not only healed David and Jonathan together, it held David to everyone in Jonathan's family. The love David had for Jonathan was above the law. He shattered that law for the sake of his love for Jonathan. That seems a lot like what the sacrifice of Jesus did for us. Someone who sins isn't a lowed in Gods presense, but the covenant God cut with us using his son as a sacrifice covered our sins and we are allowed to sit at his table and eat that which was saved for the sinless. Think about that for a second. Jesus never drank from the cup at that last supper, but he gave what was saved for the sinless to sinners, he gave what was his to everyone else. Understanding of God and love has to be a lifelong study. You will never be able to have a complete understanding of God, just as you will never have a complete understanding of love, but you can always learn and come closer to understanding. Everyday you spend in the Bible you understand more of who God is, and as long as you remember that God is love you will understand more of love. Sorry about going off on the whole love thing, but that's my topic. If ether person in the relationship doesn't understand love in at least a portion of this way, then the entire relationship will never be stable. You will always be trying to reinforce and hold the parts of your relationship you built on sinking sand.

I just have one problem bro. I live in Kansas and the closest real city is 80 miles away, I was hopeing to get some advice on how to find someone a little closer to home. Thanks for the advice though. If all else fails I guess I'll have to do that.

I only read the first two posts, but I have decided that I really like you SweetypieEnlightenedOne. You are one of the very few people that I have ever met that even when something really bothers you you still take an objective look at things. Now, for my answer to your question the problem for most me is that they only look at things objectively, but more in the way of a military objective. When that objective is accomplished, then it's on to the next. You said that women have the same problems, but on that one I disagree. They have a whole different set of problems, but they all have the same effect. Any way there really isn't anything you can do about it except learn how to avoid those people.

I've been single for 5 1/2 months now and it's driving me crazy. I hate being alone. I came to this sight shortly after the break up, and asked a bit of advice, none of which did me any good. I gave a bit of advice along the way too. I can't hardly make myself read any of these posts anymore. I just remember how little it did for me. There are a couple of people that have came back and told me that I've helped them, and that's great and all, but there's been so many more that have told me that they have dismissed what I've said all together. It's easy to tell who actually come here for advice and who only wants someone to tell them what they want to hear, and I can't even make myself respond to those any more. … Well, that has nothing to do with what I wanted to ask, but I'll leave it anyway. My question is to those of you from rule communities. It's so hard to find anyone descent. How do you find anyone? There isn't any way to get away form the same old same old, so how can you ever hope to find someone? I guess I'm just getting frustrated and it can't be as bad as it seems, but if there is anyone that could give me any advice I would love that. Feel free to comment on my little blurb at the beginning too.

ya, thats what I ment. I guess the question came from a conversation I had with one of my friends. She was hurting some of the people around her and said that he had some flaws that she had to change. Her reply was that she liked her flaws becouse thats what made her who she is. Is it normal for people to hold there identies in what they do wrong and who they hurt like that?

I haven't had much time to reply to many posts in the last couple months, not that it makes much of a diffrence. I'm going to ask a simple question. How many of you can say exactly where you identity is heald? What specific thing makes you who you are?

There are a couple things you should have learned n guys 101. The first thing anyone needs to know about guys is that most all of us don't like expressing our feelings, mostly because our brains aren't wired to our feelings the way the ladies are. Second is that since our brains actually lack the connections to our emotions I don't think there is a one of us that can truly say that we have ever "thought with our hearts." Some of us will say that we do just for the sake of making you feel better, but guys brain works everything analytically so we normally only make decisions that we can rationalize. I'll get in a little trouble here for giving away a guy secret, but any time a guy says he doesn't know why he did something he's really is ashamed of the reason he chose to do it. What's frustrating you is that you can't think like a guy, and guess what? What frustrates us is that we can't think like women. It's just something that you have to except. Unless you are willing to study the pshych behind all of it, and that is a lot of work.

My take on it is that you're both just chasing skeet. You're looking for someone to make you happy, and the only thing that is going to make you happy are your choices. If you're looking for it in someone else your going to loose every time.

I have a friend that lost her husband 2 years ago, and I've seen her go through the same thing. Luckily… or not so luckily… her best friend was going through the exact same thing at the exact same time. From watching them I learned a lot about how people deal with tough happenings. They were going through the same hardships so they naturally stuck together well. From the sounds of it you mum hasn't had anyone really be there for her. You said it was 7 months ago right. From now until about 14 months is going to be the worst on her. If you can find someone, one of her friends, to keep with her, an everyday kind of thing, it would be great. Basically what I have seen help the most is to a "play mate." It keeps them busy enough to keep the thoughts of loss out of there mind. I know being 19 you aren't going to be able to do much, but you can talk to her friends and ask them to schedule a little time to spend with your mum. Most people stop thinking about someone else's loss after a couple months and don't realize that that is the point where the family really starts to feel what's going on. I guess the only point I'm trying to make is that if you can find someone that is going to be willing to spend time with your mum even when she says that she doesn't want anyone around, that would be the best thing you could do. She's going to say that she wants to be alone, but that is the worst thing that she can do.

Well, I guess I look at things a little simply, but just ask the girl. If you wan't it to be a relationship or nothing, then go all out. Diner, flowers, and at the end of the night tell her that you would love to be her boyfriend. It won't give her an easy way out, so if she isn't into you you might have some damage control to do, but if she likes you it will really impress her. If you're worried that she might say no, and you wan't to keep the friendship if you can't have a deeper relationship, then take her somewhere cashual, Coffie shop or something, and cashually bring it up. It will give her an easy way out if she wan't to say no and it will keep things from getting aquard. thats just what I would do.

I really don't know if she likes you or not, but if she dosn't have a guy, then ask the girl if you can take her out some time. That will give you a qiuck idea of whats going on. Besides, even if she dosn't like you, girls like a guy that will be blold without being pigish. As long as you keep it cashual and make shure that you give her a way out you'll score a couple points.

well, that all depends. If he's giving you the money as a gift, then take it and run. If he's just going to loan you the money, then just run. You should be abel to take out studen't lones to pay for school anyway right? If you really wan't to continue with school, then go to your finantial aid office and ask if they can help you. They'll be glad to do what they can.

Maybe I look at things to simply, but, depending on how close you two are, I would sudgest that you just tell him. Now if your close (allready spending a lot of time together kind of thing) that could make things a little hard wether he likes you or not. I'll assume that he's just someone you see on ocashion and have a small conversation here and there with him becouse it makes thing a lot easer than you probably feel. ASK THE GUY ON A DATE ALL READY!!!! Ask him out for lunch or something. He'll love it, and it will give you a good look at wether or not he likes you or not. As long as you keep it something cashual he can say no without things getting strange, as long as you don't make them that way, or he can say yes and you two can take some time together. Give you a chance to talk to him about how he feels about "people" ie this girl you're talking about. If he plays it down, then he still likes the girl, but he's into you too. You really can't take it very slow though. If he says that he really likes the girl, sorry, he's not really into you at the moment. If he truley dosn't like the girl, then you get to take things slow like you want. any way, thats just what I say

I would say that you got used plain and simple. They got what they wanted out of you while it was convinent, and that was all they wanted. Just don't put yourself out there like that next time. Make peole invest a bit before they get ANYTHING. I'm a bit on the old fashioned side, but the last Girl I dated I didn't even kiss for almost a month. Im my opinion that keeps people for just getting what they wan't and taking off, but I guess most people don't agree with me.

I really don't think you should do much of anything except maybe stay away form the girl. My personal beliefs aside, being your cousin I really don't think that she would be too flattered. The only ting I think you would accomplish is make life really hard on yourself. Keep your thoughts to yourself and find someone else.

guys don't like drama for one simple reasion. It isn't good for anything but anoying people. It dosn't ever get anything done. It just makes things harder than it needs to be. now he's still with you becoulse he likes you, but if you have a drama queen telling you you're too dramatic, I sudjest you calm things down before you chase the poor guy off.

that would get a little dull. I don't know how to help you. sometimes you jsut have to start a little small.

there are always other ways bro. have her on top... ther are numbers of ways you can try. Some wome just don't like to expiriment though, so you might just have to live with it. to try and put it in perspective, there is something most guys aren't willing to expiriment with, and if you're one of these guys imagion if she was insisting on sticking something in you... I'm trying to stay under the pg13 rating here, so I hope you see what I'm getting at.

one of two things. ether he thinks your georgeous and dosn't know how to behave himself, or he's a psycho.

I've read some of you posts, but I haven't posted a reply for one simple fact. If he's you ex, he your ex for a reasion. The only thing that is going to get him back is if HE desides he wants you back. You parading around trying to get his atention isn't going to do you any good. The only thing you're going to acomplish there is make yourself look pathedic. If you were dating, then you're past being to impress him with flirting with him. ether he want's you back allready, or you trying to get him is jsut going to push him further away. he's not yours anymore, and this girl might get him. Thats just the way thow world turns and you might have to live with your mistakes, or what ever it what that coused you two to break up. I know that isn't what you want to hear, but thats the way it is.

Well, none of this problem is yours from what I can see. Your husband has proven your trust in him unfounded, and now it's his responsibility to build a foundation that you can build your trust on again. He has to be completely open about what he's doing. If there are no secrets, then there can be no problem. I would suggest that you see a marriage councilor. If you're a Christian, go to your pastor or priest. Even if the two of you aren't comfortable talking to him... or her, I'm sure that he would be able to point you to someone else.

You're right that your line probably wouldn't work. She probably knows you better than that by now. My guess it that this time that really is why you aren't asking her. You're afraid that it would have a negative effect on the relationship you already have. You see to me to be a guy that has always been interested in the girl, and the relationship was just something that came with her. This time you have a relationship that you care about more than just getting the girl. She's not the one intimidating you. This time you actually have something to loose. Well, enough of me trying to see if I can get in your head, I'll start on the advice now. Just see if you can bring relationships in general into the conversation. See if you can steer it toward what each of you are looking for. If she uses the words "kind of like you" anywhere in describing what she's looking for, outside of looks, you know that she is looking at you as someone that could be more than just a friend. That normally shows that she's been comparing you to what she's looking for and you passed the first test. Now your quite cretin that she's likeing you and all you have to do is ask her. Don't worry about being to creative. Just casually put it out there. Last time I think said something cheesy along the lines of "we both seem to be looking for each other… why don't we see how it works?" I know it was lame, but it worked. Make it a little more formal than you usually do, but still keep it a little casual. Well, that's just what I think. Hope it helped