Assassin

Guys I think I'm sorry to use this word but your abso***inlutely correct! We met again this evening to watch badboys to on my laptop at the 26th floor again and after we had our talk again and decided to talk more about the topic and as of now weve decided to be the best of friends and be cousins closer than any other cousin kind of bond that anyone has ever had we even decided to watch movies on the laptop every friday so we would never our friendship its kinda like a promise we would always be there to help each other and man it feels good to get that off my friggin chest! Now the problem is where can I find a girl who has her personality... Thats what I've always liked in her

Hello again all of you! I'm pretty sure you people still remember me and my post about my cousin right? and for those who haven't read that post of mine I think you can access it through the forum under the love forum then just look for the title "I l**e my cousin ...Help!" and you can read the whole story there of how everything got started. As I was saying, hello again to everyone here at eNotAlone that has helped me so much in a million ways well the continuation that I wanted to tell you guys was that I decided to actually tell her, why? Well I've always believed that the closeness of my relationship to my cousin would make her understand and not just run out of the room screaming, She herself told me that she was a radical thinker, open to many thoughts and ideas. It started out like any other normal day in the world, I wake up groan about life and think of her then go to work. And so that is what happened, while at work I kept thinking that its been about 3 weeks already since I've last contacted her or talked to her and there was this family gathering later on that evening so I decided to send her a text message on my phone. I asked her in the message how she was doing and what she has been doing lately and so I we met up that evening at the gathering and had the usual non-informative enjoyable chats that we used to have a few years back. I told her I got a new cat and so I invited her to see it and we spent a couple of hours together in the room playing with the cat and just talking about stuff. After awhile it was time for her to leave and again my heart sank at the sight of her leaving so I told her we should get together again sometime, so we agreed that weekdays in the evening would be good and so we did meet. We even decided to watch a movie it was Gothika actually. After the movie we decided to hang out at their place since it had a really wonderful view of the metro. So we went to their condo and up to the 26th floor and sat ourselves down in a nice quiet corner of the roof deck... I just thought to myself "this is it... this is the perfect place to open up and tell her how I feel about her!". The place has a great view, a breeze cool and calm enough to tame the angriest of beasts, so we start by telling each other stories about the movies then something heavier from time to time like her love life and mine and things like that then thats when I decided to break it out to her, since we were already into telling each other life stories and things like that. So I wait a bit more for the conversation to deepen and maybe develop a serious mood to it then thats when I told her that since were the best of friends and the closest of cousins I told her maybe you should tell me your own secrets and then I'll tell you mine and we could both help resolve each others problems, and so we did it and thats when I decided to break it to her slowly. First lets give her a name... Vanessa will do so this is how I started "Vanessa, you know how were cousins unlike many other cousins coz were really close and we can really talk about anything right?" she nods her head in concern... "Have you ever wondered about the way I treat you like I really respect you and I try to be a gantlean in everyway I can?" nods again... "Did you ever think why?" So she tells me that she did think a couple of times that I liked her more than a cousin bt she just dismissed it and thought that maybe I saw her as a younger sister that I never had or something like that... I said "No no it's nothing like that... its just that I think your the perfect girl, I like everything about you and I feel something for you." After a long silence she told me that "Assassin(thats my user name if your wondering) I'm sorry to tell you this but I'm actually flattered and I want to hug you right now." At this point my heart just froze and sort of had a hard time starting to beat again. I take a deep breath and tell her that its ok I understand what she was trying to say even though I didn't know. So we kept talking about how I felt and true enough my feelings were right that she wouldn't freak out or just disappear on me even though she wanted to disappear coz I asked her what she honestly felt. Then we continued talking into the night discussing what to do and what to feel and what we shouldn't do and other things like that it was real fun and lighthearted until I left for home and the whole think sank in to her so she texted me a message and said that she wished she had never found out and when I saw that I wished for the same thing that very moment. I thought I was going to lose her for good. I texted back apologizing till my fingers just fell off from the sheer speed I was typing messages into my mobile phone. I remembered her last reply was the help I could give her for now was to just let her be, I just wanted to die then! So I did stop texting her just until morning then I asked her again how she was doing and all that and she said she was better after hearing that I was so relieved so I decided to ask to be with her again on Friday and thats when we got together for coffee on the roof deck again and so we started talking freely about different things and Ideas and she wasn't troubled or nervous anymore and she even told me some of her own secrets and the best thing is she agreed with me when I said thats we would have been a perfect couple had we not been related When she did agree with me on that I suddenly felt changed and y longing for her subsided well just a small percentage but I still felt that it did subside so I told her that I really want to see her on a more regular basis and she kinda agreed coz I told her that it kinda helped me whenever I saw her its like her very presense just makes me happy, now thanks to incredible courage or incredible stupidity I am now 500% closer to my cousin and were happy and I think of her as my very best friend, more than anyone else I know and thats the end of the whole damn thing! Again I want to thank the people here who took their valuable time to waste it on me I couldn't have done it without them! The thing is I want to know why is it that when I'm with her I don't feel so much in love with her as when were not together? Is it because absense makes the heart grow fonder?

Well anonamous I think that a lot would agree with me if I say that your not reeally supposed to know what your doing with your first kiss, no amount of planning or timing is supposed to be done or anything of that sort, you can keep asking people and friends how to or when but it wont even help because it just comes naturally If I were you just wait for the right time and everything should go fine and yes you will know when the right time is Hope this helps!

hey tough girl let me start by saying that I trly understand what your going through I had a lot of times that are the same as those that you described. Well I got through them with a little help and patience. If you think abouut it everyone always has these kinds of moments its just that not all are the same right? Well what I tried to do was find someone to talk to coz it really helps a lot when you have someone to tell your problems to like maybe a best friend or relative that your close to if not then maybe find a hobby to relax yourself and calm your mind, what I did was I started into R/C car racing and war games to help me release my tress and anger as for your connection with your classmates and people in school maybe you can try talking with them and know them better then maybe stick to the ones who have the same interests as you so you guys can get along better, I guess you can try drawing what you feel on a piece of paper usually thats what I do when I feel angry about a person I start drawing stuff; I can't say I draw nice and kind things about that person (mostly drawing a guy shooting them \ hehehe! j/k!) but seriously I think you should find a good and productive way to release that stress and anger and depression inside of you ok? Well you can even email me if you want I already made 2 friends because of this great site! just email me at email removed alright oh yeah do you have a messenger of some sort that would make chatting much easier It doesn't seem to me at this point that talking to your parents about it would help coz I think they don't listen to you coz they think your still too young or something like that (just an theory though)

Hey DDH again I thank you for your time I and thanks to everyone who took the time to help me on my problem I think I should set my mind straight and do this the right wa thanks for your advice guys and girls!

Hey there DDH thanks for the information and outlook on things, I'm pretty sure though that I'm not in love with her bcoz of her relationship to me but rather for who she is, I know we don't see each other that much but we do send sms messages and talk on the phone quite often I guess thats how I got to kow her much better So is your suggestion that I do talk to her abt it and nt let it linger at the back of my mind for the rest of my life?

Well I guess you guys are right, actually make that I'm sure you guys are right I just wish I could forget abt these feelings in one snap of a finger I guess the best explanation was that thing you guys said about her being the perfect girl of my dreams is what is making me feel this, when am I going to meet that someone damn it...

Would I be ultimately evil and perverted if I did try? or maybe gave hints? Ithink I'll just fade into nothingness ](*,)

I don't know how I can stay away actually I don't really see her that often maybe around twice a month and we spend just a few hours and even if I don't see her what I feel stillgrows its kinda weird or maybe I'm weird damn it I wish I never grew close to her...

I don't really know how to start this coz I don't really use forums but anyway my problem is that I think I love my cousin... Y u ask? well at first it was just the usual physical attraction I thought it was ok coz I was thinking that I was a guy and she was a girl and a very pretty girl as a matter of fact. She's got all things I ever wanted in a girl, she's smart, talented, sweet, very beautiful, extremely beautiful voice, great personality... I think perfect is the word for her. For years and years I've been stopping myself but now that I'm getting older actually Im 22 and she's older than me I think she's turning 25, Everday I think of taking care of her and protecting her and its driving me nuts! or maybe I am nuts because I like my cousin? Whenever I got the time and chance I ask her out to have coffee with me and obviously I act like everything is so fine and dandy but the thoughts racing in my mind are all about her. The thing is with me and her is that shes a really sweet cousin, we even put our arms around each other one time when we were walking in the mall I dunno what you guys think but that day was just the best day in my whole life! Whenever I see her I just want to make myself a better person and she really brings out the best in me. Guys and girls now is the time I need your help, Should I tell her? when and how should I tell her, maybe i fim in another country already? over the phone? over a movie? in the car after I take her out? AAAAAAAAAH!