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JoeWho

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Everything posted by JoeWho

  1. JoeWho
    I think that every person at one time or another will be in a situation where they have to make a decision as to whether or not they are going to cheat. I know that there have been many situations where I was in the position to cheat. For some it is a easy decision as in my case. I would never cheat, if I felt I really wanted to, it would be time to end the relationship before I engaged in any emotional or physical cheating. People who cheat are afraid and selfish. They cannot say no to any desires they may have and are afraid to lose the stability that a relationship gives them. What I have observed from my own experience of being cheated on as well as many friends experience's is that usually you can identify a cheater by their character. A weak person with low self esteem has a high risk for cheating. Sneaky, dishonest people who try to get away with things like someone else stated on this thread are also a big risk. Strong secure people who are happy with who they are seem to be the best candidates to not cheat, but there are always exceptions. Also people who have been cheated on and felt the pain that it causes may be less likely to cheat as they know how it feels. I believer that generally once a cheater always a cheater unless something drastically changes in them, history has a tendency to repeat itself. I enjoyed reading all of your responses as this is a very interesting topic.
  2. JoeWho
    Paco, I have been where you are, making excuses for a cheating ex. You should be mad at her, she screwed up what you though your life was going to be like. Use the anger for motivation, as it will probably come and go just like all the other crazy emotions that follow a break up. Usually when I am angry I go to the gym and then feel great after wards. It is part of the process and I think it is one of the more useful emotions to heal.
  3. JoeWho
    1.) How long? Almost 10 years broke up 5 months ago 2.)Main reason for break up. She cheated and lied and all together lost herself. 3.)How low you went I am proud of how I handled it, I was pretty upset for the first couple weeks but I used all of the negative things to motivate myself. I do remember one night I made a huge mistake and read a bunch of letters from our first couple years causing me to assume the fetal position for a few hours. LOL 4.) How I got back on my feet? Still not there yet but making consistent progress. The past few weeks I have decided that I enjoy being single and the independence that comes with it. I remember that before I was in this relationship a decade ago ( how the hell did I get to be 28???) I was a bit of a loner and always did things alone like fishing and hiking. I am starting to be happy just being by myself again and no longer feel the need to be in a relationship. In fact I dont even want to be in a relationship for a good long time. I would eventually like to start dating as there are obvious things that I think everyone misses that come with being in a relationship, but I still think that I am no where near ready to even causally date. I probably just contradicted myself several times, oh well that is what healing form a LTR is all about. You really dont know what the heck you want but you sure know what you dont want.
  4. JoeWho
    My ex did the same thing when she moved out. Left some stuff then said she would get it in a few days. Of course about a week went by and I ended up delivering it to her because I was sick and tired of seeing it and dealing with her. My advice is just get it out of your place any way you can. If she wont get it then deliver it. You have the right idea, you will heal better once you dont have anything to resolve with her.
  5. JoeWho
    Holy crap, those old letters are the worst thing you can ever read. I once read some old letters a few weeks after breaking up and I could not function for a few hours. I say keep them in a sealed box and then in a few years you can either read them and get a good laugh out of them or just throw them away.
  6. JoeWho
    I know how you are feeling, once you break up and that trust is gone it is tough to get back. What you 2 must do is work hard to rebuild that trust so you dont think she is going to leave again and she doesnt think you are going to leave because of that . It is a vicious cycle that you guys have to break for the relationship to survive.
  7. JoeWho
    I think that is a pretty crappy thing to say to someone. If I were you I would either ask him to be completely honest with you or never talk to him again.
  8. JoeWho
    I heard this same story form my ex once. She swore up and down that there was no one esle and I believed her as we were and I quote "were" always honest with each other. Fast forward a few months later and I found out that there was in fact someone else and she lied to me. I am not saying that this is what is going on with your girl, but I am saying dont be blind to the fact that she could be lying about what she is telling you. That doesnt mean she doesnt love you but maybe her tears are because she is hurting you. If you want her to come back then dont beg her and act like it is her loss if she doesnt want to be with you. Best of luck to you mate.
  9. JoeWho
    I know ho you feel as I had a great relationship with my ex's family and miss them all a lot. Her parents called me around Christmas and we had a nice chat but of course it knocked me back a bit. Time will put you right back on track, give it a week or so and you will stop thinking about that meeting and the past so much. Memories of the exes are so bittersweet for such a long time after a break up. I just try to not think about the past and focus on the future.
  10. JoeWho
    Good for you. Dont bother emailing him, its obviously his loss.
  11. JoeWho
    I would say for a 5 year relationship at least a year. The whole divide by two theory is crap in my opinion. I was with my ex for almost 10 years and I am sure as hell not going to take 5 years to get over her or even 2 years. It is a process and you can speed it up or slow it down depending on your attitude
  12. JoeWho
    Please be careful when you are having sex with your ex. Dont expect anything from him just because you had sex, to him it was probably just sex and a major boost to his ego.
  13. JoeWho
    Ouch............. I agree with you, best to avoid finding out anything about the exes, but when you do hear something,use it to heal. I heard a rumor that my ex was talking about getting engaged with her new guy so I know exactly how you feel. He may be getting what was once my life sentence......... LOL
  14. JoeWho
    I am in the process of getting over my first love, we were together for almost ten years so I know all too well where you are coming from. While I still have a long way to go, I am sure that I will get there someday. You will too!! Hang in there mate
  15. JoeWho
    Yeah mate, NC is for you. It works better than anything else to bring back you!!!
  16. JoeWho
    I hope you start feeling better soon. Yeah it is best for you to get through this on your own. Dont call him, you dont need him. You are far stronger than you realize.
  17. JoeWho
    I too am about 5 months past a break up with all the same lines of crap that your exes told you guys. My attitude is a bit different than yours though. I think that it is her loss that I am no longer in her life. That is how you guys should feel also. Why hold on and wait for someone who felt they could walk away from you and find someone better? They proved to you that there is someone better for you and in time you will find him/her. The pain of losing someone is tough and takes a long time to recover from ( I am nowhere near ready to date again ), but the pain of waiting for someone to come back is your choice. Choose to close that door on them and then at least you can begin to take steps torwards your future. Be strong and believe in yourselves!!!!!!
  18. JoeWho
    Trust your gut feeling and dont be afraid to find out the truth.
  19. JoeWho
    It is cheating and opens the door for her cheating with other guys which I am sure you would not like too much. Only way it wouldn't be cheating is if she talked to you before she did it and you said it was ok.
  20. JoeWho
    I heard a saying once that goes something like this "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten" You have the power to change everything in your life!!!!
  21. JoeWho
    Interesting topic. I sometimes think about the same things especially after getting out of a 10 year relationship with someone who I always thought I would be with forever. I am not impatient at all about this and know things have a funny way of working themselves out when it is the right time.
  22. JoeWho
    What you are feeling is completely normal. I felt/feel the same way as you about my breakup and that was almost 5 months ago. I go through ups and downs all the time. I have found its best to just not think about how the ex feels about me, in fact I dont really care what she thinks anymore. You are only on three weeks of NC and the first month is by far the hardest, so good job so far!!! It will get better for you soon as long as you keep up the NC.
  23. JoeWho
    I wouldn't worry to much about going to jail over that. It sucks that he cheated on you and I know how you are feeling as do many others on this board. It will get beter trust me. Right now just focus on yourself and dont talk to him anymore. Go strict NC with him from now on as he obviously doesnt give a crap about you, so why should you waste another minute of your life trying to communicate with someone who treated you that way. You will be able to get through this, you will soon be surprised at just how strong you actually are.
  24. JoeWho
    I agree with the other posters. You are very selfish and insensitive. Poor you for feeling a little hurt, just imagine how she feels. Good for her for telling you all or nothing. She deserves better than you!!!
  25. JoeWho
    Yeah that was my biggest mistake also, losing myself in the relationship. At least I will not make that mistake in the future.
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