TristanM1

I agree with what's been said so far, but the trouble is that she's frustrated over the "lack" of sex and the fact that she must almost always initiate. Yes, we are having other issues...and who knows...this might be a moot point sometime in the future.

Yeah, this is probably in your head (no, the other one). One thing I do when I get close and don't want to is think about other stuff. Baseball typically does it for me (i.e. what team will make the Series this year, how will my team do, who will win MVP, etc.). Also, another trick that works for me is when I'm close, I tug on my balls and pull them back away from my penis for a bit. This mild discomfort briefly dampens the sexual sensation and keeps you going. Finally it might help to talk about it, openly, with your girl. A lot of girls are able to detect when you're close and can slow it down or stop momentarily to let you regain control. She may be willing to help! Good luck, T

Hey guys, Noticed that through my 1yr+ relationship with my g/f my sex drive just isn't what it used to be. At first of course we were like bunny rabbits -- at least once a day -- now it's only every few days or twice a week. Problem is, almost always she's the one to initiate. Well, we broke up in November, then got back together in January and for a while we were rabbits again, but now it's back to the same. I wonder why that is with me. I should mention that when we do have sex, it's great. I've taken a hard look at how I am and how I feel about her. Physically she is GORGEOUS...absolutely everything I want physically in a woman, so no problems there. Problem is I wonder if I'm just turned off mentally and/or emotionally which is resulting in my diminishing libido. Unfortunately due to circumstances beyond my control, she is very needy & clingy and needs to constantly feel loved and needs a lot of reassurance. Frankly I'm smothered. I have also come to the realization that although she's gorgeous as well as a very deep abstract thinker & writer, she really doesn't stimulate me much intellectually...I can't really talk about the world around us outside of the most abstract, existential terms and even then not for any long period of time. So I wonder if the possibility of my libido waning is somehow connected to not being as "turned on" to her mentally as I hoped. Is there anything to this or am I just making excuses for myself? If so or otherwise, what can I do to increase my sexual desire for her...to wanna jump her bones just at the sight of her again? Thanks! T

^^^was perfect advice. During the interview you may even want to volunteer - as a demonstration of your initiative to improve your skill set - that you're preparing for the CFA, but no need to explain you took the test already and failed.

Thanks guys for the insight. She and I spoke last night, and I told her that perhaps it was too soon for us to get back together, that I'm clearly still either deeply hurt or somehow not feeling the same things I felt before. She was understanding and told me she'd leave me alone, but questioned whether or not I really ever did love her if I'm asking myself these questions now. So we're apart again, and I don't know if we'll make it. I feel like such a tool for taking her back and making her feel what I felt by splitting up again...even though I didn't mean to.

Would I feel better if I were convinced? Only partly, because I feel something else different stirring in me -- that I don't feel the same love I felt before. I have told her that I'm terrified of history repeating itself, but why don't I have the same feelings of love I did before? I considering telling her that I need more time apart, perhaps another couple of weeks, to gain some measure as to what she means to me again.

Hey there, After a lot of quarreling with my girlfriend (21 yrs old), mostly over trust and confidence issues, she decided to break up with me in mid-November so that she could find herself and develop the confidence and successes she needed (needs) to get over her inherent issues. I understood this decision at the time, even though it broke my heart beyond words. I can't describe the pain I went through for the next month and a half, but by New Year's I was feeling better, productive again. Well a week before Christmas, she came to me and told me that she still does need to find herself, but wanted me along for the ride. Though I was thrilled, I told her "not yet" because I didn't feel enough time had passed for her to feel secure about this decision. So I wanted to wait. Come New Year's though I felt that she was serious about her decision, so when she approached me again about it, I took her back. I'm a "young" 31, BTW and we've been together a year (minus the off-period). I know, I know...the age gap has proven to be a problem. It is what it is at this point however, but feel free to comment on that in a constructive way. Since we've gotten back however, she and I have both noticed that I'm just not the same. I struggle to feel the same amount of passion and love that I felt for her before, and those "little things" that I used to do before and the wonderful things I used to tell her no longer come out of me, and when they do...they seem & feel forced. In the meantime, she has been VERY loving with me, even though we have argued a few times about some stuff. However, I feel absolutely smothered by her and the fact that she wants to be with me all of the time, which wasn't a problem before the breakup. We had a discussion about this yesterday which got heated and she asked me if I needed her "...to back off"? To this, I paused and said "yes". Since then we have not spoke other than a quick text last night. So I'm writing wondering why I feel this way, and what to do about it. Internally right now I do feel jaded, scared that history will repeat itself. But more concerning, I simply don't feel the same way I did anymore...and I loved/love her dearly. I don't know why this is. I am seriously considering ending it, but don't know if I should. My gut tells me that it is time to move on, but I can't help but wonder if it's just clouded by my fear and feelings of being smothered. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated, T

Wow Scout. Your advice is something I find very applicable to my current situation...in the sense of how to deal. This site and its "sages" have given me strength through this, even now when I feel weak and want to reach out to her, hoping her heart will melt as you say, reading this gives me the needed resolve to hang in there. Thanks!

wow. honestly I didn't expect the responses to be so overwhelmingly this way. I wonder if I'm truly representing her point of view here. sorry...don't mean to sound like I have no confidence (I actually do), but I'm pretty devastated right now and still feel awful. Some added information: - On the previous Monday (my ex's actual b-day) I posted a one-liner on her Myspace wishing her a happy b-day. This was - in my GF's view - further evidence of wrongdoing and malintent..."if I already congratulated her, why do I have to do it again, and do it again alone?" Does that change anything? thank you all so much for your feedback, regardless what you say.

I've been going out with my GF for 8 1/2 months now, and she's the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. But I did something wrong and it's had devestating consequences. This past Saturday there were two b-day parties that our mutual friends were hosting. One was being held by my ex-girlfriend (whom I dated for 8 months shortly b4 this relationship), and the other was being hosted by my GF's sister's brother-in-law, who she and I have known for many years. So it was no contest that we were going to go to his party…no problem with me, and my GF suggested we call my ex-girlfriend from the party to wish her a happy birthday. Well here's where I {mod edit} up. Sometime around 11pm, I picked up the phone and called my ex to wish her a happy b-day, but WITHOUT my GF being next to me while I called. I was in the next room where plenty of others we having food, and it was my intent to walk outside to hand the phone to my GF so she could wish her a happy b-day too. My ex didn't answer the phone, so I left her a msg. Shortly thereafter, I was with my GF at the party and the ex calls back. My GF was VERY surprised and even a little upset, but she dropped it right then and there and was really nice and wished her a happy birthday. She didn't start a fight with me or anything, so I figured she was cool. Well this entire week she has been VERY distant and cold with me. Then yesterday, she calls me to tell me that she's been feeling this way because she's been bothered more and more by something she can't let go….the fact I called my ex w/o her presense. She was extremely upset and furious at how - by calling her solo - I did not give her her place as my woman, made her look like a fool to my ex, and like she was second place. What's more it was wrong to call her because it was her (my GF's) idea in the first place. She demanded an answer as to why I called her, understandably so. At first I said "I don't have a reason per se…I intended to walk out and give the phone to you as well". That didn't go well, since she thought I was hiding something by not having a reason. Then after thinking about it….I concluded that "I was thinking about her and how her party was going and wanted to call her". That set her off. Having someone who thinks about their ex's is a dealbreaker for her, that I probably still have feelings for her, which is why I felt I had to call her solo, and that the act itself was reprehensible, utterly disrespectful and intolerable. What's more she found it tantamount to cheating on her, which she would not tolerate, and that any objective person would feel cheated on as well. She told me that I completely destroyed every ounce of trust I've built with her and that she cannot go on being with someone like that. She ended it -- she does not want to see me anymore. For my part, I feel I really did mess up pretty bad. Ex's should rarely if ever be communicated with, and if so, only with the distinct knowledge/presense of your current partner. I know I totally disrespected her by doing that, and I completely agree with everything she said EXCEPT that I cheated on her. I only have eyes and my heart for my GF….I want to marry her one day, start a family, grow old with her. Despite being as remoreseful as I've been and swearing to her on the souls of my family that I don't have nor want anything with my ex and only want her, she says the trust is all gone now…so I can swear all I want, because my word means nothing to her now. She says she's happy this happened so that the wool could be pulled over her eyes. She says I'm caught and now I have to live with the consequences. By the way, I don't talk to my ex on any regular basis, other than when we see each other at our mutual friends' gatherings. I don't know what to do, but I hope God will let me figure it out. I definitely want her back. But I realize that what I did was awful and extremely disrespectful. What I was hoping for was some honest (even brutal) feedback on whether the punishment fits the crime? I've never given my GF reason to doubt me (till now), and I've never cheated on anyone before. Can I still say that? Did I cheat on my girlfriend? I've thought long and hard about why I called my ex and can only say that I wanted to know how she was doing and how her party was? I know what life was like with my ex, and tho she was nice, it just wasn't what I wanted. Thanks for reading all that if you did...sorry it's so long. T.