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JoeWho

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  1. JoeWho
    Hulk that rollercoaster ride is the pits. Once you get off it you are on your way man. DaDancingPsych is right, find some new activities or some old ones that you put on hold. Stay busy and enjoy life. Post on here when you are having a rough time and avoid the ex like the plauge!
  2. JoeWho
    Turning your feelings about your ex from missing them and wanting them to come back to you into anger and resentment is something that will come with time. My Ex cheated and then left, immediatley starting another relationship. At first I was in shock wondering how could this be actually happening after almost ten years together. I missied her and wanted her back badly for the first month or so. I Felt like no one ever loved anyone like I loved her and all the other crap that we all feel right after a hard break up.(you guys know what I am taking about) What started the change in how I felt and how I saw things was when I would hear things from mutual friends. After hearing enough things I just became so angry with everything that had happened that it just motivated me in a way that is hard to describe. It sort of brought out the fighter in me. I forced myself to take a hard look at the relationship and the reality of everything that happened. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and forced myself to think about all of the positive things that are in my future. I though about her morals and values and then compared them to mine. I felt like if she could hurt me the way she did then she was not someone I want to have in my life. It was really that simple. It was not easy but it was simple. Anger is not always a good thing however, as it can consume you somtimes. I have had days when I would look in the rear view mirror while driving only to notice the nasty frown on my face (I was probably scaring people half to death). Anger can be used as a tool, but to be angry 24/7 is not very fun or attractive to other people. When I start to miss the ex or feel lonley I think about what she did and I get angry (who wouldnt). If what has happened to many of us happened to one of our close friends, what would we say about thier ex? A list of explicit phrases I am sure! Well unfrotunatley it happened to us. Plain and simple the ex's turned out to be unworthy of our affection. As for the exs feeling guilty and sad I say good and I am glad they are suffering a little. My ex emailed me this week saying she is more hurt and confused than she has ever been and thinks about me every minute. Sure it made me feel good that she is suffering a little and still thinks of me, but what does that have to do with me now? Absolutley nothing! A few days after hearing that, I wish I never heard it because I started to feel a little bit bad for her.(imagine that) I do wish her happiness and a great life but not with me. We all deserve much better then what we had and fortunatley lost. You all have the strenth you need to get through this!
  3. JoeWho
    I went through all this anxiety and the waiting and looking at the phone and all that when we broke up in 05. Obviously we got back together only to break up again in this May with NC starting in September. You wrote "The thing is, he usually will try to text me between 2:30 - 3pm and this is the slot that I get anxious, afraid, you name it." If he is still contacting you then tell him to stop. Block him on your cell phone or change the number if you have to. There is nothing worse then the anxiety that you are feeling. Once he stops contacting you the anxiety will pass and you can start to heal. If he is not contacting you and he used to send you text messages between 2 and 3 and that is causing you anxiety between those times then you gotta stay busy. For me right after lunch was tough because we used to IM eachother so I would come on here and just read posts and maybe read the news on link removed or something like that. I would try so hard to just get to like 2pm without wanting to IM or email her or waiting for her to IM me. I was a real productive employee from 1pm to 2pm for a while. LOL. Now I still slack off after lunch sometimes but that hour is just like all the other hours now. When you can identify your worst times, you can distract yourself for a while and then one day it is no longer a hard time, its the same as the rest or the hours of the day. By the way ask as many questions as you like, I'm sure we are all more than happy to answer and try to help you out as best we can.
  4. JoeWho
    I agree with choose2bhappy.I think I will always love my ex. But I have definatly lost that in love feeling already after two months of NC. It does get better and two months ago I would not believe I could ever say that.
  5. JoeWho
    I feel horrible for what has happened to you. It is no doubt extremely hard for you. Similar things have happened to many of us on here and each and every person does say that one day you will look back and say "you know what I am getting better" When that will be is different with each person but it does eventually happen. I understand the waves of pain you mention and the shock of it all and how you never thought you would be where you suddenly find yourself. Rest assured that you will feel better, maybee only a tiny bit at a time but it will happen for you.
  6. JoeWho
    Kath123, This2willpa55 and derailed. They are still thinking about you and breaking NC is a bad idea. My EX emailed the other day saying she thinks of me every minute of every day. I have not broken NC in two months although I have responded to her twice (regrettably). She is already dating someone else (aparrently planning on moving in together and he is going to move from 1000 miles away, poor guy) LOL and she is still thinking of me. But we broke up and just because she is thinking of me doesnt mean she wants to get back together and I do not even want that anymore. NC is for you to heal and sometimes it may bring the ex back to you but hopefully the NC will help you heal enough where you dont want them back. The the main pioint I guess I am trying to ramble accross here is that they are thinking of you and wondering why you are not calling them. Whatever your ultimate goal is whether it be healing or getting them back NC is your best bet. But seriously concentrate on healing rather than getting your ex back.
  7. JoeWho
    Just dont talk to him anymore. He is very selfish to string you along like that. Once you cut him off you will begin to feel better. Dont let him do that to you, you deserve way more!
  8. JoeWho
    My last relationship lasted almost ten years. Would be 10 Novermber 25th. We had a little bump right before two years, but were still so young and made it through it. Then made it to about 8 years without any major problems. The last two were just tough although there were sill good times but the future was clearly in jeopardy. We should have broken up at eight years. I too have noticed the two year and seven year thing with many friends. Weird
  9. JoeWho
    "I can't stand up and do that. I need to be laying down." So take a bath! LOL
  10. JoeWho
    I have been NC for about two months with a few breaks from her which I responded to. For me the last two weeks have really started to get better. I guess a lot of it depends on how it ended between you two. For me it ended poorly with her dating someone else within days even though it really started a few months prior when she was talking to him on myspace and AIM. So now I have been able to get really mad and determined to get over her. My hope of getting back together was gone almost from the start of the breakup. Once you let go of them and any possibility of getting back together, you will really start to heal. Whenever I think about her (which is still constantly)and start to miss her I just think about what she did and how she did it. I do still get upset and really emotional a few times a week and just feel horrible about how things ended up. But it wasnt my choice and I just do what I gotta do to heal and eventually one day move on to a better relationship. Take it one day at a time or one hour or even minute at a time on the bad days. Try to think about how you will be a better partner in future relationships because of this and how much you have to offer someone. I know it sucks and is harder then you ever thought it would be but it must be at least a tiny little better than it was the first week. Stick to NC, breaking it will only make you feel worse. Remember that you want to be with someone who truly loves you and if someone can leave you then they dont truly love you. You could consider yourself lucky that it happened now and not in a couple years. It will get better for you any day now. Hang in there, you will make it through this!
  11. JoeWho
    I think your guy is lucky, we should all be so lucky. I know how you feel and its pretty sucky. Make him chase you for it. The thrill of the hunt or chase is for some people the best part. Like others have said you want what you cant have. Deny him for a little while and do what you gotta do in the shower or something.
  12. JoeWho
    If he doesnt show up to class that is his problem not yours. Dont beat yourself up for that even one little bit. If he fails it is no ones fault but his own. Your envelope with the goodbye and tickets in my opionion was ok as long as you stick to NC. Breaking NC empowers him and boosts his ego. NC after the first few weeks will make you feel better, so please try to stick with it as hard as it may seem it is the best thing for you.
  13. JoeWho
    The two reasons above probably cover close to 95% of rebound situations, well said laboheme and AngelEyez. Whatever thier reason for rebounding is, it sucks. I know how you feel, same thing happened to me. This is going to sound harsh but the best thing for you to do is just think that they no longer exist. There is no point in finding out what they are up to because nine time out of ten it wil be something that will hurt you. Dont rebound yourself either, take the time to heal and then when you are ready to date again you will be a better partner for everything that has happaned.
  14. JoeWho
    Yeah, the dreams can really mess with your head and set you back a little. Last night I had a dream that me and the ex were moving into another apartment like nothing had happened (LOL). Have been going NC 2 months except for 5 weeks ago when we saw eachother to exchange the rest of our stuff. (what a nightmare that was) Anyways sometimes dreams are your way of dealing with things that are painful. You lost a huge part of your life, so naturally there is a void. When you dream sometimes the mind fills that void with dreams of the good old ex. It is perfectly normal to have those type of dreams and is part of the healing process.
  15. JoeWho
    I agree with this2willpa55. Anger is a pretty powerful motivator. He was not who you thought he was or hoped he could be. He proved that to you. He hurt you in one of the worst ways possible. You know that you could never do to him what he did to you. He doesn't deserve you and you know that you deserve nothing but the best. Remember that when you miss him and it will help a little. It has really helped me. You had a rough day today but you have almost made it through the day. I can imagine how hard that must have been for you being there. Just the fact that you went to that meeting instead of calling in sick shows that you are a very strong person. Most people would have bailed. Hang in there, one day you will have your wedding with someone who truly loves and appreciates you.
  16. JoeWho
    I would say have a lawyer call her or send her an email. Do whatever is going to cause you the least amount of pain. Time to be selfish. I feel your pain though, it has been two months on NC for me now and the last thing I would want is for her to leave me a voice mail at work. In fact I hope I never hear from her again. Two months ago I would have never thought I could say that about someone I spent 10 years with. You will get to that point sooner or later.
  17. JoeWho
    I dont know how to get him to realise that he could lose you. You certainly dont want to do anything drastic. Maybe talk to him about his prioritys, ask him what is the most important thing in the world to him. He should answer you and your baby. You just got to find a way to really communicate with him.
  18. JoeWho
    I still to this day can't put my finger on exactly why I got bored or wasnt as interested. At the time I was both working and going to school full time, so maybe that was part of it. I was still attracted to her and loved her very much but I didnt have the energy or the time to really pursue her like i did before. I had my priorities a little mixed up at the time with school and maybe work being slightly ahead of our relationship. Looking back I dont know what I was thinking. I guess I just felt so secure in the relationship that I felt I could neglect it for a little while while I finished up school. I guess it was a little of everything that contributed to it. Wish I could give you a better answer.
  19. JoeWho
    I have been on both sides of the sexless or very little sex realtionship and it was the same realtionship. We were together for ten years, ended in August. About six or seven years into the relationship I just kind of got bored with sex. I never cheated or looked at porn or anything like that, i just wasnt interested and i couldnt even come up with a good reason other than being bored. We would still do it maybe every other week but i just wasnt after her like i was before. She never really talked to me about how she felt about that and looking back now i am sure that it must have really hurt her but she never even told me it was a problem. Anways, fast forward a year or two and i noticed that she was also not interested in having sex. Once i realised this i suddenly became interested again. What actually happened is that i began to see that the relationship was in serious trouble. i was now craving the intamacy and missing how we used to be and how we used to have sex all the time with passion. I talked to her about it and asked her why she didnt want to have sex with me anymore and she just said she didnt know. So to make a long and painful story short we stayed together for about another year and a half, maybe having sex 10 times and that is a generous estimate and it always seemed like she was just doing something she had to do, i never felt like it was something she wanted to do. So I know how it feels from both sides. I wish we had talked about it when i was not interested in having sex anymore. The truth is i had no idea the damage i was doing by not having sex with her and losing the intamacy that we never got back. I feel for you as i know how painful it is to have someone you love just not seem interested in you anymore and reject your best efforts. After everything i went through my advice to you is to try somehow to get him to talk about it. Tell him how much it hurts you and try to express this in different ways, give him examples. Dont attack him though. I bet he has no idea how much he is hurting you. Trust me i learned that the hard way. If he is just bored then try different things,do whatever people do to spice it up a little. It could also be he is having some physical issues that he feels embarrased to talk to you about. The only way to solve the problem is with communication. Dont give up quite yet, wait at least until you have exhausted yourself trying to get him to communicate with you.
  20. JoeWho
    It takes a long time for the thoughts of the ex to "go away". I suspect that the thoughts will never go away in the sense of no longer exsisting, but the thoughts of the ex do change with time and the pain that comes with the thoughts gets less and less severe. Its all still fresh for you so just be patient and know that it will get better (I know you must be sick of hearing that, but its true). In a month you will be able to look back and clearly see that you are a getting better. Hang in there.
  21. JoeWho
    I know exactly how you are feeling. My ex of 10 years did pretty much the same thing at the end of August. In April I could see her distancing herself and when i asked her what was wrong she would tell me nothing or she was stressed at work. On the day she moved out she finally admitted that there was someone else (after lying for months) and has not spoken to me since then except for a breif meeting 2 weeks later to exchange the rest of our stuff. I dont quite know how people can just end things like that and never look back. I have struggled with that quite a bit. There are just some things that we will never understand I guess. I too have told many friends that i wish i could just go back in time and be with her then, but obviously that is impossible. It is tough to accept that you can never go back to how it was. After someone cheats and makes a decision to abandon you it is extrememly difficult to ever take them back. You will see that with a little time, but i know right now you just want him back. Best advice i can give you is to just be as strong as you can for you and your kids. It does get better, little by little. Try not to think about him with that other girl and stay busy. After a few weeks pass you will see very clearly how he has treated you and you will find strength in the fact that you deserve so much more than he was offering you towards the end. I know it sucks but i also know you will make it through this.
  22. JoeWho
    What I do to stop thinking about things is play video games. I dwell on things and analyze every little detail of the entire relationship when I have nothing to do. Sometimes I will play video games all day long (especially Sundays) and rarly have a thought of the ex while playing. It is really the only thing that can completely take my mind off things. I never played video games that much until we broke up, but I have to say that since the breakup my XBOX 360 is like my personal savior!!! LOL
  23. JoeWho
    definate progress. I had vivid dreams for the first three weeks and havent had any now for about a week or so. You are on your way!
  24. JoeWho
    link removed For some of us that have been cheated on this may explain things a little. I suspect the reasons for women cheating are similar also. While I still have trouble accepting how a person can betray the one they love, this article gives you the perspective of the cheater and thier thoughts before, during and after the act. It still sucks though!!!
  25. JoeWho
    I wish I was angry, anger can be easily channeled into something positive like the gym or motivation torwards ones career. Use the anger. Like you I was with her for 9 years and I havent got angry yet, but I would welcome the anger to takeover the saddness.
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