burnoutcure

A last thought, I think what I have realized the most from this is to try and not dwell on what he may or may not be doing. The end is all the same, ultimately we are not together. Although we did have some trying times, we also had a lot of wonderful experiences together. We may have fought, but we also loved and laughed too. I wanted it to work and thought it could have. He thought we were incompatible but I relaized communication is something that can and is worked on. it took me many years to understand this so I don't really fault him for not seeing this. And unfortunately, it takes two people to believe in what you share to make it happen. Has he moved on? Perhaps. But I think the best thing to do is to just stop listening to what other people say they might have saw or heard. I just need to move on and try and remember the good things about him rather than dwell on what's negative.

OKay I definitely agree if you are truly over this relationship, stand your ground. However, please give her and the relationship enough respect to do it in person.

Thanks for all your advice and opinions. He and I actually spoke the other day and I asked him directly if he has been spending anytime or talking with another girl and he flat out denied this. This is very unfortunate to me as he always was someone who I thought made a point to be honest. I wanted to believe him but unfortunately with what I know, it would be naive. It's strange because as much as it hurts, it also helps. I mean how can I continue to care about someone who has definitely moved on? Reading this thread about people's thoughts on rebounds, I wonder if we kid ourselves sometimes. We say that they can't be alone and it will come back to haunt them or it won't work out in the end. Do you ever just think, they really just don't care about us. I have been wondering this as of late and it is a hard thing to admit.

Thank you for your insight. You both make very different and valid points. I guess I just wish that I did not have this information to begin with, it is incredibly disheartening to know what he is doing. Whether his actions with this other person are meaningful or not, it sucks.

I just wanted to see what other people had to say about rebounding from a relationship. It was recently brought to my attention that my ex-boyfriend has already moved on from me within days of our break-up. I don't know if this is true as I have not heard it from him but since we are broken up, I don't think it is fair or see the point of having him confirm or deny this. I mean it's his life and he can do whatever he wants but I feel extremely confused by all of this. I know that I ultimately should not care and just let it go, but it hurts. It makes me feel as if I was insignificant to him and so easy to get over and move past. And maybe that is the hard truth that I need to realize. In your opinion and experiences why does this happen? Why do people begin new relationships so soon, or go out and hook-up with other people before the bed has even gone cold from your departure? Does it mean they really didnt care or that it was so easy to get over you? Or is it something else? I just don't get it.

Look don't be so hard on yourself. I was and it made it more difficult for me to function in my relationship. Not only was I dealing with my insecurity and neediness, I now felt guilty and down on myself. Counseling is expensive, you're right. However, there are other things you can do if you cannot afford it. There are books out there that deal with the problem. And it is so important just to reclaim your life. Start doing activities and force yourself if you need to. It may be hard at first and not feel natural but eventually it will be okay. You need to relearn your behavior and sometimes the best way to do so is to fake it until you make it. Slowly the need to call so much will wear away and then you thoughts will not be focused primarily on him too. But it takes time and effort. Don't beat yourself up over this either.

I completely understand what you are going through, I found myself in the same place in my last relationship. Unfortunately, mine ended so please take my advice: neediness and insecurity is so unattractive. I had definite trust issues carried over from a past relationship and was constantly seeking validation from my then boyfriend. This type of behavior wears on them. It hurts to be with someone that you have to constantly convince you like. And it is also frustrating to be with a person who seems to have all of their happiness pinned down on the relationship. I think my boyfriend did the best he could given the situation but after awhile it just became too hard and not worth it to him. I am doing my best to learn how to validate myself and build my own life so this does not happen again. Just relax, enjoy the time you do have together and start building a life outside of him.

Because of some recent events in my life I have begun to realize that I may not be the best communicator and/or listener. Recently, I think my boyfriend was the first to bring this up to me. At the time, I failed to realize the damaging effects it had on those around me. I also questioned whether or not it was something specific to that relationship or something larger in me. This week I made a point to be more aware of the conversations I was having with people, and found that this behavior is not isolated to one relationship. I have recently found myself in tense spot with my boyfriend and the issue of communication has been brought up. The other night he told me all of the ways I make him unhappy, and they all seemed to boil down to how I speak to him. I really started to reflect on the things he was saying and realized that in many ways he was right. I seem to have a tendency to cut people off while they are talking. It is never my intention to be rude but I now see how it looks from the outside. I must appear to be selfish and someone who does not listen. I dont know, when someone is talking to me, my thoughts just start coming and instead of being patient, I interrupt. I also am finding that despite the fact that I feel very favorably and trust the people in my life I often find myself being critical of them. As a result, I have made people I care about feel like I am unhappy with them. At this time I am still trying to figure out why I do this. I don't know if it is because I am so afraid of losing relationships that I try to hard to make them perfect by over analyzing them. In the end though, all I have managed to do is isolate the people around me. I don't think I am horrible by any means but this is something I need to change and want to. Basically, I cannot find any benefits in acting this way. And if someone spoke to me that way, I wouldnt want them in my life either. Knowing this, it is easy to see why during difficult times those in my life want little to do with me. It is hard to see this and realize my part in this but I am thankful that I have the power to change. So here I am now, and I want to be better and work on these things. I think just the fact that I can see this behavior as an ongoing pattern with me is huge, and it is no longer acceptable to me. I know it seems silly but I have bought a book on communication and a lot of what it says makes a great deal of sense. It's interesting how big a change can be made with only a little tuning. Have any of you had these sort of problems? I just want to learn to be better and more aware of how I talk to the people in my life. I hate that it took me hurting someone I care about so much to see that this is a problem but I want to turn this into a positive experience for myself. I just want to be a better listener and less critical. In many ways I see patience as being a key part of this (I also get into moments where I question things too much so if I relaxed more, I think this could help) More importantly, instead of being critical I want to remember to remind those in my life how much they matter to me. As I mentioned, two days with this book is already a great starting point but any real life advice would be appreciated. I don't want to send all my friends running for the hills...