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kath123

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About kath123

  • Birthday 04/28/1968

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  1. yeah i feel that a lot..i think its partly to do with the rejection i felt from my previous relationship coming to an end.. i guess i am still vunerable after six months..unless im absolutely sure someone is flirting with me etc..i cant react in the right way for fear of getting it wrong and thereforeeee heading for maybe more rejection.. also ive been away from this so called dating game for such a long time its all a bit alien to me.. nevermind though im sure one day soon ill get the hang of it again..it may just take a little time!!
  2. if you were to read my posts you would see such similarities..the way my ex broke up our relationship,his coldness thereafter,and the way he was still so loving even up to the day he left. I like yourself didnt plead with him to stay, in fact i completely avoided any contact with him for months. I thought he was happy with his new life and partner but often wondered if he ever even gave me a thought. After a few months he did make contact,he realised he was not happy..and the issue of my no contact etc came up..his response was,. even though he had his new life, which he had choosen,the fact that i didnt care (so he thought) tore him apart,he couldnt understand how i could let him go so easily!!Little did he know what i was going through at the time.. But when alls said and done, it doesnt matter what your ex thinks about you and how your feeling,,thats only for you to know,because hes not there to help you anyway,. you have to get through this in your own way..it will be hard and so painful,but you will get there..im still trying and its been nearly six months but week by week i can feel myself getting stronger.. I also truly believe that the type of people our exes are will never be happy they will always want something more no matter how much they already had it will never be enough.. So dont think for a minute you could have done things differently,because to do so would probably have changed you as a person,and nobody should be expected to do that!! be strong now and focus on you you you... im thinking of you kath xx
  3. yes i agree..im a lot older than you and have a lot more issues ie.kids..but it the end it amounts to the same thing...you loved someone and they cheated on you,then say they made a mistake. For me the trust issue was too great,i could, and did for a while think i could forgive this act of betrayal,but quickly realised that my head wasnt in step with my heart,and i couldnt forget what he had done, and knew that to carry on trying to salvage what we once had would change me as a person forever..I dont want to become an untrusting, paranoid, insecure person..and that is what inevitably would have happened.
  4. i havent posted on here for a good while although i read other post often hoping i will find someone in a similar situation as myself..but today i really need advice as i am completely lost! I will try to recap as briefly as possible: my partner of eleven years left me in sept 06 after meeting someone else,i was devastated., didnt plead or beg or even show him how bad i was,i put on a brave face at all times,i did no contact which was so incredibly difficult as we have two children together.,and following the advice of others on this site i wrote down all the things i was feeling good and bad for a long time,. Then at the beginning of december he began contacting me realising that he had made a mistake and how sorry he was,and how much he missed our life.. This came as a total shock to me as i truly thought he was happy with his new life.I didnt know which way to turn because even though the pain was still with me every day it had become less raw,and although i loved him deeply i didnt want to get hurt anymore.So i gave him this diary i had been keeping for the months since we parted so he could maybe understand a fraction of the pain he had caused,i still dont know if this was a bad move,but i added onto the last entry one sentence "after reading this,would you be prepared to put me back there" meaning back to the first devastating period of our break up. When we spoke next he told me that he had no idea of the pain he had caused me,and that i had been very brave to let him read it.,as it was very private and heart wrenching stuff. and that he would leave me alone now because he would never ever risk putting me through any more pain. But that didnt last, and we have since talked a great deal about our feelings for each other and wondered if there is any possibility of us ever being together again..If im honest it is what i want most in the world but i also know how hard it would be to trust him again. and he is very apprehensive of trying and failing and me being hurt all over again. We have spent some time together,which at some times was awkward and other times very special, however we both feel very strongly that our children know nothing of our meetings as it would only raise their hopes that we are going to be a family again and it would be cruel if it didnt work. However over the last few days ive been having doubts about whats happening, doubts about how he really feels and i think im setting myself up for more heartache,.and yesterday i confessed these doubts to him..He also has doubts he is so scared of "us" not working out, he has told me he is scared to be totally committed because even though he loves me he did this terrible thing (infidelity) and does that mean he never really loved me enough in the first place! Im sure he loved me as much as i loved him for a very long time,we were so close and so very very happy, So now we are both upset and frightened to let go of what could be our last chance for a reconcilliation,ive seen him twice today and he is so sad that ive told him i will speak to him later tonight when the kids are sleeping,but i just dont know what to say, im scared i'll regret not trying harder to make a go of things,but im also scared that he may not love me and want to be together as much as he should. Are we both asking for too much too soon or am i being unrealistic to even think we could be together again,. I just know i miss him so much and want my family back!!
  5. my relationship of eleven years ended three months ago,initially my ex parntner told me that although he loved me it wasnt the right kind of love anymore..this is the same explanation your ex has given you..i pressed for a better reason and realised myself that there must have been someone else in the picture,and eventually he admitted that he had developed feelings for this other woman. That was the last time i spoke to him about anything other that acsess visits etc for our kids. i wrote in a book when i felt very down and posted on this site,but never once gave him an idea of my true heartache.. now after three months he is the one in pain as he realises what he lost..and even though i have wished for this day to come so i could see him suffering the reality is very different,i know i still love him and im torn about carrying on with my healing process or give him another chance.. I understand that you must be torturing yourself with why he really left you,and i think it is very important to know..the only way you can do this is to contact him..but you must be certain that youre ready for anything,ready for more hurt because that is a high possibility..I hope it wont be like that but if your only contacting him with the hope of a reconcilliation then it may be that you will have to start that healing process all over.because even if you dont realise it you are futher up that road than you know..if closure will help you move on easier then i would say definitely get in touch,,i know i would never have been able to accept such a feeble break up after six years and even though the truth i had to learn from my ex hurt so bad it helped in the long run!! i wish you all the luck in the world..but remember to stay strong and dont plead with him !!
  6. well i for one have been waiting for this day to come..the day when i realised he regrets his actions and now he is the one whos in pain..unfortunately it doesnt feel as good as i thought it would,and im actually feeling sorry for him..i think i handled our break up in a very dignified manner,but never stopped loving him for a second, i did feel strong up until now, but feel myself getting weaker with each passing day.i want my life back the way it was,but also realise this cant be possible after all thats gone on..i just wish i knew what to do.
  7. i am in the exact same position rich..i also have followed your threads as we arrived here roughly the same time..when u know what to do for the best let me know lol
  8. that is a wonderful post mood, i hope you get it emotional !!
  9. thanks lonesoul,and thanks zombian for replying to my thread.,as you all know every little bit helps! I hope the wonderful journey doesnt take too long though, im already exhausted!! kath
  10. thanks julianna, again your advice is spot on,,i realise that his feeble message is not that important, but cant help the fact that its shaken me up a little,.( or indeed a lot ) Do you think that people carrying out no contact can actually fool themselves into thinking they are healing,and then when something like this happens they realise that they are a long way off that healing.,is that whats happened to me now??
  11. hey there u guys, ive been reading your posts for a while now they usually put a smile on my sad face.,ive not posted myself though, only to john a few times as we joined the same time..Im at a crossroads myself at the moment ive opened a new thread but doesnt look promising lol..i was wondering if any of you old experts can give me any advice,my threads not far from yours in this section, any encouraging words would be greatly appreciated. thanks kath ps keep up with the entertainment its very refreshing !!
  12. i think i am shocked more than anything.,i have over the past three months realised that i can get through this,i am getting through it,im not scared anymore of being alone.,that said though i would be lying to myself if i said i dont still love him.we had eleven years together which were very happy,,we had what i thought was a perfect life..obviously i misread the signs somewhere along the way, i never wanted anything more than to get back to how we were,until i found out about the other party in this.,that changed everything,but not how much i still love him,maybe i never will stop.,and maybe im reading too much into his message,perhaps he does miss me but doesnt want to be with me at the same time. im wondering now though if i'll receive any more contact and what to do if thats the case,,how should i handle that?
  13. i havent posted for quite a while,but everything seems really up in the air at the moment and i would like to talk to some of my old friends on this site..and new ones of course. well its been three months since my ltp left me for anthother woman.,i have been through every emotion possible.i have stuck with no contact or very limited contact due to the kids..i have posted here and received good advice and in return ive given any advice i can offer.,ive never begged or pleaded, in fact i am very proud of the way i have handled this nightmare.. My family has suffered but seem to be ok now,the kids have even been on holiday with my ex and his new gf..i found this very difficult but didnt show my true feelings,as im determined to remain dignified and civil.. i have recently met a male friend on msn and we seem to get along quite well..ive met him once in person,but im not sure im ready for any kind of emotional attachment so ive explained my situation to him, and stressed that for now i can only be a friend..maybe one day that will change i dont know..The importatant thing is i felt i was moving in the right direction,,getting on with my new unplanned single life..BUT>>last night i received a text message from my ex it read "-i miss you loads xx_" i was so shocked i simply replied with a question mark,,and that was it. Such a small message but it has thrown me right back to the beginning..He is still with his new partner ,he is still in regular contact with our children.everything seemed to be settling down, and then he does this,what is he thinking of. Has it taken him this long to realise he's made a mistake,or is he just tormenting me.. please please give me your thoughts on this!! why is life sooo hard?
  14. yes i feel this way too, its been nine weeks for me since he left,very suddenly to be with someone else. i think i have got over the initial shock now,and dont want him back AT ALL!!. but like you im 38 and dont relish the idea of being alone,but at the same time i dont have the inclination to meet anyone else ,well not yet anyway..so for now i have to accept that yes this is it.,at least until im ready for more.
  15. hi, you said in your post that just because you forgave him and took him back,should you simply forget it happened. well its quite obvious that you havent forgiven him!! and probably never will, but whether or not you can learn to live with the fact he cheated depends on you. i suppose he is right when he says he is sorry and cant erase the past, but i think you both need to get to the bottom of why he did it in the first place. if he is saying "he doesnt know" for instance,then i think you have a major problem. I have been in that situation and if someone cant give an explanation then it is VERY likely it will happen again,(this is speaking from experience)however if he can give a reason of some sort then maybe you can work with this. There may have been problems in your relationship that you werent aware of but can still put right If you choose to try and get your relationship back on the right track, i do think you have to stop bringing the cheating issue up all the time,because it means you cant move on from it, and thats what you need to do (if you really want to ) I know you love this man, but is it enough, and does he love you enough!! Think carefully,because if you are in doubt, take a break from the situation,take some time for yourself as you deserve this after what youve been through, and if he cant accept this, then he doesnt care enough. Good luck and stay strong. kath x
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