Jump to content

CHINOOKA

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    63

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by CHINOOKA

  1. CHINOOKA
    I started a job a couple months ago. I like the job, but the supervisor bugs me too much. She is so n oswey and she is so intrusive. I don't like to be constantly dealing with her. Her boss told me to keep a diary. She said it looks like she is singling me out.
  2. CHINOOKA
    I agree with everyone. You can move on in your life geographically, but if you are ready, the real challenge is to move on emotionally. Like, trying a new reaction to something.
  3. CHINOOKA
    Haha! Good question. We all ask ourselves that from time to time I think. At least I do. Or if we don't, someone in our lives is asking why can't we be less selfish. I think it is important to evaluate our situation and our relationships before going on a quest to be less selfish. Sometimes it is necessary. Are the people in our lives interested in our well being? are we in good standing with them? or are we banished, and outcast, and fending for ourselves? You get the idea...
  4. CHINOOKA
    Its time to move on in my life I think. I am trying to find ways to communicate my feelings to other people and I don't like it it is messy. People have been giving me alot of hate all my life. I wish it wasn't like that but it is. Especially significant people in my life. I just stood up for myself to my daughter in law, and told her that I think she acts like she is too good for me and I don't think it is fair. No yelling, we had a calm, meaningful talk. I told her that I love her and I want to be close but don't know how, and so I get resentments sometimes and I get hurt feelings. I will tell her that I feel it is mostly my fault because I am older and I should know how to handle things better. I told her that my granddaughter reflects what she herself thinks about me. That I don't feel that I have been so terrible or so hard to be around, but people act like I have the plague. I told her that we do have a serious lack of communication and that I think it is the main reason there is alienation between us. We didnt yell, we didint call names, but we talked. She said she is mad because I have talked about her. I guess I can understand that. I can use better skills I spose. It is difficult I need to underestand that. I need to tolerate discomfort better.
  5. CHINOOKA
    I have posted about this before, I've asked in different ways, and gotten various responses, but as my situation progresses, I am becoming more certain of what is happeneng, and it is causing me anxiety attacks at this point. I feel tremendous loss and grief. But I think I am shattered too because what I thought was between my son, my daughter in law and Me, and my grandchildren is not true. I don't know what is between us, but it isnt what I thought. How do I go on? should I rebuild a tie with them? or should I move on? I feel completely alienated from them. Does anyone know what I mean? Please dont say that I shouldnt feel this way. I am geting a huge mixed message from them and it is terrible. I am being taken for granted. I want to tell you my daughter in law has all the control and power in this situation and she is erasing me as a valid member of the inbner circle of the family. Her adopted mother in law is letting her buy this house, theya re holding the contract, and she says who is accepted in the house and who isnt. She is only 24, and she has power over me. I need to take my power back I think. move on with my life, stop contributing to her and let her go. Let my son go let my grandkids go. I am worth more than this.
  6. CHINOOKA
    I think she means in a relationship. Some people are more sterotyped in their perceptions of what men and women are, or of what feminine is. I don't equate weekness, timidity, smallness, foolishness, or any of the frivolous things that are considered "femine." I consider a woman to be fully capable of anger, physical strength, or any of the so called masculine traits. Our ideas about sexuality and roles are shaped by our society and culture. Some of us have developed ideas outside the box. Ya, people might react to outsiders differently.
  7. CHINOOKA
    You need to connect with people who care, and express yourself. The cutting comes from bottling up feelings. Those feelings need to be expressed. This forum will help you do that. You have made an excellent choice in coming to this forum. Are you saying that if you get counseling, that you will lose benefits coming to you at age 18? What are your alternatives?
  8. CHINOOKA
    Don't be in a rush to die, we all get our turn. And if you are having some emotional or mental health issues, its a good idea to get to know what is going on inside of you before killing yourself, it isnt nice to kill a complete stranger! Also, you might be killing the wrong person and you wouldn't even know it!
  9. CHINOOKA
    I was taught as a young person, that looking at pornography is harmful. Our society does it, They call it art. But some people believe that it objectifies women, and depersonalizes sexuality. It exploits women, and lifts sex to a level of public view and knowledge. I personally think it lessens a maritial relationship. If it bothers you to see your father doing this, maybe you could re think how you feel about doing it yourself. Because if it seems wrong for him, and doesnt fit with the roles he represents in your life, then it wont be right for you either.
  10. CHINOOKA
    My ex of twenty years is suddenly in my space. Because he and his wife are here visiting with our children, and I have no communication with him for twenty years. (other than when he tried to get custody of the boys when they were 6 and 8.) It is really hard. I have been hiding behind a partial wall in my basement living area, when he came downstairs for a couple hours last night when they got home from going out for dinner. I feel jealous hat he is with her, and she is geting honor of grandmother and mother, and wife, from everyone, and I am feeling pushed out. They all dress up and go out to eat. I rent a room from my son, to help them pay thier housepayment. This is the most ackward situation I have been in for a long time. My blood pressure goes up when they all come home laughing and talking. I feel like I don' belong.
  11. CHINOOKA
    I called my parents to say happy fathers day... talked to my mother, she told me all about how my sister came to stay with them because she needed help. In detail. That used to destroy me.The kind of pain it created was intolerable. I learned a few emotion regulation skills last week, and the are saving my life right now.
  12. CHINOOKA
    haha i sometimes check to see my replies , and i forget to look at the last page and then i think it didnt post so i try again.
  13. CHINOOKA
    If you are in pain and it seems hopeless, suicide can seem like an optioin. I guess people freak out when someone kills themselves. Please don't do it on my shift. lol but seriously, it is murder. And in our society murder is viewed as wrong. The law doesnt like it. There is no one to punish becasue the victim and the perpetrator are the same person.
  14. CHINOOKA
    If ou are in pain, and it seems hopeless suicide can seem like an optioin. I guess people freak out when someone kills themselves. Please don't do it on my shift. lol but seriously, it is murder. And in our society mnurder is viewed as wrong. maybe what the law doesnt like it there is no one to punish becasue the victim and the perpetrator are the same person.
  15. CHINOOKA
    Married men who are having an affair are acting selfishly I agree with other poster. And women who have affairs with married men are violating another woman's marriage. (just my view) I think he might view you as an obstacle in his life right now and your pregnancy as a bump in the road to be removed. Did you two use birth control?
  16. CHINOOKA
    A married man who has an affair has an agenda that doesn't have anything to do with anyone but him for sure. It is an act of betrayal to his spouse for one thing. And his lover is a willing participant in the ultimate betrayal. If he doesn't want a child, he is seeing you as an obstacle in his life. Your pregnancy is a bump in the road for him. Didn't the two of you use birth control?
  17. CHINOOKA
    I agree with the other posters. sounds kind of like a needless risk of double jeaopardy. You stand to lose your new love, and to be hurt again. Then you would be guilty of hurting someone in the same way you were hurt before on top of it.
  18. CHINOOKA
    I think closure is so imnportant for you to be able to put yourself back together again.
  19. CHINOOKA
    I was fortunate, that when I lost my partner, he died. So there isn' the constant wondering what he is up to. And there is no chance of being with him again in this life... so I dont ruminate about it much. I'm free to reminesce about our time together any way I want to. I can think of the good times, I can puzzle over lessons I learned, and I can move toward closure at my own pace. Closure seems to be the only thing to stop the pain. At least for me.
  20. CHINOOKA
    another thought.. sometimes when our partner is promiscuious, they are still looking for potential mates even when they are holding us. so inevitably they find others to charm them. then they dump us and move on...
  21. CHINOOKA
    Nice poem.
  22. CHINOOKA
    The fact that she had sex with someone else bothers you. Maybe free sex and cheating isn't so great, when you realize the damage it causes. If you are choosing to be promiscuous, this is the feeling you will get, and you will be giving. Maybe you should consider an alternative.
  23. CHINOOKA
    When I was 16 my father had open heart surgery, and my mother said I couldn't go. They dropped me off at school and headed for the hospital. I went in the front door of the school, and out the back, and ran all the way to the hospital, and I was there before the rest of the family. The nurses took me in to see my father, and they said so your "yogi" he has been asking for you. He opened his eyes and they said he wouldn't open his eyes until I arrived. My mother probably didn't like it but I needed to be there. My father needed me to be there too. So I urge you to follow your heart on this.
  24. CHINOOKA
    When someone is giving mixed messages like that is can be confusing, and you are probably right, but the person is probably consfused too. Love isn't just a warm fuzzy feeling you have when you see someone who is attractive, or experience closeness with someone, or sexual energy. It is a choice, a commitment. Maybe your partner isnt ready for that yet.
  25. CHINOOKA
    yes you can repair this. Yes you can end up with a good recommendation from your boss... it depends on how you handle it. Now that this has happened, you have a chance to make whatever changes that have been requested of you. Do this, and your reward is that you will be known as a person who responds well to correction. If you want to change your pattern, the easiest place to start is right where you are.
×
×
  • Create New...