CHINOOKA

I want to commend you on all you are doing and have done so far for your child. You are a Hero. Have you considered a vocational degree? the childcare centers at the colleges are the best you can find, and you could get training for a substantial job, that would help meet your families financial needs!

Yes and sorry for the complexity of my thread. yes, it is more than the single event for certain. Yes, I added some info that changed the message. I believe that a relationship between a grandparent and a child is many faceted don't you? I don't believe there is a quick fix and I agree that the mother is the one who decides these things. She doesn't communicate with people directly enough to even discuss this with her. She just denies any knowledge of any school event. She is rather passive aggressive also. I appreciate the help, but please understand, there is sometimes a bit more to a situation than a cut and dry answer. And no I never made any noise at any of her events or birthday parties, I was speaking of her father when he was young, at his basketball games. I learned to be quiet back then when he told me he was embarrassed, but my son still talks about it. (I learned to do it at a friends games, where everyone yelled and whooted.)

Yes, I would of liked to go this kind of thing is very meaningful to me. To see my grandchildren perfom in plays, and choirs and the like. But i wasn't informed this year either. I'm sure they had some kind of event. I am hurt and disappointed. I have invested alot of myself into the relationship with her since she was small. She spent most of her time with me and talked about me all the time. until last year. Everything changed. Her mom didn't need someone to dump her on anymore I spose.

Last year I wasn't told about the school show for my grandaughter (she was a kindergartner) I was told there wasn't one. I just mentioned that it was funny there wasn't a show this year either and my grandaughter said she didnt want me to go last year becasue she thought I would be too loud. I assure you, I know how to act acceptably in public. I am 47 years old. Well, I did yell loud and clap alot when I went to my son's basketball games when they were young, I did learn eventually not to be too loud at sports events. But I wouldn't of done that at the school. Anyway, I am so tired of the stuck up attitude from her and her mom I dont even care anymore. I dont want anything to do with them, they have disregarded me so may times, and honored others over me as a gramma in so many ways, I am feeling nothing for the child anymore. By the way, I dont think a six year old should be deciding whether or not a grandparent can go to her shcool family events.

Thank you so much for your advice and your support. It is a difficult situation, very emotionally loaded.

My son has been in and out of prison and jails since he was 12. One of the street people he ran with as a teenager has now become his girlfriend. she is a stripper, heroine addicted girl from Peru who was adopted when she was a small child by an american family. She has had two children who are with her adopted mom, and she was pregnant with someone elses baby when she came to me to tell me she was with my son. She said she wanted to keep her child and wanted help. I took her to church with me, I talked with her about her situation, about her getting a place to live, a job, showing the cps she was fit to keep the baby. Then she stopped calling, sudenly for about a couple months, then popped back again saying the cps took her baby from hospital, but she got it back, and she started coming around again to hang out with my other son and his family. On labor day we all went camping. She rode with me. She said something about some people she saw smoking she said they were stupid for smoking when they are playing basketball. "stupid people you cant do sports when you smoke." I said, "now, isnt that funny, because you can say that, but you smoke yourself?" She started screaming at me, about how she isnt an athlete, and if smoking was bad the government would not allow it and that the government lets people smoke because they want the money. From that point on she has been yelling at me and disrespecting me. Now my grandchildren are disrespecting me and talking mean to me and not minding me because they see her do it. She told me the cps took her baby because she is with my son who had a criminal record and has used drugs. I want to call cps and let them know she is with him every day at this house, and she is disrupting my family.

Wow, alot of hate to mother in laws. Does our perspectives in this country about "nuclear fameilies" have anything to do with it? Nuclear famlies are not the majority anymore. We are now free to examine the benefits of the extended family. Marrying someone does not make their family disentegrate. And being someone's wife doesnt make you more valid or right than anyone else. Please don't use the children as weapons. Consider how you might have provoked the mother in law. Usually, when someone is showing hostility toward us, we have probably provoked them somehow. If we think about it, we usually know exactly what we need to do to make it right.

I am a crazy gramma and I think it would help if you find a way to reinforce the role she plays in your life, in a fun way, and then other people like your gf's mom will follow your lead and find ways to honor her. She will not be distressed if she doesn't feel threatened.