eyeswideopen

He shouldn't pressure you into anything you don't want to do, on the other hand being sexually frustrated is exactly that, frustrating... but he doesn't have to have "full on sex" to be satisfied. There's oral, handjobs, jerking off, anything really that will make him "release". Figure out what you're comfortable with, if anything, and go from there.

Here's a couple of different angles to see this situation from: Husband and wife sleeping in the same bed is dependent on culture. Some cultures, they will sleep in different beds, if not different rooms. You may be head over heels in love with each other but have different sleep routines/habits that just aren't compatible.. it's not that big a deal if they aren't because there's so many more important things to be compatible with. That's all I got time for now.. good luck.

Yes that is possible. To love each other but not be able to live together (get along). One comment I'd like to add is you say your boyfriend hasn't really done anything wrong to you. Well if he yells/argues/whatever for you not to go out without him, that's pretty controlling. It's important to have your own life too and if he won't let you have it, then I don't think that is healthy at all.

I honestly wouldn't care. To me it's just fantasy and not reality. In fact, I'd rather my girlfriend go to a male strip club then go out with a bunch of cooworkers she may have some kind of attraction to. I wouldn't feel insecure about it in any way whatsover. In my humble opinion, it is unrealistic to expect your partner to only be attracted to you for the rest of your life. I'm almost to the point of thinking it's unrealistic to expect someone to be faithful (although I personally would never cheat) but feel these kinds of outlets (porn, strip clubs) provide a healthy, safe way of releasing those types of feelings. Maybe porn is a reason why I wouldn't ever cheat. I'm able to fantasize about other women without ever actually being with another woman. Think about when you and your partner are older, much older say in your 40's, 50's... a woman, and a man, do not have the same physical attributes and sexual appeal as a porn star.. so while you can still make love and maybe more with your lifetime partner, you can satisfy a primal urge or a need with porn. It's just a thought, not an action... or to me, the difference between a minor issue, and a dealbreaker. And let's be honest ladies... you've never imagined someone else or fantasized about another male ever during your entire relationship? Not Vin Diesel, Tom Cruise, the mechanic, the pool guy, no one? A guy has a bit less creativity.. we need a visual, hence the porn. It doesn't even have to be a porn. It could be the victora secret catalog, whatever. Another reason I don't see the issue with porn is... let's say I'm really in the mood.. and I mean really.. and my lover is not.. I don't want to try and cooerce her, guilt her, or worse, force her to have sex with me. In other words, I want her to have sex with me because she wants to and no other reason. OK, no problem my love, I'll be right back.. and I go take care of myself.

I guess I didn't think of the addiction factor. If this is something that he is spending ALOT of time on, then that's another issue. If it's something he just does from time to time like once a week or whatever, I wouldn't call it an addiction.

From a guy's perspective I don't personally see anything wrong with him looking at porn. Porn is porn... he's not cheating, not going out with anyone else, or taking the step towards that. It sounds like he just wants to "jerk off" to something different, aka a fantasy for a bit. Instead of trying to fight it, why not try watching it with him, see where it goes, and ask him to tell you the things he tells these other people. I don't think this is something worth losing a relationship over. On the other hand, if the other things he was telling other women online was I love you, this, that, etc. then that may be a problem. That's just me. I'm a guy. I would never ever ever cheat. But I have been known to watch a porn from time to time. It's just a fantasy.. that's it.

Well, you realized you made a mistake, realize your boyfriend is who you want, and you didn't "go all the way"... I'd keep it to yourself, let the guilt go, think about it as a learning experience and validation that what you have is what you want.. now if you do it again, with this guy or whoever, you should probably be talking about it with your boyfriend. I'm normally not one for hiding things but by the way you described it, it doesn't seem like you'll do it again.

It may or may not be salvagable. If this is something you think will eventually tear you up inside, I really don't know. On the other hand, if this is something you are truly considering, you may want to bring him into some couple counselling and get it all out with a middle man aka therapist. This way chances are you won't come accross attacking and he may be less likely to fly off the handle as you say. Maybe, you can get him there by saying, I'm having a really hard time with this other woman and think we can benefit from seeing someone together... then bring up the divorce thing in there.

If you are being honest with your boyfriend about this friendship and all that it entails then I personally don't see a problem with it, but if you really care about this guy and want to get an answer, ask him directly what he thinks and if he's comfortable with it or not.

Agreed, if you have feelings for this guy, just come out and say it to see where he stands.

This is a great question as I've struggled myself in the past. For the times I've been able to trust someone I base it on the following: 1) Gut instinct (is there something telling me not to trust this person) 2) Experience and actions of the person.. have you caught them lying? have they come through with what they said they were going to come through with? have they kept promises? how do they treat other people they are close with or do they tell you about times they break the trust of other people who rely and trust them? 3) it'll take time for complete trust but there's at least a level of trust you should give up front, giving someone the benefit of the doubt.

Sounds like you haven't had your hymen... taken care of yet.. I'm trying to use nice terms here. When I was younger and girls had the same issue, the more you play with the down there, the less uncomfortable it gets and the more pleasurable it gets. No need to rush into anything and yes, the tongue is a great place to start.

When it comes to morals my friend, it comes from within. I am personally a pretty moral guy although there's not much of a religious base behind it. On the other hand, when it comes to being intimate with a woman and you're not in a relationship, I feel that it would only be immoral if you were lying to them about your intentions. If you have a female friend who you can be completely and 100% open with, not have to lie about what you are looking for, and they say they are on the same page, then I personally do not feel it's immoral. On the other hand, friends with "benefits" is tricky ground. Most of the time one gets attached to the other and wants more. Honesty throughout the entire process, 100% honesty, at least, in my opinion, keeps your morals in line.

You sound great. You also sound like you're being very picky. Having only 2 guys out of 60 dates make it to date #2 sounds a bit... harsh.. how can you know a person after only one date to make up your mind about going on a second date? That person could have been nervous, had a bad day, whatever... Maybe you should start letting most of the people have a second or third chance (of course, unless they are obviously a scumbag or some major negative trait) so you can get more of an understanding of who they may really be or how they may be in a different type of environment.. who knows... Not to sound mean, but try being a little less picky and open to what does come your way and give it more than a night to figure out. There's a ton of people out there who may not even like someone they meet for the first time and next thing you know they are married.

Yeah, just keep doing it until you are comfortable with it. Think about when you first started to ride a bike or read, or anything really... you have to crawl before you walk. Here's the part you have to accept. You will get rejected, probably more than not. On the other hand, there are plenty of girls out there who like the shy ones and who stumble over their words trying to talk to them. I've been told it's kind flattering to them that they "make you" muffle like that. Keep at it man. Try and try again. (not necessarily on the same person who rejects as that may be stalking. )

How old are you? How old is he? How long has he been broken up with her? How long have you been together?

I don't know this is true for this guy in particular, but as a guy, I'd say the same thing to try and "prove" that I was strong enough to handle this, etc. etc. etc. etc. I probably would be real broken up inside but to save manface, I'd say, ah, no big deal, next.. at that age at least.. now not so much.

I would like to say thank you to everyone who's posted here, in response to me or not, for making me feel enotalone during this time. It's almost 7 months since the breakup and it appears my house is finally sold. While I'm not getting my hopes too high, this time seems to be a for real offer. I'll be leaving this time behind with this house, moving in with a friend for a month or two, then leaving this place for good.. so in a heartfelt fassion, here's what I have to say to you my ex-love..... Thank you for giving me five years of love and companionship. I know we didn't have the best relationship for the whole 5 years but for the time we were together, I truly do appreciate what I learned. Thank you for providing me with hope and understanding that there really are good people out there in this world and not everyone is like what I knew and grew up around. I don't think you even know this, but you did. Thank you for helping me find what I really do want in life and it doesn't matter what the rest of the world is doing or like. I know now, without a doubt, I want to be a husband and a father and that I am capable of accomplishing this, no matter what the obstacle in front of me, no matter what my fear of becoming my father may be. Thank you for showing me what a loving family does for each other and a healthy way to be together. Thank you for showing me what it really takes for a real relationship to work. Thank you for the inspiration that you didn't even know you gave me. Thank you for being a part of the reason I now know what I am capable of. And most of all, thank you for loving me. Now all I have to do is pack, put what I need in storage for now, and save for a couple months so I can move and leave these memories behind and start new. I cannot stay in this house anymore, in this job anymore, in this town, in this group of friends anymore without thinking of the what ifs and the good times we did have together. It's time for something new. It's time for me to be me again. I don't know if you'll ever truly understand this, but you will always be a part of me and I will always be thankful that a person like you was in my life. I love you Arwen. Goodbye.

Opposites tend to attract but you hit it on the nose with the gender equality. Nice guys go for bad girls, Nice girls go for bad guys.

Chances are people who are happily married and not having issues won't be searching a board called enotalone. Since they're happy, fulfilled and have what they were looking for, why would they be here? I'm starting to think this is why you rarely see a positive outcome to any of these posts. If you're happy, there'd be no reason to be looking on this board would there?

I don't know what to tell ya cause I'm usually the one on the other side of this issue. One thing I've learned recently is that fear of committment is pretty scary and somewhat crippling.. on the other hand, regretting not taking that chance is a much worse feeling for me personally. Shoulda, coulda, woulda..

I don't know about that. IT's been my experience that the ladies are much more sensitive down there during that time, thereforeeee it feels better for the most part and you can always use lube if you want. It is messy and you will have to remove the tampon, at least the girls I've done that with always did. They always seemed to like it.

This is all normal and it seems as if he's handling it properly. Sure he's probably disapointed but that's no big deal. I'm even a guy and can tell you that I'd rather my girlfriend tell me she's not in the mood then just have sex because it's only what I wanted.

Well if Karma does exist, you getting even with her will bring negative karma back around to you.

Taking that step would be very assertive. If there's something you want, go for it. Be ready for rejection and take it from there. If he says no, at least you tried and you have a definitive answer of where you should be going with your life, aka a different job or company.