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Relationship Coach

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Everything posted by Relationship Coach

  1. Relationship Coach
    Your mom needs help not trouble! Has your mom been in a program before? You need stability in your life or you will continue to make mistakes like this. How old are you? RC
  2. Relationship Coach
    First of all do you normally attend this many parties? Holy crap! I think your very detailed account here is a typical slow death of a relationship and the awkwardness of the aftermath. There is clearly still an attraction on both ends but the reality is, she just doesn't want to be with you. She still cares but that will dwindle over time as will your reluctance to move on and be happy. It's going to be hard for you when you see her with someone else too. Prepare yourself for some emotional times ahead but keep moving forward! RC
  3. Relationship Coach
    Actions speak louder than words, explain away but show me every day. RC
  4. Relationship Coach
    Welcome to ENA! Those EX-TEXT birthday wishes will usually open the flood gates but you knew that didn't you? It's hard to let go of the past but there is usually a good reason to do it...it's just not going anywhere. 4 years is a long time, you can't expect to be healed in 4-6 months. I wish it were that easy but the emotional attachment is going to hang around for a while and you just have to give it more time. I commend you for being strong and putting him in his place. He'll move on once again like he did before. Go meet new people and put the ex in perspective with reality, he's not for you and never will be. Find someone who you can grow old with and have a good time doing it. RC
  5. Relationship Coach
    Welcome to ENA! Why punish yourself trying to punish your mother? Being used for sex isn't going to make you feel better, it's just one more thing you have to hide from your family. I'm not sure what the problems are between you and your mother but your actions will solve nothing. Partying and getting messed up seems to be your excuse as if it is therapy. You need to talk with someone about what is causing you to act that way. You can't solve problems creating new ones! What has your mother done and why do you feel the need to party the summer away? RC
  6. Relationship Coach
    I think it is very nice of you and I hardly think he will think of you as a taxi service. If it were me who would I want to take me to the airport...a good looking fun girl that I like and want to see again or a complete stranger that if I never see again, I'll live? Easy answer. RC
  7. Relationship Coach
    Avman is right, follow what he has said and stay involved in your kids life! They need a father, a sober one and they have to remain uninvolved in your marriage troubles. Fix yourself, then work on resolving your relationship problems. RC
  8. Relationship Coach
    A lie is a lie and it means at some point he either did not think you could handle the truth or the truth would make him look bad. I think he needs to be called on the lie and you need to discuss the importance of honesty in your relationship. Allowing the lie to linger no matter what relevance it holds now will just eat at you more and more. Anger is a common initial reaction but let your anger dissipate before confronting him about it. RC
  9. Relationship Coach
    I'm with the majority here, lying is a huge red flag! Using lying as his excuse because he felt he may not have had an opportunity to be with you is just as bad. Relationships that start with lies end with lies. The age gap is something that would have to be worked out. My wife is 11 years younger but is 5 years beyond in maturity than most her age. I on the other hand am 6 years short of the maturity level of my peers so we have a near perfect match! If you can get past his initial, twice admitted, three times caught lying butt sit down with him and discuss first why he felt the need to lie and second what other lies has he told. This is a come clean session and he needs to know any further discoveries of dishonesty will bring an end to your relationship. Because he lied about the age gap, now it has become a negative in the relationship and yes, you are going to now see more negatives than before. Had he of been honest from the start, mentally you would have been more accepting. Way things out and if you really want to stick with him, talk it out. The one thing really bothers me is often with these types of lies the liar has no real desires for a LTR. Why would you lie to your potential spouse only to be exposed later? Covering up lies with more lies just makes things worse. RC
  10. Relationship Coach
    I was throwing that out there as a caveat to this discussion, not at you or any one in particular but I'm glad you believe what you do! RC
  11. Relationship Coach
    Congrats, you've made a huge discovery as to how to move on! Seeing the situation for what it is versus torturing yourself will surely put you on the fast track to healing! Best of Luck! RC
  12. Relationship Coach
    Shorty, I'm very happy for you and there were times when I never thought you'd find happiness. I wish you and your fiance all the best and a speedy recovery too! As for how you handled the situation with your ex, bravo! RC
  13. Relationship Coach
    How do you know who he is thinking of while masterbating without porn? Is it better to have him focus on some porn star than let's say a co-worker, neighbor or maybe your sister? Of course most women would like to think that the guy is thinking of them while masterbating but is he? RC
  14. Relationship Coach
    show me homie! Look, you've had some bad relationships, most of us have but you need to get back out there. You're a good person and someone deserves you!RC
  15. Relationship Coach
    That was sarcasm MissM, I remember you well from last year before school started, remember I grew up in Mo and went to Mizzou? RC
  16. Relationship Coach
    So, you want to wait for another shot before you learn more about what she's been through? This makes no sense at all. If and when you get back with her, don't you want a better understanding? If she is really worth it, you'll put forth some effort in hopes that it will help her. RC
  17. Relationship Coach
    Welcome to ENA! Ouch, I feel your pain but you have to realize the hurt of being cheated on. She was betrayed by two people here and you betrayed 4 people, your sons, your wife and yourself. People have affairs because they rarely think of what they are really putting at risk because they never think they will get caught! You cannot really blame her for moving on and not giving the marriage another go. You just didn't cheat, you cheated with her friend! That's very damaging versus you cheating with someone else. I know it's hard to put things in to perspective now but for your sake as well as your kids, you have too. Your boys still need a strong father and even though they are young they will feel and comprehend things way beyond what you may think. As for your wife, let her go. Nothing says that you can't get back together somewhere down the road long after the hatchet has been buried. Right now there is too much pain and anger to attempt anything. Yes counseling is a good idea but not to get your wife back but to learn how to be good co-parents right now for your boys. Healing starts when you acknowledge that the relationship as you once knew it is over and adjustments in your new life are going to looking back at you in the mirror for some time to come. RC
  18. Relationship Coach
    You should be dating, at least give yourself some opportunities to have a good date so you can disprove your theories. Not dating is just a way to be right about your theories without further need of validation. RC
  19. Relationship Coach
    Life's not about how you fall or what you land on, it's about how you recover. Don't fret about things in your past, focus on tomorrow as if nothing bad happened today. RC
  20. Relationship Coach
    If she has moved on why does she care that you run in to her from time to time. Now if you are making these run ins happen, then you need to take a hard look at how you are conducting yourself. It sounded to me in your posts that you have moved on and these run ins are only because you share interests. Is she accusing you of stalking her? Is she dating someone? These things need to be considered. Maybe she is bothered by the fact that you are dating and have appeared to of moved on. RC
  21. Relationship Coach
    I agree with Melrich and I think you need to also attend some support groups as well so you can understand her better. Abuse victims get re-wired by their abusers and it takes time for them to become de-programmed if you will. You're a great guy for standing by her but for you to really help her, you need to understand abuse and it's residual effect. The scars are much deeper than the one on her forehead. RC
  22. Relationship Coach
    Fear of abandonment and separation anxiety are issues for many in LDR and conventional relationships. At some point we have all been let down or hurt by someone but one relationship is not tied to the next. You are in a relationship, so enjoy it. You can't live day to day waiting for something bad to happen or you will never truly be happy. Trust is a big part of what you are feeling or a lack of worthiness on your part. Do you not feel that you can trust this guy? Do you feel that you are worthy and deserve to be happy? Set your fears aside and enjoy what you have. Waiting for a relationship to fail is a horrible way to waste time. RC
  23. Relationship Coach
    This is one of the worst things that someone can do and say to another person. This keeps you mentally involved in the relationship long after it is gone. What she really said to you was...."I really don't think you are the one for me so I'm going to search for THE ONE and if I don't find him, I'll be back for you." If she really loved you regardless of her limited dating experiences, she would have never broken it off with you. The I love you so much but I need to date others concept is a parting line when they want to leave the door open in case they can't find better. It's been 5 years, how much longer are you going to give her? 5 more minutes is too much in my book. I know you love her still but how much do you love yourself? How much more of your life are you willing to put on hold? You say that you've dated and you're dating now, how fair are you being to these women, not being able to give 100% of yourself to them? Think about it, your ex has accomplished what she wanted, she manipulated you and still has the power and control You were toyed with in the worst way and I'm sorry for that but your ex is not coming back. RC
  24. Relationship Coach
    For or better or worse doesn't mean you have to stick around and tolerate this abuse. I'm all for fixing something that is fixable, this in my opinion is degree of change is not something that you can will upon him or teach him. This is how he was raised and he has a built in cheering section. He turned pretty quick, 6 months is a short honeymoon period. Unfortunately he didn't change over the past 6 months, this is who he always was. He was putting on an act being someone and something that he was not. You married a fraud. This guy has rotten values and morals and those along with his other bad habits are just a part of whom he really is. Get out. RC
  25. Relationship Coach
    JB, She has issues and needs to understand that you and your life's activities will from time to time cross paths with her. There is no reason that you should abstain from doing those things in which you like and if it bothers her enough, she can find a new place to swim and bike. May I suggest that you take your GF to these places as well so your ex can conclude that you have moved on and maybe she should too. RC
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