Ok, I'm going to lay it all out,
My wife left me three weeks ago after ten years together, we have three kid 8, 6, and 4...
I've been an drinker all my adult life....I hit rock bottom three weeks ago...I got in a fight with my brother...came home at 1:30 am...the door was locked...I booted it in...Got in a screaming match with my wife, i was drunk she called the cops...i went to the tank...got out, she was gone...That was my bottom....She's in a transition house now, saying it's over...
I hold her no blame for that....
Since that day 21 days ago, I haven't drank a drop....I've been submerged in A.A. trying to sort out the debacle i've made of me and my families life......
My history of drinking, has never been successful, and i've realized, that I'm just one of those unfortunates that have no control over alcohol, and that to live any kind of successful life. Booze can't be apart of it...
I feel that the last ten years that we've been together has been a constant...not a black out, but more of a brown out...and it makes me angry at myself that i wasted that much life being consumed by a sickness. Now that i've woken up, and quick drinking that mess of my life is all to apparent....I tell her, that i've changed for the better, and she says that i haven't changed enough in three weeks to make any difference....Which begrudgingly i have to agree with...I know that drinking was a major part of the problem, but it isn't the only one...My temper is fairly short of late, i think due to the up and downs of drying out....but also, to break the mind-fix of learned behaviour, is completely stumping me...I mean i want to be better, i don't want to be even a shadow of who I was, because I was selfish, manupulative and emotionally abusive. When i play the tape over of the years, I can honestly say it was all about me. What an ...
The hardest part is giving her the space she needs to heal. I realize how much I love her and now how much i don't deserve her....She says she loves me, but isn't in love with me anymore...It crushes me because i'm probably in love with her more than I ever was, since now i see how much she tried, and i was too blind to see....I don't want to smother her...but i don't want to let her go.....Somebody help!!!! Please!!