Serendipity1607307077

I have the same thing when I get home... I'm the one who always has to say hello first, Luke stays on his couch and just plays his games... whereas when if he comes home and I'm there, I get up and greet him and all that sort of thing... I would hate to say it, but it seems like a regular male thing.. I get to the stage sometimes where I blurt out something like "Gee it would be nice if you could appreciate me sometimes" or "You're Welcome" if I get him something and he doesn't say thank you.. To get things to happen you have to be direct about it... otherwise nothing is going to happen. And don't be scared about it either - you have to be happy too, not just him!

I agree with you - I think posters should probably read related articles before posting their own problems - there are so many threads that are about the same things and it will be a definite means of giving them direction with their problems. I am probably a big culprit of posting up without reading similar posts but I think my problems are slightly more screwed up than other people's haha... well probably not now that I think about it... but let's just say they are more "curly"! ~Seren~

Well, if you want to initiate something further than making out a good start is exploring her body a bit... play around with her and let her do the same with you. (Though I'm not a male so I don't think I am the best person to give you a thorough account! Seeing well, I'm not a guy! hehe) Make sure you take your time and only go to the next level when you are ready - don't ever feel like you are being forced to take it further... cause I felt forced when it was my first time... I wasn't forced, but I felt like I had to otherwise my partner would lose interest..

Whilst you have to think about your finance, you also have to think about your happiness... Don't resign yet - if you aren't happy, start looking for other jobs and apply for them before resigning, so you at least still have money coming in.

As people say, money often can't buy you happiness... Spend time with your friends, and relax.. I mean, you will feel scared and a bit anxious that you might not find another person, but you just have to realise that there is the perfect person out there for you somewhere.. Happiness can be hidden in the strangest of places, but it is up to you to find it. Don't feel weak, you are going through the regular breakup feeling where you are used to having someone with you all the time, it becomes a habit and one that is hard to get out of...and it takes time... I guess you just have to enjoy your single life by going out and having some enjoyment. And be positive! Laugh for no reason, smile at someone or help a stranger, maybe even volunteer from time to time... and it sounds silly, but things that make you feel better and more confident about yourself will help you immensely!

Thanks heaps for your advice, I will try bringing it up today... I do love him SO much but you are very right, I shouldn't have to be the one coming off second best every time... I really appreciate your support!

Hi guys, just me here to bother you all again! Ok, a bit of background - my fiance and I have been together for nearly two years now (engaged for one year), and I love him to bits.. I mean, if he was a teddy bear, his eyes would be falling off, there would be stuffing coming out of him every which way! haha! I love doing things for him - he gets home from work earlier than me, but when I get home I get him something to drink, maybe a snack, ask him if he's comfortable (sometimes even give him a foot rub!) - all that kind of thing.. I ask him how his day was and help him with any problems he has.. I don't usually get anything like this back, unless I make an issue out of it, which I hate doing... I love making him happy... But I feel like he's becoming not so much as a spoilt brat, but becoming "used" to this treatment all the time.. and it's not like it bothers me, but sometimes his treatment towards me isn't that great.. Example: I really want out of this town.. I mean, it's terrible... nothing to do, no real work prospects - I just have no motivation to be here.. so we planned to move down to Perth next year.. now, his family and friends are down in Perth, so that's his reasoning for wanting to go there.. I have been isolated from my family and friends my entire life, because my mum and dad were divorced when I was five; Mum, my stepdad, my brother and I moved to Australia when I was 12, and then we travelled around Australia for 13 months before settling in this town, which I have now been in for five years of my life.. during this time my stepdad has died, but I have also met Luke! My family is in Switzerland (dad's side) and New Zealand (mum's side), and I only just got talking to my dad (who is in New Zealand) again after the custody battles and whatnot.. Mum lives in Melbourne - the only family I have here is my brother, and who is younger than me and has a 6 m.o. daughter... Back on track now - I told Luke that I would rather move to Melbourne or something similar so I can be closer to my mum and closer to NZ so I can visit my family more often, and also Perth is only a couple of hours flight away.. fair enough, right? He basically said, and just as harshly "Piss off, there is no way I'm moving there." And as an afterthought he said "Sorry babe, but I want to be near my family and friends". It just sounded so heartless and cold of him to say something like that.. he knows how much I miss my family and friends.. yet he is not willing to compromise.. and the fact that I will be stuck in Western Australia for the rest of my life just makes me so mad, because I have travelled Australia and I know there are places SO much better than this state. II want to become a Primary School teacher but the universities over here are so much lower in standards than other states. Essentially I feel torn. I want to stay with Luke, I love him and I don't think I could be with anyone else, but should I stand for this kind of thing? And every time I try and make a stand, I'm always wrong... it just, well, sucks... It's like he tells me he wants what's best for me, but I know in the end all he really cares about is himself.. Even when I was sick a few months ago (like, violently ill) I was still looking after him... ha ha.. I guess I'm just not sure what to do.. any perspective is appreciated and will help me clarify my thoughts... Sorry for such a long post too...

Substitute chocolate with something such as gum or even fruit (I know, nothing compares to chocolate...)... it's a hard habit to get into but it will help you... Everything in moderation, or so they say! When I was 5 my dad used to take me to work with him on the weekends and in his top drawer in his desk were HUNDREDS of chocolate bars... I mean, you'd usually find pencils and pens and stationery in the top drawer... not with dad... just CHOCOLATE!! A few months back I found myself doing the same thing - scary! For my sixth birthday my dad bought me a choccie bar (that wasn't my pressie, but it was a treat!) and he said "you can't have it now, I'll keep it here for later" and put it in a cupboard I couldn't reach... Next day it was gone! hahaa

Yeah, I think you might have had, or been on the verge of, an orgasm! And that's fantastic! A lot of people can't orgasm or sit think hoping they'll have one, and worry about it! Orgasms can sometimes be quite overwhelming for the ladies and sometimes they can be just *that* good that you feel like crying! It's quite normal.. so don't stress! I'm a Kiwi too!

I agree with Shadow (I always agree with you sweetie! haha!)... Guys, I have noticed (I'm not being sterotypical, but in my experience!) quite often take their gfs for granted... well, mine does.. hehe... and they think that you are always going to be there, so they don't care about their actions and how they affect you... Try what Shadow said, I am pretty certain it will work!

I'm so glad that you have posted something like this up, because there are so many people out there who get a huge cause of the shakes and jitters whenever they have to talk to someone they like on the phone. Mods - perhaps this should be a sticky?

Guys can back off for a lot of reasons.. Sometimes they are just not ready for a relationship (maybe they have just broken up with someone and think they are ready to move on). Sometimes they find someone else and so they remove themselves.. Sometimes if they find you too 'clingy' they will back off too.... Sometimes they even might think you are the best person ever then they discover something about your personality or whatever, that they don't like... There are a lot of reasons, and I am sure that there are a number of them still unchartered by womankind.. I guess it doesn't help that guys feel like they shouldn't have to talk about their feelings or that it is too hard to talk because they might be seen as gay or girly.. it's quite ridiculous..

I was going through the same thing as you, and honestly, love takes time to find - it does. It can take a while to find the right person. You are still young, don't worry about it.. study, get work, and enjoy yourself while you are still single... As soon as you stop caring about never ever having a boyfriend, your outwards confidence will improve and you will start to be approached by guys... I agree with Teacup though- make every day count and make every day a good day... enjoy it! Life is for living!

Don't be afraid - you are trying to do her and yourself a favour... take a stand, if she tries to divert, say "Listen to me" and say it forcefully. Make her take notice. I am not sure if marijuana is illegal where you live but it definitely is where I am, and it's not a good idea for your mother to even be having it in the house...

To be honest I have never had this problem - my mother was brought up in the same environment as you, although her parents are no longer as strict Catholics as they used to be. Mum had always said to me that it was my choice as to whether I wanted to go to church or even believe in God, and she would support me anyway.. so I guess I was lucky in that regard.. I think lots of people have experimented with sex and had different partners and whatever, and who knows? Your parents may have even had a 'naughty' life once and decided to become really strict Catholic to protect you, either that or make themselves feel better.. I mean, everyone is entitled to opinion and entitled to believe in God... but to be judged for your work and judged for the things you do (which, mind you, aren't anyone's business but yours!) is just silly... And it seems like you can't talk any sense out of yoru parents either...I think it's really something that they are going to have to change. Regardless of what you have done in the past or what you are doing now, you are still their child, and they should be supportive and understanding of you, even if they don't really like what you are doing...

I think before taking it to Child Services you should probably talk to your mother directly. She is obviously using it because she feels stressed out... If she denies it or abuses/gets angry at you for confronting her, or you feel threatened by her, then I would tell childrens services... but it's probably better for your relationship with her that you try and be supportive and not get her into trouble, especially if she has good reason to be using it.. Just my opinion.

Sometimes when people feel weak and vulnerable they find it hard to get the courage to go to talk to someone about it, mainly because they feel a bit pathetic. Perhaps you should suggest he speak to a counsellor or an associate, someone he is not intimate or familiar with, to see if his problem can be rectified. In the meantime, stay by his side and offer support to him, but dont' be judgemental or anything, or show your disappointment, as he will need a positive influence around him to help him on the track out of his depression.

The beauty of each person is that they are all individual.. They all have their own qualities and their own ways of doing things... I love your poem and I think that it's wonderful that you have decided to emerge as your own person, and have stopped trying to please people. The only person you need to look out for is yourself and how you are feeling, and your immediate family... Friends can be fleeting and very temporary, but your family is always going to be there... I used to be the same as you, do anything to make people happy (to a point, I guess I still do), but there is a time in your life when you have to realise that you have had enough of being kicked around. I'm glad that you have realised this. Be strong, and be proud of who you are. Don't let anyone tell you who to be.

Thanks - I'm probably overreacting and I guess it could be stress but I didn't want to rule out the possibility...

I would go straight away into NC... if she has already left you once for someone else then it's not worth the time, nor is it a nice feeling to be "backup". It is a good idea to have NC so you have a chance to heal and get over her... Even if she told you that she didn't want to let you go...well, she still did... if she had wanted to be with you that badly she wouldn't have let you go in the first place, in my opinion... then again, as the saying goes, you never miss your water...

Anthony, I am glad you have taken this approach. NC always works, and it's the best way to start getting over your pain. You are doing really wel. Just stay strong - sometimes you may feel the urge to call her, but make sure you don't!!! And I hope everything works out for you. Keep us posted!

I agree With Ocean - these things shouldn't be rushed, and I'm sure the last thing you want to do is to scare her off altogether!!

It is hard to get used to being alone after being with someone for a while - and holidays don't help, especially when you remember how things used to be.. but don't - fact is that your life is different now.. And while your kids are going to be away at their dad's place, you have to make sure that you don't spend the holidays alone... invite colleagues and mates over and enjoy yourself! Don't dwell on what has happened in the past. You don't need a partner to make you have a good time! Just stay positive and know that things take time to get over. It's a gradual process, and has its ups and downs. Just be happy for the kids, and make sure to have some enjoyment for yourself too!

Well, I agree with Melrich (I love your analogy!). You also said you like this guy, but not as much as your boyfriend. So stick with your boyfriend! Sure this other guy is closer, but I think you should stick with your current boyfriend, especially if you are happy, secure and loved the way you are with your boyfriend... I mean, if you weren't happy with your current then I would say "Yeah, go for it" but there's no point breaking up a perfectly good relationship.

Hmmm, I would have to agree with Venus... it's not worth stressing over at this stage, seeing you are still young... If he is going behind your back to me it sounds like someone who isn't even worth the time of day... when you have a relationship you give your trust to the other person, and for them to break it, well, it takes a while to renew the trust again...