roo1oo

How long have you had these headaches? Are the sore throats accompanied by fevers, chills? Are your lymph nodes in your neck really swollen? As in, if you twist your neck, do they hurt? It sounds like it could be Mono, though I am certaintly no medical expert. A ton of conditions can cause headaches and sore throats from medications to brain tumors ( though i dont know that brain tumors cause sore throats). The only way to really tell is to see your doctor. But as far as Mono goes, I can tell you my personal experience and you can see if it relates to your own. When I first went to the doctor they thought I had strep throat because I had a very sore throat with the white puss spots on my tonsils. My tonsils were very swollen. Aparently people with mono have varying levels of sore throats and swollen glands/tonsils, but it can come and go. I also had alot of headaches, bad fetigue and for the first few days a low grade fever and aches. The only way you can be diagnosed with Mono is by getting a blood test, and theres no medication for it other than pain meds and steroids (its a virus thus cannot be treated with antibiotics). In very serious cases, you can be hospitalized, but thats pretty rare and usually only occurs in young children and older adults. Another possibility is menengitis. Don't freak though! Most cases of menengitis are not life threatening. Most people get viral menengitis and never know it because they have simply flu like symptoms. Just sore throat and a recurring headache. When you start to worry about menengitis is if you have confusion or sensitivity to light, and a fever. And even this, as I've found out after an outbreak of bacterial menengitis in Maryland colleges, can be confused with migrane headaches. Anyway, the point I'm trying to get accross is there are so many things just reoccurring headaches and a sore throat can be. Dehydration even. Maybe just a mild cold you cant get rid of. Only way to really know is to go to a doctor and get blood tests etc done. If you have anxieties about that, just remember that youll feel much better going and finding out whats reallly wrong than waiting till it could be too late. Good luck!

Only way ti find out whats up is to ask her. You'll know by her reaction whether shes thinking about it or not.

So I've been with my boyfriend for over a year, and we both decided to take the next big step and move in together. Well we went looking at apartments this past weekend and while the apartments were great and I was happy that we would be living together, I have anxieties about whether it will work or not. I'm worried that my boyfriend hasnt even considered the idea that it may not work out. I seriously doubt it will happen, but since a past breakup was so bad for me I worry that he is blinded by the idea of moving in together... I don't know if that makes sense, but thats the best way I can describe it. And after working out the numbers, I'm descovering it will be a much more sugnificant financial burdon on me as I make less money than he. As of now I have a great setup that I basically live rent free. I just bought a new car, so besides that my personal expenses aren't high at all, but the rent and etc will take everything thats left of my paycheck! And before I worked out the numbers, because my boyfriend is in far more debt than I, I figured that he'd be "borrowing" money from me to pay for his expenses. But thats not the case. And I told him before that I wouldnt be paying for any of his personal expenses. But isnt that the point of cohabitation? A trial before marriage where you share expenses? Not just split the rent and utilities in half? Anyone had experience with thiss or opinions? I'm certaintly not opposed to living with him, but the money issue for me... it just adds stress unnecessarily, and really reducing rent isnt an option as we've picked the cheapest place to live as we can and still be within reasonable commuting distance to each of our jobs. Thanks to anyone who has advice.

There is no way to tell him how you feel and get him to leave you alone without beeing "mean" or hurting his feelings. You just have to sit him down and say that you dont like him likee that, but yoiur fine with being friends. And that youll call him if you want to talk to him. And make sure that, if you do want to stay friends that is, that you call him in two weeks (no sooner or hell think you like him). Unfortunently, because he's created a whole relationship between the two of you in his mind, he will be broken up, but just be understanding and say your really sorry that you led him on. Make sure you make it sound like your the one to do something wrong, it will make him take it easier.

I'm sorry your mom cheated on your dad when you were young. If it helps at all, I was molested by the male babysitter when I was very young, which just like you can bring on a whole suit of problems. I don't know when it happened for me, but at some point I told mysef it's not my fault. I didn't do anything to deserve what happened to me, and I don't deserve to continue my life as if I didn something wrong. Though it's hard, I hope you can think of yourself in the same way. Nothing you ever did hurt your parents relationship. Your mom is the one that messed up, and even though you have half her genes in you, it doesnt mean you have to be the same way. I dont know if you ever have, but if might help you enormously to talk to your dad first about it, and see how he feels. See if he still hold resentment towards your mother. Most likely he doesnt. Then talk to your mother. Tell her about all your anxieties, all your frustrations, how much what she did hurt you and how keeping it a secrete for so long hurt you. Anyway, I'm not a psychologist or psychiatrist so I have no training in this. So if you really feel its ruining your life, talk to a professional about it. And make sure your BF knows why you have these anxieties. If he doesn't know now, him knowing may allow him to realize why your acting the way you are, and he may be supportive in you seeking help. Please try to seek help. Its really the only thing that will make you feel better. Good luck!

Do you have a job? Sorry, thats rather blunt, but maybe a source of friends? You can always ask those of similar age, even if you dont really like them that much what theyre up to. Maybe youll like one of their friends? Maybe go to a local bar sometime in the middle of the week and make friends with the bartenders/waitresses. I don't know where in Virginia you live but I know there's tons of bars in northern virginia, and your bound to find someone at one of those bars. Its tough to be one of those people that goes to the bar on your own, but often if your willing to share your story, the bartenders are willing to listen (trust me as a past waitress, the ones williing to share are the ones that get better service and the ones that we remember). And the more times you show up, the more likely the bartender is to introduce you to someone else who just happens to be there that night. Not one to promote drinking, which is not what I'm suggesting, but just go out and meet people. If parties or drinking arent your thing, try joining a club or volunteer group. If your into animals, join the local animal shelter. Or whatever your thing may be. No better way to meet others that to join a group that shares your interests. Good luck!

I know how you feel. But I desperately plead to you, don't try to make him jealous. He knows what he's lost, and he know's what he could gain by taking you back. The question is, are you really doing GREAT? You probably are, but to me, and I'm sorry if this seems confrontational, but to suggest that this situation is a coincidence, I think you really aren't fine. You're contacting him when he broke up with you to find out how he's doing. Which can be a good thing, but if its causing you to think something may be up when it isnt (sorry, thats speculation, I have NO idea whats up then maybe you should cut off contact. Or maybe, depending on how confident you are in yourself and your new found independence, go out with the roommates and your ex and ask him straight out (certaintly privately) how he feels. Just say you want to know as a closure kind of situation. If he wants you back, he'll say he does. If not, he'll say he doesn't. He'll say he's happy with how things are. Just, whatever you do, don't seem desperate or excited to see him. Just make it as if its another day in your life, and if your seeing an old friend. Good luck!

I don't agree with striderhiryu81's post. While for some men it works to be mysterous, it's best to just be completely honest and yourself. Be spontaneous. That doesn't mean you should tell her now that you love her, because I have no idea how long you've been together. If it hasnt been that long, as in less than two months, I'd wait a bit longer and see how your relationship progresses. But during this time, be nothing but yourself. Don't be afraid to do everything you can for her, but don't forget that you're own, independent life is very important to you. Working on your car is important. If you plan to take time to work on your car, and she suddenly calls you up and asks what your up to, be honest and say that your working on your car, and would love to see her later but are in the middle of something important. If she respects you, she'll respect your independence. What I'm saying is don't devote your ENTIRE life to her, but do devote what you want to. Its a bond between the two of you, and you should both give, and both bend some. And nothing is worse than two years down the road, whether your together or not, realising that either you have no friends and no one to hang out wit when she's out of town, or no hobby to keep up with when she'ss busy with something of her own. Every person needs their individual life. So I guess I agree with striderhiryu's post in idea, but not in his suggestions on how to deliver it. It's all about continuing to be yourself. Don't say anything that isnt you. Don't ever say you like a band jhust because she does, especially when you dont like the band. Hope everything works out for you!

I completely disagree with that. There's no better way to learn than to try. Pictures can only say so much, but actually exploring... its worth far more to you than a million text books or ramdon persons telling you what to do online. So where are they located? Well, starting with a text book does help. But my best description is that its above the vaginal opening, probably 1-2 inches above. You'll find it by first finding the opening, which should be easy. Then moving between the outer labia, sometimes called the "lips", up toward her belly button. At some point you'll feel something that's akin to a pencil eraser in size and density. Well, that's average I should say. Just like men, all women have different sized clitoris'. Could be larger, could be smaller. But in any girl its just below where the lips end and the lower stomach begins. If you've reached pubic hair, you'll know you;ve gone too far. And if she's an open kind of girl, she may let you "inspect" before hand. Not too many girls are willing to let you do this, but you may be... don't know if lucky is the right word but... she may be willing to let you really look at her vagina beforehand. I don't know how to ask her without risking that she may get pissed off/ grossed out, but if you think she's that kind of girl that's very comfortable with her body, it might be worth it! Anyway, good luck, and don't get frustrated if something doesn't "work" right the first time. No one ever rides a bike the first time they try, right?

I'm not surprised about the "fingering" part hurting her. If she's a virgin, it might hurt her before she has sex. Oral sex isnt the same as "fondling" as it's otherwise known. Oral sex for a woman usually involves stimulation of the clitoris rather than penetration of some kind. Many women, myself included, prefer clitoral stimulation over penetration. Some women prefer it the other way around. Anyway, it's easier said than done, but you need to listen to your GF. Encourage her to tell you what she likes and doesn't like. Some women like nibbling, or "fingering", some women like more overall body stroking. But you have no idea unless you try a variety of "touches" and, before you engage, ask her what she likes. Likely she'll be embarrased to tell you, and if that is the case, listen to what kind of sounds she makes. The common mistake men make is they hear woman moaning, and assume they like it (which the women certaintly do) so they think the woman wants it faster/harder (which is usually what a man means by moaning). This is not the case. Continue exactly with what you are doing until her moaning slows down or gets quieter. Then change a bit. It's very difficult for men to listen and watch her body language, but it doesnt take long for most men to catch on. Anyway, there is really nothing any woman or man can tell you to make your first oral sex experience less awkward. It never happens the way the movies make it seem. The first time is always weird and awkward. The best thing you can do is make it fun for both of you. Don't be so pressed to make sure she has an orgasm, or that you do absolutely everything right. It takes men a few tries to figure out what women want, even if they've had a number of experiences. All because every woman is different. So I hope that helps you some and calms your nerves some. Best way to lead to oral sex is to slowly move to it. Nothing sudden. Something as simple of "fondling" helps. Remember, not all women like to be fingered. Some just like to be rubbed.

Are you going to school in the fall? If you are, don't worry. College is a much larger group of people, and out of several thousand students, there's bound to be at least one that you get along with. Also, you'll be with people with similar interests (in classes) so you'll easily make friends there. If your not planning on going to school, consider what your interests are. Like sparkler624 said, join a gym, find a club. Consider volunteering for a local animal shelter, scout group, 4-H, whatever interests you. When you get out there and do things with people that have similar interests to yours, your bound to find friends.

I'll give you my story about a similar situation. I was with this guy for 2 years, and right after the holidays he dumped me somewhat out of the blue. Well, it seemed like out of the blue to me, but there really were all kinds of warning signs like him wanting less sex and not wanting to go on vacations with me, etc. So he dumped me, and turns out he was dumping me for his best friend (I though at the time I was his best friend)! So, I started with the healing process, cut off all communication, and he would constantly send me e-mails, asking how I was doing, saying he feels bad for what he did. I didn't respond for 6 months until I found out that he moved to Florida with his rebound. I by that time had recovered and found a new boyfriend, so wasn't interested in him anylonger except to know that he was doing well and was happy. I emailed him, and it turned out he'd been in Florida for a few months with her and they had already broken up, and he was devistated! So he said he was sorry for everything he'd done to me. Since she dumped him, he now got to understand how I felt when he dumped me. A few weeks later he asked me if I wanted to come visit him in Florida. Of course I said no, and mentioned that my boyfriend wouldn't like that much, and now we just talk every now and then via email. Anyway, this guy was quite a level headed, intelligent guy too. So it somewhat sounds like a similar situation. I was his first love, and though I know you wern't his first love, you were in love for awhile. So take heart in knowing he loved you for a time, and probably in some way will always love you. She was a temptation. Men are very much programed to spread their genes as far and wide as they can, so it takes alot of self control for one man to stick with one woman for a long time. I don't know why you still have feelings for him, but I still, in some way, have feelings for my ex. Every time I see him sign online I get little butterflies (I doubt that their good butterflies though). Maybe it's just something you get over with time. And he flaunted her because he wanted to make you jealous. My advice? Don't get back with him. You don't trust him anymore. He'll just end up leaving you for someone else. So go out and find someone else. Good luck

It sounds like she said she wasnt in the emotional state for a relationship so she wouldn't have to be your girlfriend anymore. I hate saying that, but thats the cold hard truth, and sometimes when tragedies with relationships strike, you need to hear the truth, not something that will make you feel better. Then again, I can tell alot of the reason why you broke up has to do with her psychological state. If she had a perfect body and refused to believe it, then who's to say she could of had the perfect man and refused to believe it. Maybe she had some problem with physical attractions as well, thinking it was dirty or improper. All these things add up to her unwillingness to have a relationship, and it'll probably be the same with any man she dates for a long time until she sees what is going on. Anyway, I'm sorry the relationship to you was never really over. Is it over now? Sounds like you think it is. If you dont think it is, then you need to start considering it over. And I agree, you shouldn't talk to her. Every time you talk to her, you will just get upset again over the fact that you two aren't together anymore. Just remember, you are still young (24 is certaintly young) and I feel that no one should go through life only experiencing the love of one person. That's the benifit to not being married, if the love seems to fade, you can fall in love with someone else without it being a huge legal issue. So go out there and find yourself some love again!

Well, if you like him, what's the problem with him flirting with you? If he's best friends with your ex, then of course he's going to talk about your ex. If this bothers you that much, then tell him. If you have problems with any friends, you should talk to them first instead of just dumping their friendship. As far as is this friendship wrong, I don't see a problem with it as long as you get along, he doesn't hurt you in any way, and if you don't want to be his boyfriend you make that clear.

Your problem is in no way minor to the others on here. I'm glad you thought to come ask for advice before the insecurities etc. get to the point that you break up. What I see from your post is your girlfriend feels that you do not trust her. She think's your calling to make sure she isn't seeing someone else, make sure she's doing all the right things. She even accused you of checking up on her when you planned your surprise visit. My question to you is: Were you checking up on her? Ask yourself very seriously if you trust her with all your heart to "be good". If you don't trust her, you need to be honest with her. Let her know that you think the issues in your relationship stem from you not trusting that she'll not run off with another man. You're not there to see for yourself what she does with her friends, and you really need her to reassure you that what she's doing is harmless. If you think you do trust her, then you need to look further into the other problems that there can be with your relationship. I can tell you from personal experience that long distance relationships are very hard, especially on the trust issue. I remember that my ex would call me and get upset if I was about to go out somewhere because he took the time to call and I should take the time to listen. So when I would listen, we'd have nothing to talk about because I hadn't done anything since he called the night before. So you should wait to call her until you have something to say, not just to call her every day. My current boyfriend and I hardly talk on the phone. It's only to arrange when we're going to meet. A friend of mine noticed similar issues in his long distance relationship too. He'd call his gf to say hi, and she'd be on the way out to a bar with some colleagues. He'd say call when you can. Well when she called and he was about to go out, she got upset with him. So I wonder how your gf would feel if she called and you were about to go out? You should also take a little more time to enjoy life yourself. You have plenty of time in the future to be together every night, why not use the time you have apart to enjoy yourself as well? I hope everything works out for the better. If you have any other questions feel free to PM me, I've had some experience with the long term relationships.

I agree. The best way to make friends in a new town is go out with your new coworkers and meet their friends. It doesn't matter if theyre older than you. There will always be someone close to your age so don't worry about the age gap. You might try when you move finding activities or clubs that interest you. Some people enjoy working out at a health club (excellent way to meet people of your own age) and some people rather frequent a coffee house or poetry club. You gotta find people with similar interests, and I guaruntee you you'll have instant friends. And as far as finding the next girl, the best way to find them is through friends. Going out to bars and picking up women only works for the one night stands. You hardly ever find a person who'll you'll like for a long time that way.

I think this is the real reason. I feel that if they don't believe you are special enough to be with anymore, then they really aren't the one for you and you should move on with your life so you can find the one. Of course there are always certain cases when I feel that you should fight, but some people aren't ever willing to give up, and you can end up leading a sad existence of always being stuck in memories with that person. Instead, you should take a breakup as a chance to change your life, become who you want to be.

I occupy my time with my hobbies and my work. I've always wanted to volunteer and have never had enough time to do such. I hope in the near future I can volunteer at the local animal shelter or with a 4-H club or girl scouts (all things I did when I was young and remember that those moderating these activites made a big impact on my life).

I feel bad for you. I don't know how the law is in the UK, but in the US once you turn 18 you can do whatever you want as far as where you live. I'd say wait till you turn 18 and get out. Other than that, just keep on doing the things you love to keep your mind off of your home life. Work more, harder, anything. Volunteer (if you can) for the police department, just to get yourself out of the house. Just keep on going. 17 is a tough age to be because there are so many unknows and so many decisions to make. But once you find where you're supposed to be, everything will be ok.

How many outbreaks have you had? Not to get your hopes up, but herpes is actually quite hard to diagnose. Misdiagnoses are quite common, and docs can only say yes you have genital herpes after youve had more than one outbreak. Also, since it is a virus, you do build an immunity to it with time. thereforeeee your outbreaks become less frequent and less severe. I hope this is some positive news for you, just so you know that the future isnt completely bleak and lost. You do, however, want to make sure to always use a condom. Like moviestr said, you can still pass on herpes even if you don't have symptoms. And you might want to look into the drug therapy such as you've seen on TV. Can't remember what its called. As for your ex, well I'd doubt she'd go around telling her friends that she has herpes, no matter who she got it from. I'm sure she'd be as embarrased about it as you are. So I wouldn't worry about her reaction so much. Good luck

Hmm, I've had a number of those calls but usually its someone I don't want to hear from. Here's one that I gave to a coworker once that I wasn't interested in but it sure made him smile: (After telling me that he wants to go back to school to become an elementary school teacher) Can I marry you right now? Ha, not a compliment, but: Ah, yeah, so we broke up, and I'm really upset about it. (That was an "I told you so" situation). I'll post more after my drive home from work (on my list of things to think about).

Alright John. I read your previous post. You seriously need to relax. Don't get caught up in the idea that she's the only one for you. That's the best way to get hurt. It almost sounds like your in love with the idea of being in love. You need to be in love with her. So don't go to camp with high expectations. That is how you will get badly hurt and go into a deep depression. Tell yourself "It'll be great if it works out but I'm not going to expect anything." Also, you absolutely need to be yourself, 100%. Trying to impress a girl in ways that are not you just makes you appear to be fake. And fake is the worst thing you can be. For example, if she says, "I really like Good Charlotte" and you say "Yeah, I think theyre awesome too", then she asks "Whats your favorite song" and then, because you've never listened to Good Charlotte and have no idea what any of their songs are names, you come up with a lame answer like "I like them all!". It would have been better for you to honestly answer "I don't like them very much, but I do like _____". You find more out about eachother that way and find out if your really meant for eachother. Also, since you say your under 18, please remember that you have so much more life ahead of you. If she rejects you, remember that there will always be another. Hey, maybe one of her friends is a better match for you! Sounds like theyre looking out for their friend, which is an admirable quality. Good luck, let us know how it goes!

I seriously doubt your parents are wondering why you don't have a girl yet. If anything, your parents are probably singing for joy that you don't have one. There are so many things parents worry about when their child starts to date. Will he get hurt? Will he try to have sex with her (it's only human, so don't worry)? There's lots of worrisome things about a 15 year old son dating. At the same time, I'm sure they wont hold you back if you do date someone. It's definently not to early. Only thing that sucks is that your parents have to drive you wherever you want to go. But hey, you've only got another year till your 16! Ok, back to your main question. The only way to become a more confident person is to put yourself in the situations that test your confidence. And you will never know what could be if you don't make an attempt. So go for it! Ask her to come hang out with you and your friends. That way if things arent going well, at least you'll have someone else to talk to. Good luck!

I think your feeling all the right stuff. Confused. Thats all I get from your topic, as in I'm confused about what she's doing and why. Ok, she wants to be with you, but your friends. So?!?! My though here is you'll never know what could be if you don't try. You'll always end up regretting what could have been. Go for it for now, just be wary of her true intentions. What kind of things do you have to deal with?

That's a very tough situation. Maybe the best thing to do is to make a pro's and con's list. I know it sounds simple, but if you feel that you need to make a choice, it can maybe point your mind in the right direction. One thing I can say about the ex is if she left you once, or wasn't ready for the feelings once, she may leave again. You've already dealt with your feelings for her and getting over her, and do you want to do it again? I have a good friend who was in a somewhat similar situation, except that there was no current girlfriend involved. His ex, who tore his heart in two, begged him to take her back. He claimed they had had a serious talk about what they did and didn't like about their relationship before and how they would change their relationship in the future. They are also 1,000 miles away from eachother now, so kudos to them for making it work. I think you really need to thik about who is the person who fits with your life better. Maybe even make a list of the qualities of the perfect girlfriend and see who's qualities match up to that. Shoot, you could even ask your friends what they think about each girl. I know other peoples opinions shouldn't matter, but your friends can be the best, unbiased judges of peoples true intentions. Good luck!