tictac

Thanks for the input. I think as you get older and have [more] serious, adult relationships where things like marriage, children, etc are involved then the question is even harder. I think what is more scary is that there are A LOT of people that have a STD and don't even know it. There are some that can have no symptoms at all and even those that contract it get can go for years with no symptoms. So back to my original question, if you met someone really attractive and they had a cold sore on their lip, do you think diseased? herpes? No thanks? What?

Knowing that: 1. You are put at risk even when using protection. 2. Sex will be "different" because of outbreaks, varied contagious times (e.g. in the case of herpes). 3. This person you are dating may not even be long term or "the one". 4. Knowing that your life may be forever altered if you are infected. 5. Knowing that you may face regret and/or resentment. etc........... Also, do you think more guys than women are willing to "put up" with dating someone with an STD than the other way around? Q. What is the first thing that goes through your mind when you see an attractive person and then when you see them up close they have a huge coldsore on their lip?

I used to be with a woman who, upon meeting her, described herself as wild, sexual, overtly horny, etc. So there I was thinking...jackpot! To make a long story short, she could not get wet at all, not because of a lack of arousal, she just couldn't. In the months that passed, I had concluded that her whole "wild girl" bit was nothing more than a front to cover up her sexual ineptitude and shortcomings. I accepted her for who she was and not the type of person who she wanted to be perceived as. Anyways, enough ranting - is this a problem for you guys out there? How common is this and what causes it? Thanks for your feedback

I apparently haven't had any symptoms recently, but the blood test for both herpes types confirmed it. I do recall when I was with my ex a few years ago, I did have a cluster of blisters and as I said earlier, the fear of knowing what it was and being ignorant was what didn't allow me to seek medical attention. I'm aware of the risk of transmission to other partners - even when there are no symptoms present (aka Asymptomatic Viral Shedding). True, the outbreaks become less frequent and less severe over time, but it still doesn't help knowing that it is with you forever. I talked to my ex about it and she was in shock - almost to the point of tears. I suggested that she get tested and she was very cooperative. It has to be her. I mean to be together that long and to not get it would be remarkable. Plus, to have gotten it from someone else and to have skipped my ex would be another low percentage shot. In any case, this has certainly altered my life and put things into a whole new light. I'll try to be positive about it though it is really hard to do so. Thanks again to all who responded and please share some more insight.

Thanks for the responses. Just to clarify, I did see a doctor and was confirmed to have herpes. As far as from who, I'm very sure it was from my ex. Having a limited number of sexual partners and not having symptoms until I was with her leads me to believe that it was from her. She does (after all) get cold sores and at a time was getting chronic yeast infections. From my understanding, women will often mistake the symptoms for a yeast infection. Anyway, I'm worried that I'm going to face a roadblock or endure a battle with this. While I can't make her do anything, I thing the moral and human thing to do is to get tested. The social stigma is the bad part and to deal with rejection is especially hard for someone who has a hard time dealing with rejection in the first place. I just think it is unfair because I've had so few partners and while I would have liked to have had more experiences, I feel like I am never going to have a good chance again. I feel like I'm dirty and that I'm just going to deal with so many rejections and heartaches that I can't handle. I've been better since learning this and Ill have my down days (like today), but it is so hard wondering if I'll ever find that "one".

My ex-gf more than likely gave me herpes. What is sad about this is that she may not even know or wants to acknowledge that she has it. I am very certain that it is from her because I noticed some things when we were together. Unfortunately, because of my own fear and ignorance, I chose not to seek medical attention at the time. My question is how to I approach her and ask her to confirm this for me? How do I know that she won't turn this around and say I gave it to her? I guess I'm afraid of dealing with her telling her friends about this and making it look like I was the one who gave it to her. Aside from that, how does one go about dating and lead an active social life? I feel so isolated and angry and alone. Is anyone here facing a similar situation? How do you deal with it? Can you lead a normal datingl life?

I just turned 28 and wa shocked to find out that I have genital herpes from my ex-gf (I think). I haven't had many relationships and was kind of a late bloomer and now this major bombshell has been dropped on me. I don't know what to do with dating now because I feel like no one would want to 'risk' being with me. This comes at a horrible time where my ex left me and I have been alone for a good 5 months. I started dating someone briefly, but it felt like more of a rebound type of relationship and so I thought it would be best to end it. In any case, this girl I was dating stopped by one day and told me the news. She had been tested about a year ago and had nothing. When we were together, she had symptoms one day and her doctor comfirmed that it was gential herpes. Turns out that my ex of 3 years may have spread it to me and now to this poor girl. How do I approach talking to my ex about it? What if it wasn't her, but the one before her? I'm afraid if that my ex gets tested and has nothing, then she'll tell everyone about this. This is such a social stigma (even more so with me having low self-esteem). How do I even date now? No one would want to be someone as 'risky' as me, would they? What if that relationship didn't work out and then that person ends up having it? Is anyone in a situation like this? How do you deal with it? Are you lonely? I'm really afraid that no one wants to be with me and it's very hard dealing with that. Your feedback is appreciated. Thanks