lisaria

Hey Double D, I have wondered that so much over the past six months. How could they say they care so much and then they are the ones that hurt us more than anything else? I will never understand that. Mr. Goodman, what you said makes a lot of sense. Those are all solid reasons why they move on so easily, but it doesn't make it any better when you are the one that's been hurt. I guess my head can say yes, I understand. But of course my heart says Whaa?? Double D, I hope things went well with you and your ex. I hope it will go how you want it, but if it doesn't go well, you know the people on Enotalone are here for you. lisa

Hey all, I agree that you shouldn't look at old pics and listen to music that reminds you of them while you are still in the mourning period. The time to look at old pics is when you are past it. When you know you can look at them and not cry. When it will just be a pleasant memory not one that tears your insides out. Sure you have a grieving process to go through, but that doesn't mean you stick the knife in the wound over and over again. It does not help, it makes it worse. The whole idea is to heal.

Hi Brandell, You are on the road to recovery (sounds like an ad doesn't it?), and it will take time. It has been over six months for me and I still have days like that. But the important thing is that you did not contact her. You felt so incredibly sad and wanting and needing for a while, but you got past that. It's not quite so bad today, is it? I contacted my ex a few times after months had passed and simply ended up being hurt more when he ignored them. So you are doing the right thing. Go out with your friends, date a little, but don't contact her. You will have bad days, that is to be expected. You gave someone a part of you that they simply threw away. It wasn't good enough for them. Well guess what, they aren't good enough for you. You reached out, you loved someone and they rejected the love that you had. It hurts, damn it!!! But you will get through the bad days. They will not last. You did it at first, didn't you? The first days that felt like your world was crashing down around you. The godawful minutes when you thought your life was over. Then the hours when you just wanted to crawl in a hole and cover yourself because you felt like you couldn't face the day. But those days went by. So slowly. You got through them. You survived. It was so hard, believe me I know. But you got through them and you've been through the last ten weeks without hearing her voice, you can get through the next ten weeks without hearing it. Or seeing her. Or emailing her. Just stay strong. Because you are so much more stronger than you know. That's one thing you can thank her for. She's made you stronger. But don't contact her to do that. You don't need to. Just get through the next few days until you don't feel the ache or the need to contact her. That need comes in waves. Some days you will feel like you could care less about her (or so you tell yourself) and other days you will be in the trough of the wave. Where you feel so far down, so lonely and so needy that you would give your soul to have her back. But you won't do that. You have pride, a little self respect. Why would you give her the satisfaction of knowing how much she hurt you. I was cleaning up some stuff in my bedroom this morning and came accross some letters I had written to my ex after he split. He hurt me so unbelievably bad and so harshly that I can't understand it. Even after six months, it still hurts and for someone who supposedly cared about me, who claimed he did anyway. Who said he wanted me in his life forever, and all the other bs he lied to me about. You don't call that love. I don't know if there is a word for it....but it damned sure ain't love. I guess I just wish that I had never contacted him after it was finally over and you will also wish that if you end up contacting her Brandell. Don't do it. You will end up sounding needy, no matter what you say. She will see through to that and it will make you feel worse. Just stay strong. Hang in there. lisa

Hey Blue, I am sorry you lost your best friend in such a callous, insensitive way. But like the previous posts said, if he was really a friend he would not have turned away when you needed him. I know that it hurts and that it is going to be very tough but you will get through it. I hope you will not give him the time of day. Why should you? He let you down so now the only thing that matters is you and getting through the next few months. The best advice is to get busy. Take up a new hobby, volunteer, study something you've always wanted to learn about, and exercise. Anything that gets you moving is good. Dance, jog, run, walk, work out, yoga and meditation too. Whatever gets you through. Time is the only thing that will help and unfortunately we can't rush that or it would be next year for me and I would be past my ex. Another story. I know that it is really hard when someone we care about treats us in such a crappy way. It makes you feel like you are not enough. Not good enough, not smart enough or not pretty enough, and that does a major job on our self esteem. Anything that can keep us feeling attractive and in control we want to work on. What could you do today that would make you feel better about yourself? Different hairstyle? New outfit? Not that I'm saying go out and change yourself drastically, that could be the wrong thing to do right now, but just a small change that would make you feel better. I love short hair but started letting mine grow out because my ex liked it that way so I went and got it cut after a few months of realizing that the longer my hair got the smaller my self esteem got. That I was just hanging on to the longer hair in case he got smart and came back. Stupid of me I know. I came up here alot (still do) and just read the posts. Sometimes what you have to say helps someone and you never even know it. So if you want to vent or just post, go for it. This is a great place to do that. Give advice, take advice, read advice...anything that will get you through today. I don't know if this helps, but I certainly hope you feel better soon.

Hey Goddess4, I am sorry you are going through such a hard time right now but it will eventually get better. It just won't seem like it for a while. You are going to go through such a tough time over the next few months. But the thing to do is to concentrate on YOU. To hell with him. He was an immature little pr##* who couldn't grow up. You don't want that, do you? If you stayed with him and married him you would always have to be the one in charge of everything because you wouldn't be able to trust him to do the adult thing. Like pay the bills and NOT lie. But do remember that you will go on and you will be a much better person than he could ever be. He lied, he cheated, he doesn't sound like a nice person and that is what you have to focus on. Not the good things. Until you are over him simply remember the bad things otherwise you'll be wanting all the good things back. And you can't do that during this healing process. Because that is what it is. It's healing your broken heart and your broken life. He was a big part of your days and nights and he's not there anymore. It does hurt, believe me....we know. So many of us here have been hurt like you are hurting now and we survived. That's all it will be for a while. Just surviving. Getting through the next minute without feeling like someone kicked your world in. Then it will be getting through the next minute and the next until it's an hour and then a day. It will take a while, but you will do it. Lots of days you won't want to get out of bed and remember that is ok. But you get up and go anyway. Work. Friends. School. Hobbies. Whatever will take up your time and get you through the hour. You just get through it. Good luck. We are all here for you. Lisa

Hey guys, Thank you for your support. Michele, I will remember those ladies. I think they are both so smart and beautiful and talented and to go through a breakup that is so public. You have to admire that. I am so sorry we are all going through similar situations. RSweetheart, that was beautiful. You said it so eloquently that I could never put it like that, but it is all so true to this situation. We did love damn it! We were dragged screaming and resisting into a relationship (in my case) and gave so much of ourselves to someone who just used us for whatever reason that I sure can't understand and then thrown away and stomped on and hurt so cruelly that I really don't think I will ever trust or love anybody the same way again. It is not right that they are now sailing through life with seemingly no difficulties and nothing holding them back. Muneca, Thank you for reminding me that there are men out there with character and that are honest and true. I wish my ex had been like that. We were so unbelievably happy in the beginning. We commented on how everybody was smiling at us because we were smiling about everything. I wish so much had been different. I wish I had been strong and not been anything but a friend to him. I wish that he loved me and had never cheated. I wish...I wish...alot of good that does, huh? Thank you everyone for your support. I don't know what I would have done without this site. It has helped me so much over the last 4 or 5 months.

Hi everybody, It's been a while since I've posted anything but I find myself back once again longing for my ex. My daughter saw him with his new g/f who is very pretty she said. They were being all lovey and he had his arm around her and smiling and showing her off like she was his trophy (that was how she described it). I didn't want my daughter to know that what she was telling me was hurting so I just made a smart remark about "Gee, I wonder where his kid was" and ended the conversation. But it hurts like hell. I have not gotten over him by any means, still cry some days but I was doing so much better. I had nearly forgiven him and was starting to move on. Now I have been thrown back a few miles on the road to healing. It kills me that he is so happy with his new g/f. I wonder if it's the same one he cheated on me with. There is a selfish part of me that wants him as miserable as I am. It's been 5 months and summer is here. I think about all the things we did last summer and wonder how he can not think of me. I remember the plans we had made for this summer and wonder if he's carrying them out with her. I hate doing the things we did because it reminds me of him but the things we did were things I loved to do and have always done. Does that make any sense? So I am trying to find new things to do but it is not the same. I just want my life back like it was before him. I was free, independent, happy go lucky, and just satisfied with my life as it was. I didn't want a relationship, just a friend. But he came on so damned strong. Promising things, not taking no for an answer, sending flowers at least once a week, candlelit dinners, making plans, talking all night, we had everything in common. I believed every word he said. I was bowled over. He came on like a steamroller and rolled me over. I wanted to take it slow but he overcame all my doubts and fears and look what happened. He hurt me worse than I've ever been hurt in my life. I've realized my mistakes and I took responsiblity and sent him an email apologising for it, no reply of any kind. I guess he was too busy with the new g/f. But that was good, it helped me figure out there was absolutely no hope at all and I could move on. I really felt like I was halfway home on the way to healing. How long is this going to take? Just when you think you've got it together something happens and blows you out of the water. Why does it happen like that? Why can't I stop wishing for him? What will it take? Any advice guys?

Hey max and left It's been 5 months for me nearly 6 A big anniversary would be coming up on the 17th of Jul. for us but it won't happen now. I'm still in love with the sob. It hurts and I still can't listen to certain songs or watch certain tv shows or even commercials. It is ALOT better. I still cry some days and I can't imagine life without his smile. But I have to. I will always miss him and what should have been but I and you have to keep going on. It's been a helluva ride and I don't know if I would take it again if I had the choice, but it's something I got through with a lot of help from my friends and family. This forum was the biggest help though. I don't know how I would have made it at all without the people here. Hang in there. We will all get through this. Lisa

Hi g, I am so sorry. When someone you love cheats on you it does something strange to your soul, to your life, to YOU. It makes you feel like you are not good enough. Like you are NOTHING. HOW DARE HE DO THAT? Why do they do that? I'm sorry. I went through that and it was with my lover not my husband and it still felt like a knife through my whole being. I could not imagine someone doing that to me after so many years. How have you made it this far? What do you do to get through it? I left my ex after I found out about his affair after only a month? I couldn't imagine living with it for a year. What have you done to keep your sanity? I don't know what to tell you...except that if you want to talk I am here. I don't know if there is anything to say that will help you get through it, but it's hard. As if you didn't already know that....there is nothing that will make it any easier. No special words. No special prayer. No special spell that will take it away. It is all up to you. What you choose to do is up to you, but we will be here. I wish I could give you a magic formula to make it all right, but there is nothing that will. Good luck and please get up here if you ever feel like you have to vent. We are all here in similar situations of some kind. Best wishes to you. lisaria

Hi grieving, I am sorry you are hurting and I hope that you will take matters into your own hands really soon and stop talking to this jerk. I have been where you are and some days I am halfway where you are (if that makes any sense) just wondering and wanting him. BUT!!! I will not ever call him or email him again. I do not want to see him simply because I know that it would probaby kill my fragile frame of mind. I have worked damned hard to get to where I am emotionally and I will not let him take back that power that he once had over me. Oh yeah. I've been weak, but not anymore. You have got to start the NO CONTACT rule if you ever want to feel better. When you see him and when you talk to him or hear from him you are simply pushing that knife in your heart just a little deeper and twisting it just a little harder. Stop doing that to yourself!!!! It will be the hardest thing you will ever do but you WILL do it. Why would you want to hear from someone who obviously does not care about you enough to stick around? I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but like tigerlilies said he's being cruel. He has you waiting in the background just in case he decides that maybe he DOES want to be in a relationship or maybe he just misses the sex or the companionship or whatever it is that he thinks he wants at that minute or maybe he just can't find anyone else because trust me, he is looking. No matter what these dumpers say they ARE looking around. Ok, just my jaded opinion, and everyone will say, not my ex he's different, but I have seen it happen over and over again. But he's the one making all the decisions and it's your life that's being stomped on and played with. I am stronger and getting that way more every day. You will too. Just give it time and leave him alone. The no contact is for you. Get busy and find other things to do. Find something that will occupy your mind and your body. A new hobby, exercise, write in a journal, go out with your friends, get up here and write, but do not contact him. It only hurts you. This will be one of those things that will make you so very strong. We have things happen that teach us and they are always the lessons that hurt the most. I still am not sure what this lesson is supposed to teach me and until I figure that one out I am doomed to repeat it again. Any ideas anyone? It is hard, grieving, but you will get through it and you will be stronger. Just getting through it is the tough part. So hang in there and if you feel like contacting him again get up here and contact us instead. We are all here for you. Good luck. lisaria

Hey Wade, It sounds like you've had some bad times Murray, and that maybe you're getting better, I hope so anyways. He has some good advice there Wade. I hope you know that he is right about the no contact rule. Use it. Don't worry about her anymore. She's just not worth it. No matter how special you think she is, you have to remember that it's YOU who is even more special. And you deserve better. Closure is something we all want because then we can move on. But it just doesn't work like that when we talk about our exes. Simply because no matter what we expect or what we would do for them they are not the same as us. They will not do what we want them to. Obviously they want to just forget about us and that hurts like hell, but we can get through this. There's nothing else we can do. We can't force them back no matter how much we want to. Be honest Wade, how much of this email is hope? The hope that she'll call or email you back with something nice so that you can hope even more. Get off of that rollercoaster. Hope does nothing but hurt. Forget the email. Use No Contact. Give it time. You will get past this. You will meet someone else. You really will Wade. I know you don't believe me, but it's true. Time will help alot. Lisa

You are so right muneca. Needy women are such a turn off for guys. Unfortunately we all feel needy at times and when things are not going so well between a man and a woman is one of those times when we do feel needy, we need them very much...but then they don't want to deal with it. Makes you look clingy and God, that's death to any feelings of love they had. We go through cycles or waves as the Mars and Venus guru, John Gray puts it, and they seem to have a hard time with that. Hell, we put up with their bs and their cycles, their moods. But since we're women we're just needy and clingy and we don't have a life w/o them and damn! they're out the door. Oh my. How did I get started on this? Anyway, yes, we do what we have to and what we enjoy. Find our passion (easier said than done) and move forward. Whatever makes us feel beautiful and good. New haircut, new clothes. New outlook especially. I'm just rambling today people, sorry about that. But maybe there's something in here that someone can use.

Hey davo, amaranth is right. Everything is on her terms right now and you need to tell her how it makes you feel and what your needs are. Sure she's hurting, but so are you. Do what you have to do to get through this. If that means cutting contact completely, then do it. Tell her and then stick to what you decide. Good luck. I hope things work out for you.

Hey SuzyQ, That's one thing we will never know the reason for: I do not understand how someone whom you love with all your heart, stand by them through all kinds of bullcrap. Problems with their exes, their kids, their job, stuff that they don't mind b#$ching about, just don't do too much about yours. You are there trying to make their lives better for them. You're there for them through it all. You're there for them because you CARE and want to be. And they promise things. Like the kind of life you're going to have together. The stuff they're going to do. Like be there forever. Please. But then the headgames start and it's like "Who are you? Where did the guy I fell in love with go?" It's a person you don't know, their evil twin and you keep waiting for the one you fell in love with to come back. But they don't and it just gets worse. You can't do anything right and they won't tell you what's wrong. Not what's REALLY wrong. And then they just take off and you're left picking up the pieces of a shattered life. And I'm not being melodramatic here, it is shattered. So you go through one day after the other wondering what went wrong. Why did they do that? Nah, we'll never know. And after a while it's not quite as important knowing why as knowing that we got through it. All the hurt that they don't feel, that they forced on us, we got past it. And the good thing? Karma baby. They get what they give. Oh yeah. I believe that. Anyway SuzyQ, I'm still trying to figure that one out. If anybody has the answers let us know. lisaria

Hey christina, It is always so confusing when someone we love does something completely against character. For him to get a vasectomy without saying anything to you about it until it was over was pretty dishonest. It's been three weeks and he says he doesn't want to be with you and acts funny around other people when he is with you? Then it's time for you to let it go and I know how hard that will be. That is one thing that really pisses me off. What does he think he's doing? Who does he think he is? He is not being honest, caring, or showing any consideration for you at all. You have to begin the No Contact rule today. Have you seen other posts about that? It's where you break off all contact with the ex in order to get your head on straight and start healing. He is not the one you have to worry about now. You are hurting and confused and he will play on that every time he wants your company. He knows if he calls or emails you then you're there for him. Have you ever not been there for him? Especially now. It's just hurting you more everytime you are together or talk to him. Because you think it is a good sign that he didn't mean any of the hurtful things he has done or said and that it means you're together. But honey, you're not. He makes that plain when you're with others. He's got you on his terms and where does that leave you? It's not fair to you. None of this is fair to you. You thought you guys were going to be together the rest of your lives, have kids together, grow old together. He's the one that blew that dream all to hell. Leave him alone for awhile. Step back so you can think about this. Call your buddies and vent. Get up here and belt it out. We are all here for pretty much the same reason. It will get better, but not until you leave him alone for a while. It will be so hard. You will feel like a hollow shell of yourself for some time. You will be so mad at him you'd like to hurt him at times and then so sad that you won't be able to get out of bed some days. You will be on a rollercoaster of emotions that will never seem to get better. But they will, it will take time, but you will get through the pain and become a stronger person. I know...who gives a crap about being stronger? You just want him back and so do I. It's been four months for me and I still hurt, but it's not so intense. It will gradually ease off. It may not ever go away, but you will learn to live without him. You have to because that is what he chose. I'm sorry. They do this to the people that love them and I can't understand why. We give them our heart and soul and they stomp on them and have no use for us. Why? Why can't things work out? I'm sorry if I seemed cruel at times but you have to think only about you now. Be selfish, it's ok in this situation. Do whatever you have to get you through this and we are all here for you. I wish there were something I could do to make it easier on all of us, but what? We just get through the days one at a time and pray for relief. Good luck. lisaria

Sure, if I had the money to blow I'd try one. Nothing else has worked.

Hi pherb, Ok, the first thing you need to do is figure out WHY. There is a reason why you are so afraid of being with someone and you need to know what it is so you can work on it. And relax. Just be another's friend. That is the first step in a relationship. Do you have guys that you are just friends with? Then that's a b/f only take it to the next level. Think of it in stages. The first is getting to know someone. Then becoming friends, exchanging personal info, then maybe holding hands or letting them put their arm around you. Then only what you feel comfortable with. Talking, kissing (maybe), being alone together. there's no rush when it comes to relationships, the longer it takes to develop the better it will be. The greater the anticipation only makes it that much sweeter. Take your time. What is the rush? Remember the old saying? Good things come to those who wait? Your future b/f will appreciate the fact that you waited for him so much more so than if you didn't. It will make you that much more special in his eyes. And whatever makes you special makes you stand out in the crowd. Believe it or not, I was terrified of guys. They were a whole different species and very dangerous. But after you learn them, they are fantastic. They are fun, but you have to understand yourself a little more before you can actually understand them. It took me a very very long time to realize that they (or alot of them) are just as scared as you are. Only they CANNOT show it. It would not be very manly and heaven forbid if they are not that. They really are interesting. Try getting to know what they are about before worrying about how they are interested in you. The more you act interested in them and their passions, what they like and don't like, the more they will be interested in learning about you. And that's all it is, learning each other. And then you may find out that you really don't want to learn anything else from this person. And that's ok, as long as you're honest. Have fun. I hope this will help some. lisaria

hey sk8r, Not neccessarily. Maybe she feels more comfortable telling one of you the truth and not the other. It is much easier to tell someone who isn't close to you the truth when it comes to something that will hurt someone that you love. Is that making any sense? You don't want to hurt the one you love so you don't tell them the truth. You sugarcoat it. Has your g/f had any help with her depression? You're a good guy for hanging with her through her problems even though she's pushing you away. I hope it works out. lisaria

Hey cinabun, I know you've heard this before, but that's because there is truth in it. If he loves you, he will respect the way you feel and he won't push it. You do NOT have to prove your love. Love is not something you prove, it's something that is sweet and kind and caring. Which means he won't make you do anything you don't want to or you're not ready to do. Trust me, if he makes you do that and you feel like you HAVE to do it then your relationship is over. It will never feel right. He will not respect you and that is a major component in relationships. Hold fast to your wants and needs. If you need to wait or if you want to wait, then wait. He will wait with you if he truly feels for you. The only one who will get anything out of you doing this will be him. And it won't last two seconds. The big O I mean. Shoot, that's something he can do himself if he has to. You get nothing. You want to give him your power? Because that's what happens when you do something you don't want to do or you aren't ready to do because he wants to do it. Respect yourself enough to say "not yet baby". It's a very lonely feeling when you do something to "prove" your love and they leave you. Very lonely and so sad. Hang on a little longer and only when you're ready agree to it. Not before. I hope this helps some. Show him how much you respect yourself too. Keep your power. It's all you have that is truly yours right now. lisaria

Hi asia, I don't think I have any advice for you, but I feel alot like you do. I sent my ex an email earlier this week after virtually no contact for nearly four months and no word. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero. I did it because I figured he would not answer which he hasn't and that then I would realize that he really doesn't care and so it would finally be closure for me OR he would email me back his undying love and we'd live happily ever after. Ok, I really didn't think that would happen, but it sure sounded good. But I am still holding my breath when I check my email and hoping he'll write something for God's sake!!! We were together a long time and went through so damned much together. At least a nice good bye and acknowledgement of his fault in the break up. He cheated. Lied. The usual player bs, even though he is too old to be a player (44) and he's got kids and has been married and his ex cheated on him. So he knew how bad it hurts. I never ever expected or thought he would do that, not in a million years. Even though he was very good looking and girls threw themselves at him that were half his age. but anyway.... Your posts reminded me of me. I am much much better and part of me does accept this as closure. For the time being anyway. I know it's over, but I still think he's eventually coming back. It just felt so right and never ever felt like that before and I've been around the block once or twice. Dated ALOT, been married, divorced, a few b/fs since my divorce and nothing ever felt like that. So I do know that we are bound in some way. Maybe it's just the lesson I had to learn going through this, but we are bound together and this will not be the end. Ok, I know that sounds crazy but it's what I feel. I think it may take a while, but it will happen. When we first started dating, my old b/f called me after many years. The old b/f was his roommate and the guy I was dating when I first met him. How karmic is that? Do I sound crazy to you guys? I am moving on. I am dating again, well....sort of. Everyone knows I'm coming out of a relationship that hurt and that we're going out as friends, but at least I'm getting out there. So it's not like I'm sitting home waiting for him. Anyway.... asia, I know this isn't helping you any, but kipster is so optimistic and makes me feel like it can happen eventually that I just had to get this out. Please keep us updated. lisaria

Hey people, Fantasia, you are so right. Men do it just as much if not more than women. Yeah, some of us are not very loving or loyal or caring. But so are men. And guess what...some of us ARE loving and loyal and kind and would and did everything we could for some lying, cheating d^ckh*ad who suddenly decides that it just wasn't good enough and then they go and cheat. The grass is so much greener, isn't it people? It happens to everybody. Not just men. Not just women. EVERYBODY. How many of us have been dumped only to see the sh$@ out the next night with someone new? Men and Women. You can't say it's women who are worse or men who are worse because people are people and there is always someone willing to hurt someone else for their own fking selfish reasons. If you're honest throughout the relationship and communicate then you know where you stand. But most people won't say what they feel or think because they don't want to hurt the other's feelings. NO, they'd rather decide they are too gd unhappy with the gf/bf and they leave. Too much effort to try and fix things and to be truthful and TELL the other what is bothering them. The one left picking themselves up off the floor knew something was wrong. They tried to do what they thought was loving and what they thought the other wanted and instead they end up clinging and feeling so very needy that it just turns the other off completely. The one leaving doesn't bother putting the energy into this relationship. They just know there is someone better out there. If the one left behind asks what is wrong they just say "Nothing". Or they're "just not feeling well" that day and my favorite "It's not you"-- the one they say if you're lucky enough to get a reason when they walk out the door. You are damned right it's not YOU it's them for not being honest and not trying to COMMUNICATE what they feel. It does take two for a relationship to work and we get bored and in a rut and there's no excitement anymore. A routine that wasn't there in the beginning. Instead of trying to spice things up with the one who loves you you look for that excitement elsewhere. Maybe it starts out harmless, but there is someone else in the picture that the dumper seems to forget about. Someone that will get hurt. Someone that DOES get hurt. If you're doing something with someone else of the opposite sex that you can't tell your bf/gf then it's a form of cheating. Because if you have to hide it, then there is something wrong and you know it. For God's sake, if you care about this person and there is a chance in hell of it being love then work on it. Don't hurt someone else for your own selfish pleasure. Because the grass is not greener and your problems are still with you. Sure the face on the pillow is different and the excitement is there at least for a little while, but it will end up the very same way since YOU are still the same inside. And like I've said before, the one that is left is the one who is growing. They learn a lesson that makes them stronger and wiser. The one who left is still in the same rut. They still have the same problems, the same way of looking at things. Why change if it's worked in the past? And it did work...with the one you just dumped and with the new person. But unfortunately you're still you and nothing will change until you've been hurt somehow. Until you've learned the lesson that all of the exes have learned. Some people go a lifetime without ever growing and learning and they don't mind hurting someone who loves them. But we do. And we are better than that. lisaria

Hey SuzyQ, I have to agree with JonnyG. The guy sounds like an idiot. You need to let this a@@ go and quit worrying about saying good bye to him. Or are you hoping that by that final contact he'll realize what a heel he's been and confess his undying love for you? Honey, it's not going to happen. But if by some off chance it were to happen how could you ever ever trust him? He lies. He cheats. He's scum. Leave him in the past and work on you. Don't even think about him. why waste your energy? Find stuff to keep you busy. Hang out with your friends. Find something that you've always wanted to do and do it. Intereseted in anything new? If not, find something. It's hard at first because he is all you think about. But definitely NO CONTACT. You said that you regain your strenth until you talk to him and then you feel worse. Don't talk to him. Don't let him hurt you agian and again. You are worth more than that. We all deserve respect and love and loyalty. He can't give that to you, maybe not to anybody, but that is HIS problem. Not Yours. Not anymore. The only problem you have to worry about now is getting through this one day at a time. And you will get through it. It may not seem like it now, and you may want to talk to him so bad that it's a physical ache but you will not do it. You know why? Because you know deep down that you don't want to hurt anymore. That you are better than that. That you want better than that. He is not worth it. Don't give him anymore of you. I really hope you feel better soon. Hang in there. Anytime you need to vent, we are here for you. lisaria

Hye cinaBun I'm glad I could help! Good luck!!!

Hey Johy, I'm sorry you are going through this. A verbally abusive man is not someone you should stay with. Sometimes that can cause more scars than a belt. You did the right thing by leaving. Hell, it sounds like you should have left a long time ago. But you did what alot of us women do, you stick around. You put up with the abuse, the fights, the coldness, the distance. Why? Because you love him. He wasn't like that in the beginning and you keep thinking that it's just a bad spot, he's going through a tough time, that the man I fell in love with will be back and things will be like they were before. But it doesn't work that way, does it? The fights keep getting harsher, the good times are fewer and farther between. Until it reaches a head. Many of us would still take our exes back if they asked even if in our hearts we knew it wouldn't work. My ex cheated, I never saw him with her and I think that would have killed me. So Johy, you're already going to be stronger than I am. I could never have handled that. You will get through this and be a better person for it. You will. It may not seem like it now, but it will get better. You have to concentrate on YOU now. Nobody but YOU. It's going to be hard, very hard some days. But you keep going. I'm glad you have a good network of friends to call, you will need them. I'm sorry you suffered a miscarriage and all the other. That can be devestating. I hope you will know that we will be here for you. Sometimes people can be a little harsh, but alot of us are going through the same thing you're going through and we get up here to give each other support, not tear them down. I wish you all the best and if you ever want to rant and rave, we will listen. Good luck! lisaria

Thank you tiger_lillies!!! We have survived, haven't we? Despite them. LukeYLuke, Hang in there hon, there is hope. You will overcome and be wiser and stronger and the next relationship will be so much better. princesa, We are fantastic!!! They can't see it because they are blind to the true beauty which comes from inside. We heal and grow. They aren't growing because they didn't see the pain we did. They kept going like nothing was wrong. They didn't get that kick in the stomach that we got when they left us. They kept right on with their lives while we GREW. Who knew? We are all so much better and wiser and stronger. They are stagnant. Don't you love that word to describe the ex? Stagnnat. Pond scum. Algae. Fungus. Slugs. Torpid. Static. Standing still. A Growth on Humanity's backside. Oops. Was that a little anger? Yeah. I didn't say I was 100% cured of that yet. (I like the little green alien when I think of my ex) 0X If you think about it, they really did stand still. They will keep doing the same stupid things that messed up this relationship until they learn their lesson, which I hope is soon (oops, anger again). We learned a very valuable lesson that they will never learn. Sure, it seems like they got the better end of the deal, but we got the lesson in life that will never be wrong. LOVE. And think how much stronger and more powerful we are now. Love does that to you, even if it didn't stick around long enough on their part. We still got the lesson. Boy! Didn't the homework suck! I'm rambling again. I just wanted to say thanks my friends and I wish all of us to get past those lying, cheating scumbags and have a great life without them. lisaria