lisaria

Thank you people. You guys have helped me so much and I don't mean just here on this one post, although you have here too. LostinT, you made alot of sense here. I think he doesn't care about me and may never have. I have to accept this and move on. I would be hurt if he just blew me off and that means I still have strong feelings for him. It's only been three months since we split and that's understandable. I hope that our exes will one day realize what they gave up. I doubt it, but I'd like to think that we didn't love someone and waste so much time on someone that really didn't care. Scout, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You made me feel a little hopeful. It was probably just a wave of longing or loneliness and I got past it. Sort of. I think that my ex and I probably came into each other's lives to teach us both a lesson. I did what I had to to help him on his journey and he did the same for me. It was a hard lesson for me and I'm still not sure I know what that was, but I have my ideas, and it was time for us to move on. I know it probably sounds a little hokey but I am starting to believe that. It helps a little when I get down (and I'm getting better, I really am) to know that it isn't just me picking the wrong guy again, it's helping someone on their journey. Although I wish it wouldn't hurt so much. Deb, You're right, I do think he is a commitmentphobe and I'm probably a little of the same. He does know how to get in touch with me and he just doesn't care enough to do that. That really hurts. I still do not understand why he did what he did after we went through so much together. But looking back I see where I gave him everything I had emotionally. Always there for him no matter what. In the beginning I was giving him everything in every way I knew to show him how I felt. But after he started playing headgames I stopped doing that and it just went down hill. I was very clingy and needy and I became so very insecure. I stopped doing the little things that I had done in the beginning too worried about what he thought since he seemed to not want the things I did for him. I guess I just took whatever he gave even if it was just bits and pieces of his love (if that's what it was) whenever he felt like it. I've done ALOT of thinking recently, can you tell? I've followed your stories people and I want to tell you to be strong too. Hang in there. Do not contact your exes either, if that's where you are now. I remember the first week being pure hell. But Deb, you've made it through that and now you're working on the second, then it will be the third and before you know it, it will be two months, and then three, and then six. I can't wait and I sincerely hope that by the sixth month I have forgotten how much I loved him. You can do it. You'll find you are much stronger than you think. Thanks again people. I couldn't do it if I had to do this alone. Lisa

Wow guys! I'm sorry the three of you have been hurt like you were. This is a good place to get through it. Lots going through the same and will read whatever you need to say and you never know, you just might help someone with your stories. Quite a few have helped me. You guys seem to know that you will get through it and that's a major step in the right direction. It's going to be tough going for a while, but we'll help as much as we can. I don't understand how people can hurt other people and go on like nothing ever happened leaving behind their supposed loved one trying to carry on with their lives in a mist of pain and heartache. And that is what it's like the first month or so, like you are looking at things through a cold, heartbroken mist full of the ghost of the ex in every place and every song and every thought. You take it a minute at a time and do whatever you have to do to get through it. Some days just pass by and you don't even know how you survived them. For someone to do that to someone they want to be with "forever" just blows my mind. I guess their idea of commitment and my idea of it are two different things. I want you guys to know that not all women are like that. Some of us do love honestly and forever. It just never seems like we meet up with the guys who do it at the same time. We are here for you. Lisa

Hello all, Many of you know my story. How far I've moved forward and how far I've stepped back sometimes. You have helped me tremendously get through one of the worst times of my life. It will be 2 months Tuesday since I've initiated any kind of contact at all. I don't count the "Hi" at the gym. Not planned and surprized me terribly. I ended up not going the last week and a half because I didn't want to run into him and just felt awful and thought I looked awful and I definitely don't want him seeing me like that. Anyway... I have this urge to email him today. I know that he is with someone else and has been since before our split but I really want to know how he is doing. But I'm scared to do it, I don't want to be rejected again. I know that I should not, but I also know that he's forgotten about the good things we had and I want to nudge his memory a little bit. I feel like I'm just hanging on...waiting for him to change his mind and come back, which my head knows is stupid. But I can't seem to make my heart believe that. I am getting better and stronger and maybe I could handle a short email. What do you guys think? Should I? Lisa

Hey Chan, Have you asked her? If so and she hasn't said anything, then tell her how you feel and ask how she feels and don't take nothing but the honest truth from her. It sounds like you guys have a slight communication problem and that's not good. You might suggest working on it with her. Just my thoughts. Lisa

Hey spatz, I'm kind of at the angry stage now. He lied and cheated as lots here know (I've b*tched about it enough), and now I'm like you...one minute I hate him and the next I want things back like they were. I do not want him back anymore, just the feelings, the good times, the friend. He was with somebody else when he split, so he's not had any time to really bother with thoughts of me and I really hate him for that. But I've come to the realization that he will do the same thing to this new girl. That's his problem, not mine anymore. We will survive. L

Hey Rock, Oh my God!!!! You just asked every question I have wondered about. All of my friends are married or with someone and my family is sick to death of me. How do these people get dates? Geese...it's so much harder now. I'm a pretty good looking woman, nice body, nice personality, but where do you go when you're my age and live in a pretty small town? Yeah, it's Friday night and I'm sitting home alone, drinking a beer by myself, crying. I could be a living, breathing country song. I am scared to death that if I do get a date I'll just sit there and b#tch about my ex all night long, heaven forbid. I don't really think I'll do that, but who knows. Plus I feel a little like I'm cheating which is totally rediculous. He sure as hell didn't have any problem with that. What do you do? I think it would give my ego a big boost to have a few dates, something I really need. So what is the solution? The gym closes at 7 on weekends, I spend many Friday or Saturday nites at the bookstore, no luck there. Around here everybody is with somebody or I'd go to jail if I tried to flirt with them. I get so frustrated and mad at myself and my ex because I know he's not having any freaking problem with this since his new bimbo and him are together every night. He doesn't have to worry about this soul consuming loneliness. Anyone have any ideas? Thanks for letting me rant a little.

Hey Rock, I'm sorry you are having a bad day. My day pretty much sucked too, so You are not alone. If you ever want to PM me, please do. I read your post and it was great! I even printed it out so I could read it later. That's one thing that will make you feel better...knowing you helped someone else and that did help me and probably lots more. I really hope you feel better soon. Thanks. Lisa

Hey deb, Yes, the knot in your stomach will eventually go away. You will be able to go a minute without thinking about him, then minutes. It will happen, but it will take a while. Your story reminded me of my ex. He led me on too. Made me think we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. The new house we would have and the stuff that we'd put in it. Even what kind of dog we were going to have. It was all a lie. Made his son believe it too which was unforgivable. We went through so much together that I couldn't believe he was cheating on me. All the stuff I helped him with and it meant nothing to him. You do need to put the no contact rule into effect. You need to start thinking about YOU and your son. How old is he? He's dependent on you and doesn't want to see him mom sad. I remember crying in the shower so my girls wouldn't hear me. I also lost alot of weight which was the only good thing that came out of the relationship. My sleep was non-existent. I kept waiting (and some days still do) for him to call. He would realize his mistake and call me and everything would be ok. But it's not ok. I'm alone again and I have to learn to like it again. It's so damned hard. But deb, you and I will get through these stupid a##es and the stuff they did to us. The promises they made and didn't keep. We are so much better than they are. You know why? Because we loved them so much more than they ever could have loved us. We didn't lie about our feelings or our intentions. They did. Life will be almost unbearable the next few weeks. But you will get up each day and move. Get your son to school and get to work and go through each minute like a zombie sometimes. Then when you're alone scream in your pillow, punch the hell out of it. Get the tears and anger out. They will come when you really don't want them to. If you're at work, go to the bathroom and cry. I think I spent a few days in the bathroom at my workplace. Then you just go on. You won't know how you do it, but you will. You put one foot in front of the other and you move. Talk to your friends until you're talked out. Then do it again the next day and the next. If you feel like calling him, get up here instead. Same with email. Do not contact him. But.... Are you going to counselling with him? Did he agree? If so, then I guess the no contact wouldn't work, would it? I just hope things work out if you do. But either way we are here for you. Stay strong. L

Oh yeah.... And I miss both. The great sex and all the other stuff that went along with that.

Hey fantasia, It sounds like you've been through hell and back. You have a very forgiving nature and I think it is great that after all you've been through you still wish the very best for your ex. Good luck and I wish you all the best. Lisa

Hey Troubled, Sometimes people who are friends will tell you things that they think will help you in some way. My family and friends really did not like my ex after he hurt me the first time and told me over and over how much better off I was w/o him. Then after a while they told me to get over it. They thought they were being helpful, but like brosia said we know them much better than they do. We saw the good side, the best side of them so it's just not that easy to quit thinking about them. You will go over and over in your mind all the things you thought you should of, would of, could of done to make him stay. But you know what? The fact is they did not stay. They did not want to make it work. Did he come to you and tell you what he needed from you? Mine didn't. I would have walked through fire for that a## but he didn't give me the chance once he had made up his mind to leave. They don't just up and decide to leave one day. Well maybe some do but none I know. They think about it and weigh the pros and cons. Men are like that. Analytical. Lots of times they already have someone waiting in the wings, someone they are interested in, whether they have done anything about it yet or not. I'm not saying your's does, but many do. Then they look for a reason to leave. Nothing you do satisfies them, they get so very nitpicky, they are hell to live with and sometimes they figure if they act nasty enough that you'll leave and then they don't have to feel quite so guilty. I think I got off course there, but the fact is that you did not leave, he did. Once he had made up his mind, nothing you said or did would have made him stay. Eventually he would have left if you could have said that magic word that made him feel sorry for you and he stays for just a little while longer. But his heart is already out the door. I still do it to myself. What I should have done, should not have done to make this relationship work. But they left. Our exes did not want to put the time or effort into making it work. We have to pick up the pieces of our heart and move on. Nobody said it was going to be easy and our hearts will play the nastiest little tricks on us. But hopefully we are learning and next time will be better. I know you don't even want to think about that yet. Stay strong Troubled. Lisa

Hey lost, Wow! I can understand the anger. It's hard going through a breakup without all the extra worry of a STD. It's going to be tough but you will heal. Thank God you found out about this girl now instead of later. What if you had moved in together or had kids? Think how much worse that would be. She has a problem and needs physical and psychological help. When girls do that stuff it usually means they have been abused at some point in their life. Just be thankful you are out of it. Do you really want to have contact with her? Is the money that important? Please don't judge all females by her. A lot of us are honest and would never cheat or lie to the people we love. It takes time but you will get through this. You may want to cut down on the dope, it's really not good for you. You want full mental awareness right now to deal with the problems you are facing. It's tough, but don't let this make you bitter and hateful towards women. Just learn from it. You will be wiser and stronger next time. Take care. L

Hey TroubledTwenties, I'm so sorry you are going through this and hurting like you are. One thing I want you to know is that you are much stronger than you think. This is going to be a very tough time for you, but you will get through this. You will take it one minute at a time because right now you're not sure if you can get through one hour or one more day. The first month is the worst. The No Contact rule is the best route to go. It will put the emphasis on you. You can't worry about him and his life right now, it's YOU that is the most important thing and how you are going to get through this. He chose to end it, not you. There are the five stages of grief that you will go through. You've lost someone very dear to you and you have to get through them. I seem to be stuck in the anger phase alot the last day or two. You are in the first stages probably. Denial being the main one I was in the first few weeks. The worst Valentine's Day of my life was this year and I couldn't believe he was with his new bimbo just two weeks after we split. I still thought that he doesn't mean this, he's coming back, we will be alrite, we will get through this. He's going to wake up and realize how much he loves me and we'll be ok. Of course it didn't quite work out that way. I was in Major Denial. It's really not fair to you that he thinks he can drop you and then pick you back up when he gets tired of the dating life. That gives him all of the power in the relationship. Doesn't that make it a little hard in the trust department? Never knowing when he's going to leave? My trust issue was the cheating and lying and anytime there's a trust issue it isn't good. I wish I had found this site alot sooner when my ex and I split. I would never have emailed him. Thank God I didn't call begging him to come back. When they leave, your self esteem is in the toilet anyway and calling and emailing is the worst thing you can do. They never respond the way you want them to and your self esteem gets flushed all over again. Sooo....No Contact works the best. I hope you will feel better soon. It may take a while, but there is sunlight at the end of these dark days. Stay busy if you can. Physical exercise is the best, especially with other friends and/or outside. We are all here for you. This is a great place for pouring your heart out or ranting and raving...whatever gets you through. Remember you are much stronger than you think. L

Hey alpha, av, and kc, Thanks you guys. I feel much better today. It is like that, isn't it? The bad days or nights and then we wake up the next day and realize that it's getting better, it really is. Hey alph, time does make it better. My ex and I split up Feb. 1st (just a few weeks before you and your ex) and even though you'd never know it by my post last night, time does make it better. Or at least more bearable. I know what you mean, I seem to have some sort of love-hate relationship with my ex now. av says we need to let go of that and he's right. Let's try to think of some way we can do that. Got any ideas? Hey kc, did your ex ever IM you just to chat or was hi the extent of it? If so, maybe you should think about taking him off of your friend list. Ya' know...the dreaded No Contact? It does make you feel worse when you are in contact with them and they just ignore you or treat you like some acquaintance from the black lagoon that they would rather not see. I think I felt so bad last night because I expected to hear from or see my ex at the gym last night and chat like old friends. Sigh....great expectations, huh? When will I learn? Anyway...Thanks so much people. You are the best!!! Lisa

Thanks avman, I really don't hate him. I just don't know how to forgive him yet. I read your post and actually printed it out a while back. It is full of wisdom and good advice. Advice I have tried to follow. I'm just having a bad night and I am so very glad that you guys are here. Thank you so much. L

Hi everybody, I'm feeling so sad tonite. I was doing much better. I haven't cried in a while, thought I was nearly there. Nearly over him. God! How I live for that day! But tonite I feel like it all ended yesterday instead of nearly three months ago. Tonite we both do not have our kids, so I would be with him and we'd be making love. Laughing and enjoying each other like it would never end. Of course it did end (or I wouldn't be up here) and I want that closeness back so much. I feel so lonely. I went to the gym, came home and for some stupid reason I wanted a phone call. I just knew he was going to call. Why? After so long why would I think that and why would he bother? It's over. I know that. It just should have lasted. We both thought it was fate that brought us back together so why would fate break us apart? It's bs, I know. He's with his new g/f I suppose, carrying on like there was never any US. His life just gets better and better. I hate him. I mean nothing to him anymore, so why does he still mean so much to me? How can someone love someone one minute and then act like they are nothing the next? And then jump into a new relationship like there was never anyone else waiting for them to come home? Like there was never any ME? How do people do that? Don't they have a guilty conscience or something? My head knows I am better off without the lying, cheating scumbag that he is. But my heart still mourns the loss. I don't know how he can sleep at night. I just wish he would think of me once in awhile and miss me like I miss him. Not the bad parts, I miss the good of course. I miss the flowers, the kisses, the handholding, the caressing, the laughter, the stories, the blue eyes lighting up when they see me, my stomach fluttering, the trips, the talking, God, I miss him. But it's over. I will never have that again. Not with him anyway. Maybe with nobody. Maybe I'm not meant to have anyone and I have to accept that. I guess I just needed to get it out tonite. I am so glad you are all here for each one of us going through this. I think I would have imploded a long time ago except for this place. L

Hey DrNick, You ARE a brave man posting here. Good advice again dis. Let me ask a few questions. How long were you together and how long have you been apart? What made you think you did not want to be with the other person? Is that issue still there? Like dis said, you have to be careful with her feelings. Make sure you know what you want before contacting her. Don't hurt her again and expect it to be hard. You've taken her trust away. It takes time to build that back up. But if you really want her then you will do it. You will follow through on the actions after you've said the words. Don't get lazy about building it back up. I wish you luck. Lisa

Hey ziggy, You said in your first post that you're clinging to that last shred of hope (not quite in those words) when she calls you. That is not fair to you. I'm sorry zig, but you gotta quit accepting those phone calls. FOR YOU. Like I said you are never going to heal as long as you have those little webs of contact. Everytime she calls and correct me if I'm wrong, but is there not a little tiny piece of you that thinks just maybe this time she's going to proclaim her love for you and tell you that it's all been a terrible mistake? You're only human for God's sake and I sure know that is what I would think. So you've got to cut the contact. I know it's hard. I wish everyday that my ex would call me or think that maybe I should call him. Every damned day. But you know what? It's better that he doesn't because then I would be living in hell. Always thinking he's coming back. There is no healing in that. You've got to heal. She's moving on, isn't she? Do you think she's not? And that's the wonderful thing about time and no contact. You start to heal. I don't want to sound harsh, but that is what I think. All of these exes that play these stupid headgames. If they don't want to be with us, then damn it! leave us alone!!! Don't talk to her when she calls. If she wants to know why then tell her. You aren't doing it to hurt her, you're doing it to make you better. Give her time to miss you. Let her know that you aren't there for her anymore. You have to be there for you and you're too busy worrying about her and her feelings to give yourself much thought. Take back your power. You take control of this situation. I am sorry zig. I do sound mean, but I'm really not. Just trying to make you see how it's all about YOU now. You don't have to worry about her anymore. She made that choice. Lisa

Hi ebm, This is a great forum for opinions and advice and here's mine. There are a few things going on here from what I can gather. There is the self-esteem issue and the trust issue. Both are very important to any relationship. You have to be self-confident and self-assured enough to know that no matter what happens you will be ok. (Something I'm still working on.) You sound like you've got it pretty much together, so why would you question her trustworthiness? Sneaking around going where she's going just to try and catch her in some compromising position is wrong. If you don't trust her then don't be with her. Trust is crucial to a good relationship. Believe me I know. You are the only one that can answer your own question. What is missing in yourself? You know in your heart of hearts and you have to bring it out and study it and fix it. How is another story, one I'm not sure of. How long have you guys been going out? It sounds like she may be a little rude when you guys are talking on the phone. But I'm from the south where manners are ingrained in you from the time you are born. It makes me irritated when I am trying to talk to someone and they have crap going on behind them and not listening to me. If you are in the middle of something, say so and call me back. Don't ignore me. Tell her how this makes you feel. You sound alot like my ex who was very sure of himself and always said that if i cheated he was out of there and then that SOB cheated on me. Ironic, huh? I don't know if this helped at all, but you do need to work on these things before getting too serious with this girl. If you don't, then later on down the line you'll feel like this isn't what you want and you'll be searching for something that is inside of you not them. Then it's on to the next and the next. Know what I mean?

Hi dlb, I'm sorry you are hurting so much. It is so sad when we are not with the ones we love and even worse when we don't know if we will ever see or hear from them again. The important thing to remember is that you will get past this. You will feel better. You will be stronger. You will be wiser. Go ahead and cry if that is what you feel like doing. Scream into your pillow and beat on it with your fists. Get it out! Do it over and over again if that is what you need to do. God knows I did. It is still fresh in your mind and you are still hopeful that she will be back. I hope so for your sake. But if it doesn't work out remember that we are here and pulling for you. Many people read these that never write a post but they are here the same reason we are here. We are all trying to feel better and to get through something that has brought us unbearable pain. We are just trying to get through the day and trying to remember that tomorrow will be better. Just hang in there. Good luck.

Hey Hair, Women can be so confusing, can't we? Ok, here's what I think: Why don't you try leaving her alone until she calls you? You are doing all the chasing from what you've said in your post and it seems to me that after three months it's time for her to put a little effort into the relationship. She is younger than you, so maybe she's not as "experienced" in how these things go. Have you told her how you feel? Maybe you should tell her and then step back. Give her a chance to come to you...to be the aggressor. If you are always there, it doesn't give her much of an opportunity to miss you or to take the initiative. If she doesn't call you then you would know that it's just not meant and if she does contact you? Then let her take the lead. I know how hard that can be for some guys, but it can turn a girl on to be in charge sometimes. Lisa

Hey ziggystar, I am sorry you are going through this and I hope that soon you will feel better. It will take time and the one thing that you really need to use your time for is yourself. And yes, I'm afraid that means the nasty No Contact rule. You must begin the healing process and this rule gives you a start. You've been wounded, hurt. If you broke your leg, you wouldn't go out and run around the block. The same is true of your relationship. Your heart is broken, it needs time to heal. Your ex is like a scab that you keep picking at everytime you speak to her. You have to let it heal. That doesn't meant that you won't love her, it just means that you are now doing what you have to do to make yourself feel better. It's all about you now. What makes you feel good that has nothing whatsoever to do with your ex? Do you like to write? Write down your feelings and thoughts. If you like lists, make lists of all the bad things she did. Later you can make lists of all the good things if you really want to. Do you like sports? Working out? Hiking? Anything physical is good. Do you wake right up and jump out of bed or do you lay there and think about your ex and all the good times you had and how she's not there anymore. There's that scab again. Jump right out of bed the minute your eyes open and get moving. Exercise, jog, get out and go! The hurting will go on and you will have good moments and bad moments. The trick is to make the good ones last longer and longer and the bad ones shorter. Eventually you will be able to do that and then the moments will become hours and then finally days. You will have setbacks and they are going to come. But in time you will be stronger and they won't be so dark or last so long. I know you can't see it now, but trust me...you will get through this. You are going to be a better person because of this. It is a learning time for you, for all of us going through this and we will stay strong and we will learn this lesson and then move on. I am living for that day. Hang in there ziggy. Lisa

Hey dis, I really wish there was some way to just forget all of the hurt that our exes put us through. I can't rationalize it at all. It's like he became someone else. There was the man I fell in love with and the man he turned into. They are not the same men. The man I fell in love with sent me flowers and couldn't wait to see me or touch me. He was special and he treated me special. He couldn't wait for me to come over and for us to be together always. The lunches we shared, the love we made, the time we had together. He did love me, I don't think he was faking that. I don't know, maybe you can if you're a guy. (Sorry guys) So what happened? I know that I became clingy when he started pulling away. I also quit doing the little things I had been doing because I felt like they no longer mattered to him. He quit doing the little things too, they became a chore. Outside influences started eroding away our happiness. The longer time goes by the more I seem to forget the bad things. The moodiness he would show, the distance he would put between us when he was thinking of someone else (that's what I assume now) and stupid me always thought it was something that I had done. The times he would not call or not want me around. The days he wouldn't email me or would answer with very short msgs. that made me think he was mad or bored with me. The things he didn't want to do because he said that he felt like he "had" to do them. He said I expected them. Calling to wish me a good night and tell me how his day had been and asking about mine. Spending our spare time together. Was that expecting too much? God knows I never thought I expected anything, I was just happy when he did those little things. Getting back to the topic. I get sidetracked so easy. He hurt me and I don't know if there is anyway whatsoever to rationalize what he did or what any of the other exes did. We just have to come to some sort of conclusion, some sort of ending that will allow us to move on. To hopefully find someone who will be worthy of what we have gone through and never go through it again. To learn from this and to put it behind us. To know the warning signs so that we will be able to set our limits and not let anyone treat us this way again. We will be so very much stronger and wiser and that makes us much more beautiful. I'm sorry dis, I don't think I answered your question, but it sure felt good to get that out. Is there any way to rationalize another person's behavior? I guess there is something out of whack in their personality, their ego that makes them treat people like they did. We are better than that and we will stay strong, and thanks to this site we know that we are not alone. L

Hey D, Heaven forbid if things should run smoothly in life. Has she ever told you how she feels? In my humble opinion she seems to be playing with you. If she's hot one minute and then cold the next she's certainly keeping you on your toes. I would advise the No Contact rule. I know it's hard, but it's the only way to step back and look at this whole thing and try to get a hand on it and take your power back. Please don't take this the wrong way, but why would you feel that you had to call her because you were kissing on some brunette and she saw? Do you have some kind of agreement? Have you ever asked her how she feels? I know you told her how you feel but what does she say? Either way, try no contact for at least a month. The important thing is to look strong. Women respect strong men and it is easier to love a strong man than a weak one. Same with men, they don't want a clingy, needy woman/child hanging on to their pants leg and we women don't want that in our men. And if you are not a couple DO NOT call to explain why you are with another girl. Better yet, let her see you with another girl and don't explain it for pete's sake. But don't use the other girl either, be honest. You'd be surprised how understanding we can be when you're honest. I've done it for a friend. Been out and saw their ex g/f so I just put my arm around them and just acted like they were the best thing to happen since airplane travel. It's fun actually. And I've had it done for me too. Ahhh games.... I hope that things work out the way you want them to. If you feel the need to rant or rave, we are always here. It's a great site to come to instead of contacting her. Lisa

Hey people, I know what you mean about trying to analyze everything Rock. I will go over and over stuff that I did or said that just seems stupid when I look back. But it's like dis said, it's one more way of hanging on. Sure we want to know what we did wrong and that is something we should figure out, but they did things wrong too. It takes two to make a relationship work and they didn't want to put the effort into it. That's what it all boils down to. It seems to me that if you want to know, then write it down. Make a list of stuff that you remember she did and stuff that you did that doesn't feel right to you now and may not have then. But put it on paper, look at it and learn from it, then burn it. Make it a rite of new beginnings. I think I'm going to do that myself. Get them out of our head once and for all I don't know if that would work or not, but it's worth a try. Nothing else is working. Lisa