lisaria

hey people, I just wanted to let you know, princesa that you aren't the only one alone today. I hate the holidays. Absolutely dread them. Keep your chin up and remember that it's not going to last. I'm glad we have this forum, it keeps my sanity on days like today. Stay strong and we will survive and thrive, they can't stay on our minds forever.

Hey litoosh, I'm sorry for the pain and confusion you're feeling right now. There's alot of us in that position right now. Stupid me just wishes he would call or email me or something. But that's another story. You need to think about what you want now. Perhaps more no contact time so you can think things through. It sounds like you were doing pretty good and then he came back. Why does it seem to go like that? Just when you are getting past them and getting on your own feet again and then they come back all sorry and wanting to try it again, only to split when it gets bumpy. What is up with that? Who do they think they are? Things get better with time. You have your good days and then those lousy bad days come along and you miss them so bad and everything reminds you of them. But you go on. You put one foot in front of the other and get through those days one minute at a time. You were apart for 3 months and you were getting your life back together (if I read it right) and then he came back and now he is gone again. Do I have that right? Now you have to start all over again with the hurting and the missing them even more, the loss of your dreams that came up when you got back together. The bs they put us through. We have to take back our power. Quit letting them have it!!! I'm working on that. I guess I just wanted you to know that you're not alone and we all wish you the best and this is a great place for venting and asking for advice. Take care.

Hey SF, I am scared to death I'll meet up with my ex. I would probably do the same thing you did and then hack myself to pieces with regrets. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE HIM. I even was not going to my gym on a certain night of the week because that was when he went. And then this past week, I decided to go. Hah! I'll show him!!! But I decided not to wear my glasses and that way I wouldn't know if he was there or not because I couldn't see a damned thing. I think he was tho. His truck or one that looked like it was in the parking lot. But the important thing was that I didn't let it stop me. A small milestone for me. You'll do better the next time since you've been through it once, you'll sort of know what to expect from her and from you.

Hey blk, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this. I can understand where you're coming from, only mine's a little different. He cheated and lied and I don't think I can get past that. Not yet anyhow, working on it though. The very first thing you should do is NO CONTACT. Concentrate on YOU!!! You gave up things for him? Start doing them again now. Get rid of the pills, how are they helping you? When they wear off, you're still in the same situation, it doesn't go away. You're doing better now in school? Good. What else is going good in your life? Make lists. Make a list of all the positive things in your life beginning with your schoolwork. Making As? Fantastic! Also you are free in FL. He is not there to criticize you and call you names like immature. You are free to be who you want to be without his negative remarks. You can be anything you want to be. You are getting out and meeting new people, right? But you met people who only wanted sex? Don't let that stop you. Get out there and find things to do. There are others out there who are true and genuine and will be your friend. You know the old saying, "you gotta kiss alot of toads..." (and my ex was a huge fat green gnarly warty turd of a toad) 0X Sorry blk, I am working on that anger. I am not having a good weekend. I really hope you are having a better one than me. I wish you all the best. L

Hey Mar, hoping and Maymay, thank you all for the posts. I really needed them. Went to my mom's for an early Easter dinner. They started watching my sister's wedding video and I lost it, crying in the stupid bathroom and so I had to come home. I got up here and saw what you guys had said and it makes me feel not so alone. I was fine again and then that stupid wedding thing and it reminds me of him and how good he looked that day. God!!! Holidays are such a b#tch to get through. And still another day. Then it will be Monday and I can go back to work. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Just get through tonite and tomorrow without emailing or calling him and I will be set. Thanks everyone.

Hello all, My faithful companions on this road to healing. Why does it take so damned long? It's a long weekend, I'm alone; fertile ground for his memories. I came so close to emailing him. I want to know why he cheated. Why he felt it was alrite to lead me on and to hurt me and lie. What if I was wrong? What if he wasn't cheating the second time? What if I was wrong? But I couldn't have been. He started dating immediately after we split. I hate him. Can you tell I'm still confused. I'm feeling so weak and scared and alone. Sorry people, I know you're tired of hearing from me. I have my good days and my bad. My sister and I went to the beach today and went to the places where we went together. Nothing but memories. Then I was looking for a number in the table by my bed and I came accross old letters and cards. Why didn't I throw them out? It hurts too much to even touch them I found out. I thought I was strong enough to go through them. I don't think I got through two or three of them. Now I feel like I'm back to square one with the hurt. Down in the wave people. I would go to the gym but they close at 7 on Friday. I don't have anyone I could call, everyone has plans. I'm definitely feeling sorry for myself. He's with his g/f. His new g/f. That SOB!! As long as I don't call or email him I'll be ok. My self esteem does not need his rejection right now. I would just like to know how damned long this is going to last. Today I thought and thought about him and stupid me thinks that because I think about him so much all day long then he must be thingking about me too. Right? That's crazy isn't it? Why? A part of me knows that is pure bs, but a part of me wishes and hopes that its true. What if he does miss me as much as I miss him and he's just waiting for me to email him? What if that's all it would take? Could pride be what's between us? Why am I still thinking about him? Why can't I let it go? I'm sorry everybody, I'm just ranting here. Feeling extremely weak. And if I'm up here then I'm not emailing him or phoning his sorry a@@. Thanks for listening.

Well markm, it sounds to me like you're getting a little fed up and angry. What do you really want? Is it time to move on?

Hey Rock, time is irrelevant when it comes to matters of the heart and age certainly doesn't play into it. I'm 41 and still had my heart broken, still thinking about the SOB every day. Altho to be perfectly honest I'm a little tired of it. Wondering about him all the time, screw that. I get so angry at myself for still caring for a lying, cheating dog. I got sidetracked. Sorry. This stuff comes in waves. One day or even one week you can be on top of the world and feeling so very strong and so over them. YES!!! I live for those days. Then something will remind you of them and it's like someone turned out the sun. Nothing but darkness and feeling so alone and down. Nothing will ever be right again. How could I have changed things? Why won't they call? Will we ever see each other again? Why?Why?Why? You doubt everything about yourself, about your life and you would give your right arm to have them with you. It's ok. It will get better. You are proof of that. Think about it. You were fine for three months. Something happened that triggered this wave to bottom out on you. No one knows how long these things last, it's different for everbody. Are there other things in your life that are not going as you hoped right now? Try to concentrate on yourself. When someone dumps you your self esteem goes to hell and you question everything about yourself. Work on getting that back. Exercise. Go to the gym, be around people. Force yourself. Call your friends and go out with them. Get busy. You will get through this rough period and you will be a better person for it, ready for the next person to enter your life. I don't think I would call her since she left you and has not tried to contact you since that first week. That is probably the hardest part of all of this. Everyday I think about contacting my ex or just calling to hear his voice on his answering machine. But I will not do it and I don't think you should either. It would simply hurt too much when they ignore you or they don't respond as you want them to. Too much heartache in the past. Think about the future. This is a great place to rant and rave if you have to. Pour your heart out here, not to her. We've all been there and some of us are still going through it. Stay strong and it will get better. You'll get through this and be better for it. I know it's hard to see that now, but you will. Lisa

Hey Dullaware, I am so afraid of going through what you went through. I know that I am not ready to meet up with him. We go to the same gym and I did not go on a certain night because that was when he went. Then last night I said to hell with that. So I went but I didn't wear my glasses and I am blind as a bat without them. Sooo....I didn't have to worry about seeing him and then being all upset. I know he was there because I saw his truck on my way to my car. I hope he saw me being happy and knowing I'm going on with my life without him in it. The dog. Anyway, I think you handled yourself very well and you wrote about it very eloquently. I know my post probably didn't help you any, but your's helped me. Thanks. Lisa

Of course you can't forget about someone you've spent so much time with. If you did then I would say you were cold and not worth the time, but you aren't like that and you are hurting and need some help. This is a great site for that. There are people in pretty much the same situation as you, myself included. It's been two months since I saw my ex and one month since my last email contact from him. I don't think I will ever hear from him again. But life goes on. No one can tell you how much time will pass before your ex calls or even if she will call. But either way you have to spend this time on you. It is so hard right now not knowing things that are important that only she can answer. You may not ever hear another word and you need to be ok with that. I have so many things I'd like to ask my ex, especially why in the hell did he cheat. If he didn't want to be with me then say so, don't string me along and lie to me and do things behind my back. That's wrong. What did I do to deserve that? Oops, sorry I got sidetracked. Still a little anger I'm working on. People do things that hurt other people. I hate it for all of us. I just know that we will get through this and we will be stronger for it. We will be smarter and better in our next relationship. We will have someone else in our lives. We just had to learn some lesson first and the next time around will be even better. I hope you will not contact her. That will make you look weak, wanting to know the answers that only she knows gives her your power because it puts her in control. Stay strong alonealone and know that you are not alone. We are all here for you. Good luck. Lisa

Hi SLBG Well said. It's good to see you feeling better and stronger. Keep up the positive thoughts. I always heard that once you learn something no one can take it away. This was a hell of a lesson to learn, but like you said it will make us better able to deal with the next relationship. We have been through so much and deserve better. And we will have better. Good luck to you and stay strong. Lisa

hey sherryb_free, Your name says it all, you need to free yourself from this man. He's an alcoholic and it sounds like he doesn't want to stop drinking. I was in a relationship with an addict at one time in my life and there is nothing you can do to make them stop. They will do it when and IF they want to. You know that from personal experience. You stopped, he has started again. Do you really want that crap in your life? You know...the promises that are broken? The good times that never ever last because they can't stop. The mood swings and anger directed towards you. The times they just disappear and you lie there at night and worry and cry over them, wondering if they are in the hospital or lying in a ditch dead somewhere. Or with some other druggie doing God only knows what. Do you really want that back? It's not worth it. You say he's with some skank now. If he did come back wouldn't you want him tested for diseases and other things? Wouldn't you be afraid of what he would bring back with him? I don't want to sound harsh or mean, but it's really not worth it. Please think hard about it. Do what is right for you and do not have any contact with him. You are better off without him. If you'd like to pm me and talk please do. Lisa

Hey jeru1173, I'm proud of you. You went and showed your ex that you had a life without her. Good for you! I'm kind of in the same type situation. I will not go to the gym on Tuesday nights because he always works out then. I am not strong enough yet to see him. I know I should say to hell with him and go anyway, but I'm just not there yet. I think you did good. L

Hey everybody, I wanted nothing more than to have my ex back. The first month was the worst of my life. I just barely survived it one minute at a time. I still have my days when I miss him so much and it hurts. But they are getting fewer and farther between. I'm living for the day when I won't worry about him at all. It's coming. I still want to hear from him. I want him to call me, but it's been 2 months, so I'm pretty sure I'll never hear from him again. It's hard to accept that someone who meant so much to me and whom I meant so much to (supposedly) doesn't want to talk to me at all. I do not know if I would take him back not or not. I really don't think so. He cheated and I did not deserve that. I have learned alot from this experience and hopefully I'm a better person somehow. I do know that I am going to find someone even better than my ex (and I thought he was the best). Anyway, I'm not sure if this answers the question or not. I get sidetracked. Lisa

Hey radio_head, I am so sorry you are going through this. That was a cruel, awful thing for that guy to do. I can't believe men are so damned mean. And that was mean. I've not heard anything for nearly a month which I think I'm thankful for. It has helped me get over his sorry butt. Ok, kind of...sort of. Ok, I'm still working on it. I still hope he's going to call one day or email me. But I think that's my ego wanting it more than my heart. Because I know now how he is and I don't think I could trust him enough to be faithful and it would hurt too much to go through a reconciliation just to be suspicious everytime his phone rang. Anyway, I hope you know that you've got people that care on this site. I've never met you and my heart goes out to you. Why do men do that? I guess women do it too, but it seems like men get a kick out of knowing that we wait for them and put up with so much crap from them and still we'd take them back in an instant if they'd come back. I hope you get strong soon and whatever happens DO NOT CALL him. He sounds like such a jerk. He should not have led you on like that. Now just concentrate on yourself. Don't let him back in. Get out and exercise, spend time with people. Your friends and family, people who love you. Make lists of all the good things in your life and all the lousy things he did while you were together. Stay in touch and let us know how you do. If you need to vent or rant and rave or cry, anything that will get you through this, then do it. I screamed in my pillow lots of nights. Just get it out. I wish for you strength and quick healing. L

Hey liz22, I'm sorry you're in a hurtful situation. My take on it is that maybe he feels guilty for not doing things for you. He knows he was in the wrong and now he doesn't want to feel bad about it so he stays away. I think it was good that you asked him about that. It showed that you were strong enough to stand up for yourself. Good for you! Lisa

Thank you ladies. I guess I just need to get over the SOB. It means alot to me that I can always count on this forum to help me get past the rough hours. Reading your posts, knowing that ya'll have gone through this helps me put it into a better perspective. You guys are great! I came so close to emailing him again, but I got up here and read your replies and I'm glad to say that I will not being doing that tonite. Big sigh of relief.

baby_phoenix it will get better. It has to. I'm in a situation where my ex just went to FL with his new g/f for a vacation. He got a promotion just a few weeks after we split. So he's got a new g/f (whom he was cheating on me with), a promotion with more pay and benefits and he took his bimbo on the vacation that was supposed to be for us. Life just gets better and better for him. I'm left in the mud trying to get over that lying, cheating SOB and wondering why I still want him back. I'd give my right arm to hear his voice on the phone when I answer it. Or to get an email from him. But nothing. It's like I never existed for him. It hurts so bad. And you're right, there are so many more like us. It is a sad world out there. My kids are keeping me halfway sane. I have to act alot when I'm around them, but that is probably good. Your kids will keep you going when nothing else will. Thank God. It is good that we can come up here and vent and look at other posts and know that we are not alone. That someone is going through or has gone through what we are experiencing and they made it through to the other side. We will too. We have to for our kids. Hang in there baby and let me know how you are doing.

It's been nearly two months since I saw him last and nearly a month since I received his last short, impersonal email. I miss him so much today. As far as I know he's still in FL with his new g/f and I'm sitting here crying. I thought I was getting stronger, but today seems to be a weak day. I read the posts from all these people who are still in contact of some kind with their exes and it makes me so sad. Why doesn't he contact me? Why has he simply forgotten about me and why can't I forget about him? I had good news from my doc yesterday and felt so great when I left his office that I went out and joined the gym. The same gym where he goes. But yesterday I didn't care if I saw him or not I felt so good and he would have seen me as the confident girl he met. Not today. I know that he always works out on Tuesday nights and sometimes Thursday so I've decided that I will NOT go there on those nights. Not until I feel strong enough that I don't care if he sees me or not and at this rate it may be never. I want him to call me so I can be calm and cool towards him, but I can't do that if he doesn't call. Not even an email from him. Why does he not care? It's like he's erased me out of his life completely and I'm not even alive to him. I wish I could do that with him. But it hurts too much to know that someone you loved and trusted and spent so much time with has completely forgotten and could care less about you. It just confirms that what he said and did was all a lie so he could use me and not be alone until he found someone better in his eyes. Looks like it's happened. I guess the hard part is knowing he just doesn't care about me. I guess I need to accept that I will never hear from him again and good riddance to him. How long will it take before you stop expecting him or her to be the one calling when the phone rings? Or expect an email everytime you check it? I think I just need some sort of closure maybe. It's only been a month since his last crappy little email. How long will this go on? How long will I want him back? I think it's really great that so many are still talking to their exes and I guess that means that they actually loved them and it makes me hurt to know that mine didn't. I've gotten to where I can't read those posts because I miss him more then. I'm sorry, I wish I were a better person and could accept things like this and feel happy for all of those getting back together but it just makes me realize what I don't have and probably never did. I AM happy for you guys and wish you all the best. I just wish I could write a msg. saying I was getting back with my ex and things were better, but not today. Today I'm just sad. Lisa

Hey February, I gotta admit I did laugh. Thank you so much, I needed that. It's nice to know I'm not in the boat by myself. How long had it been since you last contacted him? Mine was 3 weeks. It seems like eons and it gets better. I know it will and it will for you too. I just have to get past today. I keep thinking I want to go home and check out the airport when our flight was supposed to leave. 12:45. Lunch time. But I won't do that. I hope I'm not that stupid. Hang in there Feb. and laugh, it is kinda funny. I'm glad I don't know how to call back an email, cause I certainly would have done it and then I'd be in your shoes. I do thank you for the story, it did help. L

Thanks Cakes, but unfortunately I'm not going anywhere. He's going with his new g/f, it was supposed to be us and he's taking someone else and I'm having a hard time right now dealing with that. I wish I WAS going on a vacation. I wish I had not sent that damned email. He'll think I'm playing with him. Still thinking about him. I mean I am, but I sure don't want him to know that. Sigh.

After three weeks of no contact I did it! Damn it! Now I'm so mad at myself. It wasn't much of anything, just an email that I forwarded to a bunch of people and I added his email to it. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!! I want to take it back. Damn it!!!! Tomorrow we were supposed to leave for our vacation and I am feeling so weak today. Well obviously...I contacted him. I know he won't reply or anything so I don't know why I did it. I guess maybe hoping. Now I have to start all over. Oh crap!!!!! I'm venting everyone. Feeling really bad now. One day strong, next day weak. Today is the weak day. I dread tomorrow. We were leaving on a 12:45 plane tomorrow. God, I need help to get through this.

Hey A&F, I really feel for you. It's been nearly 2 months since I saw my ex (SuperBowl Sunday) and I don't think I could handle it right now if I did see him. I actually dread seeing him because I know that it will set me back to the beginning of our split. The fact that you have seen your ex multiple times and only cried once is doing pretty good. I haven't seen mine and I still cry. Some days will be good for you and some days will be bad and you get through the bad ones the best way you know how. Just hang in there and stay strong.

Hey Pip and everyone I think that eventually you will get past the anger. I am also angry one day and sad the next. I feel the strongest when I'm angry though, so I'd rather feel that than the hole of depression I'm usually in lately. I think it's just one more emotion on this roller coaster our exes put us on and we have to eventually get rid of it. It's hard. The whole splitting up process is a nightmare and I hope that one day we will all wake up to a beautiful new day. L

What happens when it's the exact opposite? I have tried to be strong and smile and keep things going so others don't know how hard a time I am having keeping it together. Especially at work. I can talk to my dept. head about anything, we are more friends and I have cried on her shoulder so many times when I found out about the cheating and the lies and she is so very understanding. But I have still laughed and joked and tried to act as normal as possible in front of everyone else. But at work on Friday I just lost it. I had some questionable news from my doctor and I just started crying and I couldn't stop. It was like everything just built up and I couldn't control it. I don't know how to control my emotions sometimes and that is so unacceptable to me. Especially at work. I went into the office and shut the door, but everybody knew I was crying. Now I don't want to face them Monday morning. I haven't even lost it like that in front of my kids since the first week we split. I'm trying to be strong for them and not let them see me hurting. Does anyone have any ideas? How can I keep my emotions in check at work? I don't have to work for the public thank God. I'm on a computer all day, in an open area in the back and people are in and out all day long. I really need some advice on this. Please help.