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lisaria

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  1. lisaria
    Hey PeruvianDime, We are great!!! They suck!!! They are so stupid!!! It amazes me how stupid they can be. To have someone like us and think they will find someone better??? Please. I read your posts and I think you can do much, much better. Don't take this the wrong way, I'm sure he had his good points, they always do in the beginning. But what makes them think that what they do to someone else won't come back to them? Are they protected from all that? NO. We are so much better than they are. We loved someone who wasn't worth our time, we'll pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and head right back out into the world....eventually. There is someone for us and it will be so much better than whatever it was we thought we had with them. Because it was all a lie. Mine is setting some poor girl up to do it again. I think he probably has done this for awhile now. I am smarter. We are smarter. We will do better next time. Who do they think they are? We were the best thing that ever happened to them. Stupid. I would have done nearly anything for that man. I loved him and wanted to show him in any way I could. But I couldn't take the damned dissing me by him thinking he could have his cake and eat it too. There have been times when I wished I had just acted like nothing was wrong, but I just couldn't do that to myself. At least I had more respect for myself than that. It's a shame he couldn't have been who I wanted him to be and who he made himself out to be in the beginning. Liars and cheaters will never be happy. I think that they know they have hurt people that loved them and how wrong they were. It's got to eat at them on some level. I read that when you die you feel all the hurt that you caused someone from their point of view. I hope so. I want him to hurt like he hurt me. Oops. I am trying to get past that. I am healing. We are healing. We will be fine. Thanks everybody for your posts. All of them. I'm glad I'm not alone. I just wish I had found this place earlier. Better late than never. For those just starting out on this No Contact thing, don't let them back in, not until you are strong enough to not care. It is the best thing for you. Don't give up hope. Eventually time heals everything.
  2. lisaria
    Hey peoples! I've had a revelation come upon me and I feel like a whole new person. You know what? That dog still has his profile up on the dating site where we re-met. "Honest man seeking" whatever..... Honest???? Please don't make me laugh. He's going to do to his new g/f the same thing he did to me. He'll be true for awhile, maybe 3 or 4 months but then he's going to start looking again. After all, there's someone better out there. The grass is so much greener on the other side. It's what he does. He will never be true to anyone. I will never take him back. Never!!!! I've learned something today that is going to help me move on and give this SOB the shove out of my heart that I need. I actually feel sorry for this girl, whoever she is. I wish I knew so that I could warn her, although if she is anything like me, she won't believe it. God knows, I would not have believed it. I'm going to get through this. Now I have to concentrate on getting healthy. Do things for ME. To hell with him and his bs. I was supposed to go out tonite, but I am just not ready for that. I thought I was, but I'm really not. Oh halleluah!!! I've found something that I can use to get past this. You guys have been my lifeline more times than I can say. I am so glad I found this site. Thank you everyone for being here and for all the great advice and stories that helped me when I was so very down. Ok, I know that this feeling of finally moving on will probably not last, but right now it feels empowering and I have hope again. I can get through all of this. I am strong! I can do this!!! I don't need him. YAAAAYYY!!!! Thank you.....Thank you....Everyone!!!! (Please let this feeling last, at least through next week when he's on vacation with his new g/f...Please) Ok, I won't think about that....
  3. lisaria
    Hey everybody, Thanks for the words of encouragement. I really will need them to help me get through the next week and of course, this lousy weekend. I just feel like there is so much going wrong with my life right now. Especially since the first of the year when I found out he was cheating. I hung on thanks to his lies for another month before I finally said No more! I've lost about 20 lbs. in the last 3 months and now my health is in question. I let myself believe that he was the one meant for me and that we were going to be together forever. He's the one that forged ahead, I tried to slow him down and ended up just believing his damned lies. I hate the fact that I still check my email a hundred times a day to see if he wrote me and when the phone rings, hoping it's from him. I'm tired of wanting him back knowing he's dropped me out of his life and out of his mind and already picked up another someone to spend the nights and weekends with. How could I be so wrong about someone? I'm just glad I have you guys to rant to. Thank you for listening to me and caring enough to reply. Maybe I can help ya'll one day.
  4. lisaria
    It's been nearly 7 wks. with no contact in nearly 3. I have had such a lousy week. I made plans for three nights this week and something came up and I couldn't go. It was going to be my entry back into the singles scene around here. I guess I'm fooling myself, I'm not ready. I thought I was getting over him and now I feel like I'm back at where I started. I got a call from my doc this morning and I have to have more tests done. The first thing I wanted to do was call him and cry on his shoulder. Why? He obviously does not care about me. Why would I want to bother with him. He lied and cheated and gave me hopes and dreams that no one else has since my divorce nearly 7 yrs. ago. But it was all a lie, and it just gets harder and harder to go on. Earlier this week I felt so strong and over him.....for half a day anyway. But it's been downhill ever since. I just feel more depressed as the days have gone by. Next Wed. we were supposed to leave for a vacation and I don't think I can get through it knowing he's going to take his new g/f and do with her the things we had planned to do together. How can a guy say he wants to be committed to you and then cheat? Then just throw you away like you were nothing to him? Is that it? I really didn't mean anything to him? My kids are the only thing keeping me around and they will be at their dad's next week. It's going to be another sh#t week and I've not even gotten through the weekend. I used to think I was strong, but I'm not. I try to show my kids I am anyway. It just seems like I can't get over this guy. He played with my head so badly that I am so messed up right now. Has anybody else had someone play with their head so bad that they never got over it? How did you go on?
  5. lisaria
    Hey Tolly, It's only been 6 weeks since I last saw my ex, two weeks since I last contacted him and I think about him incessantly. I am also getting a little p#ssed about it. I want to move on and feel like I can't because everything reminds me of him. I mean everything. I read somewhere that when you think about him (or her) that you should say this affirmation to yourself: "I have let you go. I am now free" or something to that effect. I've just started doing that, so I'm not sure how much it works, but I'm hopeful. Just something to keep in mind next time they enter your mind. And keep checking in here, cause it helps alot. Lisa
  6. lisaria
    Hey KermitK, I'm sorry you are hurting so much right now. The first few weeks are the toughest. But you will come through them. Time is our friend. Don't contact him. Read the posts up here about the no contact rule. It has helped me immensely. I haven't seen my ex in 6 wks. Today is the anniversary. It's been 8 days of absolutely no contact for me since my ex sent me a very short and impersonal email. It would have been better I think if he had just ignored me. Yes, I broke down and called him. I felt so damned weak and stupid after he finally decided to email me and answer my phone call. With an email mind you, as if he just didn't want to talk to me at all. Sorry, it still hurts and I get off track here. But for your situation, don't contact him. If you contact him he'll see it as you being weak and not able to stand on your own two feet. He'll see it as being needy. You don't want that. Whatever you do, you want him to see you as being independent, having fun, moving on without him. That you don't need him. You don't want him to have the last picture of you as being clingy and crying and begging. Get stronger and then see how you feel about him. That's what I've decided to do. I probably won't ever even see my ex even though we live in the same town and pretty close to each other. It kills me that his last contact from me is a stupid phone msg. telling him how nervous I was calling him and asking him out to lunch. Not the strong independent woman I want him to see and maybe he would wish he were with. Stay away from the phone. At least get through today without contacting him. Then work on tomorrow not contacting him. Take it one day at a time. I wish you luck. Lisa
  7. lisaria
    Hey Wiediam, it is so very hard. Not knowing what they are doing and knowing that whatever it is, it's not with us. My guy has been out of my life for exactly 6 weeks today. I've not contacted him in 10 days. 8 days for him. I know that he has a new g/f. He was talking to her even before we split up. That hurts the most. I know that I contributed to the breakup by becoming so clingy when I felt him pull away. I will learn from it and you will learn from this. It is a horror just getting through some days. I put one foot in front of the other and hope I make it. Other days I'm ready to bash his head in for being so damned stupid. Then there are the days when I just know he's going to call and I plan out everything I'm going to say. Those are the worst because of course he doesn't call. Why should he? He's got a new girlfriend who is probably so much more than I am and his big promotion at work. Life is going great for him, I'm the one left behind with nothing. It just seems so unfair how things got much better for him after he dropped me. Why would he want me back? his life is just dandy. I know that there are better things waiting for me, or so I keep telling myself, and that one day it will be alrite. I just have to get through today and tomorrow and the next day and on and on. It will get better. It already is a little bit. Your's will get better. It has to. Can you think of anything that is better since she left you? You can hang out with your buddies when you want to. Or maybe you can watch sports all day today if you want. You don't have to worry about anyone but you now. Focus on you. Hang in there. Good luck.
  8. lisaria
    Hey people, What goes around comes around. Lisa
  9. lisaria
    Hey Hijinx, I can identify so much with you. I was so incredibly shy for years. I also didn't say anything to guys I liked or thought were cute because I also didn't want to sound or look like an idiot. I am still shy to a certain extent usually in crowds, but it will get better. Only you have to put yourself out there and risk rejection. Talk to someone. Start out with just saying hi when you pass someone in the halls. Don't look down, hold your head up like you own the place. If someone doesn't respond then that doesn't mean it's you. Maybe they have a problem at home that they are hiding and just feel pretty rotten about themselves and life in general that day. Like Fisch says don't take any rejection as a face value of your self esteem. Tell yourself over and over and over how wonderful you are. Make a list of all your good qualities and things you like about yourself, and things that are your blessings, there are plenty if you look for them. If you can't find them, then ask your friends. It sounds like your friends are a great blessing. Put them up near the top. I have days when my hormones are raging and I couldn't find a blessing if it fell from the sky and hit me on the head. You will too. Just remember that this too shall pass. That's what I tell myself on those lousy days. No one expects you to be perfect (except for my ex expecting that from me, but that's another story) and if you like that guy, then tell yourself over and over (like an affirmation) that today I'm going to say "hi, how are ya?" when he walks by. Then do it!!! What is the absolute worse thing that could happen? He says "Who the hell are you talking to?" Everybody starts pointing and laughing and you melt into a gooey pool of shame. Trust me, this won't happen. He might actually say hi back. If you never start you'll always wonder what might have been and that's what is very sad. You can do this. You can do this. Just writing this letter must have been hard for you, but YOU DID IT and that's the important thing. I wish you all the best. Let me know how it goes. Lisa
  10. lisaria
    Geesh guys, I sounded pitiful yesterday. I am feeling so much better today. He did not get it. I had an email today from his server saying that it was not sent. It's been exactly one week today since I called and asked him out for lunch and he responded with his email on Saturday. So how long can I make it? If I don't re-send the email, I don't have to start over jagain. I did buy a b'day present for his youngest son and I will send it to him, but I think other than that I won't contact him anymore. He's a jerk. I should be glad I'm out of it. I may just get there. Let me be strong. Getting up here and reading what others have gone through and the advice that people have given have helped me alot. I'm glad I found this.
  11. lisaria
    Hey Wiediam, whatever you do, don't send that email to her. She'll see it as a sign of weakness not one of strength and we women like strong men. I know it is so much easier to tell someone else what to do, I can't seem to take my own advice and leave my ex alone. But it will get us both nowhere to keep chasing after them. Take a break. I am. It just hurts worse when they ignore us or treat us bad and I'm getting a little tired of that right now. Do whatever it takes to leave her alone.
  12. lisaria
    Well I did it. I sent an email yesterday. And of course, no word. I just said that I was happy for him and glad that things were going so well for him. Told him I was hanging in there. I tried to keep it upbeat and pretty short. I also asked about his sons, who I miss terribly. His youngest has been sick alot and I just wanted to know how they were doing. The sad thing is that I don't even know if he got it or not. I got a delivery failure notification and they said not to send it again and they would keep trying to deliver it for the next 24 hrs. Isn't that just great? I agonized over the d@$n thing for 4 days and now this. I think it must be my guardian angel trying to keep me from making a bigger fool of myself. It's just so hard. I think I broke down and sent it yesterday because I found out I have to go get another mammogram done, supposedly just something different from my last year's. I get nervous when things aren't right and I just wanted some comfort and he was the first thing I thought of. Crap! Now I'm going to boohoo and I'm at work. Crap!!! Sorry. Feeling sorry for myself. I'd better get off and get back to work.
  13. lisaria
    Hey Dax, Hang in there hon. I feel for you. I don't know what I would do if I saw my ex everyday and his new g/f too? Please! It's been 5 weeks yesterday since I saw mine last and I know he has a new g/f too. But that doesn't stop me from doing stupid crap. I still want him which is probably the stupidest. I think your ex is trying to play with your head. I think they like to have somebody waiting for them in case it doesn't work out with the new one. Ex's are so good at playing with your head and your heart. I hope you stay strong and good luck to you. Lisa
  14. lisaria
    Ok Michael. I nominate you as President. Now on to the jackets. I think red and black leather. Red for love and black for the death of our relationships, (and red and black were my high school and college colors) We could have patches that have hearts and skeletons on it. Yeah! Then we could have secret handshakes and passwords. Would this also make us tax-exempt?
  15. lisaria
    Hey hopeful 1, how did it go? Did you ever hear from him again? I am debating on emailing my ex since he emailed me when I called him last week. I don't know if I will continue with the no contact (it's been 4 days) or email him. Tell me you guys had a happy ending. It would give me hope.
  16. lisaria
    YEAH!!! I hereby and forthwith claim my status as an Ex-Rebel. There is greater power in numbers. What's the first order of business fellow rebels?
  17. lisaria
    Well, it's been 24 hours and I've not contacted him but I'm getting weaker and so close to emailing him back. Just to congratulate him and to make sure he knows that I only asked him out to lunch as a "friend" or do you think he would see right through that? I really want to contact him and let him know how proud I am of his promotion. I wonder if he's wondering about me and if I'll email him back. Probably not. I cannot do it, can I?
  18. lisaria
    I can't remember my dreams, just vague images. When I wake up I immediately think of him and my heart hurts, I cry into my pillow so my kids won't hear me. He's the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing when I close my eyes. I would give anything to have him love me the way you guys loved your ex g/fs. I'm trying to be strong.
  19. lisaria
    Hi everyone and thanks for the advice. It has been 12 hours since he emailed me and I've not replied yet. I'm doing good. Do you guys really think he's going to blow me off? I don't want to accept that yet. We were so close and I helped him through so much and we went through so much together. His divorce, the headgames from his ex, his brother's death, the cheating, the great times we had, the trips we took. He can't possibly have forgotten all of that. How can someone's feelings be transferred so easily from one to another? How can they just stop feeling? I am trying to understand but I just don't get it. Kind of like algebra, I didn't get that either. I read somewhere (maybe up here) that people know when they have done wrong and that they don't want to be reminded of that so they stay away from the one they have wronged. I would forgive him if he'd just come back. I guess he knows that since I called him. I will not contact him anymore. I have to understand that it's over. If he does come back it wouldn't be the same. Not unless he changed and I think he's not ready to do that. I just hate the fact that I trusted him and loved him and bent over backwards trying to make him see how much I cared about him. I became so insecure and clingy especially when I realized he was emailing someone else and playing the headgames with me. I just wish I could have been smarter and stronger. I think I want to show him that I can be strong and that I can make it without him. But I want him back too. I always believed that if something is meant to be then it will. But I haven't had much luck in things meaning to be and I'm scared that it's not meant to be again. I will be alone and he'll be having fun with his new g/f. I'm glad I can get up here and talk with somebody about this. My friends and family get mad at me when I try to talk to them about it. They think I'm better off without him and I should just get over it. But I know that I have to get through--not over-- this. Thanks for being here guys.
  20. lisaria
    Help. I called my ex on Wed. to invite him to lunch on Fri. and never heard from him. I thought he was ignoring me. Well I have received an email from him this morning. It was very short. He had been in Ca. He would have had to "decline" my invite. He also got a big promotion recently. Should I email him back? I was going to try the no contact rule, but he did get a promotion, would it be alrite to congratulate him? He has a new g/f. I've not seen him since Feb. 1, when he was so cold towards me while we watched the Superbowl together. We had a few short, cold emails the following weeks and I had not emailed him for a week when I called him. So it's been 3 days of no contact. What do I do? Please help me fast before I weaken and send him an email before I hear what you think. Should I email him back? Lisa
  21. lisaria
    It's been only a few days since I started my no contact. After I humiliated myself again for this stupid man. He has a g/f, the same one he was talking to when we split up I think. I'm not really sure. I want to know all about what is going on with him, just like you. Is he getting serious with this woman? What are they doing tonite? Has she met his sons yet? Do they like her? Ahhhh....I could make myself crazy thinking about that all the time. But I'm going to be strong this time and not email or call him. It just makes me feel worse because he's so short with me or else he just ignores me. Has this worked for anyone else? Even though they have someone new and you've contacted them for a while after the split, does it work when you finally use the no contact rule? If you were a man and this happened to you, would you get back with your ex?
  22. lisaria
    Hi kathy, I am 41 and hate the dating thing. It's been a month since I've seen my ex and it's been a month of pure hell. I think I took more crap from him just so I wouldn't have to date again. And the fact that I loved him had a little to do with it. I read somewhere that now you have the getting naked for the first time in front of someone thing to look forward to. That is pretty depressing, isn't it? It's Friday night and I'm sitting here at home alone. I still want my ex back even though he was a liar and a cheat and that's pretty depressing. I even tried the telepathy thing. Call me...call me...call me. but it hasn't worked. Even when I left him a msg. he didn't return my call. So now I'm going to try the no contact rule. I should have done it a long time ago. We can get through this. Being on this site has helped me alot, and I only found it a few days ago. So stay up here and know that there are people going through the same thing and that you are not alone. Knowing that I wasn't the only one hurting like this has helped me. I wish you all the best.
  23. lisaria
    Hey guys, it's not fair to the girl that you are seeing if you are still hung up on your ex. Does she know she's second place with you? Have you been completely honest with her?
  24. lisaria
    Gaz, don't do it. Don't contact her. I wish I had found this place a month ago when my ex and I split up. Maybe I would not have contacted him all those times and have to start over and over and over again when he ignored me or sent short, hurtful emails. I would see his name on my inbox and my heart would pound and my stomach would clench up and then it would be nothing but a "sorry i led you on. i forgive you." He forgives me for emailing his "friend" he was making plans to meet. This was right after we made love and I found out about her. Or else there would be no answer and that would be worse somehow. Anyway. I just think that the no contact rule is for our protection. I hope you listen to all these wise people. They know what they are talking about. No contact. Good luck to you.
  25. lisaria
    Thank you guys. I don't feel like I'm in it alone anymore. This helps alot. I think I've probably stooped as low as I can go with him. I have no pride anymore and that kills me. My friends and family are so sick of seeing me cry and obsess with him that I've quit talking about it and this is somewhere where I can vent. Thanks for being here. Rainy, don't contact him, you'll regret it if you do. Take it from me, don't do it. Kuhl, all I can say is Thank you.
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