sherryb_free

Will try to make a long story short. I have been in a 10-year relationship, we are both recovering alcoholics. Six months ago he started drinking and drugging again and left me for another woman who is a daily drinker. I know this sounds like sour grapes but it is a known fact she sleeps around, unattractive, no brains, lots of baggage, etc. I went through a month of hell getting him sober, got him back, but neither of us put much into it (I think I still had too many resentments and he did nothing to help build my trust in him again except stop drinking. I just griped about how he was going to kick me in the teeth again, no trust!). Anyhow, I know I violated all the no contact advice, but he said he truly loved me and I do love him, faults and all. Cut to the chase. He's back with her again and drinking again. Just saw them together today. We live in different towns about 10 miles apart and I was no way going to check up on him. I absolutely cannot go through the emotional pain and stress of this again (it landed me in the hospital). I love him deeply and want him back but I know this time I won't contact him if for nothing but my own survival/sanity/shred of dignity. Could use some feedback on two questions: Do you think this means he really loves her and not me and I should finally just give up. Also, he has my computer, valuable antiques/heirlooms, pictures, some things (yes material things) that I don't want to just let him have. I can't even listen to his voice on the answering machine without this horrible scar threatening to rip open again but I want my stuff back! Any suggestions on how to do that without making a complete fool out of myself again?

He recently broke up a 10-year relationship for another woman, who I believe he is living with although I am too heartbroken to keep tabs on them. Anyhow, I have been doing the minimal contact. Unfortunately I have 10 years of my life to move out of his house, so I have run into him a couple of times. He says he wants time and that we will work it out but I'm trying to get on with my life, I looked up an old male friend of mine to help me move. He saw us together and got very angry and hurt. Does this mean anything? Does it look like I turned to this other guy to specifically make him jealous? I'm still trying to make sure that I am not appearing manipulative. I have no intention of starting a "relationship" with the other guy and he (the other guy) knows this. He knows exactly what is going on. Does my guy still care for me? Lots of these posts say to give him his "space" and he will start to remember the good things about this relationship. Can you tell me mor about that?

Thanks for you comments but could be get back to my topic.

I didn't say that I was trying to "make" him stop drinking. Would appreciate you clarifying what you meant about "reflecting my age".

Hope you can bear with me on this one - need to get some feedback and just touch the basics of this mess. The facts: I am a 50 year old female. I am still attractive, take care of myself, fairly well educated, good job, and a recovering alcoholic. Have been in a stormy relationship with another recovering alcoholic for 10 years, same age. He has, in the last month, now "moved on", living with a woman 10 years younger than me. Here is what has me completely flabbergasted and I really hope I am not saying this just because I obviously really resent this chick, but she is a lush, a sleep-around and she is unattractive, no teeth, obvious ravages of drinking every night for 15 years. Put it this way, she LOOKS older than me. If it had been somebody from AA or somebody he met at church maybe I could understand a little better. She drinks every night and, of course, he drinks with her, at least most of the time. His liver is shot, he has hep C, he is on methadone maintenance for pain, and drinking is going to kill him, LITERALLY. We come from a very small town and everybody else in town is just blown away too. He basically refused to work this out with me and, believe me, I TRIED, and instead went to her. Add the rest of the story to the mix. My ex-husband was a worthless philanderer (he's in the penitentiary now), she is one of my ex-husband's ex- girlfriends, she has a child by my ex-husband. Jiminy, what on earth is going through this man's mind!!! He and I have supposedly "broken up" several times in the past but he has never gone to another woman (as far as I knew, or thought. I'm starting to wonder now). Somewhere in my heart I think this new relationship is doomed (he drives her car over to come see me), etc., etc., but I also think I may be in denial and I need to roll with it and get over this heel. Then, on the other hand, I sometimes think that I would take him back in a heartbeat. We've been through a lot of tough times but we have had some good ones too. Do you think he will come back to me? Any insight would be appreciated because I am one REALLY CONFUSED LADY!