dlb74

Hi, Tinkerbell... I'm afraid I may not be the best person in the world to give you relationship advice at the moment as I (like most people who find their way to this forum) am going through the same heart-break as yourself. Having read your posts, I could relate to things you said. I was with my (ex-)girlfriend for almost four and a half years and I think it's safe to say I know exactly how you feel. It all sounds so familiar... feeling alone even when you're surrounded by friends and family who care for you... who love you... but then - deep down inside, it's not the same as the love you have lost. How could it be? I'll pop the links to my posts at the bottom of this reply so you can check out the background of my situation... I certainly saw a lot of similarities with what you are going through just now... In response to you being scared of your ex finding someone new and forgetting about you... again I know what that feels like. The disbelief they could ever end up in the arms of someone else seems impossible to imagine... believe me when I say that I also entertain those thoughts and fears about my ex... I try to think that although the last thing I would ever wish on her is unhappiness in any way, it is possible that should my ex end up with someone else, he may not treat her anywhere near as well as I did in our time together and perhaps she will realise that leaving me was indeed a mistake and return to me in time - assuming I haven't healed and move on myself by then. Like yourself, I have also heard lyrics in songs that have made me relate to my situation. There is an old (1978) musical version of THE WAR OF THE WORLDS... which I think may have been a mainly British production. Anyway, there is a song called FOREVER AUTUMN which made me think of the situation we are in when I heard it again recently. Instead of making this an even longer (is that possible?) reply, you can see the lyrics here: link removed Anyway, just try to be strong and hang in there - even though I know myself how difficult that can be. Whatever happens will happen for a reason - and will likely be for the best. Believe me when I say I am being told the very same thing right now and it is the very thing you don't want to hear... but I believe everything happens for a reason. None of us knows what the future will bring. We just have to wait and see... and time will tell. Take care! dlb74 P.S. Sorry if some of the stuff I've typed makes no sense... it's about 4am here and I can't sleep! Perhaps you know that feeling all too well at the moment too? P.P.S. Here are the links to my previous posts: link removed link removed link removed

Hello, everyone... I just had to reply to thank you all for your words of support. They have been a great comfort to me during this time. Although we have all found our way to this forum for the same reason, it is very reassuring to see that we can all be there for each other and help each other through this. The forum lives up to its name as it does indeed show us that we are most definitely not alone. Well, it has been only one week since my girlfriend* left me but it feels more like a month. It has to have been the longest week of my life. I've been continuously up and down from day to day, hour to hour. It's been an emotional roller coaster on which I've felt an almost unbearable combination of anger, grief and absolute love. How is it possible to feel those all at the same time? It just doesn't make sense... but then... when did the human heart ever make sense? In trying to make my girlfriend* see "sense", I asked her to try to think about things and if possible, reconsider her decision upon returning home. She promised she would think about things but said she could give no guarantee as to the outcome. Sadly, I am now coming to the realisation that I already know what the outcome will be... She isn't coming back to me. Whatever we had faded out some time ago... for one of us... and when that spark is lost for one, it is ultimately lost for the two. Just as I couldn't help my feelings for her, she too couldn't help her feelings for me - even when she realised she didn't feel the same way about me that she once had. She has asked for no contact for a while and so we more or less agreed to get in touch again at the end of June for the "final decision". Although now that I am accepting that the relationship is indeed over, I will most likely contact her before the end of June - not out of any disrespect for her wishes (as I have a huge amount of respect for both her and her wishes) but to tell her I have accepted the situation. I think only when I do that will we have the closure we both need in order for the healing process to continue unhindered. I feel that when the healing process has ran it's course, there is no reason I can see why we can't be friends. Neither of us dislikes (let alone hates) the other... things just... didn't work out. For the last four and a half years, I was convinced that this girl was the love of my life. Maybe she was the love of my life but sadly, I was just not the love of her life. I suppose I have yet to meet the true love of my life and that she is out there waiting for our paths to cross and that she will be able to return the love I will give to her. Of course, I (and my girlfriend*) am in no massive hurry to find ourselves in another relationship any time soon but you never know what is just around the corner... I'm sorry I can't attach sickbags for you guys but at least while I (and others in our position) can think like that, I have some hope that romance (and indeed love) is most certainly not dead! Well anyway, please stay in touch and take care! Derek. * I know that ex-girlfriend is a far more appropriate term to use here but I still don't have the heart to type it yet!

Well... anyone who has looked at my two previous topics should have figured that I'm in a lot of pain about my (ex? can I really say that yet? God, I hope not...) girlfriend leaving me yesterday. The nightmare of saying goodbye to her at the departure gate sadly came true. I have always cried when I have said goodbye to her at the airport - and they have always been temporary goodbyes... I'm still hoping there is a chance that this goodbye may not be forever. I'm not sure why I didn't cry as I held her tight... I was certainly crying on the inside. Maybe I had temporarily cried myself out over the preceding 48 hours... or was it that I didn't want tears in my eyes obscuring my vision of her face? Anyway, when we let go of each other, I could only stand there helplessly as she passed through the gate. She glanced back at me a few times with her beautiful big (but sad) eyes before she was lost in the queue and was swept away from me. As there is no viewing gallery at the airport, my friend, who drove us there found a car park next to the airfield. By chance, my girlfirend's plane was the nearest to the fence. She was obviously already on the plane as I never saw her amongst the people who were boarding. I wondered if she was on the side facing me and if she could see me. The day was grey and it had started to rain... Appropriate weather for a broken heart. Eventually, her plane backed out and I still wondered if she could see me standing there as I broke down in the pouring rain. The plane then slowly taxied out of sight and I waited for the next inevitable heartache. And then it happened: I saw the plane screaming along the runway - the opposite side facing me this time - so even if she had been on this other side, I doubt she would have noticed me as the plane took off (maybe one day, I'll find out if she saw me at all). As it took to the air, I blew both the plane (as I wanted it to take her home safely - even if it was taking her away from me) and my beautiful Sab a kiss and said out loud "Please come back to me" through my tears. After that, all I could do was watch the plane vanish into the grey and rainy sky. So... here I am... utterly lost without the comforting presense I have known for the last four and a half years in my life. I did ask her before she left if she would think about things when she got home and to try to reconsider pushing me out of her life. She promised she would do this but said she couldn't make any guarantees as to the outcome. This is good enough for me at the moment for the reason that as long as I have known her, she has kept all of her promises. She is a good woman who was extremely easy to fall in love with... and I still love her. I hope that perhaps she will realise that she has made a mistake when she has time to think about things and may find it in her heart to let me back into her life so that I can prove to her I can make it happier again like I did before. I won't go into details here but I would like to promise her that I will become the man we both want me to be... the man she would want in her life. Of course, I would like us both to benefit from these promises as they are not the stupid empty promises I made all too often in the past... they are promises that are within reach and will be accomplished. All I could ask her is: "Please let me back into your life and you will see that I will never let you down ever again." Time will tell... The Force was with us before, Sab - maybe it will be with us again. [-o

I know no-one has yet responded to my last topic but I'm afraid it's all too late anyway. Any hopes of saving the relationship between my girlfriend (I can't really say that now...) and myself have faded and when she leaves tomorrow, it seems that she will be leaving my life for good. She wasn't able to give me back the love that I gave her and thought it to be the best thing to do instead of us trying to sort things out for another few years and still get nowhere. I know where she's coming from but it doesn't change the fact that I'm going to miss her terribly. I can't even begin to say how much this hurts... It will be the hardest thing to let her go. I'm not even sure if I'll have the guts to go to the airport with her. I always cried when we said goodbye... only this time it's the goodbye - isn't it? I mean, how can I not go? But I always hated the moment when she disappeared through the gates. This time, I may never see her again. I feel like I've lost my best friend and would like her to know that I would have done absolutely anything to keep her in my life and to make her happy with me... anything. For four and a half years, she has been my life and it will be colder and darker without her to light my future... at least until time inevitably starts to heal our wounds. That said, I know that neither of us would rush into a new relationship. I'm not sure if I can be just a friend to her. How would I feel if she told me that she's found another guy and that she loves him? I know that it's an arguable point that by the time she finds that other special someone, I may have also found someone new (that is the hardest thing to think, let alone write or say). I'm just feeling so heart-broken at the moment, I can barely think. I know that as time goes by, I will never forget her. Perhaps one day she may even realise she has made a mistake and want to get back together. I guess I'll silently wait and see what happens. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to let her back into my life after this but then... letting her leave my life is going to be hell. So - you never know. In either case, I hope she knows what she meant to me. I'll always be grateful for the time we had together but at the risk of sounding selfish, I really wanted a lot more. I wanted to have a family with her and to grow old with her. Now that won't happen and I'm lost without her. Anyway... please think about us and anyone else out there who is in the same situation.

Hi... I'm not quite sure where to start here! I've got a wonderful girlfriend who I've been with for four and a half years now. The problem is that for the moment I live in Scotland and she lives in her native France... I've tried to work and live in both Luxembourg and Belgium but have not had much luck. As with all relationships, we've had a few ups and downs... This has taken quite a toll on the relationship and she told me over the christmas / new year period that she wasn't sure she loved me. I asked her to think about things and try to sort her head out while I tried to sort myself out too (unfortunately, we had quite a bit of space and time for this as we were in our respective countries once again). So... she's been here on holiday for almost two weeks and is due to go back to France tomorrow. We have been getting on very well again after a fairly rough year due to a terrible job I took in Belgium (long story that I'll spare you!) Anyway, yesterday I was getting upset about her going away again and noticed she didn't seem too upset. I asked her if I was the only one who felt this way. When I asked her if she still wanted to be with me. She replied "I don't know. I don't think I love you anymore". Naturally, I am gutted about all of this. It seems that our relationship is on the very verge of ending and I don't know if there is anything I can do to prevent it. She says it's her, not me (that old chestnut again!) and that she feels that she is the only one of us getting anything out of the relationship and feels bad that she seems incapable of returning the love I give her. This girl has not only been a part of my life but is my life! I have always regarded her as the love of my life and can't bear the thought of losing her after being together for such a long time (well... it's a record for me anyway!). She told me she is afraid that she may never be able to love me back and that this would be very unfair to me. We figured that she did love me but seems to have fallen out of love with me. I said it's definitely possible for people to fall back in love but she has never heard of anyone doing this. Can anyone help?!? The thought of losing her is unbearable.