Janet

Scout Thanks for that. I am getting to my angry stage now. Still miss him but the more I talk to people the better it gets to the stage where I can hate him. I want him back still but if he came to my door now I would not take him back in a million years. Its funny how things come out after a break up. A few friends told me that they always had a feeling about him even before we got married. His best man who is now dead said to his mother that he would never be faithfull to me. This makes me hate him even more. I now your are right about letting it be someone elses problem. I know he will do the same to his new girlfriend. I was cheated on for 13 years probably every year I was with him. Can someone like this actually change when they meet the right person. Is this possible. What cures someone of being a serial cheater? I know it is definitely over now. Today is the first day I have realised this. Now its time to get on with the practical stuff like sorting out money and mortgages. I still hurt inside and finding it hard to eat but it is gettng easier every day. He is coming over on Thursday to sort out what we will do with our houses and loans and things. I'm not sure I will be able to handle it. I am going to have to be strong and just talk about money. We also have a dog which he will take with him. How sad!!! Anyway thanks for your advice. I will let you know what happens. Regards Janet

Hey Just read your e-mail. One minute I am thinking I will be fine and meet someone new and then I think of my ex-husband with someone else. I can't seem to snap out of thinking he will be back. I keep saying to him to be cruel to me and tell me he doesn't want me and he keeps saying he can't say that. What the hell does that mean? He is also constantly crying on the phone when we speak. What does that me? He says he doesn't know what he wants. He knows that I am always here if he wants to come back. Is that too easy for him or shoudl I just be cruel to him and say I don't want him back. The thing is I don't want to fight with him as we have money and mortgage issues to sort out. This is a big problem for me I need to get this sorted and maybe then I will feel better. He won't come to our house to get his belongings and again I am reading into this that he is prolonging it becuase he does not want to end it. God what am I thinking??? Regards Janet

Hiya I am 33 year old female and my 32 husband of 13 years dumped me for a 19 year old blonde. I now look at myself. I haven't put on weight or dressed differently for years. What I would say is that I have become a nag at home because of money. Obviously a 19 years blonde with no money worries, no mortgage, and no baggages is much more attractive that some who says no you can't have this or you can't go there. Which would you choose. I realise now that I turned myself into that nagging person. Instead of letting him be who he wants to be. He used to fishing and ask me to come along. I always said no that I wasn't interested or he used to say lets go to the pub and watch the football. I said no because I wasn't interested in football. So I would sit at home while he did the fun things he wanted to do. I did surprise myself once by going to see a football match with him and ended up having a really brilliant time. The key is to do things together even if you are not interested in them. Being together is the key. The football was the trigger to us having a good time together. He has left me now and is with someone who probably does these thing with him as she wants to please him but there will come a time when she lets him know she is not interested in them and will realise that he does not like the things she does. Going forward if I meet someone else I know now that it doesn't matter what you do together just being together is very important in a relationship. Sorry to go on a bit but he only left me on Tuesday so I am trying to come to terms with it but putting in words. Thanks for listening. Regards Janet

Hi Detox Just read your mail. I don't think your head is straight yet. I am doing exactly the same at the moment reading things that are probably not there. Why do you want her back? yes I know you love her and can't emagin being with anyone else. My husban left me on Tuesday and I am still in that limbo stage, thinking exactly the same things. I am trying not to call him all the time because that is not attractive to men when you have a babbling women on the end of the phone. She obviously will not come back to you unless she wants to. You can't make someone want you. The more you are friends with her as if nothing had happened the more she will take this as the norm and want it to just be friends. You need not to call her or take her out. How can she miss you if you are always available to her. I made this mistake this week of calling my ex every minute of the day crying and now he only sees me as a babbling food. Let it go for now, only she can change her mind not you. I am totally devasted after thirteen years together and don't know how I will ever get over it but the more I pretend to be happy eventually it makes you happy. The only person you need to make you whole again is you. I am sure you turned into a different person when you met her. Go back to that person again as thats why she fell in love with you in the first place isn't it?? Sorry this is advice from someone who is hurting too. But today is the first day I have not called him and I haven't cried once. Take care let me know what you do. Janet

Hiya I too am in the same position. I was with my 32 husband for 13 years. He has just moved out to be with a 19 year old. I am devasted. I am also devasted that we have to sort out all the financial stuff that goes with it. I will probably loose the house. He too wanted to just have fun where I was left with all the practical things in life. He was having fun for both of us and I was being practical for both of us. There was not meeting in the middle. He is now with her and everytime I speak to him on the phone I end up crying. He also ends up crying. I ask myself why is he crying if it was his decision. Does he still love me. He says it is nothign to do with her or me just that his head is all over the place at the moment and he says if we got back together it won't work. Sounds like you are in the same position. Is your ex with someone else?? I know mine is and she is going travelling in August. I feel in total dissmay and think my life is over. I have thought about asking him to go on holiday with me to get things resolves but I don't really think that is the answer. Sometimes you just have to leave things to run there course. I suppose if you never try you will never know. If you don't fight for him you might regret it though. God I don't know really. I woudl love you to let me know if it did happen and how you two got on. Take care Janet