bostonchiiiiica
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how does someone who loved me for SO, so long able to just turn off his feelings for me forever? it feels like he slammed a door in my face after all of these years and i don't know how to deal with it. he wants to be friends but that is impossible. he says he can't be together with me again, he lost the feeling. this pain hurts more than anything i have ever felt in my life. what am i going to do?
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No Contact After It's All Been Said and Done
bostonchiiiiica posted a topic in Getting Back Together
We've been broken up 6 months. I love him, he loves me. But he needs "time" and is "going on his own road for a while" Everything's been said. We're not mad or fighting, we're on great terms. But it hurts too much to be around him and not have him. I can't stand the thought of losing him forever, though. Do I go for no contact now? Will that mean possibly losing him for good, even though everything's cool between us? -
Hey guys. Thanks for your help...you've been amazing. I need more help now, and I hope you all can give it to me. So, this same guy---had a talk with him today. He says he's not trying to hurt me, but he needs to be alone right now. He said that path he sees with me is marriage and he thinks that we want different things out of life, so he can't go down that road with me right now. I told him he's being unfair to himself and to me for not giving it a chance. I don't know how to get him to give us a chance. We are like best friends, and it hurts so bad to think we can't be again. I really am scaredof pulling away completely. It is going to hurt so much, but it is inevitable since if I don't, he will end up hurting me down the road. I know it can't continue the way it's been, but I just can't bear the idea of us cut off from one another. What do I do??
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It's so hard because I'm so scared of losing him for good! I just can't get over this feeling of loss and pain...if two people love one another, why can't they just be together?
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So, the person you love "doesn't want to be in a relationship again for a long time" and "wants to be free to do his own thing." He spends most of the time with his friends and doesn't treat you half as good as he once did. He won't call for days and never seems interested in what you';re doing. He doesn't tell you anything anymore. Yet, he calls you once in a while, wants to kiss you, hold you, and tells you he loves you. You feel like you have part of him back, but after months of this "half-way" relationship, you've finally had enough of sleepness nights wondering why he doesn't love you enough to want you around all of the time and whether you will be together or what he's doing the nights he doesn't call. So, you decided to cut him off and stop catering to his every wish and ignore his calls. Does he a) slowly forget about you, or b) want what he can't have and have more interest? I'm scared to cut him off, becuase it may lead to the very end of us. But it may also be my saving grace. What do you think? Thank you.
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Why the hell does he drunk dial me? Sometimes he says he misses me, sometimes he just yells "What's up!?" Why does a person do this to someone they've already hurt? Does it mean he is thinking of me, or is he just being an ass? It's been 2 months since he broke up with me. Thanks.
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how can she just "move" on
bostonchiiiiica replied to thatboy_e's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Um, elbandido's quoted post is awesome... -
Well, see, when I wrote this I was thinking more along the lines of a_little_sparrow's reply... I am not hoping be looking good he will want to go out again, I know that is not the case. I just mean it will be more attractive and is kind of the best revenge against the ex, so to speak. Not that I am out for revenge, but I want him to think about losing me forever. And by looking good, being confident, and going out and having fun much more than I ever did before---I am hoping he will sing things in a new light.
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What do ya'll think the effect on a dumper who just wants to be "free" would be when the person they dumped comes back into view after a few months looking really, really hot and posessing a whole new, attractive attitude? I've been on a total self improvement kick and I see a definite difference in myself. Because of the comfort level, I kind of let myself go when I was dating my ex, but I'm wondering if my new "makeover" will make my ex do any rethinking when I see him in about a month. Anyone heard of exes crawling back when their other half suddenly becomes more attractive then they've ever been?
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I know how you feel!!! My ex and I have been in contact weekly for the last month, but 2 weeks ago I decided it hurt too much to try to analyze his words and his phone calls so I am no longer going to initiate contact. It's been 2 weeks and now I'm scared he won't try to conact me, we will slowly lose touch...I have the same feelings as you. I don't know whether to let go or hope...But anyway, I have some questions for you... What were the circumstances of your breakup? So you all were in contact for 7 months but now you have decided to cut it all off? Does your ex know you are doing this on purpose, or did you just stop contacting?
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Hey John...can you elaborate on what you mean by this a little more please? "Lemme tell you something about "NC" otherwise known as no contact. NC can be used very well on most women, however it is not a good thing when used against us. Just the fact remains, if you care about the one u love enough you must remember that you can't taunt a dog with a bone forever" Thanks!
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I want my ex back so badly, but I realize I have to just get over it for right now for my own sake, before I drive myself insane. What is holding me back from getting over it is our memories. Almost every song, every movie, every place...something every minute of the day reminds me of something my ex and I did together or said we would have. I go shopping---it reminds me of when we shopped and I think about how great of a guy he is that he used to shop with his girlfriend all of the time... Things people say, expressions, even food reminds me of him. I can't stop thinking of what we could have been and all of the things we said we would do together. We talked about our kids, getting married, our future...We spent every single day together for 4 years and I have SO much invested in him...I find myself making connections to memories like at least every 5 minutes... How do I train my mind to stop wanting to cry every 5 minutes because of all of the memories? How do I make myself see those memories as the past, not as something to put me through pain each day? I know time and keeping busy will help, but is there anything else I can do now to just let it go?
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I am getting impatient. Be warned, this is a rant. I had 4 years of love with my ex until he broke up with me 2 months ago because "I'm not him" and "He needs freedom" and "It's over"... All he wanted our 4 years together was to be with me forever, he loved me so much. But I argued with him too much, I nagged him, I tried to change him. I ultimately pushed him away. But now I get it. This breakup had made me realize what I was doing wrong, what I need to do right. And most of all, it has made me realize just how much I truly love him. This is the man I want to be the father of my children. I want to marry him and experience everything life has to offer with him by my side. But like I said before, I messed things up. But now I want one last chance to show him how much I have changed. I am sick of waiting. I want him back and I want it soon. I know I am being impatient, maybe selfish...but I love him with all of my heart and I need to get him back before it's too late. I am doing no contact but I'm starting to get frusrated. IF I LOVE HIM AND HE LOVES ME, WHY CAN'T WE JUST BE TOGETHER? WHY DO WE HAVE TO WAIT? WHY MUST I BE UNCERTAIN ABOUT MY FUTURE? WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE IN PAIN? WHY CAN'T LOVE BE SIMPLE? WHY CAN'T I HAVE A SECOND CHANCE WITH THE MAN I LOVE? This was just a rant. Thanks for reading, and feel free to respond.
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Hey Scout, You said "Why would you want to be with someone who left you to party?" BUT the thing is that he left me because things were bad between us, and the he went and partied. He really loved me but he left because I was an idiot. So, does that change your thoughts on the trip at all? I have something to prove to him, that I am not the way I was. Let me know. Thanks.
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Since I don't really drink, I don't know how drinking affects feelings, so ya'll please help me out. My ex has been partying and getting drunk almost every night since he broke up with me 2 months ago. In fact, some of the reason for the breakup is that he wanted the freedom to go out every night like he has been. My question is: does drinking like this numb any thoughts of me right now? Is his partying helping him to forget about me; or do you think he will begin his mourning process of our relationship once he slows down the partying? I mean, will he continue to not think about our relationship until he stops this? Also, how long does it take people who KNOW BETTER to slow down the constant partying...? Could this last a long time? When does one get tired of that lifestyle when they can have a real, loving relationship? Thanks!