mjones.uk

Hey Shainer, Yes, it does get easier! There will be some special things that you will never forget (which is good!) but you will move on and find someone new. The hardest thing I think is to believe this (just look at some of my first posts) but time really is a healer. Just tell yourself its ok to feel the way you do (as really it hasn't been that long) but things will get better as each day goes by. It does feel like the hardest thing you'e ever done, but stick with it bro, believe me, one day you'll look back and be proud of how far you've come. All the best.

Hi CustomX, Listen bro, if you haven't read my post already, then please do: link removed This was how I felt, I lost her after 8 years, and all through my own doing. I know exactly how you're feeling now, as I was feeling the same this time last year. But I can tell you now, exactly a year later, I have wonderful new girlfriend who I love very much, and am enjoying life more than I ever did whilst I was with her. It does get better! You will need to go through the pain and suffering now, but thats a necassary part of the healing process, you won't always feel this bad! Now is the time to make your new years resolutions and decide on all the things you are going to do next year, that will improve and enhance your life for the better. Hang in there buddy, you will come through this a stronger and better man, believe me. Best wishes and best of luck

Hi, 3 days a week is perfectly adequate, and yes, your muscles will only grow when they are rested properly. remember, weight training is the process of tearing and damaging the muscle, in the rest period, with proper nutrition, is when the muscles repair and regenerate. You should ideally only train each body part once a week, a 7 day gap is usually sufficient for the muscle group to repair and be ready for the next session of training. For lots more info and advice, please see the webiste I use at muscletalk.co.uk Best of luck and hope you reach your goal!

Hi, Being only 18 you're a good age and base to start building yourself up if you want to. When I was 18 I used to get called 'Bones' because I was so thin, but for the past year or so (I'm now 28 ) I've been working out in the gym in a bid to lose weight! I would really advise visiting the bodybuilding forum muscletalk.co.uk There are many excellent, knowledgeable people on that site, the owner himself being a professional dietician and bodybuilder. I have learnt loads from the guys on that site, and they would be more than willing to give you some advice! All the best!

" I don't want to annoy her and push her away" Then unfortunately you have to accept her wishes. She has told you that she wants to be friends and likes being single, so anything you do now will start to make her resist and push her away. Its very hard when this sort of thing happens, and you want to think carefully about continuing a friendship with her, as this will cause you more pain and make it harder to move on, in the long run. If you think you are able to control your feelings and remain friends, then make sure this is how you act when you are together. Try and be yourself, be happy, be positive, let her see that you are fine with you two being friends. If the feelings are there, then she will realise that she wants to be with you, but as much as we'd like, we can't make these feelings appear as if by magic. Just remember, if you really do love her, then you'll want her to be happy - whether its with you or not. This is a very hard thing to accept, but really shows true love in my opinion. All the best and I hope it works out for you!

Thanks for that guys, helped alot. Cheers.

Search for my previous posts, and you'll see how devastated I was when my girlfriend of 8 years suddenly left me 3 days before Xmas. As a quick recap, I loved her so much, didn't realise things weren't right (hands up those who have been there!) and was completely ruined when she left. I've only heard from her once since then, a quick email to tell me she'd passed her degree and that she was doing ok. So its been 7 months and I still often think about her and miss her, and of course I still love her, but I've 99% accepted that it really is over and I've got to move on. So I've actually met this really nice girl, been on a few dates and we've really clicked, get on really well. We've spoke about exe's and she knows how I still feel about mine, I just couldn't lie and say i was totally over her. So now she's scared that if we start to get a bit more serious, she'll end up as 'rebound girl' and my ex is going to come back for me. Well, I really don't know what to do! I don't know how I'd feel if my ex did come back into my life, and of course I wouldn't want to hurt this girl. But at the same time I'm quite convinced she's gone for good, and I don't want to risk losing this new girl for something that is more than likely never going to come true. Should I be dating if I still love my ex? I know we never stop loving someone who we've really shared that feeling with, but I don't just want to sit around forever waiting to 'get over her' - perhaps this would be the best way of doing it?? Any advice, experience etc appreciated guys, thanks.

Its got to be almost anything by Brian McKnight One Last Cry My shattered dreams and broken heart Are mending on the shelf I saw you holding hands Standing close to someone else Now I sit all alone Wishing all my feelings was gone I gave my best to you Nothing for me to do But have one last cry [Chorus One last cry Before I leave it all behind I gotta put you out of my mind this time Stop living a lie I guess I'm down to my last cry Cry..... I was here You were there Guess we never could agree While the sun shines on you I need some love to rain on me Still I sit all alone Wishing all my feelings was gone Gotta get over you Nothing for me to do But have one last cry [Chorus One last cry Before I leave it all behind I goota put you out of my mind For the very last time Been living a lie I guess I'm down, I guess I'm down I guess I'm down... I guess I'm down...on ma knees suckin your dick nigga plz To my last cry... 6,8,12 Ooh, ooh Do you ever think about me? Do you ever cry yourself to sleep? In the middle of the night when you're awake, Are you calling out for me? Do you ever reminisce? I can't believe in nothing like this I know it's crazy How I still can feel your kiss [1] - It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours Since you went away I miss you so much and I don't know what to say I should be over you I should know better but it's just not the case It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours Since you went away Do you ever ask about me? Do your friends still tell you what to do? Every time the phone rings, Do you wish it was me calling you? Do you still feel the same? Or has time put out the flame? I miss you Is everything okay? [Repeat 1] It's hard enough just passing the time When I can't seem to get you off my mind And where is the good in goodbye? Tell me why, tell me why [Repeat 1]

Hi Taurean, Have a read of one of my previous 'nice guys' posts: link removed

No one can really answer your question because every single one of us is different. We've been bought up in different environments, different cultures, different beliefs etc, our life experiences make us what we are today. Some men have a bad attitude with women and treat them badly, who knows why, maybe its the way they've been bought up, or the people that they've associated with. At the same time an equal number of guys are the opposite, and maybe for the same reasons We all experience bad people in our lives, but its impossible to attribute this to all men, or indeed, all woman, as the same thing can be said of women also.

Perhaps the trouble you're having is because you are trying to force yourself to move on. Who says there's a certain time frame in getting over the loss of a loved one? Don't listen to the nonsense about 'oh it takes a month for every year you were together' or whatever - we are all different people and we will all heal and deal in our own ways and our own time frames. I think one of the reasons it can take so long is because we don't allow ourselves time to grieve, we keep trying to force away the pain, to tell ourselves we should be alright 'by now'. Well, the more we do that to ourselves, the more we are just storing the grief up and causing the pain to linger. Don't try to 'get over it' - allow yourself to feel the pain and the loss, accept what you've lost and that your life is changed - but also accept that life goes on and that each day it will get that little bit easier, even if you don't notice. The one day you will wake up with a smile and once again enjoy the sunlight streaming through your window, and life will start to take a happier meaning again... Best wishes to you, remember, everything happens for a reason.

Guys, Take a look at one of my previous posts: link removed

Hi, I'm with you. There are so many different religions around the world, it makes me chuckle that they all think they are right! In my humble opinion, religion was invented by man because people fear life and death. That is. many people don't want to believe that there's nothing after they die, after all its a scary thought to think we are all alone in the universe! Religious people should not take offence at non religious people anyway,after all, they're convinced there is an afterlife/God whatever, so why should someone else's comments matter, after all we'll get our punishment on Judgement Day. i have no problem with people believing what they want, so I hope no-one is offended by me not believing! I seriously don't want that to be the case and I'm not attacking religion in anyway. Have a look at link removed, lots of info there for you. I personally find Zen buddhism and Taoism quite interesting, not saying I believe it, after all, again, its just someone's opinion in writtem form, but I take what I find useful and apply it to my daily life. I think that we should have a lot more faith in ourselves as the human race (although with the state of the world as it is that can be very hard, hence religion), then we should worrying about whats going to happen when we die and living our lives to please someone or something that is only written or spoken about.

Nemo, You're not unique mate. Every single person on this earth has issues within themselves. No one is perfect, no one's life is perfect. Instead of killing yourself and betraying the millions of people that have to die through no choice of their own every day, why don't you make this the first day of the rest of your life - no, the first day of the best of your life. You are not those things you described, you have simply shown that you are not happy where you are in life right now. Whats the first thing to do? Believe you can change. You don't have to be super good looking, super popular, super rich etc to be happy in life. If that were the case then I don't think the human race would have survived very long! What you do have to do is switch your way of thinking. You can have all the happiness you want in life, but you won't have it if you carry on acting the way you are and believing the things you think are true! Tell yourself now that you are lucky to be who you are. You are lucky that you had the courage to find this site, to post your plee, to find us who will give you a headstart on your journey to the life you want. You think you dopn't have anything to be happy about? Well, why not start with the little things? The things we all take for granted. Can you be happy about the fact you can wake up and see the sunrise every day? That you have a roof over your head and parents that care about you, that you can walk outside and have the freedom to go where you please etc etc. You change the way you feel, because you owe it to those people who will never be able to experience life the way we know it. Would you still be feeling sorry for yourself if you were magicked off to Africa to see thousands of poor, starving, disease ridden people with no chance of living a healthy normal life? What about if you then got whisked off to a childrens hospital to see kids with cancer who will never grow up to experience life as an adult? We have a responsibility to live our lives to the full, and you have that choice. You can choose to begin to build the life you want, or to carry onn the way you are and feeling the way you do - there it is. If things aren't going your way then change what you're doing! What have you got to lose?? The game has just begun and its not too late. Make it your time and your turn. Consider these two truths: First, you've got what it takes, and you're worth the effort it will take to find that truth and build a strategy for your life. Secondly, nobody is going to do it for you. I would say definatly get councelling, I found it a wonderful help and nothing like the stereotype image it is given, so please see your doctor and ask him to refer you. Also, the way I started to change my life and my self beliefs was by reading some excellent books and I strongly urge you to do the same, please. try to get as many as you can from this list: Awaken the Giant within - by Anthony Robbins Unlimited Power - by Anthony Robbins End the struggle and dance with life - by Susan Jeffers Life Strategies - Stop making excuses! - by Dr Phillip C McGraw Feel the fear and do it anyway - by Susan Jeffers How high can you bounce? - by Roger Crawford Start reading and applying and start living - you can do it and there are plenty of people to help you. All the best!

Here's something I read that i feel could benefit us all. Link to site at the end. Enjoy! Mike! ==================== Tao Living Living in the Moment by Derek Lin Do you sometimes find yourself unable to let go of the past or stop worrying about the future? When I feel that way, I recall to mind a great Zen story One day, while walking through the wilderness, a man encountered a vicious tiger. He ran for his life, and the tiger gave chase. The man came to the edge of a cliff, and the tiger was almost upon him. Having no choice, he held on to a vine with both hands and climbed down. Halfway down the cliff, the man looked up and saw the tiger at the top, baring its fangs. He looked down and saw another tiger at the bottom, waiting for his arrival and roaring at him. He was caught between the two. Two rats, one white and one black, showed up on the vine above him. As if he didn't have enough to worry about, they started gnawing on the vine. He knew that as the rats kept gnawing, they would reach a point when the vine would no longer be able to support his weight. It would break and he would fall. He tried to shoo the rats away, but they kept coming back. At that moment, he noticed a strawberry growing on the face of the cliff, not far away from him. It looked plump and ripe. Holding onto the vine with one hand and reaching out with the other, he plucked it. With a tiger above, another below, and two rats continuing to gnaw on his vine, the man tasted the strawberry and found it absolutely delicious. This story is all about living in the moment. Despite his perilous situation, the man chose not to let unrealized dangers paralyze him. He was able to seize the moment and savor it. The story is full of metaphors. All the major elements in the story are representations that possess deeper meaning. The top of the cliff represents the past. It's where the man had been and where he came from. In terms of your personal timeline, this metaphor refers to all of your experiences and memories from the life that you have already lived. Climbing up the vine, toward the top of the cliff, would be to revisit the past. The tiger at the top represents the danger of dwelling in the past too much. If we constantly beat ourselves up for not being able to do certain things as well as we should have, or if we wallow in regret and shame over mistakes we have made, then the tiger has wounded us with its sharp claws. If we cannot let go of negative experiences from the past that make us timid and afraid, or if we feel like victims because we come from a traumatic or perhaps abusive background, then the tiger has taken a painful bite out of us. The tiger also represents the impossibility of going back in time to fix something. Sometimes we wish we can turn back the clock and do certain things over. Perhaps you think of the perfect comeback long after the right moment has passed; perhaps there was a special someone from high school that you should have approached but didn't; perhaps you said something hurtful to a loved one and would do anything to take it back. Unfortunately, the pathway of time is a one-way street - the fearsome tiger guards the top of the cliff, and mere mortals may not pass. The bottom of the cliff represents the future. It is the undiscovered country, the unwritten chapter. The future contains all of your dreams and fears, aspirations and disappointments, potential victories and possible setbacks. It is the mysterious and uncertain domain of tomorrow. Climbing down the vine, closer to the bottom of the cliff, is to look ahead, anticipate and speculate about the future. The tiger at the bottom represents the danger of being excessively concerned about that which is yet to come -- particularly at the expense of our ability to act, or to maintain peace of mind. Many of us have had the experience of worrying endlessly about an upcoming performance, speech, or job interview. We think about all the things that can go wrong. We cannot get a good night's sleep because we're too nervous about the next day. So what happens when the event comes around? Our inability to relax disconnects us from the creative genius of the Tao. We are not able to be at our best. We cannot channel all that nervous energy into effective action; instead, it turns right into tension and stress. We have climbed too low on the vine and gotten too close to the tiger, thus allowing it to cause us damage. The tiger at the bottom also represents the ultimate finality of death. Death waits patiently for all of us in the future. It knows that sooner or later we will be within its grasp. When the tiger roars up at us, we feel the chilling winds of mortality. The man's position between the two tigers represents the present. Note that he hangs suspended in midair. In the same way, we too live suspended between the past and the future. This thing we call "now" or "the present instant" can be quite an elusive concept. As soon as you point to an instant and define it as "now," it slips past your finger and is no longer the present. Another instant, equally elusive, takes its place. No matter how hard you try, you will never be able to pin it down. The present also defies definition, just like the Tao. Even though we can measure time with great accuracy, our technical precision gives us no help at all in isolating that infinitesimal slice of zero-duration time. Although we have the technology to build an atomic clock with error margin less than ten billionth of a second, all the atomic clocks in the world cannot capture the magic of the present instant. Although an instant of time is beyond our grasp, the paradox of existence is that the present is what we do have. Indeed, it is all we ever have. You can never have the past or the future; one is irretrievably gone and the other is yet to come. The present is here and now, and it is yours completely and unconditionally. No one can take it away from you, and you alone have the power to decide how to use it. The vine represents life in the material world. Just as the man holds on to the vine with both hands, we too cling to physical life stubbornly. Our survival instincts compel us to literally hold on for dear life, and we won't let go without a struggle. Climbing down the vine isn't an optional activity. The man, chased by the tiger, has no choice but to climb down. Similarly, once we are born into this world, we have no choice but to live out our lives from one moment to the next. Thus, the vine can also be seen as the main component of samsara - the cycle of birth and death. The two rats represent the passage of time. They are black and white in color for the simple reason that they symbolize day and night. The rats gnaw on the vine, making it weaker and weaker. This represents how each cycle of day and night brings us a little closer to death. When the vine breaks, the man plummets toward certain doom. In the same way, when a sufficient number of days and nights have passed, the physical life we cling to will be broken, and it will be time for the ultimate finality of death. We will have no choice but to confront the tiger. Just as the man tries to shoo the rats away, we try to forestall aging and keep disease at bay. We have entire industries devoted to various measures to keep us young and healthy or, at the very least, to maintain the appearance of youth and health. Consider all the vitamins, supplements, treatments, health spas, hormone replacement therapies, face lifts, liposuctions, hair transplants, all manners of implants... the list goes on. But just as the rats keep coming back, time marches ever onward and slows down for no one. Despite our best efforts, our time in this mortal plane remains limited. The strawberry represents the astounding beauty, bliss, energy and vitality of the present moment. It is always there, always available for those who have the ability to see it and experience it. For instance, at this very moment you can reach out with your awareness and feel this miracle of communication that allows thoughts and ideas to pass between us. You can feel how amazing it is that this interpersonal connection is possible at all. There is a wonder and marvelous beauty right here that we cannot easily put into words. Step outside and place yourself in communion with nature. Bear silent witness to the genius of the Tao at work. Perceive reality as an endless interplay of natural forces, swirling around you as well as within you. From the macrocosmic to the microcosmic, sense how natural processes go about their business, regulated by an intrinsic intelligence far beyond our grasp. There is so much beauty and goodness in each present moment and the infinite instant, that if you were to take in too much at once, you would be hopelessly overwhelmed. In the language of our story, we might say that the strawberry is full of incredibly delicious juice. To pluck the strawberry is to seize the moment. When you do so, you are being mindful of the present, directing your attention to the flow that moves through you, and choosing to immerse fully in the river of the eternal now. To taste the strawberry is fully savor the flavor of reality. When you do so, you begin to appreciate the miracle of existence and notice a beauty that is ever-present no matter where you look. This fills your heart with gladness and gratitude. Plucking and tasting the strawberry may be much easier said than done. Most of the time, most of us have trouble tapping into the powerful state of mindfulness that allow us to seize the moment and savor reality. There are obstacles that get in the way. The first obstacle, which most Tao cultivators have overcome, is the lack of awareness. Many people live each day mired in the past or worried about the future, unaware of the treasure of the present that they already possess. In terms of the story, it is as if the man is so busy looking up and down that he never notices the succulent fruit right next to him. The second obstacle is more difficult, and most of us encounter it from time to time. Consider a scenario where the man sees the strawberry, but because he's too concerned about the tiger above and fearful of the tiger below, he has no appetite. Although he knows quite well where the strawberry is, he has no interest in getting it. Someone who's faced with this obstacle may say, "It's great to understand the metaphors in the story, but there's a difference between that and putting the understanding into actual practice. I can see now that my goal should be to live in the moment, but how exactly do I do that?" The story offers a clue. When the man saw the strawberry, he held onto the vine with one hand and reached out with the other. This action incorporates two essential elements: letting go and reaching out. The man could not pluck the strawberry if he insisted on holding on with both hands. With both hands gripping the vine tightly, all he could do would be to stare at it. In order to get the prize, he needed to relax one hand and detach it from the vine. It is exactly the same with life. The vine represents our physical existence on this material plane. Holding on to it tightly is equivalent to having strong attachments to material concerns. With such attachments, you cannot let go. This is a sure-fire way to prevent you from enjoying the present. It sounds simple when we talk about it like this, but think of the people you know who are so focused on making and saving money that they never take the time to enjoy life. If you observe them you'll see that they cannot relax even when they go through the motions. For instance, when they take a vacation, they cannot stop thinking about the office. In the language of our story, such people have a death-grip on the vine. I know of a gentleman whose attachment was the stock market. He was a day trader who watched the market minute-by-minute. When friends talked to him on the phone, they could always tell when his stock symbols scrolled accross the electronic ticker tape, because his replies would suddenly become much slower as he pretended to be listening. This was a clear case where his strong attachment to material concerns completely blocked his ability to enjoy conversations with old friends - one of the best things in life. The other element, equally important, is to reach out, to explore. The comfort zone may be comfortable, but it also offers nothing new. In order to get the strawberry, you need to venture beyond the familiar, to probe for a prize that is within sight but not quite within grasp. The Tao manifests itself in life, and the characteristic of life is that it grows. Life is constantly exploring new territories, taking chances, and going places it hasn't been before. If we do the same, we will quickly find that life is fresh and exciting and full of possibilities. We will see that living in the present is both easy and exhiliarating. Thus, our story teaches that when we have trouble living fully and mindfully in the moment, we only need to ask ourselves questions like the following: What are my attachments? What are some things I cannot let go? What attachments am I willing to release, in order to live life to the fullest? Am I learning anything new? Meeting new people? Doing anything I haven't done before? What might be some fun subjects that I can study? What might be some interesting projects I can tackle? Your answers to questions like these will point out the path you should follow. Formulate your plans accordingly. As you follow your plan of action to live mindfully in the moment, you will find it easier and easier to stop dwelling in the past or worrying excessively about the future. As you enjoy the present more and more, you will also find that unpleasant or even painful memories no longer affect you; concerns or even fears about future uncertainties no longer paralyze you. You will find that the present is literally a wonderful present. It is a miraculous gift filled with peace, contentment, energy, and excitement. It is a box full of delicious strawberries. You begin to realize that the only requirement to be deserving of such a gift is that you must accept it and enjoy it. You are amazed that there are people who cannot receive it. Some do not even realize it is being offered to them. They do not recognize it as their birthright, nor do they understand its incredible value. You collect your thoughts back into yourself. It is time to unwrap your own present. ============ link removed

Hi CD101, You've already posted this message once today, so if you haven't already, please see my reply: link removed

Hi babes, I'm so sorry to hear what you went through. As a man, it totally sickens me to think that men can do this sort of thing to another person, and the pain I would inflict on someone I caught doing that, would be indescribable.... I don't think anyone on here can understand how you must be feeling unless they've been through it themselves. I hope there is someone on this board who will be able to point you in the right direction. I'm no expert, but I don't think it is uncommon for dreams etc to occur like this. You have experienced a traumatic event, and the repurcussions of that are stored deep in your subconscious somewhere. Have you tried contacting your local support group or Rape Crisis centre? I'm sure they deal with many similar stories and can offer you support and proper councelling to help you move on with your life and past this awful memory. I really feel you would benefit from talking to a professional about this, someone who has experience in dealing with this type of thing and can give you the guidance and support that you need. My best wishes to you babes, and I hope the sick ba***rd gets what he deserves.

Hi CD101, I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through mate, mainly because my story virtually mirrors yours, its so similar it could be mine infact! I was with my ex almost the same amount of time (8 years it would have been this April), and I thought we had a great relationship until she left me 3 days before Xmas and I haven't seen or heard from her since. She was just the way you described your ex - loving, caring, she really doesn't have a bad bone in her body, she has a lovely personality. I know its said that we put our exes on a pedestal, but I can truthfully say she really was like this! And doesn't that make it all the more harder.. I know I made some mistakes and it hurts all the more to know that I'll never be able to make up forn them now. I too have been getting interest from other women, but like you I am just not interested in anyone except her. I don't know if she's got anyone else, but I imagine so. What can we do mate? Well, nothing, except keep accepting it each day and getting on with our lives. We can't live our lives for them and decide whats best or not, for them, so we have to just do what they wish. We don't control anyone but ourselves, so its ourselves we need to concentrate on now. Not letting go can stop us healing, but you can't force yourself to let go. It will happen when it happens, there is no set tiome or date. We will wake up one day and realise life really is alright without them, and that other girls really could show us the love we once experienced. We cannot force this time to happen, we must try to accept what is, take it each day as it comes until we either find another love, or their love finds its way back to us - we cannot predict the outcome either way. I tell myself that real love isn't selfish. So, if she is truly happy the way things are now, then I am happy for her. After all, thats what we want for our loved ones isn't it? If I put my selfish needs to one side and look at the big picture, then I have no right to interfere with whatever her life holds for her now, I just wish her the best. And maybe thats the best way. Just let it be, accept that you have no control over the situation and hand control back to the universe. Whatever is meant to be, will be. And I probably shouldn't say this, but a friend of mine is now married to his high school sweetheart. They split up for 2 years before finding each other again, and he said thst if they hadn't split up they probably wouldn't be together now... 'If its meant to be it will be'

Hey Bones, Thanks for your reply man, and for sharing that. Totally relate to what you say bro, there were some good words in there, appreciate it. Here's to a brighter future and better love for both of us (and everyone else on this forum), our exe's don't know what they're missing!

Ok, I've been quite strong since the girl I love left me after 8 years together. We loved each other and it was a sad break up, not angry or anything. We hadnt been arguing or the such, she just said one day that she didn't feel about me the way she used to. I know I had some personal problems which probably didn't help, but I've become a totally different person since then, physically and mentally. We broke up 3 days b4 Xmas, and the only thing I've heard from her since was a happy birthday text (in Feb). After 8 years she just disapeared from my life like that. I did what we're supposed to do - didn't try and win her back, didn't try to contact her etc, I guess I must have been really awful if she can just vanish from my life like that after all the years we had together.... I guess you'll all say I should have moved on by now, but it still hurts so much, not just the fact that i still love her so much, but the fact I feel that I should have been a better boyfriend and do so many things differently (God, don't we all say those things though...) but maybe I meant really little to her, and that is the biggest pain of all... God, i miss her so much, but wherever she is, I hope she's truly happy now and maybe once in a while she'll think of me, I hope she forgives me for the times when I wasn't the man I should have been.... 'Anytime' by Brian McKnight I can't remember why we fell apart From something that was so meant to be, yeah Forever was the promise in our hearts Now, more and more I wonder where you are [Chorus] Do I ever cross your mind, anytime Do you ever wake up reaching out for me Do I ever cross your mind anytime I miss you Still have your picture in a frame Hear your footsteps down the hall I swear I hear your voice, driving me insane How I wish that you would call To say Do I ever cross your mind, anytime Do you ever wake up reaching out for me Do I ever cross your mind anytime I miss you I miss you I miss you (No more) loneliness and heartache (No more) crying myself to sleep (Don't want no more) wondering about tomorrow Won't you come back to me Come back to me, oh Do I ever cross your mind, anytime Do you ever wake up reaching out for me Do I ever cross your mind anytime

How many of us are guilty of at least one of these points.....? =========================== What do you do when you've attracted a lovely person into your life and now you're terrified you're going to blow it? Or, terrified it's going to end? Arm yourself with the following strategies, and you're sure to blow it in a relationship right from the start. 1. Assume the person is your soul mate immediately upon meeting or shortly thereafter. Look for signs that faith has brought you together and be amazed by the correlations in your lives. 2. Forget about your life, your friends, your self-care. When you have a soul mate, why would you need a life outside of the relationship? 3. Reveal everything, and test your partner with your worst behavior. Let it all hang out. After all, if this is truly your soul mate, he or she will love you no matter what. 4. Have sex right away. If you are meant to be together for a lifetime, you might as well get started on the fun part right away. 5. Ignore anything about your partner that does not mesh with your values, lifestyle, or belief system. True love can conquer such insignificant differences. 6. Do lots of drama together. Job, family, and life crises are great ways to establish a relationship and test whether or not you are meant to be together. 7. Spend as much time together as possible. When it's true love, you can't bear to let your partner out of your sight. 8. Ignore behavior that crosses your boundaries or hurts your feelings. It's true love, so it's ok. 9. Lavish a huge amount of attention on your partner or expect a huge amount of attention to be lavished on you. How else would you act if you finally found your soul mate? 10. Push the relationship forward and demand that it go deeper, in spite of where your partner is emotionally. You have the right to have the relationship be exactly how you want it to be and your soul mate owes you that. If you want some insurance that your new relationship has every chance of making it, be… * Honest * Communicative * Clear about your needs and boundaries * A good listener On the other hand, your relationship may end no matter what you do. But being in fear it will end actually makes the end more likely. To eradicate this fear, let go of the attachment that the person you are with be THE right person. Simply be with him or her one day at a time.

Food for thought....... The link to the site comes after the article that I have reproduced: =========================== " Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him." I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. thereforeeeeeee, all mammals live in the sea." If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it. What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys ™ are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually payed some kind of attention to him. Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that get's attracted to them is the lowest form of life... Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure. Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date". They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them. They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him. Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one. Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner. Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here." The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?" More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip! Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results. This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love". Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF. You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible. " ============================== link removed

Hi, I'm really happy for you, I hope it happens to me one day! I would also agree with alot of John One's comments. Remember, you are both different people now from when you were together. Don't get into the relationship mindset too early. If you do start having regular contact with each other, then just use it to become friends, an important part of any potential relationship. If you try to rush things too soon and see it as an opportunity to get back with her, then it might just do the opposite. You sound like you've got your head screwed on anyway mate, so I'm sure you'll want to be sensible about it. Think back to what went wrong when you were together, remember all the qualities that she loved in you, but remember the one's that drove her away as well. You will want to make sure that she doesn't see any of the 'old you' that maybe she didn't like, as she will immediately label you as your old self. Call her, be happy (actually thats a good point, always seem happy and cheerful, its hard to not want to be around people like that), of course try not to sound like a desperate puppy!, but just see what she wants to do - a drink, maybe lunch or dinner. All the time that you do start to see each other, makes sure you use it wisely. Always talk about her, what she's up to, make her feel important and seem interested (both points I'm sure apply to you anyway!), make her feel good and relaxed around you, with no pressure. If things do start to progress then i would suggest doing some reading on relationships and what makes them work! There are dozens of good books out there. Also, if/when you both feel ready for a relationship again, don't see it as 'getting back together', that just reminds you of the past and your past selves, you are both different now and this is a new relationship. Make sure you both talk and discover what is important to you in a relationship, make a list in order of most important first. Don't do what you think will make her happy and feel loved, do what you know will make her feel this way! Anyway, best of luck mate, I'm really pleased for you. Above all though, if nothing does come of it, remember in the back of your mind that you are happy as you are and you can continue to be.

Hi Guys, I'm at work at the mo, trying to deal with the fact that me and my ex should have been celebrating our 8th year together today. This time last year she bought me a beautiful gold ring and took me on all expenses paid trip down to London to stay in a nice hotel and even go and see Phantom of the Opera at Her Majesty's Theatre. I remember in the hotel she made me go into the bathroom and when I came out she had laid some lovely food out on the table with a cute little birthday cake she had got for me... (sorry, tears forming) Oh how things can go so wrong in the space of a year. She left me 3 days before xmas and I havent seen her since. She sent me a text on my birthday (February) and then a coupe of emails the next day, after I told her I was going backpacking round New Zealand for a while (it was only a month, but I didn't tell her how long). I'm getting better, but today is so hard, I still miss her so much. She was my babe and I can't imagine life with anyone else. We didn't even have a nasty break up, no arguing or anything. We have been together since she was 17 and I was 20, so I guess she has just grown out of me. I can accept that, and I accept that most young couples go on to experience other relationships - thats part of life, but.......... I still bloody want her! I'm afraid I relented slightly today and sent her an email - nothing soppy or weak sounding - just something like 'Happy Anniversary, hope you're ok and everythings going well etc'. Whether I'll get something back, who knows, maybe she still thinks I'm travelling, but I know that I've been giving advice to people on this forum and sometimes I forget to take that advice myself! No contact! Do you think i was foolish for breaking that rule today? Well, maybe after today I will be ever closer to the fateful 'closure' - oh but for that tiny, tiny little wish still there right at the very depths of my mind hoping that she replies in the way I 'd love her to...

Duplicate for some reason - can you delete please moderator? Cheers and apologies.