woobiegirl

I can tell it was written from the heart..., thanks for sharing! Although sad, it's very well expressed...and I hope "Love" comes knocking at your door again soon!!!! Take care, Woobiegirl

Hey AB38 and bleeder....I can relate based on my own experience that at some point in this type of relationship the age difference does come into play and makes a difference. I had a 9 year relationship w/somone who was 11 years younger....it was absolutely great for 99% of the time and have no regrets ....but then reality eventually set in. The memories are wonderful, but on the other hand I'd rather have invested the 9 years with someone that I would have had a better chance of still being with. That was almost 5 years ago and he's since been living w/someone who's about 4 years younger than himself and it's a constant on/off realtionship. He later admitted that none were as speical as ours, but in reality I knew it was better to stay moved on and am very glad I did. Several of my friends have also been in relationships where there was a significant age difference and although the chemistry was strong, somehow the mental "thinking" level, goals, and "where they each were at in life" came into play and . (i.e. maybe they were still in party mode and the other has "been there/done that" and is ready for more of a "quality realtionship", etc. AB38, ...being around youth keeps us feeling young in spirit and mind, but you being the more experienced person may have made her feel somehow of being "controlled"....and she still has phases of learning experiences to go through, as we all do. At times I felt the same way in my past relationship. I'm happy to say that I've met somone recently who is my age, we love the same things, are both striving for the same financial goals....and know that strength comes from two people creating a special bond and we understand it's important to keep outside forces from intereferring, however many of these qualities are only acquired through experience and by learning from our mistakes. Best wishes... Woobiegirl

If your looking for ideas, ..I agree with Rusty, try looking through a Playboy...it may give you some creative vibes... enjoy, Woobigirl...

NSAinOC...I'm not sure that anyone but yourself will know the amount of time and energy it will take to put the pieces back together again or whether it's even possible. It sounds like you need some serious convincing right now. Your decision may depend on the "reasons" you are uncertain ...is it because she took a break from you or that she has some personal issues that your not particularly fond of. The changes you are asking her to make sound like healthy ones, but at the same time she's the same person you've been dating for 3 years and accepted her "as is" so to speak. Now you are asking for changes...you mentioned thinking they were a phase, but now that the realization set in that they are part of her personality you have concerns. This is most likely making her uncomfortable in her own way so in essense, you are both tip toeing around each other...feeling a bit awkward. You basically have 2 choices, ...you can both walk away and start over with someone else, OR if you truly have a strong love for each other ...the 1st choice would be out of the question and you will find a way to work it out. As partners you can make this happen, ...it'll take understanding effort on both your parts but is always worth trying, just be honest with your thought process in the aspect that you would be content spending the rest of your life with this special gal. On the other hand, there is also the possibility that the two of you are finding out you're not as compadible as you thought...but after 3 years I'm sure you have a fairly good idea. I'm no expert, that's for sure...but doubt whether there is a realtionship or marriage that hasn't had some sort of challenge no matter how solid it is...so don't be too quick to give up on a good thing. Try making a list for each other...one side positive and the other the "not so positive", hopefully the good side will be much longer!!! I hope it works out for you both, Woobiegirl

In all honesty, as much as I may want to forgive, I know deep down I never could. There just isn't ANY excuse (to me) that would justify cheating. I believe it leaves a permanent scar and the relationship is never the same. Somehow even with time, there will be moments of doubt...and wondering. I believe any relationship, if serious on both sides, is a sacred bond between two people. Once that bond is broken, it's just becomes too complicated with all those negative "pictures in your mind" of him/her being with someone else, but then that's just me. I'm sure there are couples out there that have been able to work through it and perhaps even become closer to each other. I am willing to work through anything in a relationship, except deception. Maybe it's because it happened to me after being married for 7 years....it's definitely on "top" of the hurt list. Hope you never experience it. Woobiegirl

Isn't love wonderful? It's the best feeling in the world, so take it slow and enjoy one day at a time. You will have many loves ahead of you yet, so you are now building your stepping stones for that "one" special person someday. You mentioned a "horrible" mistake, ...nothing can be that horrible, we learn by our mistakes and believe me, we all have doozies to share. Enjoy the journey, Woobiegirl

Hey JT, Yes, I'm with you on that...I had a long-term relationship and his friends became mine plus we made our own. After the breakup some disappeared while others kept in touch. The same thing happens after marriages break up, but it's a little different in your situation expecially when they were your friends to begin with. It does hurt, and the 'ol cliche is right on..."this is when you find out who your friends really are". Another way to look at it though, may be that your ex initiated more contact with them after your breakup and prompted the friendship. Friends typically don't like to get in the middle, especially if they like both parties. You may have been waiting for them to come to you and offer support...and they may have been waiting for you to come ask for it. Just a guess? It sounds like the girls bonded, so if they get along and get together, it's going include the husband (your friend) as well...he's kind of foreced to go along with it. Since your friend is e-mailing you, I wouldn't ignore it. He's making an attempt, don't shut him out if you want to keep him as a friend, as good friends are hard to find. This will all cool off with time, and when it does, at least you'll still have your friends. Hang in there... Woobiegirl

Your ex may feel uncomfortable spending time with you because in her mind she wouldn't like her current b/f to be hanging out with his Ex, expecially on a one-on-one basis. I've read several posts on here where Ex's come into play and although it may be only as a friendship on both parts, it's still the fact that the other person knows you were intimate with this person at one time and/or they fear it could happen again. Some feel threatened by it. If you like spending time with your Ex you may want to be sure it's with other people around and that may make her feel more comfortable about it without feeling like she is doing something wrong. Take care, Woobiegirl

LOL...Well Menez, I was writing my response while you posted yours and I see where on the same track. I like your posts, you offer great advice. There ya go preppygirl, you already have 2 new friends. Write us anytime. Woobiegirl...

Hi Preppygirl, I read your prior 2 posts to get a better feel for what's going on with you right now. First, how did your wedding go? I know you we're hesitent to go because of his cousine who talked about other girls all the time. I hope you had a good time! In reading your 2nd post, I get the feeling it's carried over to this post. First, let's change the "losing the will to live" to "how do I make it wonderful" I don't know your age, so I'm going to suggest a few things to think about. Take a notepad and draw a line down the middle. On one side write all the positive things in your life (i.e. family, friends, accomplishments, your talents, the things you like about yourself, the things others like about you, etc. On the other 1/2 write down what you are unhappy with or want to change. That gives you a visual and an actual plan to work from. I may be wrong preppygirl, but I'm going to be upfront....It sounds like you are very hard on yourself, like your punishing yourself. It could be your self esteem, no matter how much others pump us up, if we don't love ourselves we will never be totally happy inside. The "Best" you will not come to surface. If this is a temporary depression then it will pass, if it's on going and your moods are constantly up and down, I would talk to you doctor if possible. You could have a very common chemistry imbalance and no matter how hard you try to overcome it, you may need a temporary perscription. If you feel you are a happy person 90% of the time then I would work on building your own life and not rely on your b/f to bring you happiness. Sounds like he is getting a bit moody, snappy, and distant....it may be because he's feeling like no matter what he does or says he isn't making you happy, so he's overreacting and reading into your body language even though you may not mean it as he's viewing it. Work on making yourself busy, busy and busy! It will keep your mind occupied. Spending time to yourself is very healthy, but not to the point you are bored. There's way too many things in this life to do, being bored is wasting precious hours of your life. Getting a job is an excellent idea, one I would suggest working on 1st! That will get you out of the hosue, around new people, you'll be learning new things and earning some $$ which will give you independence. Also do some reading, I know it doesn't sound exciting, but I read many self help books and they do HELP and they do build your confidence level. Stop worrying about others, if you don't like big crowds, that's fine...many of us don't either. I'd rathe have a few "real" friends than 100 fake ones. If the male friends can't be friends because they have other intentions, they aren't the male friends you want anyway. Having both male and female friends is healthy because it gives you both points of views. You sound like you have an incredible b/f and you are obviously an attractive girl...so you have allot already going for you. Maybe do some volunteer work which always snaps us back to reality when we see what "ill fated" issues others have to deal with. I'm not minimizing your situation...but if it's not medical related you will need to work on it yourself and work on it with all your heart. It will bring much more happiness than what you feeling now. Feel free to PM if you'd like, I'm here for you anytime. A big smile for you... and these are for you... Woobiegirl

Hey Santa.... Now we all know your luck can't stay down...Santa is too special I know what you mean though, there have been times with me when it rained it poured...like your afraid to ask "What Next???" If the things that are happening to you are out of your control, I would lay low and let it pass. Simplify your life to keep the stress out. If the "unlucky" Karma is related to some decisions on your part, then you need to change direction because the one your on now isn't working for you. Do whatever it takes to cheer yourself up, talk to your best friend(s), vent to us...we're great listners Hope your sunshine breaks through your clouds soon! Woobiegirl

Hi David, How sweet and thoughtful! $50 should be plenty to find one or several special gifts. Can you talk to her g/f's and ask them what she's really into, or if there has been something special she's been wanting to get? Maybe a combination of a couple things, a small bottle of her favorite perfume, a CD you both like, a gift certificate for a pedicure or facial, a manicure certificate, a cute stuffed animal that would remind her of you.... I bet you can find 3 cute things for your budget...the 'ol cliche still stands true...it's the thought that counts! I'm sure she'll be very happy with your thoughtfulness and "Happy Graduation"!!! Woobiegirl

Sounds like while the two of you were broken up during the 2 months it gave you a chance to step back and evaluate what you had (or perhaps realize a few things that were missing?) It's reasonable for you to have doubts, questions, concerns, hesitations and other emotions that are probably still springing up since you got back together...after all, I would wonder if down the road she may need another break. It isn't going to be the same as before, but it doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. It could depend on why she needed a break, especially 2 months after getting engaged. If it didn't involve anyone else, your relationship could actually become stronger than before. I understand possibly part of you is thinking....she should have already known how special you are to begin with and resent her "needing" a break and coming back when she was good and ready, ...or she figured out that the grass isn't greener on the other side. Your pride may be saying...why should I take you back? You mentioned that you think you will be happier without her....it may not necessaarily be that you'd be happier without her, but it may just be easier starting over fresh because now it's feeling uncomfortable. If you truly believe that you would be happier without her...then trying is pretty much in vain since your heart isn't in it. Don't be too quick to throw away 3 preciouse years though,...as you read on this site, there's plenty who would give anything to have a 2nd chance with their ex. No matter who your with, there will be quircks and differences to work out, so if your heart would miss her if you chose to walk out forever....then give it your best shot! Just make sure your both sincere, truly in love and focus on the fact that real love doesn't come without it's challenges. Best wishes for you both, Woobiegirl....

Sorry you're in a rut, but believe me.... I don't know anyone who hasn't been there. My suggestion would be to stop trying for the time being...focus on yourself as far as school, career, goals, hobbies, try something new & exciting, hang w/ friends and generally focus on the things YOU enjoy doing. I don't mean to dimish the fact that your 17, but you have a lifetime of choices and challenges ahead of you. What you do with it and how you handle it is in your hands...you control the direction you want your life to go in. Sure we have obsticles along the way, but that's what gives each person that individuality. I had a 4 year span where I just couldn't meet sincere men either...they said they wanted one thing, but their actions indicated another. It wasn't acceptable to me, so I just kept moving on because I knew someday I would meet that "special one" (which I did several months ago)...but it happened when I wasn't expecting it, and I wasn't making it my spotlight so to speak. Actually I did the opposite because I was so tired of the b/s that I took a break by focusing on my career, went to the gym allot, made a list of where I'd like to travel, made new friends, got involved in new projects and basically did whatever made me feel good about myself. When you focus on improving your innerself a funny thing happens...people notice. They see a new spark about you, a smile on your face, excitement and a positive outlook....that's the key to attracting others. People are attracted to self confidence, sure we have our days...but there should be more positive then negative. If there's more negative it's time to sit down and do some thinking of what steps you need to take to change it. If your not happy with where your at, it's time to take a new road. I've never believed that popularity stems around "looks"...sure, everyone is visual, so it's the 1st thing people notice, but I've talked to my share of attractive men and women and they had absolutely no spark. On the other hand a person who has a smile on their face, is positive without being conceited, has a great sense of humor and carry's himself or herself w/pride is the one I always found attractive and sexy. I also prefer being around creative and interesting people who teach me new things, but they also expect the same in return. We were all born in bodies & locations that we had no choice in, but it's the choices we make for ourselves that's separates us from the rest. You will meet many gals along your journey, it's what I consider stepping stones to learning & experiencing life until you meet that final soulmate. The key is to enjoy the journey along the way, build your memories, no regrets and don't rush it...there are far too many unhappily married couples already, so make your choices wisely and don't ever settle for 2nd best. Be positive, create your own happiness and others will notice and will admire you for it. Hope this helped a little! take care, Woobiegirl

Hey Pirate... Based on the information you gave, I'd have to say "take it slow"...how do you know that you love her if you don't know her that well, or maybe you have known her for a long time. My suggestion would be to offer her friendship for now if you want to stay connected to her. You'll create distance if you push for anything more right now, especially if she knows you want more than friendship. It is possible that in time friendship can build into something more substantial as you get to know each other without pressure involved. If there is a way to sway her to have feelings for you it would be to be the best person you can, show her you will be there for her if needed, prove you are a caring and special guy, which I'm sure you are. This girl must be very special, so take your time not to rush into anything too strong or pushy. Good luck to you, Woobiegirl

I agree with the others, the signs are definitely there! The key is you enjoy each others company, take your time and enjoy the journey. Who knows when the right timing is to meet that "special" person. It's when were not looking that Cupid catches us off guard. Have fun and good luck! Woobiegirl

Hi TR, Wow, sounds like you two had a week-end in "Paradise!" From what you wrote, the two of you spent more quality time together than most do in a month! It definitely sounds like the "chemistry" was hot in the air, but you both played it cool. That was smart. I'd suggest giving it more time, you definitely gave her ALLOT to think about when she goes home, especially if she's not getting the same caring treatment from her current b/f, which doesn't sound like it's too promising by the comments she made. She has made it very clear that she still cares...or maybe that know she realizes how special you really are. I'd suggest giving her a bit more time, as she is probably confused now. More than likely, she will now be comparing her current b/f to you, and realizing the special things you do and the special way you make her feel. No one can take that away...it's a feeling that's in your heart, it's either there or it isn't. She will realize on her own that you are the one for her and that her happiness is with you. I'd say the outlook looks positive...congratulations, it's wonderful to hear a happy ending! Take care and best wishes! Woobiegirl

Hi unleadedword, Welcome to e-notalone, I see this is your 1st post. After reading your post, I would say that you hit 'the nail on the head' with your ending paragraph. Although the two of you have started off by being friends, I would say it's unrealistic to think you would want to wait 2-3 years to date someone...especially if you see her weekly. At the same time, I don't think she can realistically tell you that she will be ready for you at that time either. It's difficult enough to predict our lives 6 months from now. I would also consider the age factor, although it may not seem to be a significant difference, it can be in other ways, (i.e. mentally you both may be at different places in your life...and if not now, it will later.) I say this only because I've been there and so have many of my friends. Although both people were loving, the gap in age would come into play sooner or later. It may not be what you want to hear, but relationships seem to flow more naturally when both are closer in age. I hope you work it out, but you are right not to consider putting your life on hold for 1 year, let alone 2-3 years. Hope you find someone special and who is as ready as you are. Take care, Woobiegirl

Hi Uongy, You're on the right track. Since you already have her phone #, I would give her a ring and tell her that she was on your mind and you wanted to call her as a friend to see how she was doing. If you still have what you accidentally took, then I'd mention that as well and ask when it would be a good time to get together and return it. Then mention if she ever needed a friend to talk to you would be there for her. I bet you'd make her day! Take care, Woobiegirl

Hi Ruthlah, First let me commend you for taking the initiative to pack up your ex's personal belongings and deliver them. It shows strength on your part and it's also mentally healthy to clear out "his stuff" that would otherwise give you bad vibes to see them. Based on the excuses he's giving and the fact that he acted so indiferent when you came to the door...I would say it's time for a "fresh start". Several of the things he told you concern me... 1. he doesn't want a relationship and doesn't like sex. 2. then he says he can't be friends in case he starts dating someone 3. he stops caring when he's restricted in a relationship He's either confused in which case he definitely could use some counseling, or he's not telling you the truth because one statement contradicts the other. I would have to guess by his negligent attitude he's being selfish. You sound like a wonderful, caring person and the fact that even his dad has more caring characteristics to call you should tell you maybe your ex is not worth it. You deserve so much more...life is too short not to be as happy as you can be. Since you just quit your job, this may be your perfect time for a new beginning. Remember, for every door that closes, a new one opens. There are new friends, new adventures and new loves waiting for you. Never doubt that there is someone special out there for you...what's important is that you don't settle for less than what makes you happy. There are just as many men who are looking for a special, caring, honest and loving gal...so go find that special man and look forward to your new future. Leave the misery behind you and if he misses you when your gone...well, he should have known the treasure he had the first time around. That special man won't have to guess that your the love of his life. Hope you find peace and happiness, wishing you the best, Woobiegirl

Talk to your b/f before going to the wedding. Tell him what's on your mind. Weddings are fun, get lost in the crowd, sit with other people. The two of you can excuse yourself...go dance, talk to other people. There's no reason to sit and listen to someone go on about himself all night. If you can't get away, try changing the subject and make a point to get in the conversation. Whatever you do, don't do too much and regret it the next day for not being yourself. It's up to you to make it fun, take control and enjoy the day!! Take care, Woobiegirl

Hi JTS, I'm sorry for what your going through but it sounds like your g/f is having a hard time adjusting to your split as well. The fact that it's long distance definitely adds to the challenge. Juggling school, a relationship and life in general is nerve-wracking enough! She may be feeling anxiety with school ending in 5 wks and leaving you. At least at this point she is still near you, even if your not together. Can you both agree to keep in touch over the summer...August will be here before you know it. That will be a strong test for both of you, but from what you wrote, it sounds like you both care for each other and absense does make the heart grow fonder. Hope it works our for you both, Woobiegirl...

Hi, sorry about that...but remember, the "no contact" worked because you gave him space & time...and this makes him wonder about you and what your doing during the slilence. He's avoiding your calls because he feels pressure...he knows why your calling. Don't call him anymore, I know that's the hardest thing to do, especially when week ends can seem endless. He said he wants time to experience being single...and he's done this before (going back to other women). If he knows you will always be there to take him back, he has no fear of losing you. Give him something to think about. You deserve better, more consideration and respect. Make him realize he has something very special to lose...and there may be "no coming back for 2nds". Make yourself busy, do something for yourself, pamper yourself...spend time with your friends....but don't let your life roll by waiting to live it through him. Show him your strength, even if it hurts inside....take control. Hope you hang strong!!! It's all about YOU. Woobiegirl...

Hello catter..I've been following your posts. Unless you're a saint, and few of us are, it's impossible to fully prepare for a major loss. Every loss is different because your attachments to loved ones and everything else you cherish are different. Because of this, each loss is a unique descent into the unknown. You're swept up in a natural process whose purpose is to heal your heart and mind, and re-orient you to life without the person or thing you lost. But this healing process is difficult to recognize when you're caught in the vortex. Breakups are terrible, and the first few days are usually the worst. The most important thing you can do to help yourself recover is to focus your efforts on you, you and you. For the next few weeks, do everything within your power (and bank account) to make yourself feel better. Make plans with your friends and anyone else who make you feel loved and secure; give yourself time to mope and vent and get over your sorrow; and totally give yourself permission to avoid things you hate. ("I'd like to reschedule that root canal, please!") A breakup is nothing to be ashamed of — at one point or another, every person goes through it. Also, feel free to indulge in the silly, happy-making stuff that you would never dream of doing otherwise. When I went through a bad breakup, I bought more scented candles than any human could ever even count — or light! I bought bottles and bottles of vitamin supplements that I had no clue what to do with. I bought this book called "There Is Nothing Wrong With You," by Cherie Huber — which I highly recommend — because it's inevitable that you're going to have those "What is wrong with me?" moments. There were times when I thought I was going overboard in the self-indulgence department but, ultimately, I discovered that going overboard was what I really needed to do in order to recover. And time does heal. They say that the first week of a breakup is the absolute worst, the first month is really, really hard, and the months after that slowly get easier and easier. Last but not least, I'm reading compassionate & caring advice for you from friends who are experiencing their own relationship challenges, and are offering (been there/done that) advice to help you move on and/or avoid mistakes they've already made. I read the pain your feeling in your last post, it concerned me. Please get past beating yourself up by blaming yourself. She did say she still "loved you", don't take that lightly. If there is a chance to win her back, the only way is going to be by you pulling yourself together, healing yourself mentally & physically FIRST...by actually becoming the stronger of the two. Give her time, show her your strength and if it's meant to be, gradually she will see the changes and feel secure with you again. It may take some time, but it will strengthen your friendship which can then blossom into love again. Don't forget this is hard for her as well, but she needs to see positive actions from you...not self destructive ones. Be strong catter...win her heart back. If you need to vent...pm any of us, lean on us....we're here for you. And please do some reading, ....I gained so much strength from spending time at Bookstores cruising through self-help aisles. Woobiegirl...

Hey Tinkerbell... check this site out...believe me, you'll feel the pain and see results. link removed - 24k - View as html Woobiegirl...