TR

Well, I just had an interview (didn't go through though) and am still looking really hard for jobs every day. And she appreciates my hard efforts. She said that she sees how hard I'm trying and it means a lot to her. Anways, I will either find a job or will move there for Masters end of fall. Or... maybe she will even move here, so who knows, but I WILL be with her again no matter what. Can't wait till our vocation together!!!! Only 2 weeks to go!!!!

I am the same person she fell in love with, she told me that. Well, she told me that I am even more mature and responsible now, which she likes. But anyways, we both know that the ONLY reason we had a problem is because of LD relationship. THE ONLY reason. And actualy, she said that she LOVED the LONG letter because I don't do it very often She thanked me many times for it. I guess some girls love that kind of stuff

Mix M.... I know, it didn't sound right, but that's not what I meant. I will stay best friends with her no matter what. What I ment to say was that if she doesn't love you back as a person she wants to spend the rest of her life with... then you should just accept it and move on. Don't push anything on her, you know what I mean? I do want her to be happy no matter who she chooses to be with. Sweetieone, here's the letter (I left out some stuff that I thought was personal). In addition to my letter (and I wrote it ONLY because she asked me what I think about the situation), her mom also had an influence on her. Her mom told her a story from her life (exactly the same situation as ours). """"""""""""" >After we talked today, I thought for a long time and I feel like I >need to help you out with your confusion and clarify what I feel. I >just don't want to have any misunderstanding/secrets at this moment. > First, let me tell you that I don't want you to feel any pressure >coming from me. In fact, this letter is intended to relieve some >pressure from your shoulders. I am in a very unusual position here >– I am your best friend, your ex boy friend, and a guy who loves >you. So I will speak from all three points of view and some things >I say may sound biased towards me, but behind all this, I just want >you to be the happiest girl in the world. > >You have been saying many times that you don't want to hurt anyone >and I feel that this is one of the reasons you are hesitant about >your decisions. In my opinion, you don't owe anything to me or J**. >You owe it to yourself to be as happy for the rest of your life as >possible. I already mentioned to you – I strongly think (especially >after what happened with us) that people should follow their heart >when it comes to love. I realized that life is too short and if you >love someone, you should do whatever it takes to spend every second >with that special person. These precious seconds is the most >important time in people's life; nothing else compares to the >feeling of sharing love. If you stay with a person because you >don't want to hurt his feelings, you will never enjoy true >happiness. > >What I love about us is that we are always happy together. I really >enjoy seeing you smile and laugh, and it makes me want to make you >happy for the rest of your life. It's a beautiful cycle, the more >you are happy, the more I want to care for you and make your life a >nirvana. When you are sad or grumpy, I want to make you the >happiest lady in the world and to make your every day special. It's >impossible to describe how great it feels being next to you all day, >falling asleep holding you and waking up in the morning realizing >that you are not a perfect dream but a reality. That's why I always >have a smile on my face and I hug you when I wake up next to you. I >think that it's a very special connection which is extremely hard to >find in this world. Besides, we complement each other like no one >else and at the same time we have so much in common. > >You also mentioned couple of times that you feel like we grew apart >(especially that you changed). Well, as strange as it may sound, >the breakup that we went through brought me even closer to you and >made me a better person. After what happened, I know that I will >always love you no matter what. I love you for who you are inside >and I believe that your heart will stay the same for the rest of >your life. Because of you and what happened, I am a better person >now. I explained here how I changed (she actualy tells me all the time how proud she is of me) >To conclude, I think that if we ever get back together, I can see a >beautiful future crammed with fun and joy. Think about it, we have >been through so many difficult times together, it's unbelievable, >and we still love each other. Sure, if we ever get back together we >will have to start over again, but the chemistry is there and always >was there, and all we need is a little jump start. I just don't see >any uncertainties. """"""""""""" ** the guy that stole her from me Again, I do not know if this a suitable type of letter for every situation. I wrote her this letter at the moment when she was telling me that she still loves me and that she's confused, etc. I basically felt like I had to "lay my case on the table" once and for all so that she doesn't have any uncertainties about anything between us.

I think there was a misunderstanding... She did dump him. She said that she is keeping a distance from him and doesn't want to have any intimate relationship with him. She said that she made her decision and I am the one she wants to be with. So her actions are positive. The only problem is LD, but it's not easily solved overnight and we are both working on it. Danimal, I haven't been in situation like yours. Yours is too complicated and twisted IMO. If she forgiven him, does it mean that all the things that she hated about him are not there anymore? If yes, then she's probably wondering who's THE guy for her. I would suggest to continue showing her your love and caring. This is crucial IMO. If the conversation comes up where she is telling you that she doesn't know what to do or is asking you for opinion... just tell her to follow her heart and that you just want her to be happy. This way she will realize that you love her with all your heart. And if she ends up with him, then it means that she doesn't appreciate your love and it's just better that way. I mean why be with her if she doesn't appreciate all your attention. There is only so much you can do, you know?

We had a PERFECT relationship for 2 years before sho moved to a different city. We stayed together anyways. One year passed (I didn't have a chance to move there right away too) and she started to say that she's extremely lonely, doesn't know what to do... we should just be friends (no relatives or friends in new city). Then after 1.5 years appart (I visited her at least once a month and we took vocations together) she said that she's seeing another guy. We are always open to eachother and she told me that she thinks it's just because she needs some one in her life. She told me that THE ONLY reason it happened is because we are appart. Anyways, few weeks ago she started to talk more about her new relationship - she was always saying that ours was perfect, etc. Then she came to visit me this past weekend and we had a teriffic time together. She told her mom about what happened and her mom basicaly said that she's crazy (her mom loves me ) Then she started saying that she's missing me and stuff like that. Yesterday, she was saying that she doesn't know what to do, she knows that I am a better match for her, but she doesn't want to hurt that guy. The "nail on the caoffin" was my letter to her. Yesterday night I wrote her a letter saying that I just want her to be happy.... I am not asking her to come back.... but she should not base her decision on "I don't want to hurt him"... I said that the most important thing is for her to be happy. Among other nice things, BUT never asking her back, just telling her that she should follow her heart. She said that she was very touched by this letter and that she never met a guy who cared about her as much as I do. Of cource it's not 100% guarantee that we will get back together (because unfortunately we are still appart), but she says that she WANTS me back.

Well, this might be some encouragement to people. I have some great news! My ex just broke with her current bf because she wants me back. And we still are in LD relationship (although I am in process of moving there, just had a very promising interview and extensively looking for a job)! Just to let everyone know, I stayed a best friend with her and was always there for her even after she broke up. And guess what... I think that helped me out a lot. I mean she saw that I care about her even more than her new bf. Thank you God!!!

It all depends... See, she complains about her current bf a lot, things are not as great as they used to be with us, even she says that. So the way I think about it... if I continue being friends with her, she will always know that I am still there for her no matter what. And I am hoping that she will eventually come back. Also, I am doing much better now emotionally and I think that I almost convinced myself that no matter what happens I will stay happy and hopefully friends with her...... Like today... she told me that she's going out with him tonight and I am just fine with that. It DID hurt incredibly just after we broke up, but now I am some what healed I guess. All I know is that I love her and that we are ALWAYS happy when we are together. So even if the love will "fade" a little after a while (mine didn't yet, her's maybe did because of LD relationship), there will always be a connection between us - love deep inside - and we both agree that we will give each other another chance if thee will be an opportunity. TERE... your question is more complicated because you are a girl. IMO, girls are more sensitive to this kind of stuff and they would appreciate/want a friendship more than a guy I guess. If I broke up with her, I would definitely want to still be friends with her. But that's me, a lot of guys on this board are against it... I guess you can start by contacting him, but DO NOT mention anything about what happened. Just tell him up straight that whatever happened - happened, and that you still want to be in contact because you like him as a great person. If he's a nice guy, he will appreciate it. After that, just do little nice things for him.... help him out if he needs anything, etc.. just like friends. When you have fun with him (and try to have fun), try to smile with that "smile of love", you know what I am talking about? But NEVER push anything on him. It's just what I think, I am still in the middle of this "process" so I am not sure how it's gonna turn out, but I know that I (at least in my case) am happier with being friends than NC rule. She still makes me extremely happy and a lot of times I can still sense her love towards me.

Lost1... I imagine that when you contacted her, you were asking her back, right? Well, if that's the case, it doesn't work, I quickly learned from my experience (and this board). It's a natural first reaction though, so don't worry about what happened. What I would suggest in your case is to slowly initiate a friendship. Maybe spread the story along your common friends that you still miss her and you have a hard time moving on. See, when you are friends (or at least talk to each other regularly) you can give her little signs that you still love her. In my case, my ex said that she's extremely shocked that I am still a friend with her after she hurt me so much. She said that because I stayed friends with her, she knows that I love her as a human being (basically I am not just in need for her sex or whatever else). And because we are still friends, she still trusts me more and we talk more openly than her current bf. Also, as I said, I don't hide that I still care about her and I can see that she appreciates it. However, I told her that I respect her decision, that I am trying to move on too and I am not asking her back. In fact, she told me that she hopes I will give her another chance if her current relationship doesn't workout. (It's a long story, if you want, read here link removed and here link removed

No, I honestly think that if I broke the contact, I'd never have a chance, or at least would have, but a very slim chance. I say that because she mentioned numerous times that she's shocked that I am still so good to her after she hurt me so much and that she truly believes now that I am crazy in love with her. (Before we broke up, she thought that I just "need" her). As an update, I sent her a very special "Thank You" card for the great weekend that we had together. She got it yesterday night. I was already sleeping and she called me. We had a lovely talk and before we hang up, she told me "don't worry, I am home and I am alone". Meaning that she's not with him. I don't know exactly how to interpret it, but a lot of times either I or her say "I love you" at the end of conversation. Today, we said it at the same time and we both laughed, it was a sweet moment. Another update... I received a job interview notice this Friday (for D.C. where she lives). (I am still looking just in case). So I asked her, should I call or not. I said that I don't want to move to D.C. and live alone. She quickly replied that I would live with her. But she said, "what will I tell this guy, he'll be pretty upset". So I guess she is still seriously considering to get back together. Today she said that we should talk about this interview, she wanted to think about it. Should I tell her anything if she asks me what I want/think? Or just tell her to do what she feels is right (follow your heart)? Or maybe it's a good moment to explain to her that I want to make her happy for the rest of my life and I want to follow my heart and move to D.C.? Anyways, in my case (at least in my case), being friends with her helps me out a lot. We already locked the date for a week vocation and I will probably purchase the tickets tomorrow. She knows that I wanted to propose to her on this vocation (told her after we broke up), so who knows what will happen.

What the hell?? That is stupid, I don't think I ever heard something so stupid... not to be rude... but if she thinks your better for her than he is, what the hell is she giving him a chance... basically she's leading him on and seeing where's he's going when its obvious she still seems to have feelings for you. Terrible!!! I think she should break it off with him now, and go back with you by the sounds of that post. But who knows what else is going on.... Thanks for support guys! About this quote... I think she said it because she is still thinking about what happened (breakup) and she's still digesting our great weekend. Probably needs more time like everyone said. Later on today she talked about getting a cat and she said that she would buy a kitty when she moves back to Boston or when I (then she paused and said "or someone else") moves in with her. She NEVER even mentioned moving back to Boston since she moved to DC. And I was very pleased that she mentioned me moving in with her. Our LD is 1.5 years now (we dated over 2 years before she had to move). During LD, we remained a couple for 1 year and about 2-3 month (visited her at least once a month and couple of full weeks), but then she said she wants to be friends. (Our relationship was ALWAYS perfect, so LD is the only problem, even she said that). The thing is that she doesn't have any family/relatives or good friends in DC, she was very lonely, so this guy took advantage IMO. I made a terrible mistake by taking a job in Boston instead of going for Masters in DC. And I already told her that I will never leave her alone again. I am planning to move there as soon as she breaks up or in December, whichever comes first.

Just to let everyone know, I am not 100% sure myself if something changed in current relationship with my ex. But here's the story... So, I spent this weekend with my ex. Little back ground: link removed To sum it up in few words: AWSOME!!!! We haven't had so much fun in a long time! I am still smiling from ear to ear. I haven't seen her for 2 weeks after she told me that she's seeing some one, and when she picked me up from airport, I could see it in her eyes that she was scared. So I hugged her tight and told her not to be scared, everything is fine, etc. After that she became herself and all my problems (about our relationship) drifted away. It felt like in the old days - when we were still together. Even if the conversation was about her new bf, I kept it cool and it was just like a conversation about some unimportant person. So for 4 days straight, we basically did everything that we would do if we were bf/gf, except sex and French kissing. We slept in same bad, we hugged, we held hands, massages, kisses on lips, cheeks... She kept on telling me how much fun she's having and I just kept it up! Waking up at 7 every morning, playing tennis, rollerblading, running, picnic, movies, restaurants, shopping, just walking around or watching TV, reading books to each other (she always wanted me to start reading more and we bought a book for me). Anyways at the end of the second day, she told me that she made a mistake and that she has feelings for me too. (This day I mentioned that I might be looking for a gf because I need someone to share my love with, but at the same time I would always take her back. I could see that she was thinking something for a while after I said that). I know her better than palm of my hand and I could see love shining from her sweet smile. As I said in previous posts, she has some problems with her current bf. Specifically, he doesn't pay attention to her as much as she wants. She mentioned that I am much more romantic with her. She also said that I am the person she can see herself spending the rest of her life with because I am crazily in love with her (she said that she knows that I will love her forever and that I am so nice to her, it's unreal). And, she said that she realized that she started to date this guy because of need, not love, and our relationship was based on very strong and perfect love (remember, we had temporary a LD relationship). For the first time since we broke up, she mentioned couple of times phrase "if we get back together again". Today, when she dropped me off at the airport, we hugged for a really long time (she held me really tight and kissed my neck) and we kissed on lips and she said that she likes my soft lips. She said that she's very sorry for what she put me through and the she has to do the right thing and give that guy a chance because he also broke up with his gf. That kinda didn't sound good to me, what do your guys think? Maybe she just needs more time. I seriously don't see anything changing in their relationship and I think that there is a chance that we will get back together. Anyways, today we talked couple of times on the phone and she told me that she's missing me and when I suggested to visit her again in a month, she said that she would gladly visit me instead. And by the way, our vocation is still a go!!!! DO YOU GUYS SEE ANY GOOD OR BAD SIGNS HERE?

Ok, thank you all very much for helping me. However I have more question Please help me out because I seriously think that there is a good chance that my ex will eventually come back to me. So as always we had long daily conversation today (about life and all). And she started to tell me about her new bf again. She once again complained about his behavior. 1*** He is not paying much attention to her when they are together (she says its probably because he is used to LD relationship with his ex – not much physical interactions). And I know that she loved when I paid tons of attention to her, especially when I just physically interacted with her (plaid with hair, massages, gentle kissing, hugging, etc.). So yesterday, as soon as they got to her house he went to take a nap on the couch, my ex took a shower while he did that and when she came out, he was watching a show and she just ended up going to her room and staying there. 2*** She said that she's not as comfortable with him as she was with me. She didn't like when he stood behind her while she was cooking meanwhile she loved when I kept her company, she even said that and always asked me to keep her company. 3*** He eventually took over cooking w/out asking her and even called him mom for advice (what a shmuck) which upset my ex. She didn't like the fact that he didn't trust her cooking. Yeah yeah, he apologized about cooking, said that he just wanted to help, blah blah blah. (She didn't tell him about the first 2). Why do you think she's telling me all this stuff? I didn't even ask her to tell me what happened last night. She even said today that we talk more that she talks to him throughout the day. Don't get me wrong, I like that we are still friends and that we don't have any secrets, but can this be some sign? I can't wait to go there!!! Only 2 more days!!! I'll remind her how I treated her Update She just called me and said that she feels lonely and she wants more attention, just like I thought Also, she brought him lunch to work and he didn't eat it, said that he bought his own. She was kinda hurt. IMO I should take advantage of the situation, right? I can feel that she misses my attention.

Just to update, we spoke for 3 hours last night, but she didn't anything new really. The only thing is that I finally knew that she completely opened up for me, she wasn't scared anymore to talk with me about what happened (before I felt that she was kinda scared). She told me some things that bothered her about me (nothing major, fixable) and I thanked her, and told her that it will help me to improve myself (for my future relationships). We even talked about our (I mean her and me) past sex act instances. We haven't talked so easy and openly since she told me she wants to be friends. She also told me that she had sex with this guy, but I took it very well, and she told me this because I asked her couple of times few days ago when I was still depressed. Also, I asked her how's the break up going with her new bf and his ex (also just broke up) and she complained, and asked me for opinion. Ok, so as I said I am going to see my ex this weekend (LD relationship, haven't seen her for a month, still extremely close friends, but she's seeing a guy and told me about this just a week ago). As the date gets closer, I am getting a little nervous because I don't know exactly if my actions will be beneficial for eventually getting back together. I am 100% sure that I will have tons of fun with her and I will not even hint abut getting back together. (I am in very good state in terms of healing). But the thing is that last few month we were always sad and just stayed home to spend time together when I visited her. Reason – she was sad because I still didn't move to her, I was sad because she asked me to just be friends. So I am thinking that this time we will go out and do lots of activities (as friends), but will it look too weird? I mean me being happier comparing to last few month? Also, I kinda want to give her something, little but sweet. Is a single rose a normal gesture in this situation? My background: link removed

I know that and I respect it and I play cool as you said. But isn't the fact that she listens my CD (and it's not the first time she told me that she listens it after we broke up) which makes her sad mean that she is thinking of me, maybe missing our great relationship? And because she is sad she still has feeling for me? I mean why would she be sad if she is dating another guy who is "supposed to make her life better".

Tere, thanks for advice, that's also what I planned to do, I learned that squeezing the answers from her doesn't work and only makes things worse. About my opinion….. I lover her so strong that I can't describe in words. So when she told me that she's seeing someone, I was shocked (I kinda suspected that she is hiding something, but at that moment we were already just friends). After begging (I guess it's usual mistake), and after reading this board, I realized that begging is not going to work. She also was very supportive (for me to get through it) and she is still telling me that she's so lucky to meet such a nice person as me. She said that because I didn't burn bridges, she realized that I truly love her. Anyways, we don't have any secrets from eachother and talk at least 3-4 times a day. And I am learning what I did wrong, making changes and even tell her about it. BUT, I never ask her to come back. She even asked me not to leave her alone (I mean move to her) again if things don't work out in her current relationship. And as you might have read in my "history" posts, I am going over to visit her this weekend (just a week after she told me about her new bf), she made tons of plans for us and she wants to cook me dinners, etc., and we are still planning a week vocation, just 2 of us. So IMO, friendships might change something.