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Celadon

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  1. Celadon
    smartboy, did she tell you she wanted to be just friends, or are you just saying she's a friend? Because if she's already told you she doesn't like you in that way, I wouldn't spend much more time trying to get with her. Otherwise, just be yourself, because if anything happens between you two it'll be because of who you are and who she is, not because you played some game with her. Also, care about her and listen to her. That always helps. She's probably looking for someone she can trust.
  2. Celadon
    Hi Shabby, sorry to hear you had a rough night with your bf. Arguments really suck. Everyone gets emotional and then they can't recall why they were arguing in the first place. Then everyone feels wronged and victimized. The question I've got is -- is his expectation that you should praise him loud and long a reasonable one, in your opinion? Or is he expecting SO much praise that it's unreasonable? Is he putting his self-confidence into you so that you are responsible for how he feels? To me, that's way overboard. I also don't like that he's expecting you to come up with some sort of "plan" for letting him know you care. Maybe I missed something, but what exactly is HE promising to do? A word on conflict resolution. Conflict starts when there's a misunderstanding about something, so the best way to resolve conflict is to figure out what that "something" was and address it or clarify it. Otherwise you end up talking about umpteen things unrelated to the original argument. In your situation, what needs clarifying is his expectations about praise. It could also be his fears about not being "good enough" for you (notice that "cute blonde" comment of his). Well, I hope some of this helps. Good luck resolving things!
  3. Celadon
    Romantic sweetheart, if it helps any, I'm sure you're not the first person he's thrown himself at. By his profile, he sounds like someone who is desperate for a romance to "save" him. From what, I don't know - past hurt, self-hatred, fear of being alone. He needs a counselor, not a girlfriend, because he's not capable of having a mature relationship. He cannot control his own behavior, nor understand or respect your needs. If you know of any counselors in your area, or could get some recommendations, you might want to get their numbers and pass them along to your suitor. It would be the most compassionate thing you could do before you break off all contact with him.
  4. Celadon
    I really like this site too! I only wish I had known about it when I was dating my ex! I could've used all the great advice people give here, and probably would've saved myself from a couple years of being used by him. Not that i'm bitter or anything.
  5. Celadon
    That's awfully nice of you to want to say something to her. You can just focus on her as a person and a university student. Catch up with her and ask how things are going for her, and talk about uni stuff -- just casual-like. If you think she'd be comfortable with it, tell her you're sad you don't see her in the same class anymore and ask how her Math 11 professor is. If you're good with humor you can try to even poke fun at the situation ("Geez, we're getting *killed* in math 12. I think you were smart to get out while ya could!"). Try to cheer her up.
  6. Celadon
    MG, you spelled that exactly right. You can meet true friends at any stage of life. I met mine AFTER college. Part of it is that you meet true friends when YOU are truly being yourself. That's the only way friendships last. If you are being yourself, and they are being themselves, and everything clicks - then you're friends forever. That doesn't mean you'll always BE together, because things change in life. But when you get together, it's like they know you and you know them and it's *easy.* So make friends in high school, make friends in college -- just keep making them, 'cause you never know who is going to turn out to be a wonderful true friend. 8) Oh- and sometimes true friends develop over time. One of my best friends is from another culture, so it took us awhile to learn how to talk easily with each other, but now we do and it's great! I share so much with her!
  7. Celadon
    Well if you don't want to talk to him for too long, you can try some things like - when he approaches you, look at your watch and start walking like you need to go somewhere. Be pleasant and talk to him if he walks with you, but make it clear there's somewhere you have to be. - try to rope someone else into the conversation with you, that way all the attention isn't focused on you and maybe he'll be less annoying (I guess that depends on what he does that's annoying) - if the reason he's annoying is because he LIKES you, then figure out a way to tell you don't feel the same way. Send him a kind and gentle e-mail. lol. - talk a lot and just keep jumping from topic to topic Then maybe he won't approach you anymore. ha! Good luck. 8)
  8. Celadon
    Unresolved issues can be the death knell of a relationship, especially if one person isn't willing to deal with it. For that reason, I decided not to get involved with one guy I know, even though we have some things in common. I already dealt with a guy who didn't work on his issues, and like amilasiu said, it was unfair to me. Do what you need to do. Maybe at another time in life - a year down the road or something - he'll be in a place where he can commit himself to another person. If you can, stay in touch with him as a friend.
  9. Celadon
    Yeah, this is a tough situation, SilenThunder. I think you've probably done as much as you can, since it sounds like you talked to them about not getting all gushy when you're around and they're still doing it. (They're being kinda rude there.) I know it's tough to make new friends, but I'd suggest that you try. It'll make you happier in the long run. I like to hang on to my old friends, too. Sometimes I wonder how people can just pick up a bunch of new friends just like that and be close to them - that's not usually how it works with me! But you're 18, and your age is naturally a time of transition for most people. Start thinking about some new things you want for your life, and be open to meeting new people. I'm sure you're a great guy and a good friend. You can still be friends with your friend who is like a brother, but just don't count on him being there quite so much. Trust me that you'll be friends with him forever - sometimes spending more time together, sometimes less. That's how it works in life. Good luck!
  10. Celadon
    Yeah, now you're set for having 24 totally unique dates with someone! Now if I could only *find* that "someone" ... LOL.
  11. Celadon
    Great stuff, alittleoverlife! You've had a remarkable "aha!" moment and seem to be ready for whatever life brings you. This is wonderful to hear. Good luck to you! 8)
  12. Celadon
    My opinion may be the minority here, but I'd kinda want to end your relationship with him "officially" and not just let him slip away without explanation or goodbye. Yes, by all means, prepare yourself to say goodbye, in case his "I need some time" really was a coward's way of breaking up. But don't deprive yourself of the possibility to end it properly. I agree with everyone who said that one month doesn't mean "to the date" to many people. But within the next week, I'd feel free to call him and ask to meet up for a proper conversation. If he says no, I guess that's sadly your answer. But on the phone, after he says no, you can still say what you need to say. I'm a believer in that. No need to be all wild and emotional, but be straight-forward-- say that you had hoped for an upfront, honest end to the relationship and that you're disappointed but you cared for him and wish him the best. OTOH, if he says yes to meeting up, you can at least ask him face-to-face what happened to him and where he's at in his life and what he's been thinking. (And whether he's really breaking up with you.) I commend you for lasting a month, Fif Angel, 'cause I wouldn't be able to handle that kind of uncertainty. Take care.
  13. Celadon
    Other options.... Hiking Reading together (out loud or silently together) and talking about what you read Botanical garden tour Aquarium Rollerblading Board games/cards (in coffee shop or park) Hanging out and listening to music and chatting Art or wine or crafts festivals "Ethnic" festivals Pool/billiards Dancing (club or ballroom) Local sightseeing or walking tour Volunteering at nonprofit agency Arts/crafts (make something together) Cooking a meal together 8)
  14. Celadon
    Yes, please let us know how things turned out for you!
  15. Celadon
    ayhen, I know you can do it! Whenever you start to feel sad, think of all the great qualities you possess and try to be happy just to be alive! Take care of yourself.
  16. Celadon
    Hi - thanks for everyone's great suggestions and advice! I will definitely try them out. This guy, he *has* been defensive, which made me wonder if he'd rather be left alone? A few weeks ago, another friend and I both said to him that we sympathized with him being angry (this was in a particular situation), and he adamantly denied feeling angry. It was a little like one of those, "HUH?" double-takes. Like I was thinking to myself... um, he LOOKS angry and he SOUNDS angry ... but, er, okay - whatever. But maybe it's like elizmdavis said - people get defensive at first, but then they might realize their own behavior afterwards. Thanks!!
  17. Celadon
    Hi. I'm curious to know what people think about this. If you had a friend with "deep" issues that were affecting him, under what circumstances would you actually bring those issues up with him? And under what circumstances would you just sympathize with him, but not try to talk with him about the root causes of this unhappiness? For instance, my friend is still bitter over his divorce from like years and years ago. I notice that it affects his ability to trust people and makes him mad and depressed about life sometimes. He doesn't seem to "see" that he's got unresolved problems though. He just thinks there's something wrong with everyone else. (lol!) I'm not the best person to talk with about his problems (for reasons I won't go into). But I'm still curious as to when people dare to bring up the "big" issues in a friend's life that she or he may not see himself. Thanks!
  18. Celadon
    Your friend needs to take the heat. He did it. He needs to own it. It's all very noble to be loyal, but you should talk to your friend tonight and help him figure out what he's going to to say to the principal tomorrow. It's a step of maturity for him to own up. I would also talk to one of the teachers that you think is reasonable. Ask him or her for advice and help. It does seem unreasonable to suspend you for something someone else did, or to suspend you for not snitching. If the teachers care at all, they would talk to your principal and tell him who did it and get you off the hook.
  19. Celadon
    I think dating in high school is okay, but not when it goes to extremes. Why date: 1. Curiosity. You want to get to know someone. You want to learn more about how someone else thinks, and what makes them happy, and what makes you happy. 2. People skills. You want to learn to care about someone else. You want to learn to communicate and share deeper thoughts/ feelings. How to date smarter: 1. Start with the belief that your life doesn't depend on whether someone likes you or not. thereforeeee, the pain of ending a relationship won't seem like life or death. 2. Keep it casual, with the future in mind. Teens can have a gf/bf and learn to enjoy each other's company and spend time together without thinking they'll be together forever. That takes some maturity though - most high school students probably wouldn't want to buy that. 3. Know what your boundaries are, or at least think about them. Don't just do whatever anyone says you should be doing. But without testing your values and boundaries, some of the things you think you believe in are just academic, in other words, just in your head.
  20. Celadon
    elizmdavis, it is REALLY hard to break up with someone. You care for him and don't want to hurt him. I had a problem breaking up with a guy too, even though I had umpteen reasons to do so. Yeah, it's a weakness, but couples do seem to get into these awful ruts where very little good is happening and yet they can't separate. It's almost like an addiction or a security blanket. Your guy sounds way insecure, which could be one reason you don't love him passionately anymore. Funny how some people don't realize that love is about who you are -- and how that connects with someone else -- not about what you do for them, their friends, their family, etc. Well, in a manner of speaking. I really think you're ready to break up with him. Resolve that in your own heart. Say goodbye to him in your mind and heart, and then plan to do it. Give him enough time to ask why, and have the answers ready (gentle answers, but firm). Then break off contact with him so that you both can heal. Good luck.
  21. Celadon
    Oh, I do think talking is a good thing. It's just when the person goes from topic to topic without a breath or without letting you even comment. That's when I get annoyed. Maybe I have a short attention span (lol!) but I start getting annoyed when a person has been talking nonstop for more than a couple of minutes. To me, that's not a conversation, it's a monologue. I mean, most people are rarely THAT entertaining that I want to just sit and listen to them yammer away. I've noticed that motor mouths throw in a lot of unnecessary stuff too. It's charming in small quantities, I guess, but sometimes I wonder if it's all an act, a persona. Oh well, not to be too critical. Just some observations. 8)
  22. Celadon
    I think you did right by putting in your two weeks' notice. Even though he was doing these cute things like punching your arm and seeing what you were up to that night, HE'S STILL GOT A GIRLFRIEND. Many people seem to forget that if a person is willing to cheat on their S.O. with you, then they would probably be willing to cheat on YOU if you two ever dated. Why? Because it's part of their character. It's not often because the guy (or girl) just happens to be dating the "wrong" person when you come along. If you're missing out on anything, girlnextdoor, it's the trouble he could have caused you. (Remember -- he completely ignored you the past two weekends.) You're doing the right thing by moving on. Heck, if he likes you that much, he can always call you. In the meantime, make yourself available for some really great guy.
  23. Celadon
    That's really weird. But if you saw the movie "Supersize Me," you know that all the fat and grease in fast food can really mess with your body. Feel better!
  24. Celadon
    Hey Tattered_Princess. I'm sorry you're feeling so down. It's true, sometimes it seems like the world is just full of bad stuff -- hate, betrayal, selfishness, despair. But that's not all there is. There's love and kindness, hope, happiness, peace, loyalty, generosity, friendship. There are people who've been through some really brutal stuff in their lives -- rape, disabling car accidents -- and they are choosing to live life as full as they can. It's worth it. I don't know what's going on in your life right now, but there are people out here who care, or we wouldn't be taking the time to give advice on eNotAlone. Keep posting about the things that are bothering you, and hopefully, people here can help. BTW, I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to pray that something good and nice happens to you today, to cheer you up.
  25. Celadon
    LOL! I know the feeling. Also, sometimes I sit there wondering when she is going to take a breath. It's amazing because she keeps going and going and going...
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