melrich
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Everything posted by melrich
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Ok so give us something to work with now.
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Hey Cynical, Some people just get a bit frustrated. I know that is not fair on you but it is only because they care. Your issues are your issues and because they are big issues for you they are serious issues. But why don't you put a few of them down online. Who knows, there may be some ideas out there.
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Hi Cynical, Things don't seem to have been going great for you for a while but you've been coping reasonably. What's going on now that has gotten you to this point? has something happened?
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Yeah the 3 times I copped it I was blindsided. In hindsight though I could see that in reality I should not have been.
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Oh so you are saying most see the signs and are prepared for being dumped? I guess that happens. In my experience it is the other way around. Maybe subconsciously they have a mental process going on that "something's not quite right". Hard to say really. Most seem genuinely surprised at what happened.
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Oh yeah, absolutely. There are nearly always signs. It doesn't matter why they are blindsided, fact is that most are.
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Have a great trip, sounds like fun. Yep, living with her.
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Conflicts should not be approached as a competition around who can win the argument. Words like attack and counter-attack are potentially misleading. Resolving conflict should be about reaching compromise that both can live with. It is important to know how each other likes to resolve conflict. But try not to bracket conflict with winning and losing an argument. Best thing to do is put the egos away and try and work toward compromise.
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I agree given your sons age that your fiance should be involved in "discipline". I also understand his issues with the "McDonald's Dad", that is hard to compete with. But as another poster said, there is more than enough room in his life for two Dads.
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Yes I agree. The OP is talking about a relationship. Not dating. I don't think dumpers do completely switch off their emotions. The emotions are just not as strong as the dumpess and they have more control over them. Also in my experience, the dumper has usually given themselves some time to prepare for he break up whereas the dumpee is often blindsided.
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doing the right thing...... this is painful
melrich replied to SeaBisquit's topic in Relationship Advice
This is a fallacy. Cheating on someone does not necessarily mean that you no longer love them. People cheat for many reasons. I agree with jayceearia, it may be a funny kind of love but it can still be love nonetheless. In this case look to his actions, not his words. -
I agree. He is definitely looking for your attention and even a spanking is better than nothing to him at the moment. First I'd ask are the things you are saying "No" to dangerous for him or just messes that are inconvenient to you? He will definitely understand what "no" means but it has become a game to him. You are constantly saying "no" and he is seeing this as a reaction from you to him. So if his activities are not dangerous I'd advise you stop saying "no" all the time. He will very soon get sick of opening that drawer or whatever. If you are not already doing so, try and give in a couple of hours a day just you and him time, complete attention. PS. It is the parents choice to spank or not but either way it is not really appropriate for a 21 month old. He won't understand it at all as he has no concept of action vs consequences yet. If you are going to spank as a discipline really it should not be used until around 4 years of age. His little world has been turned upsaide down and he is just not old enough to process why that has happened. The idea of getting him involved with the baby is a good one too. Ask him to help (pass you the nappies or some such). The more involved he is the less resentment he will feel about no longer being the centre of attention. It's a fine line but one of the best bits of advice we got was only fight the battles you have to.
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I'm sure he is. He's got a sweetheart deal. You should close it down now.
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Well I think he's finessed himself a nice little loophole here. I'd just walk away if I were you. I just don't get what you were trying to achieve with this "break" except give him a license to screw around and technically not be actually cheating.
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I'm sorry but this situation is ridiculous. You broke up in December but you continue to see each other, talk everyday, have sex and promise that you are exclusive to each other! But he is your ex. Is anyone else having trouble figuring this out?
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What is different about your relationship pre December break up and post December break up? You still talk every day, you still have sex, you are stillhanging out together?
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Sore boobs, nausea, tiredness for my partner.
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Boyfriend not sure about kids in the future
melrich replied to Vanitee's topic in Relationship Advice
Generally I don't think men are as in tune as women with what is involved in having a baby. I think this often translates to a lot of fear about what it all means and a concern about the burden of responsibility. The best thing I can advise is to continue to talk about it. Let him know that you do have some understanding of where he is coming from but be equally firm about what your life goals are in terms of having children. Often men want to be told that their fears are exaggerated and that you will help them through everything. I know personally I followed my partner around like a little puppy with our first. I had bnever been so scared in all my life. -
I would suggest some pre-marriage counselling as well. Relationships do go through stages and living together means there is a lot of daily routine in your relationship. You two need to work out if your relationship is in decline or this patch is just an adjustment period. The way you are feeling now, I wouldn't be getting married. Sort out your feelings first.
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Living together vs. living together before marriage
melrich replied to Cyberchick's topic in Marriage/Long Term Relationships
Research (White 1987) shows that 38% of couples who lived together before marriage divorced within 10 years against 27% of couples who did not live together. However this research is balanced by attitude to divorce. The couples who lived together stated they were far more likely to pursue divorce if the marriage were unhappy where the more "traditional" couples, those that did not live together prior were far less likely to pursue divorce if the marriage was unhappy. As the researchers noted, the only sure sign of an unhappy marriage is a divorce. Marraiges that stay together are not necessarily happy. So it depends on how you equate success. Is it staying together or is it being happy. -
Well everything is going to be alright if you allow it to be. You know girlfriends are important and I can understand how much this girl means to you. But is she so important, so critical to your existence that you would consider ending your life based on her behaviours? If you try and put that into perspective, I don't think she is. Fact is girlfriends do come and go in our lives. It's great when they come along and it hurts like hell when they leave but that is just one of the many cycles of life we go through. And she hasn't even left you yet!! She's still hanging inthere with you. You know, best thing you could do is shake this dependence on her. Be who you are and love who you are. You are a great person, that is why she is dating you. And if she decides not to date you or you decide not to date her, then you are still a great person. Your relationship does not define you. You have so much to do.
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Assertiveness, anger and sticking up for yourself
melrich replied to kate111's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
How can we say Kate. We don't know what money you are talking about or how your financial affairs were arranged. If you were both contibuting equally to a savings account then yes it should be split 50/50. If he was contributing 75% and you 25% them the split would be according to that etc. It's really hard to make any statement when we have no idea what the joint assets are or how they were built up. -
I think there are two types of cheaters. The Adulterer. This type needs a confluence of events to occur that leads to cheating. It may be a period of high stress, unhappiness in a relationship or marriage, loss of a job etc. Often this type will cheat only the once and they may suffer such tremendous guilt that they'll never even consider doing so again. The Womaniser. This type is a serial cheater and is only interested in conquest. Your b/f sounds like he fits into this category.
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Don't buy too much before the baby is born. You will find people give you a lot of stuff and you don't know how big the baby will be or how fast he/she will grow (for example, our daughter outgrew all the 6 month stuff in about 2 weeks. She was in 1 year old gear by the time she was 7 months old. The things I think are essential (aside what you have mentioned already) are a change table, a bassinet and lots of wraps.
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Hard as it is you have to accept that she can see and do as she pleases now. If I were you I'd stay right away from Facebook and Myspace, it does not seem to bring you any happiness at all.
