BeStrongBeHappy

yeah, i've known several men at work that i got along with great who were also flirts by nature, where we got to be great friends and enjoyed chatting but no romance... so i'd check out his body language when he talks to other people, especially other women... is he just as flirty with them? if he only acts that way with you and no one else, then maybe he is interested in you... but beware, offices are full of married guys who are cruising and just love to flirt when their wife isn't around, either for fun, or seriously trying to start up a fling... and they don't always wear rings or talk about their wives either, because their goal is to seduce you quickly, and they don't have much time to make time except at work, and can't do drinks and dinner very often because they have to get home to wifey!

well, you could still ask her out, but consider yourself warned.... you don't know either of these girls, so one or both could have some kind of problem... the other girl could be telling the truth, or jealous or dislike each other for some reason, don't get along at work? or the girl who warned you could be totally nice, and trying to do you a favor. so if you still like the girl, go ahead and ask her out, but keep an eye open for any b**** tendencies just in case and don't waste much time if she starts acting badly!

oh no, no, no! he may be messing with your head... does he know this other guy is going, or could he have found this out by talking to someone else you know? maybe he just wants to throw a curve into a new potential relationship you might be starting up with another guy... residual jealousy or possessiveness... some jerky guys only get interested in an ex when they know someone else might be taking their place... and as soon as he has bumped the other guy out of the picture, he disappears again on you too... it is TOTALLY inappropriate of him to try to invite himself on a weekend trip with you when you haven't even met for coffee or discussed the status of your friendship/relationship/breakup etc. i would be very suspicious of his motivation for inviting himself on this trip... so tell him you want to go to coffee with him to discuss what he means by this... and DON'T take him on the trip... go with the other guy, and tell the ex that if he wants to DATE you you can go out to dinner AFTER the trip... and btw, you CAN very well say no... you don't have to tell him he can come along just because he wants to! you're no longer in a relationship, so he doesn't have the right to barge into your life anytime he feels like it. and you probably need to clarify to the other guy that you are not interested in him romantically before you take a weekend trip with him... some guys think that means you are agreeing to more than snowboarding... never too late to cancel the trip if it looks like a disaster in the making...

umm... the medium for porn has changed, but there has been porn and prostitution since the beginning of time... there were actually MORE prostitutes in Victorian times than now, due to poverty and lack of work for lots of women... and there have been photos of naked women passed around since the camera was first invented. so debating whether porn or sex addiction has been around more or less is not really relevant to addressing a difference in value systems in a marriage... what is important is that each person in the marriage try to understand one another's needs, and whether they want to work something out to try to compromise or not... if someone's husband has vastly different morals, or an addiction that is destroying a marriage, or has stopped sexual activities with his wife, or is visiting prostitutes, ALL are problems that must be dealt with openly and hopefully without too much moral outrage, because that won't open discussion between the partners, it will close it. by that i mean, everyone must decide what is important to them and what they are willing to put up with and discuss and evaluate whether either party is willing to change to save the marriage... visiting prostitutes is not acceptable by any means due to the possibility of STDs that are very serious and life threatening these days. and if a wife thinks it is disgusting or amoral for her spouse to view Playboy magazine or porn, then she needs to decide whether this is a deal breaker in a marriage. everyone is different, and has to decide their own bottom line, and go from there. but honestly, if your husband has said he is not interested in sex with you anymore and uses his age or whatever other reason, it sounds like you are too young to give up sex, and don't want to live with someone you perceive as a deviant. so i'd recommend marriage counseling as a first start to deciding whether this is some gap you can bridge or not...

Wow, good for you! it sounds to me like he was having a really hard time adjusting to the new country, and Karen was taking advantage of this by playing on his homesickness... but also, he needs to understand that you do NOT pursue a 'love you miss you baby' type friendship with another woman when you are married! so you really do need to pursue marriage counseling to address why this happened to begin with. i think it will help a lot to introduce to other male friends he can bond with, especially if they have adapted to the new country and can help him do so too... best of luck...

To understand someone else's behavior, you have have to look at both what they say and what they do... So if you reversed the situation, would you ever go to his town, even for a short trip, and not call him or have dinner with him or whatever? He should at least have mentioned it to you, that he was going on business and didn't have time, whatever... and he behavior appears to be changing, ignoring your calls, and telling you NOT to call him.... that can be a sign that he is seeing someone else, or cooling to you. LDRs are very hard because you don't see each other as much as you would, and there are time/space constraints that can make it easier for a person to cheat or lose interest or find someone local who is more convenient to them... so i wouldn't obsess about the trip he made and didn't tell you about (and reading his email), but i would instead bring out your sense that he is pulling away or not telling you something out in the open, and say you are feeling like he is pulling away from you, not responding to your calls, telling you not to call, and what's up with that? he may offer an explanation or he may not, but look at his ACTIONS now to decide whether he is cooling off and heading for a breakup, or he has a valid excuse for being less available to you recently. could be business related or he's not feeling well or something else, but also some warning signs that he is pushing you aside, so deal with that part directly. he might reassure you, or he might not, but getting yourself very worked up and not doing anything will not be good for the relationship or your own head.

Please keep in mind that LDRs are more about fantasy than reality... you spend a lot of time longing for each other, then when you get together, it's like a vacation or a party, not real day to day life... so remembering a long distance romance can be like dreaming about the white sands of Hawaii or a great vacation you had, a great interlude in your real life, but not your real life... it could work out, but it could quickly fall apart if you are both in the same city and realize that the real day to day person was not as good as the fantasy... are you sure he didn't decide that the LDR was too hard and broke up with you BECAUSE he found someone local he'd like to date more than you? people say all kinds of things when they find someone new to soften the blow when they're breaking up. so he may have broken up because he wanted to date this new girl, even though he still wanted to maintain a friendship wtih you. also keep in mind that he was willing to cheat on his girlfriend to sleep with you when he visited... not very honorable behavior. it could be that he even planned that quickie when he was in town with you, because he knew there was no way his girlfriend woudl find out since you were so distant from each other... but he never plans for you to be together in the same city... so i suggest you challenge this if you really can't make up you mind... call up the LD guy and say, i want to give it a try, how about i move to your city? see what he says... he may be VERY uncomfortable with it if he is just happy with your LDR friendship and in love or serious with his girlfriend. and you may be letting go a good chance at a real relationship with your current boyfriend by fantasizing about someone who has a girlfriend and is not really available to you, or even really interested in being in the same city with you. so think carefully before you give up a real local relationship for the hope of a fantasy that did not work out before, and may never work out.

I think everyone SHOULD casual date until they are sure they can be serious about a person... no one ever really knows that at the start anyway, though one may be more infatuated with the other person than the other. you might discover when you've dated Danny for a while that you DO like him enough to consider serious dating, and you might start to forget about Chris... that is usually the way it goes... so i would date Danny for a while, and see how you feel (because feelings can change), and if Danny does start to get serious, then you can decide whether your feelings have changed or not.... most people's feelings are not on the same page at the exact same time anyway, so casual dating is a way to find out if there is any real potential or not... you don't have to go into detail about Chris because most people have exes that they are in various states of recovery from... but you can tell him that you prefer to date casually until you are sure you 'click' enough to consider a commitment, and that if he starts to get serious to let you know so you can discuss whether to take it from there or cool it off if it is not working for you. most people jump into commitment too quickly anyway, so may be welcome for him too, to be able to date without too much pressure to be serious before the feelings are mutual.

how well do you know this guy? any chance he's run off with your expensive stuff? since you need your stuff, call him and leave a message and be very specific... tell him you need to pick up your stuff and to call to let you know when a good time would be to come over to get it... he should have had ample time to call you back by now unless he has a very good excuse... so calling to get your stuff makes sense. it is kind of rude to not return calls for several days, but maybe the issue is he doesn't want to date you so is dragging his feet... but if you didn't mention the stuff to him, he didn't know the purpose of the call and may not feel urgent to call you back, or avoiding you if he thinks you are calling him to hang out and he has decided he doesn't want to do that... so be clear it is the stuff you want back, not a hook to see him again... then if he wants to see you, he will suggest that, otherwise just meet to get your stuff then don't call him until he expresses interest in another date...

are you dissatisfied with your girlfriend in other ways? by that i mean, do you think you are starting to get interested in other girls because you are having problems with your girlfriend, or is this just a passing attraction to another girl? if you are in a committed relationship where you have promised your girlfriend you will not date other people, then you need to think about what you need to do... and if you love your girlfriend and see a future with her, you had better cool off the friendship with the other girl to prevent cheating... but if your relationship with your girlfriend is rocky and you want to break up, then do so honorably, before you cheat, because cheating in addition to a breakup is a double helping of pain for your girlfriend.

i think it is good to accept that you have parted and to move on. if you are not in school i hope you are working or looking for work? one of the worst things when breaking up with someone is having too much time on your hands. so please either stay in school, or get out and try to get work/hobbies etc. that keep you busy. i think you were doing well, but when you saw him again, it again makes you sad and showed you that he was not really interested in a relationship with you, and was even rude. that is VERY common with an ex, to feel fine until you are reminded of him when seeing him, then going into a tailspin, because it is like breaking up all over again. so really you should try to do nothing that brings on contact, except where you absolutely have to. that will help you reconcile to the situation, and begin to mend and look forward to other things in your life besides him.

if one has loved very deeply, it does take a while to get back on your feet without that person in your life. it is really a grieving period, like losing someone to death, so it does take a while to feel back to your normal self, and you have to go thru the stages of grieving till you feel better. the breakup puts quite a bit of stress on the person, so biochemistry etc. can get messed up... glad to hear you are seeing a counselor and working to get better. 3 weeks after a breakup is really not that long in the scheme of things, so you will feel MUCH better when some more time has passed... try to work things into your schedule that keep you busy and have the potential to make you happy... you will feel blue for a while, but you will get through it. everyone feels like you do when they first break up.

i think that you have been doing way to much 'mind reading' trying to guess what she is doing and thinking, because you hope for signs she wants to get back with you... this is the real problem with staying in contact and trying to be friends with an ex... she may have moved on and wants to be friends, and you are still hoping for a relationship and trying to keep the contact in hopes that will happen... and afraid to come out and say what you want for fear of 'jinxing' it or ruining the 'new start', like it is a delicate souffle that you hope will rise to the heights of love again... the things is, i don't think she is really giving you a 'new start' on a potential relationship... she wants to be friends.. that is a *very* sexual reference on her facebook, and i am sure it is a flirty exchange between her and someone else, with no reference to you whatsoever... so please, you *must* tell her your true feelings and not try to disguise them in an attempt to nurse things forward... that only creates misunderstandings and potentially false hopes... tell her what you want, listen to her, and take her at her word... and if what she wants is friends, then maybe that is not good for you because it gets your hopes up... go forward, live your life, date other women... she knows your number if she wants to date you again... maybe it is better return to NC with the clear understanding that she can call if she wants to date you again, and find new friends that don't send you onto an emotional merry-go-round every time you see/hear about them...

one other piece of advice... trying to be his 'friend' when you are heartbroken and want a relationship is really more for his convenience than being what is good for you... it just prolongs your sense of loss, while giving him a security blanket to hang onto while he looks for a new girlfriend. i would suggest that you tell him that being friends is too traumatic for you, and that he knows your number should he decide he wants to date again... then go about your business healing, and don't count on him coming back... you are better off with friends in your life who do NOT make you feel lost and lonely and pining for something that will not be.

this is very sad to hear... he has been jerking you back and forth based on his mood... i think that you are both old enough that he should give how he treats you a bit thought before acting... he sounds very immature or selfish... some people are not able to live with other people, and maybe he discovered when trying it that it is not for him, but it may also be that he has decided he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.... i would consider deeply what you want for yourself, i.e., you deserve someone who treats you better than someone to jerk around like this... he also doesn't really seem to want to be in a relationship at all, but find it ok to have breakup sex when he's in the mood, but that doesn't get you closer to getting him back into a relationship as you have already discovered. i really think you need to put this behind you and find someone else who is more mature and able to have a normal relationship where living together is seen as a positive rather than a negative. so i wouldn't waste more time trying to turn him into someone he is not, or continue seeing him when it is obvious he is not committing to you.

lots of people have a really hard time saying, it's over between us, permanently, though i do respect and loved you... so they soften the blow with things like 'i need to find myself'... she seems to only be responding to contact with you, not initiating it or showing any real signs of getting back together... and saying things like 'i don't want to upset you' usually means she is no longer invested in the relationship herself, but has no desire to hurt you further... the risk you run is that she is not really trying to find herself, but is trying to find a new boyfriend and hasn't yet, so hooks up wtih you for a sentimental night of breakup sex if and when she runs into you, then goes back on her merry way, AWAY from you... i think at this point you have to not see your time 'alone' as a way of finding yourself but still staying loyal to her as if you were going to get back together... you have to see it as she doesn't really want to be with you anymore, though she has no hard feelings for you, in fact is 'fond' of you but not enough to actually date you anymore. you have to truly move on, and if she contacts you and says she wants to be with you again dating, then you can see that as positive, but until then, you are broken up and need to treat it as such and move on and try to meet new people and starting dating again... it's hard to hear, the but 'i need to find myself' and 'we need to see who we are alone and apart from each other' is just another standard variation of 'i don't want to date you anymore'... the person thinks they are being kind, but they are just extending the hopes of the partner who does not want to break up... so please take her at her world, that she doesn't want to work on the relationship... the next time she sees you she could still be saying the same thing, but it is NOT bringing you any closer to being together again... that is the key, look at what someone does in addition to what they say, the the reality of the situation is revealed by both action and words... 2 months without you and she is NOT asking to date again... so she seems to be fine with being broken up, and will probably stay that way...

i don't know, this sounds a little much... like she is expecting you to read her mind and KNOW she wasn't going back to work when she had told you she had... i would label her behavior more insecure than controlling... she sounds like she is interpreting any independence on your part from her as scarey... afraid you will meet someone else? have fun without her? she is not married to you, so you shouldn't have to give her every detail of your schedule (even married people don't do that)... she has a right to expect you to treat her with respect, make sufficient plans with your that you get together enough to make the relationship work, etc. but you have a right to go to work functions and not be accountable to her for every second of your day. so i would talk more about this with her... why does she feel she needs to know where you are every minute, or be with you every minute you are not at work... then you need to decide how much time is ok to spend with each other, but everyone deserves some freedom and indepedence, she's not your mother and doesn't have to know where you are every minute, nor be invited to every single thing you do...

just use another method for the first month, condoms, sponge, etc. to be safe. btw, birth control pills can be affected by things like antibiotics, so make sure your girlfriend reads ALL the precautions in the literature insert they give you that comes with the pills. that is the safest way to know what to do and avoid a surprise pregnancy... that insert should also tell you when they are and are not effective.

everybody has areas that gain weight first... some people breasts, other thighs, etc. so if you put weight on first in your breasts, you will also lose it first there, so if you get your weight back down, that will solve the problem. btw, a sudden unexpected increase in breast size can also mean you are pregnant... even flat chested girls can get quite large from the hormone changes in early pregnancy... so if you haven't been eating more, check for pregnancy or some other hormone change like starting birth control pills...

i suggest you do nothing since you haven't talked since friday and don't initiate any calls to him or that will make him think he is in control again... if he does call, just tell him it is really over and mean it... it usually takes a bumpy start to make the final break, so just don't give in again and see him anymore... with him being away on holiday for a couple weeks, that should give you time and breathing space to get the strength to avoid contact with him in the future.... set your cell phone and email to reject his calls and emails. it's easier to move on when you are not pestered by his calls...

this whole coffee thing wouldn't mean so much to you if you weren't really hoping to get back together... coffee with a 'friend' doesn't build such anxiety or wondering how to 'play' it... so you say you're hoping, but at the same time say you aren't.... my advice would be to stay true to what you want... chat with her a bit, then ask her if she is dating... and tell her you still would like to date her... if she only wants friendship, she will reiterate that, or talk about her feelings... you could go on a million friendly coffee dates with her where all she is thinking is 'nice friend', then she goes home to snuggle with her new boyfriend... so i'd only go on these coffee dates if you are willing to use the time to either REALLY make friends and accept the relationship is over, or else open a dialogue to see if she is receptive to starting dating you again.. otherwise it is just time spent fanning the flames for something that may not be possible, and keeping you from looking for a new relationship for yourself... so you really need to decide what you are after, and have no 'hidden' agenda there other than friends, otherwise bring your agenda out in the open with her, and play it out...

well, there are books out there about reading body language, but i wouldn't put too much weight on any particular look, because everyone is different... maybe she can't see you at all if she doesn't have her glasses or contacts in, etc. some people who are a bit shy will only look you over when you aren't watching, or look away with direct eye contact because of their shyness... my advice would be if someone attracts you, it costs you nothing to try to strike up a conversation with her, and if she rejects you, just move on to the next one... there are also blatant flirts who are married or have a boyfriend who will eyeball every guy in sight even though they aren't really available... so i'd say just work on your conversation skills and start friendly conversations with whomever you like, and don't think each exchange is so important... if someone blows you off, fine, on to the next one!

ummmm... i think you are getting WAY carried away into the true love and other half thing if you have not even met him yet. romance and love and connection are weighted heavily towards compatability with someone we are physically attracted to, cuddle with, have sex with, etc. you haven't even entered the arena to the point of a kiss yet, nor holding hands etc. i think it is a mistake to let your feelings go galloping forward with someone who you haven't even met yet... and why haven't you met yet? i think it is also very risky to start a business with a phantom partner... are you putting money into this, and him taking it? there are legions of stories about internet predators who convince people they haven't met to part with money, so PLEASE don't pursue that business until you have met, are living in the same area, and have resolved the true status of your relationship. right now i hate to say this, but it is a fantasy relationship. nothing wrong with starting out by meeting online, but before you progress into a real relationship, one must have met each other and spent time with real face to face interactions. that's the only way to truly get to know one another. so i suggest that you meet immediately, and if he waffles about this, then i would be very suspicious of his true motives... if he felt this overwhelming attraction that you do towards him, i doubt he would be pursuing another girlfriend, he would instead be insisting you meet with him in person etc.

definitely follow up with a gynecologist, since the guy at the hospital was probably not a specialist... there is something called a vasovagal response or syncope, where you get a lot of the symptoms you describe, dizziness, nausea, feeling out of your head, fainting etc. it can be triggered by stress and pain, and you feel like you're dying but what it is is your body really working up to fainting by going into this complex interaction between your nerves and your heart and brain, where your heart slows down and your blood pressure drops, until you faint and then the cycle stops...(you can research on the web).... usually once you faint and wake up again, you are fine again, though a bit shaky... i have had this happen to me a few times when sick from pain or flu or a great stress like a parent dying, and it is truly terrifying, but not dangerous unless you fall and hit your head or something when you faint... you don't always faint either, but come really close, with weakness in limbs etc. so you need to see a gynecologist to see if this was just a very heavy period, or endometriosis, possible miscarraige, or fibroid bursting, and if a treatment is needed. if the doctor says everything else is ok, then you now know what vasovagal syncope feels like, and if you ever start to feel that way again, make sure you are sitting down somewhere where if you faint you won't injure yourself... good luck, i know that is very scary when it happens, but i recognize it now and don't have a panic attack on top of everything else since it feels so weird and scary when it's happening. btw, douching all the time is NOT recommended these days because it disrupts natural bacteria and can flush bad bacteria up into the womb... older generations were told to douche a lot on the theory they got 'dirty' up there after sex or a period, but modern times people don't need it unless you have a specific problem that medicated douching might help (itching, odor)... and if the douche doesn't work best to go to a doctor because some STDs need antibiotic treatments.

personally, i wouldn't go to the movies with another guy unless it was someone my boyfriend knew and he knew we were just friends and was fine with that.... she seems to be playing a lot of 'hard to get' games, or else she is putting you on the back burner while she chases some other guy, then calls you when she's free again... it sounds like she is someone who can't be alone, bounces straight from guy to guy, so maybe she won't really break up with you til she got another guy securely hooked, and is working on her next boyfriend after you. anyway, games, inconsideration, boyfriend shopping, all of these things are not good for you or a relationship. i'd sit her down and ask her what is going on and talk to her about those things, including saying she'll call then she doesn't, putting you off, not answering texts, going out with other guys you don't know (why didn't she ask you to come with them is he is just a friend?)... so i'd say definitely time to talk with her about this, and see what she says...