sparticuss

Thats pretty accurratte Jimbuck. I keep thinking that a mechanic doesn't get handed a truck load of old parts and get told "cars broke! you fix" But counsellers regularly get handed totally desroyed relatinships and get told "you fix" Doesn't work! I can see the cycle she's in so well. I've seen it often enough before. But I can't discuss it without offending somebody and causing complaints. Pity really.

Steff Did you actually copy any of this stuff from the list of signs of an abusive relationship that I posted two months ago. It was from Darebin Womens Shelter. Having to account for your time is one of those signs. I'd post it again but it seeems to cause all sorts of complaints to the moderators. Mostly because I also use it as an indicator of sure signs of an abused husband too. Nobody wants to talk about battered husbands. Steff You have enough information here to contact both the local womens refuge, and the police. There's only so much that they can do but they still like to hear of these concerns as soon as possible. Mostly because if this guy has a previous record then thats when they can do somethng.

I'll tell you one thing you got absoloutely right. You said you don't trust first impressions. You may be surprised at the number of people who still trust them completely. And wonder why that trust is betrayed. If you rreally want to talk openly and honestly about male attitudes. Ordinary male attitudes I mean! then just PM me. Abusers are not ordinay males of course

Ok Steff. Lets just roll through these bits one by one, 1/ when i was younger i always imaged myself, when i had finished high school, to be going out with a great boyfriend, ======= When you were MUCH younger you imagined yourself marrying one of those handsome princes in the kids story books too. 2/ well guess what, i finished my VCE/HSC this year, less then a month ago, and i dont have a part time job =========== VCE doesn't get you a job. Never did! It's reallly a glorified intelligence test to get you a place in university. People hire 18 year olds who have left school at 15 and have some industry experience. =========== 3/ and my friend circle is small and limited. ======== To be expected after isolating yourslef for a year in order to pass VCE. It should improve slowly from now on. 4/ what makes them want to employ me later on in life. =========== University qualifications mostly. Have a look at your local Saturday paper in the employment section. Two pages of vacancies for tradesmen. 22 pages for graduates. 5/ admittely not all of my friends have boyfriends, ====== PMSL Have a look through the relationships pages at how much trouble the girls have with boyfriends. It doesnt matter if that trouble is of their own making or not. They still have trouble. 6/ i may not be 5foot 6inches, instead an intimadating 6 foot, =========== Libarary assistant. Able to reach the top shelf ========= 6a/ A tip. Don't go looking for guys who like "normal" girls. Go actively looking for guys who are turned on by tall girls. And they do exist. ============ 7/ my friends can hand one resume' to one place and within 24 hours be employed. ============== The only companies I know who hire people like that only pay them commission. Or even charge them for start up kits for commission sales. I have only TWICE known of a guy who was employed within 24 hours. Both fruit picking jobs. And one of those guys was me. And the job was just around the corner. ie right place right time 7/ in my account i have about $250, and that isnt going to last long, not with petrol prices, ========= On ya bike squire. Stuff the petrol prices. 8/ and im still trying to cope about being raped. ========== Have the mob on the Rape Crisis Line been any use? I'll tell you one thing now. Most guys are emotionally incapable of rape cause most guys are sex maniacs. Rapists are not sex maniacs. They are head busters. 9/ i know that i will never be good enough for james, i will never marry him. ============== I'm terrible for number crunching but, about 50% of girls do not marry their first serius love, and, another 50% of wives do end up divorcing.

Nice pep talk dismember but it doesn't work that way. For instance if you do head over to teach the @#$%ers who did it a lesson they will be the first to go howling to the cops. They are bullies and like all bullies they are gutless. They hide behind their gangs, and , if they can't get enough support from the gangs, they go find another gang, be that principal, cops, or whatever. Wanna talk about it some more?. PM me.

Terri I may be able to help you but only if you PM me. If I post what I'm guessing at on the main board I will almost certainly offend somebody.

The bit with the financial debt I don't really know about - Girls do not treat you like crap cause you are a nice guy. Thats way to much a generalisation and a pretty nasty thing to say about girls who don't treat guys like crap. SOME girls treat you like crap. Either because they, very mistakenly, think its normal to treat guys like crap. Or because they have an attitude problem and treat everyone like crap. Nothing to do with you being a nice guy. Actually there are more girls who reat guys right than who treat them like crap. Unfortunately I have a name for these girls. I call them Mrs. Can't blame their husbands for snapping them up pronto either. These girls arent interested in abandoning their husbands but they still make great friends.

Rode a motorbike over that bridge today. Toy Run! As the bridge collapsed while under construction killing 37 workers I don't blame you being scared of it. Even though the cause of the collapse was the shearing of a couple of tempoary support bolts which play no part in the structural support of the thing now. Quite frankly my biggest fear up there is that the strong winds will blow me and my motorbike under a tailgaiting truck. And I have stopped up there to help stranded cars and bikes. Gives me an excuseto take in the view. It isn't just the Westgate jumpers that the press is not allowed to release. Almost all suicides are banned from the Australian media. The occasional teen suicide which will open public purse strings for charity is allowed but thats it. The political backlash about a body count greater than the national road toll, and completely covered up would bring down any government. I would guess that the jumpers are as far beyond fear as they are beyond hope. Even though the police wont release data and the press wont publish it the suicide studies department a Griffith Uni in Brisbane can be contacted for any info. One thing that I can tell you. Most of the things that trigger the Westgate jumps are not something that the jumpers can fix, no matter how much courage they have. PM me if you want the real reasons for the jumps.

Too true Dark blue but it's an ignorance that goes a long way. The police in my area recently cleaned out the corpse of an elderley lady who had pretty isolated hereself for a decade. Oh she came out once a month or so for some shoppping but she preferred her own company. After she died a natural death, peacefully appaently, it took two years befoe her corpse was discovered. That's why I said "peacefully". Nobodys sure. And the police found her place in a bit of a mess. But I was still surprised at the police reaction. Senior police were pushing for the power to intervene in cases like this. Exactly what sort of intervention I'm not sure. The old girl could have walked out the front door and mingled with society whenever she chose. She chose not to.

Cute idea Nymph. Paticularily if the real problem is hating yourself. Thisis a suicide without a suicide. ](*,) But the other major form of suicide isn't where you hate yourself but the world hates you. And theres nothing you can do about it. ](*,) ](*,) ](*,) Then even moving on can become impossible.

Nice to hear it from somebody else. I've been alone (not lonely) and been myself, many times over the years. And its still better that way because, at the end of the day I still gotta live with myself.

Homophobes??? Do they even still exist? I know that theres a new hetro macho style around these days which sometimes gets mistaken for homophobia but I havent known of any homophobes for years. Sounds like it may be more a chemical imbalance in your head thats causing these suicidal tendincies. And that a job for a GP with a knowledge of depression. I know theres a few first rate gut less $%^& that will use any excuse at all to attack the weakest victim around but this is nothing to do with homophobia and these people are not your "friends". Even if it means being completely alone believe me you are better off with nobody at all ( been there, done that too). Friends may be high on your priorities now but, trust me, friends like this are not worth it. I'm not sure that, at your age, you can really be sure of your sexuality anyway. Hell! Half the girls are still worried about "boy germs". Get hold of a few gay rights websites and have a chat to them. They may be able to help you. Certainly more than any wild guesses by me or your classmates. And you can keep it confidential with them. (One word of warning.Some of these sites are gay pick up sites so don't arrange any face to face meetings. Just stick with the e mails.) The only one that I can reccomend is the worst sounding one of the lot. "Older Dykes" These ladies are a bunch of silver haired Australian lesbians but they are very approachable and a great mob to just chat to. I'm fully hetro but still great e buddies with a few of them.

Judgemental mob this lot! Lets try to get back to a little logic. You got everything but sex with your present partner?? Does she have a problem with you engaging in a little masturbation? Whats bothering me is that, if everything but the sex is so good that the lack of sex would send you looking elsewhere. I'm thinking that maybe things with your partner are not so good in a few other areas too. Or perhaps this other woman is more than just good sex. These are options/proposals.suggestions. Only you can really judge how close to the mark I am.

Dave Generally you are right. Paticularly with the warnings about not beating yourself up. But generalising for each and every indivual situation is a dangerous buiness. Paticualrily as this kind of behaviour is also consistent with the world buggiest sulk. I've noted numerous posting from girls having these massive sulks. They arent refusing to ring because they want ot give ther boys space either. They are in a masive sulk and refusing to ring unless HE rings first and apologises. Incluing one who used to beat him up. What the hell he was supposed to apologise for is beyond me. And it isn't just the girls who get into king sized sulks.

Ok A couple of important points. Firstly take the secondhand claims of a mutual friend of his with a grain of salt and two asprin. They are often just as much blind guess work as yours. You don't KNOW that he has feelings for you until he has said so in plain english. Even then he may be lying. This waffle about body language is worthless. The ultimate in body language is the guys who simply sit and watch the passing parade, their heads turing back and fourt like watching a tenniss match. But they arent in live with these girls, not even in lust. They simply enjoy watching the passing parade. Finally. The only guys who recover easily from a break up are those who weren't in love in the first place. The rest take breakups hard. Very hard! So expect a great many oddities, and inconsistincies in his behaviour.

Long? Rambling? Youve actually kept it short swet and consise pilot. Let me start by saying I'm long term single so I can't understand your pain. But that single life has meant sharing house with separated guys by the dozen. And boy is that some education. I CAN understand that you are in pain but thats about it. (You may be surprised at the number of people who think you are just being melodranitic, and don't literally mean it, when you say you cry every day.) I can happily chew your ear with a few facts if that helps. Now when you said "We fell in love so strongly, and I know she loved me with all her heart and soul." you wers so right. She loved you as the perfect man she had been searching for all her life. (Scratch scratcha cscratcha) Wadda mean hes not perfect? he is too! Control tower to Pilot 1 your pigs are clear for take off. You aint perfect. I sure aint perefect. For a year she thought you were perfect and couldn't handle it when she found you were just plain good. If everything seemed to be going great, and just the week before she ended it then thats normal too. Any pro counseller will tell you that the seperation announcement comes as a total shock to one party or the other in 90% of all cases. So thats still normal. "Less than a week later, she told me that although she still loves me, she can't pull out the same feelings and give to me like she did before. " And she can't. You are no longer PERFECT. So she can't worship you as a god because gods are perfect. She said that she doesn't feel the same anymore and she is going through something right now. ============== You may not be able to do diddly to help her but if she cant even TELL you what she's going through then you never had a soul mate. ============= God this hurts. I am in so much pain, there are times I feel that I just can't bear it. ============= It doesn't just hurt. It's dangerous. One in thirteen divorced guys suicides. What little help you are recieving here is nowhere near enough. There is a specialist site called DIDs Dads in Distress which may be able to help you. Else the suicide studies department at Griffith University in Australia =============== I thought she was my soulmate ============== And she thought you were perfect. Literally. ================ I cry everyday. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I've lost so much weight in the last 2 months. I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I can't talk to anyone about all this. I tried to talking to an old friend of mine, and all I get is "Just let her go", "Move on", "Suck it up and be a man", "Go out and get laid". ============= NEVER talk to an old friend. eg Ask the silly ^&*( if s/he actually understands that you are crying, literally . Old friends can never understand. Even my experience and knowledge is all second hand so I can never understand properley. ========== Since I was a kid in high school, I just wanted to find my soulmate and I thought I found her. ================= You got that one right at least "you thought". Like I said earlier. You were after a soul mate. She was after a perfect men. ======================== No one understands. No one cares. ==================== Right again but backwards. No one understands the pain that the guys go through so how can they care? They believe that care is unnecessary. They genuinely believe that all you need do is get laid and you will forget her completely. If you fancy driving a little knowledge into their thick skulls ask them to spring for a hooker for you and see how fast that makes you forget. Believe me I do know that it wont make you forget at all but you may be surprised the number of people who genuinely think it will. =========================== I feel so alone and everytime I try to focus on the positive things, all I see is a bleak future. =================== You may feel alone but believe me you arent. For that one in thirteen who do kill themselves (can't talk to them. Theyre dead) there are anothe one in there or four who attempt it. And they are out there. In boards like this one. Ask around. =================== Also I don't know anyone where I live now, so I can't even go out to socialize and be around friends. ================== What kind of friends though?. Understanding friends or friends who thing that getting laid will fix everything??? =============== God I wish I can express in words what my emotions are. ============== Not a hope! If you could express these emotions in words you would be the greatest writer since, and including, Shakesphere. (Rotten joke but a true one) Sorry this was so long. There is so much more I want to say and get out. I have not talked about this to anyone or really let out my feelings. There is no one. ================ There's a half dozen on this board for starters. And I do mean for starters. There's no one face to face, (and that makes a difference too) but theres plenty on thsese boards and others. None of them (including me) can understand completely. But I havent seen anybody on this board saying you should just "move on" Kinda hard when your heart feeels like lead and your feet feel like clay. Keep in touch.

You break the cycle by identifying the problem. Yes! This is a terrible habit. You identify the problem The guys don't disrespect you. You just think they do. You start out worshiping them and expecting them to worship you back. It has never worked that way. Lack of worship is not lack of respect. Thats the real problem. And its your problem. Not the guys. Talk to some of the girls on these pages who have genuinely been badly treated by thier guys. (And I dont' mean late for a date either. I mean the serious stuff. Something as serious as the one in Melbourne where a mum recently cut off her babys foot with an axe. That sort of serious.) Thats when you really start to understand.

Not an accurratte answer from the lot this time 1/ Younger men are not "self absorbed." Younger men are studying flat out at college for up to 100 hours a week. Thats the equivalant of two and a half jobs. If they get four hours a week to socialise then they are doing all right. Self Absorbed? Studies absorbed more likely. If they are going to pass they have to be. 2/ Happily married men attract girls who only want what they cant have. (Who said "until" the divorce. You mean unless. Despite all the media hype 52% of all the marriages still last for life.) 3/ Divorced men, paticularily mid aged divorced, are too much of an emotional mess to partner anyone.

Speaking personally it sounds like overkill. HOw do I put this! Your'e attempting to make a special occasion, perfect. But there's no such thing as perfect. It's your first time, and its also his first time with you. By all means try to make it wonderful. But also have a plan to pick up the piecies next week if things don't quite go to plan tonight. None of my most memorable sexual enounters have ever followed the copybook model. Most have been unexpected, all have been wonderful.

Men havent got a large ego in the first place so there's not too much to bruise. For instance look at how much more time women spend preening than men. Better still look at the way a woman reacts if she loses a breast from breast cancer. Most are hysterical and completely incapable of functioning as normal humans wihtout reconsructive surgery. That's ego. Thats pride. Meantime I've had cancerous chunks cut out of my FACE, and I'm not going back for surgery to fix the scars. The ego is not worth the pain. Where men really hurt is when their love for a woman is dashed. Many women mistake the broken heart for a brusied ego but this is not so. Thats where men really hurt and the biggest, strongest men hurt worst of all.

A girl remains a child until the words "perfect man" are enough to make her collapse with laughter. Partly cause there's no such thing. Partly cause it doesnt matter. True love is too far beyond perfection to care.

Tell her the real truth. Guys like affection and randiness among their girls. Beautiful is forth or fifth in importance and a long way back in forth or fifth. IE Likes men , likes sex. Beautiful?? Yea thats a nice bonus too. But not important. Tell her the truth. That to really put the guys off she would have to be so dog ugly that she actually turns MORE heads in the street than the beautiful girls. And I seriously doubt that she is THAT ugly.

I also recommend you look for some videos on babies getting the procedure you can find on the site above - simple? Far from it. Contrary to what is said it IS very painful. ==================== That depends on the surgeon. There's a doctor in Queensland uses a local anethetic, a ridgid plastic ring, and a rubber ring. The skin just shrivels and drops in a few days. No pain at all. Not a peep out of the babies. They used to make a fuss over the strange doctor holding them, not the pain, so now he just gets a parent to hold the baby while he does the work. Babies are always more comfortable in the arms of a good parent. Mind you this guy is an expert and this is about the only procedure he ever does.

Six months is plenty of time to recover from circumcision. Crikey I didn't even take six days to recover from my vasectomy. (On the doctors advice I didn't ride my motorcycle home but I could have if need be. ) I smell a bit of botched surgery. In any case this is not the place to discuss it simply cause there's no doctors here. Normally circumcision isn't necessary in this day and age. It is more hygenic in cultures where water is in short supply. IE Desert dwelling cultures. This is why its part of the relegious rites of most Arabic races, including Jews, and also many native Americans, Africans, and Austalians. All of them desert environments or from desert environments. Where water is plentiful normal hygienge is enough to keep things clean.

The only test that I know of is , if you help her clean up after sex, saving the tissues, or whatever, and having them professionally tested for more than one type of DNA. Fairly pricey! And normally only effective if she has had sex with somebody else hours before you. Not days. Forget about the eye contact or the thousand and one "sure " signs. They are common enough among people who don't like, or are embarresed about sex but the reasons can be a million other reasons as well as cheating.