GrottoNymph

I hope this helps. I am trying to share my view on suicide with as many people as I can on this board. Thinking about suicide is a sign that there is something about yourself that you don't like and you don't want to deal with it, so you take the easy way out because dealing with the deep problem(s) you have buried seems more scary than just ending it all. That's ALL thoughts of suicide are- a defense againse the things you are afraid to deal with. Suicidal thoughts are simply the most extreme form of fear. What you need to do is to confront the thing that scares you- the thing that is making you THINK you want to die- and "kill it" psychologically by leaving it behind. (If you need help with this or it's too scary, then call a Hotline or a counselor. They can help.) When I was suicidal in my 20's, here is what I did (and it worked): I imagined two "Me's" - the Old Me, who I didn't like any more and the New Me, who was the person I wished I was. Then I made a list of all of the things I hated about my life that I wanted to to "kill," and I burned the list while imagining the New Me killing off the Old Me. Done- the Old Me was "dead" as far as I was concerned. Then, I packed up my bags and moved to another state and started over. I considered my former life "over" and "dead" and reinvented myself as a new person. I figured, "Well if I was going to die anyway, might as well stick around and see how things WOULD HAVE turned out if I hadn't 'died.' " Here is an interesting article about "killing" the parts of your life that you don't want to deal with: link removed Just remember, if you are thinking of suicide, it doesn't have to mean PHYSICAL death. It can just be the psychological death of those things that don't serve you well any longer that you are actually trying to escape from. So- escape from them and start over someplace new. Change your name. BE someone new. Try it- just to see what would happen if you did. What do you have to lose? As for me, I'm on my 3rd life now. Still trying to get it right, but it gets better every year. And if someone is hurting, abusing or messing with you- turn them in to the authorities. Live to see them pay for what they did to you! A good life really IS the best revenge.

Thanks so much for taking the time to write such a thoughtful reply. I really appreciate it. I am going to think about what you wrote...lots to digest.

Thinking about suicide is a sign that there is something about yourself that you don't like and you don't want to deal with it, so you take the easy way out because dealing with the deep problem you have buried in your past seems more scary than just ending it all. That's ALL thoughts of suicide are- a defense againse the things you are afraid to deal with. Suicidal thoughts are simply the most extreme form of fear. What you need to do is to confront the thing that scares you- the thing that is making you THINK you want to die- and "kill it" psychologically by leaving it behind. For example: When I was suicidal in my 20's, I packed up my bags and moved to another state and started over. I considered my former life "over" and "dead" and reinvented myself as a new person. I figured, "Well if I was going to die anyway, might as well stick around and see how things WOULD HAVE turned out if I hadn't 'died.' " Here is an interesting article about "killing" the parts of your life that you don't want to deal with: link removed Just remember, if you are thinking of suicide, it doesn't have to mean PHYSICAL death. It can just be the psychological death of those things that don't serve you well any longer that you are actually trying to escape from. So- escape from them and start over someplace new. Change your name. BE someone new. Try it- just to see what would happen if you did. As for me, I'm on my 3rd life now.

Wow. 37 views, ZERO responses. They should call this website eYouAreCompletelyAlone. Thanks a LOT.

Well, here's my story.... It's kind of long, but I really need to get it off my chest, so here goes. I came from a family where my parents didn't believe in helping with college, and also didn't allow us kids to work while we were in school, so when I graduated from High School, there was no $$, and all I wanted to do was get out of my parents house. At 22 years old I moved from Montana to Seattle to start a new life on my own. I spent my 20's pretty much working 2-3 jobs at a time to be able to support myself. I was angry at not having been able to go to college. I even tried to go to Cosmetology school but after I already went through half of it I could not afford to finish, and was working 2 jobs just to pay the rent. I had to choose between rent and tuition, so I left school. I worked various jobs and quite a lot of it was as temp in offices, where I built up my skills in office work. I also held part time jobs, staying with the same job for years at a time. Never had trouble keeping a job. I was finally hired permanently at a large bank in their corporate offices and worked very hard for two years, and was finally -for the first time in my life- making good money. I was also very good at what I did there & got excellent reviews & raises. Things were finally stabilizing up for me. I started college at age 33 and was very proud of that- paying for it myself. But soon there were management changes and the new bosses completely ignored all of the accomplishments that we had before they arrived, and after a year we were all laid off in my department. It really stung, and I was angry that the new management had not even given us a chance. I was SO depressed. I did not work for 5 months, and was having a really hard time due to frustration and boredom. I could not find a job AT ALL! I used my savings to continue in college, because all the jobs I saw wanted people with degrees. Plus, the job market was really poor and there was a lot of competition out there from layoffs. I was also on some medication which I needed, and had to quit taking it, to the detriment of my health, except for one, which I can barely afford. But if I go off it I will be so sick I could not work. No health insurance due to no job = more depression, etc. At present, I am taking temp jobs here and there, but nothing stable- and the temp jobs are ending earlier than I had been told. I will get hired for 6 months and after 2 I am told I am no longer needed. This has happened 2 out of 3 times! So I have been taking it very personally that they did not want to keep me on for the full length of my assignment. I am told that my job performance is good, but there is not enough work to justify keeping me- yet I tend to beat myself up and think I was not good enough to keep the job and they're lying to "be nice" about letting me go. I took a part time minumum wage job last summer, just to help pay the rent, and was fired after 3 months- and they would not give me a reason, so I have NO IDEA what I did. I felt SOOOOO terrible and worthless about that. I used to be a professional making over $40k year, and now I cannot even keep a minimum wage job!!!! I am single and have pets to take care of. I am so embarrassed by my situation. I have isolated myself. My friends could not help as many of them have their own problems to deal with. So now I am hanging on by a thread, trying to keep a roof over my head. I used all my savings, 401k, pension and credit cards just to pay rent and live the past year! I am more depressed now and I have gained weight which makes it all worse. I know the depression does not help the job hunt, but it's just a vicious circle. I try for scholarships, as my grades are excellent but I never get one. I don't want to have to quit school AGAIN, but if I can't find a job soon, I am not going to have many options left. I am frustrated, confused and feel worthless and unlikeable. Any words of advice out there?