blueangel

Love doesnt last on its own and I think when in a relationship, we look to it to. You are right in that it is a decision. That is what I was saying. It's a choice between the two people but if we leave it up to fate, up to finding a soulmate, up to finding the perfect person, the "one" we will find ourselves feeling cheated. No one person can complete you. As long as you are complete yourself, you will feel content in any relationship because you've stopped "needing." Our "needs" will not be fulfilled unless we do happen to be with a lot of unique people who love us in unique ways. To those who are looking to have their needs filled, this is the only way. To those who dont need, then they dont need it to be so. No, I dont agree either that just because an animal does it makes it ok for a human to do it. An animal and a human have different objectives in their social situations. But I do think that the world around us is a reflection of us. Animals follow their instincts though and so should we. The more intellegent an animal, the less mates it remains with. This is not so different from a human. We are all on different levels, different growths, looking for different things. The average immature human wants sex for the sex. The average mature human wants it for more. Does my view make sense now or has it just made it more complex and confusing? lol

Someday, I do want to get married and have kids. One person will be enough for me when I am enough for myself, so when I decide it so. For now, I dont want to go out and look for multiple relationships. I also dont want to throw away any of which that comes to me. I'm not looking to "have" but to merely "enjoy." I'm not looking to "hold on to" but to instead "let go of." I will not "push someone away under certain conditons" but rather "love unconditionally." This is what I choose for myself. Last year, I had literally three boyfriends because I was so afraid of giving any up. It tormented me, these conflicts within. But then I thought, "why not just let whatever happen, happen?" I mean, if your heart goes in more than one direction, are you not still obligated to follow it? Obligated to yourself, I mean, to find and experience what you want? I think people look for relationships as means of completing themselves but nobody will be able to even have one complete relationship unless they already feel complete with themselves. This is where many find themselves running in circles. We look to others to often to fill our needs instead of simply looking within and once you do, you find that you dont "need" at all.

This may be just his character and most likely has nothing to do with anything you' ve ever done. I think you are thinking too far into this and so since you know he's not going to change (behavior patterns are exactly that- patterns) then it is unhealthy for you to keep yourself still bound by this type of thinking. If it's affecting you, then you need to take YOU into your own hands. You cant blame your parents for your happiness forever. That is up to you and is a conscious choice. Do you treat anybody the way you do because you really feel they deserve it or isnt it something a lot more natural, of nature? If you feel there is a lack of interest in your life from others then start acting interested in others' lives. What goes around comes around. (for example- if he doesnt say hello to you, say hello to HIM. dont wait for him to ask about you before you can talk about you. dont wait for him to open the door because he just doesnt know how to show you that it's open. so it's up to you to walk through)

Another name for it may also be simply dating with no strings attached. How about instead of having me read that entire book, just post some of the basics of the argument against this. You dont have to explain it yourself if you dont want to. take some quotes and be sure to cite them if you need help.

Could you please explain?

Confidence is not a feeling. It is an act. NOBODY is born with natural social skills. It's something you must grow yourself and will indeed grow as you do. To grow, you must expand your boundaries, of course. MAKE yourself step outside the comfort zone. Stop waiting for confidence to just hapen to you and just BE what you want to be. Right now, your feelings about yourself are getting in the way. SO to change your feelings, change your thoughts. To grow, you must convince yourself that you are already grown, that you are special and unique and beautiful with much to offer. To convince yourself, you must demonstrate to yourself. Since the world around us mirrors who we are in our reality (like if someone treats you like you're worthless, it's because you believe you are worthless- what you believe, you experience) then whatever you demonstrate to the universe, the universe will mirror thus back at you. You must be who you want to be to be who you want to be.

Why should we only date, be in a relationship with, or marry one person? Why cant we continue gowing bonds, even allowing them to go as far into affection, with everyone whom we want to explore and know? It's so hard to just throw away people. Last year, I found myself constantly cheating because I couldnt bring myself to. Each person I was with filled my needs in all different ways, but none filled my needs in all ways.. and I have to say, I think that's impossible. I think everybody fits everybody uniquelly and so no relationship is better or worse. Why should we put our hearts into so much torment and suffering? It isnt right and it doesnt feel natural. There is too much emphasis in society on the "one" and "marriage" but you know what I think? I think it's something we humans have created out of fear. Fear of what, you ask? Fear of unavailable sex, fear of companianship, fear of insecurity, fear of being alone, and fear of change, unstability. But life changes way too much to for any one thing to stay the same. In all our attempts to obey the laws of religion and society, we've forgotten the one law that matters mosts, the one that can never change. Law of NATURE. Do ALL animals stay with one mate forever? NO, only some do but most dont. Since it doesnt work for all animals, it doesnt work for all humans either. It depends on what you want to get out of something. I'm all for falling in love and everything (it's a wonderful experience!) but it DOES NOT LAST. Trying to hold onto a thing called love turns it into a thing called lies. You shouldnt need any one person in order to be happy. You should never NEED anything except for your basic needs. "Enjoy everything but need nothing." I'm saying this only because the average human believes feelings are something that just happen to you, something that you have no control over. The only humans that marriage wiill ever work for are those who KNOW we have control over our feelings because we know feelings are not just feelings. They are a choice in which leads to an act which RESULTS in feelings. Just like how thought leads to actions to feelings. SO to control feelings, we must first control our thoughts... and then our actions. You are right in that you cannot make feelings appear in your heart. You have to make the choice and carry it out yourself. If I were to say to you, "go home and love your spouse" some of you may answer, "oh but I cant because I wouldnt be true to my heart who feels no love." well, when you were a baby, did your mother act true to her heart and leave you under someone else's care when she got tired of trying? key words: leave you? No. As much as she did not feel like it, she made a choice to love you and her actions preceded that love which in time became more and more real. If you want a successful marriage, it can only work if you make it work. It does not depend on fate. It does not even depend on who you are with. There is always a way. But know that no one person will ever fill your needs naturally and so will never naturallly changes to your benefit. IF you want it to work, then you both must make an agreement to be willing to change for each other. Otherwise, it is not worth throwing away all those other wonderful people in your life. Love should not be viewed as something to be held onto forever because even though it is there forever, it will never remain in one form. It should be viewed as something to cherish when it comes and something to let go when it goes. Because like all things, it comes and goes. If you want to hold onto it, you must adjust yourself constantly to the change of people as they grow older because nobody remains the person you married years a go. How would you react if your once charming and interesting boyfriend turned into a slob and an orderer once the two of you settled down? Would you still be willing to save it? You could try... but only with a LOT of self sacrifise, the constant shifting of your views, and the constant changing of the heart. SO Good luck to you.

wow, I just read my replies again, now that I'm in a better mood. I am so so so so so sorry. That WAS kinda mean, or atleast could be taken so. I'm not usually like that. I dont know what came over me. Well, ok, yes, I do. It's just that... I cant fathom how you could be complaining about how your father wants to be a part of your life when I'll I've wanted is my dad to notice my existence and love me, even a little bit. When I go to his house every other weekend, I end up home alone and it sucks. But yeah I am sorry.

I mean, my God, atleast you HAVE a dad much less one that cares about you.

Complaining is a type of venting. Your type of venting IS complaining. There is no difference. Maybe you need to look into WHY he feels you need to be governed over, what you are doing to make him worry. Put yourself in his place and ask him to do the same. Complaining here about it is immature. Writing poems is not but it is the content that makes it so. Anger (defensiveness too) is a way of running from the truth. Change your perspective to see the love in all this and maybe you wont be as bitter. See not the actions, see the intentions. Until of course you move out. Dont take this as a personal attack. It's to help you really not to judge you. If you ignore it then you are only bullsh*tting with yourself and others and you know it.

Footsteps in the Sand: One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. accross the dark sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one beloning to him and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me." The Lord replied "My precious, precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffereing, when you see only one set of footprints in the sand, it was then that I carried you."

If you are questioning the existence of a relationship, then, really, is your relationship still there in the first place? Nomatter what it is defined as, in your reality and in his, it is fading. He is wanting something else and you can FEEL it. If he does, then there is nothing else you can do. But you cannot rely on feelings alone when it comes to people. The only way to really be sure is to communicate... and see where your heart leads to next

What you believe, you experience. Change your thoughts about this life to change your feelings. Take notice and take charge in the beautiful world around us. It has so much to say... but is even less listened to.

If someone else was in your situation, would you tell THEM to go through with it? You wouldnt post this here unless you wanted to be talked out of it. You know you dont want to do it. Your gut already has the answer for you. Nothing lasts forever. Not pain, not anything. Life changes so much that there's no way you could know whether or not it's going to get better. You could wake up tomorrow and find something you WANT to live for. You could wake up tomorrow to find your life upside down OR right side up. It's not like there are rules. If you feel like your life is devoid of love, then maybe use this site to give it. And in that way you'll see you've had it inside you all along. When you give to others, you no longer feel the need to rely on receiving. Dont give up. You dont know what will happen. hold ON to the precious life around you. I often find that walking alongside nature brings me peace... when I look up at the sky and the passing clouds and the shifting trees and the gentle wind, I feel a healing start from within. And I know I am not alone... There is still so much inside you that you have to offer the world. Dont let the surrounding darkness cause you to dispose of your light. Without darkness, how could we experience our light in the first place? How could we know it? You are meant to be who you are. Cherish and care for her. She is your seed. She is your own. Dont let her down

Only one way to find out- just do it! lol

tell her how she is making you feel and take it from there. If you lose it, you lose it. Not worth holding onto a lie.

Everything can be worked out. It's all about communication and stressing what it is you want. If you are genuine, they should feel you are genuine. If you are genuine, they should have no need to doubt. For others to feel that you are genuine, you must send your messages in a loving way. NO more fighting. Raised voices only lead to more raised voice... because both of you have stopped listening and both of you want to be heard. Since nobody gives, nobody receives. Dont give up. Never give up. Without communication, how can we lead anything to anywhere?

I think the real question here is why do YOU still want a relationship. If a guy ends it but still sends mixed signals, it's because he is moreso missing the feeling of being in a relationship but not the actual person. If it was so, you would know because he would have came back to you already. When someone is confused about us, it's best we give them space so that the silly heart fades away and their mind comes back into control to decide what is best for them. It's hard but you have to make yourself. He has to determine and decide for himself. You are not helping his current state of confusement from what I read. Give em space and let em go their own pace.

This topic makes me feel sick...

Yeah, that about sums it up.

He was interested in you that one night because he was only interested in you FOR that one night. He did not approach you because he really liked you. He approached you because like any guy, he has hormones.

One who is loving in ALL ways.

The only way to prove you are an adult, is to prove it. Writing angry poems about your over protective parents sounds more like you're still a teenager at heart to me. Perhaps trying to protect you will come in handy someday. Until then, grow up. And dont say you are and that you are trying. Maturity comes in character, how you handle things. What does complaining accomplish? Who is the real person you need to be saying this too? (and there's a difference between saying and screaming) Good luck.

Only one way to find out and that isnt here

I am special