blueangel

Be honest with yourself. Be honest with others. Stuffing it inside will not make the problem go away and he wont change unless he feels he needs to. He wont feel that way unless you confront the issues here (and it is because you care about him that you would). He will most likely be angry with you nomatter what you do because anger is another way of running from the truth. We all have the choice of what perspective we take on life. When you turn anger into love, you turn lies into truth. Love and truth are one in the same. Lying to him and yourself is not being loving but of course dishonest... as well as a way of being untrue to yourself by trying to feel something you dont, by trying to be something you arent. Often we find ourselves tangled up in another's life and their problems. But if you are their friend or in a relationship with them just because of their problems, then you are becoming friends with their problems, not with the actual person. Look at the actual person in front of you. Is he treating you right? No. Is he loving? No. This is him, the actual person he is. Dont let his PROBLEMS blind you from that.

Look, as much as you wish you could, there is nothing you can do to help him. It's a conscience choice he himself has to make and from what you're telling me, it doesnt seem he has much of a conscience. You need to look out for you and what he is doing is bringing you down. You need to rise above him and get yourself out of such an unhealthy situation. He feeds off of victimizing others. He's already manipulated you into feeling guilty for his pain. There is nothing you can do to help him. He wont change unless he wants to. If he is continueslly doing this than obviously he's getting something out of it. When someone makes you a victim, you find yourself adjusting to that role. Is that what you are doing? Be honest. So when you do, somehow the life around you falls into the pattern of treating you that way... until you demonstrate to it that you are not and will not be. You can't make another happy if he doesn't want to be happy in the first place. You cant make another happy if he doesnt want you to be happy in the first place. You know what you have to do.

lol well, nobody can be right about everything hehe

I believe that there's a possibility that we will figure out what started all of this but until then I won't jump to the conclusion that God did it. I guess what it really boils down to is that I don't rely very much on faith in general. I mean honestly, who can believe in something 100% if they have never seen it? Sure, you can really believe in it but until you see it, it's just an idea to me. I don't like the idea of talking and praying to someone every day and then finding out after I died that they never existed in the first place. This goes for any religious/spiritual belief. I don't want to live the rest of my life believing an idea like that and then finding out when I'm gone that it was just simply my imagination the entire time. I would rather live life and experience what I can and not live off of such an idea (if that's what you guys do). Yes, as you can tell, I'm mostly about the facts. That's why I really enjoy a lot of the sciences (especially astronomy). Scientists are mostly about the facts. What kind of data was gathered from star X and what can we prove from this? And so on. I really just don't have much faith in general. Don't get me wrong, I have self-confidence and all of that but just don't like relying on faith for a lot of things. I'm not saying you guys rely on faith or anything but I know a lot of religious/spiritual people that do. Was that the kind of explanation you were looking for? You're very interesting. I'm glad you shared that. See, I also disagree with the praying and talking to God thing as means of total faith (if that makes sense). A lot of people pray to God merely for miraculas(cant spell) intervention... for example: "Please, God, help me to get this." This to me is not true faith. This is false. I believe that instead of waiting for life to bring you things you have to do them yourself. But this does not mean to not have faith while you do them. I dont know if there's an intelligent creator and designer, that I cant answer. What I do know are the things I feel. When I walk alongside nature, I feel loved and safe. When I was a child, my first instinct was to believe in this force- that felt like magic. It felt like I could control this magic. And I think I do. We do. Or atleast we can. This is what I mean when I say the words, Life and God can be interchanged. Neale Walsh said something similar to this and it has never left my mind: Look around at Life. There is nothing life wants nor has to have from us. Life's existence is life's own evidence for life. We are all a part of Life and life lives through us. Through life, we are all connected. We are all One. There is nowhere that life begins or life ends because life carries on nomatter what. How life works is mysterious but it is there and it does work. Now interchange the word life with God and you'll better understand my beliefs about God. Walk alongside nature. Have an intimiate time with it, a time for you. It has a way of healing, of neverending or lessening beauty, and forever lasting and unconditional love. There is a force behind things, there to tell us we have nothing to fear. And that's exactly what happens when you believe in it- you no longer have anything to fear. Because you realize that there is nothing to have. It's a part of you and it's already yours. What you believe, you experience. This is true for all things. If you believe you are ugly, you experience ugliness. If you believe you are worthless, you experience worthlessness. If you believe in God, you experience God. It does not come before. It does not happen to you. You control it. It's up to you to "jump thru the hoop." So does it really matter if it's the truth or not? No because by believing in it, it becomes real in your reality. For example, in school all the girls do is strive to become beautiful. I myself had a no win battle with the mirror each morning... but I realized that: it was a no win battle. I decided that instead of fighting against being something I'm not, I would become what I wanted to be. Life is a lot about acting. Now when I walk down the halls in my school, I imagine that I already am beautiful. I imagine that my hair is flowing and my eyes are glowing and somehow my face feels as though it is being morphed right there in the hallway... and so is how I feel about myself. now when I look into the mirror, I dont need to pretend anymore because I see beauty and others see beauty and it's amazing how believing in it causes it to shine through. And it only makes me believe more. What I find hard to believe though is that if there is no source to believe in, then how does believing work? Wanting something, wanting God does not work. You have to make yourself see it, open your heart to the possibillity before you can experience the realness in your reality of it. It's not a matter of what's true. It's a matter of what you want. Many feel like their life is devoid of love but once they start giving it, it's like they are demonstrating to the universe that they already have it... and so they do.

I think I misunderstood you. I wrote on impulse after reading your replies but only now have I gone back and reread them.. and I feel very stupid. I'm so so sorry!

Ever read Case for a Creator, shysoul? By Lee Strombel. It talks about how perfectly everything is designed. It's about a reporter gathering any scientific evidence that points towards God. It's a little over my head but since you're older, it might be an easier read for you- I dont know.

Believe what you want! This is what I've been trying to say. It's cool that you've decided what you want to believe in. It's you who isnt cool with me believing in what I want to believe in because if you hadnt you wouldnt be giving me a hassle about it all. You were the one who said, "Dont bring God into this" remember? (in another topic for any outsiders reading this)

This is not love. Love is love when it is mutual. But if it's like then there's something I think that you love about her which attracts you. Maybe it's the way she makes you feel about yourself or others. Maybe it's the way she laughs or the way she looks, the type of beauty that you feel is your type, ex cetera ex cetera. If there is no real connection, it is not love. Since your case is one sided, then it is only like. It is futile though for me to be telling this because nomatter what you'll choose not to believe me. You feel love because you long to love. You want to get something out of her that she cannot give you. This is what I meant before in your other post when I said you are in love with love. This is understandable though. Look at how many love songs and movies are out. Daydreaming of love is not the same as love. Good luck

Bonds are something we grow and build and so it can die of course if you let it. Then again, that may not be completely true. Connections between human beings, once they are uncovered, you can't act like it was never there... I havent seen one of my friends in years until recently and it was like nothing changed. So maybe we create bonds by simply uncovering them. There is to an extent, an understanding, a connection between all human beings without us having to try for it. With care, we can make it stronger by uncovering the different levels of bonding available between each unique human being and each unique relationship. Forgetting about it is one thing. It disappearing forever is another. Moments in time, special moments, we share with people are etched in stone and no matter how much time passes, it cannot change what once was. Memories are something you and this person share, memories that only you and he (or she) could understand, that really nobody else can enter. This is what a bond is. So now tell me, do you really want it to go away? You dont have to keep in contact with this person or continue growing it in any way, but do you really want to delete the memories?

NO! You are impure and shall buuurn in hell!!! I'm KIDDING. Yes, you're a virgin. Dont worry. I dont even believe in hell anyway. so...uh... masturbate away. (that was an odd thing to say, now wasnt it?)

Again: exactly! Thank you so much for putting that in a clear and concise way. I was getting so frustrated on how to explain and you've just saved me from that.

Thank you. You explained that perfectly.

Exactly! and thankyou!

what's with the hint hint thing? Why cant you just say it? huh? huh?

Then-stop-argueing Here is what is going on I stated many times over that it does not matter to me if you believe or dont believe in God because like you I believe you can still be happy whether or not you do. The difference is is that I believe we experience God or have the ability to nomatter what. Because of this, I feel no need to try and convince you there is a God. Here is what you are doing: You have been stating over and over again that I am trying to make you believe in God when merely all I have been doing is saying what I just did above. This is not an athiest/spiritual debate. This is me trying to get you to hear what I'm saying because you seem to chose not to listen. So are we done now? by the way, I'm not a Christian- dont make assumptions Look, I am all for discussing beliefs and exchanging but that is not what we are doing. You're putting words into my mouth, and yes when it comes to that, I will get defensive.

NO, this type of argument is when you keep putting words into my mouth and then me having to re-explain what I already said. This is why it's going in circles and to be honest, your way of argueing is pretty childlike. I'm not trying to argue. I posted this as an opening for discusion and you opened that door further by replying

I wouldnt really call that debating. Anyhoo, that's fine. No need to get bitter over things I believe. I'm not trying to press, just getting you to understand my point. The only reason I reply is because you give me a reason to feel like you're... uh... how shall I say? TAKING ME THE WRONG WAY? When you open the door, you cant slam it just because someone walks thru. What is it that you people want from me??? (sarah starts twitching until she goes into a complete spasm and falls on the floor) lol

Trust me, I will explain things in ways they will understand, depending of course, on the age level. Seriously, Dan, what do you think I'm going to do? Go up to my five year old and say, "Let's have a talk about drugs." I think you're misunderstanding me... which is understanding because my post in many ways was confusing and rather vague [/i]

But what if I believe it IS the universal truth? I never said you had to accept it. What I am doing is trying to get others to understand what I am saying. That way they can determine what they chose to believe, on no false interprentations. This was meant to be a discussion not a debate.

What feels natural to YOU. Focus on that rather than conditioning yourself to his preferances or what you'd believe them to be.

Ask him for his number I suppose. Hard to do, but it'll be ok. This will further your oppertunity to think thru what you want to say, less pressure than just the spur of the moment. If he does think it weird, just explain to him what you've said here and he'll understand. Good luck! Guys are hard work. Dont be surprised if you have to keep the flow of the conversation so be ready for this

It's better though if I explain to them about life and give them advice before the world can get to them. I would never hold knowledge from them and would gladly discuss anything with them whenever the time calls for it (or better yet, before) sharing my own personal experiences and what I learned so that when in the situation, they can learn from me (because there isnt enough time in life to learn everything from your own mistakes) As hyper and childish as I sound, I do know what I'm talking about. I've been reflecting much on parenthood and things I wish my parents would do and would have done

You cant wreck me. SO tell me. It's impossible for me to be offended or for me to lose hope. There's always something, dear one

That wasnt what I was saying! I'm saying that because of God, you dont need to have a soulmate to be complete. Since you cant share more of your thoughts on this "matter" could you PM so we can talk about it? Not to judge you or try to prove myself right. I like discussing things. I want to learn. It's good for me to see both sides

Why, thank you, Dan.