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smallworld

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Everything posted by smallworld

  1. smallworld
    Are you doing lots and lots of flirting? Because if you aren't that's usually the first mistake most guys make. They like a girl so badly that they somehow believe that liking her is reason enough to go up and her out. But the truth is she's a human being much like yourself and she needs a little fun, romance, and positive interaction to convince her to fall for you too. Flirting is all about letting her know that you find her attractive, but in a fun, playful non-threatening manner. If you flirt with a girl for several weeks and notice that she's flirting back and seeking you out, then you'll know she's strongly attracted to you. If that's the case, ask her out. If you flirt with her and she tends to look annoyed and act like she has better things to do than give you the time of day, then don't waste any more of your time hitting on her. Capiche?
  2. smallworld
    I think even in the best of all possible worlds where you two were made for each other that honestly no, you could never really trust her if the foundation for your relationship was based on infidelity. If you really think there's something between you, tell her she has to get very unmarried first, before you two go any further down this path. If she hasn't bought the ticket already, I'd tell her not to come. But if she has and you're still determined to see her, try to keep things as neutral as possible. Don't get romantic or sexual. You're only setting yourself up for heartache if you give in, because she's the one holding all the cards. She's the one "window shopping" and deciding if you're a better deal than her current husband. Ask yourself how and what you will feel if she "samples" you and decides it wasn't meant to be?
  3. smallworld
    Hey Rune, I'm introverted so I understand what you mean to a certain extent when you say you hate having to act a certain way and pretend to care about a conversations when you really don't. But it seems like there's something else going on beneath the surface. You seems like you're really angry and just on the edge of exploding on somebody. Any idea why?
  4. smallworld
    Volution, I'm sorry to hear you were so cruelly deceived. If you need to leave the forums for awhile to heal, it's understandable, but I hope you don't let this woman take credit as well for stealing your drive to share your compassion and wisdom with others. You're crediting her with more power and influence over you than she deserves. Why?
  5. smallworld
    Hey Nikkers, that's tough. Did Kevin ever say why he ended it? Because I find it interesting he proposed to you in March, but then came to the realization 3 months later that he didn't know what he wanted. Sometimes guys propose because they feel pressured to do so, but they aren't emotionally ready for such a serious commitment. If that's the case there may have been nothing wrong between you two, except for the fact that he wasn't ready to engage in such a serious commitment. Instead of asking for one more "night" which is bound to be painful for you, if it fails to bring him back into your life, I'd ask him for one more heartfelt talk. Try to find out what was really going on his mind all those months and see if you guys can work it out. Be prepared to hear some painful truths. He might just be one of those guys who's not ready to be tied down and who wants to keep dating until he's a little older. If you want to stay friends, you'll probably need to NC each other until the feelings die down and you both have time to heal.
  6. smallworld
    Sad, I can be highly emotional myself. Hating yourself is pointless. It won't make you feel any better and it won't make your friend forgive you any faster. The best piece of advice I can give you is to take a walk and/or get some exercise. I know it feels like the end of the world right now, but it isn't. Every day people have disagreements, but they learn to work things out and make things right. Take care of yourself right now. Do something to make yourself feel better and then try to talk to your friend after you've both calmed down. Right now your emotions are red hot and you're both more likely to make things worse by saying something hurtful, than resolve anything.
  7. smallworld
    OK first of all calm down. Everything's going to be okay. If this just happened, she's probably going to need a day or two herself to calm down, but at the first available opportunity go visit her in person. Tell her how sorry you are for betraying her trust and tell her why you did so. Let her rant and rave as much as she needs to, but don't get baited into a petty fight. You're there to resolve things, not hash out all the things you've done to each other over the years. When she's through ranting, try to make it clear to her that you regret telling her secrets, that you'll never do it again, and that you'll do what it takes to win her trust again. If she's still angry, let her be and try to working things out some other time. The important thing is that you make a good faith effort to show her you regret your actions and that you want to work things out and be friends again. Crack a few self-deprecating jokes and hopefully the walls will come down and you'll be friends again. Good luck!
  8. smallworld
    What's normal? Educate yourself under "Sexual Health": link removed
  9. smallworld
    Assuming it's not a hormonal imbalance, "Not being special" is code for "I need to be romanced (and a lot of heartfelt conversation wouldn't hurt either), Mister." Foreplay doesn't begin when you two hop into bed. It begins first thing in the morning when you wake up and kiss her "good morning." And it's in all the small things you do throughout the day to woo her and let her know you're thinking about her and she's the only woman for you. Rather than list those things, I suggest going down to your local library and checking out the book Light Her Fire by Dr. Ellen Kreidman. Follow the instructions in there faithfully, and I'm sure you'll soon be rewarded with some excellent results.
  10. smallworld
    Just say something confident, but casual the next time you talk like... "Hey, I'm going down to Starbucks! Wanna come?"
  11. smallworld
    Yes of course it's wrong! But imho if she didn't reveal it until now, then she's honestly not the "one" for you. A real soulmate would treat you with love and respect no matter how much or how little a role you were to play in her life. As painful as it is, it's good that you found out what kind of person she is before your relationship went any further.
  12. smallworld
    Your concerns are reasonable, but so are his given the age difference. The problem is (and believe me I'm in the same boat) you have a biological clock you're working with so you really need to know where he stands. Your best bet is to wait until things calm down and then talk to him in a non-confrontational manner. Tell him you understand if he's not ready to have children now, but you need him to give his most honest answer about whether or not he'll ever be ready, if at all. Ask him when he thinks a good age would be for him to start being a dad. Ask him what has been stressing him out all this time. If he still refuses to talk or decides he can't really answer these questions for you, then at some point you'll have decide if you can live with the status quo or if you'll have to leave him to find someone who's ready and willing to father the children you long for. None of this is easy, but the sooner you find out what he really thinks, the better it'll be for the both of you. Good luck!
  13. smallworld
    Yes a band!!! What better way to get girls to stare at your inner beauty? Some of them might even pay attention to your lyrics. So if you ever wanted to find a girl that has your eclectic musical tastes, why not write the songs that make her um... hot.
  14. smallworld
    Crazyking, it sounds like music is a real passion for you, but part of the problem with trying to meet someone via clubs has to do the very nature of them: they're loud, noisy places where it's difficult to make conversation. I agree with your friend: Like attracts like. Do you have any other interests which your dream girl could be interested in? If not, have you considered starting a band? This way you get to pursue your diverse musical interests and let the groupies come to you. I've heard just saying you're in a band seems to have a strange effect on some females. Now just imagine if you actually started one... 8)
  15. smallworld
    Romantic, one of the hardest things in the world to do is to let go of someone you love even when you intellectually know they're not good for you. Please don't beat yourself up for wanting to believe he'd changed this time. He's already done enough damage to your spirit without you doing it to yourself too. The truth is there's nothing any of us can say that would convince you to walk away from him if you're not ready. Logically you know he's not going to change and that his behavior has nothing to do with you or how much you love him. Logically you know he's the one that makes the choice every time to react to conflict with violence instead of trying to work things out through compromise and conversation. The question is "Don't you deserve better than this?" And if so, why do you keep hanging on to a man who only knows how to communicate his negative feelings by pushing and hitting? What is it about this man that makes life seem so much better with him in it than without? And do you honestly believe that this is the kind of guy you'd want to spend the rest of your life with when he can't even handle simple every day problems without blowing up? Answer these questions and I think you'll know better than anyone else what you should do.
  16. smallworld
    The best dates are simple and fun. How about a picnic in a quiet, romantic spot in a park? Feed the ducks, play some frisbee, fly a kite, feed each other chocolate covered strawberries... it's all good. 8) If you pick a spot near a playground and show her child a good time too, give yourself 1,000 bonus points. If you prefer a date without the kid, how about about a play? Make sure to pick something light, but meaningful that she'd enjoy so that you'll have lots to discuss afterwards. Add in a late night stroll of window shopping and a tete-a-tete over coffee and dessert and the night would be pretty darn close to perfect!
  17. smallworld
    No woman wants to be "second best" in her man's life, but imho if you were 'great together' (in her words), there's always hope. Darkblue and Bounder have given you excellent questions to ponder. I'd just add that if you're given a second chance, what are you willing to do to this next time around to make sure that your girlfriend comes first and your job second? And if you have absolutely have to cancel plans on her in the future, what would she like you to do instead to make things up to her?
  18. smallworld
    Yes it is possible. My rule of thumb is: Don't take risks you can't afford to make.
  19. smallworld
    If you do accept can your bf tag along? I'm sure the photographer wouldn't mind so much especially if your bf's presense inspired a little more "energy" in the photos.
  20. smallworld
    Two songs shared with me by a dear friend who's an alright guy Dierks Bentley - How am I Doin link removed Erika Jo - #5 Strong Tonight link removed
  21. smallworld
    It looks like TRUST (or the lack thereof) is at the heart of your relationship problems. Like any other fight, if you want things to work out, someone has to have the courage to be the first one to say "I'm sorry. Let's try to work things out." You guys need to talk and find out what the real problems are. Does he have a drug problem? Is he seriously ready to give them up? Can he ever really trust you knowing that you cheated on him before? What can you both say or do that will prove to each other that you are both worthy of each other's trust and are willing to do what it takes to make things work?
  22. smallworld
    What was the fight about? And how did he hurt you?
  23. smallworld
    HJP, One of the most difficult things in life is to be in love with someone who's an addict of any sort. As much as they may love you, they'll always compulsively love their addiction more, because it dysfunctionally feeds their needs for escapism, excitement, and self-esteem. You have every right to be mad, worried, and confused. Deep down you must know that he's never going to change unless he gets up and really wants to. So the real question is knowing that, "What do you want to do?" I know of a family with a serious gambling addict. It wasn't until I ready Dostoyevsky's The Gambler that I fully understood how such a nice, intelligent guy could selfishly neglect and financially destroy his own family. Hopefully it'll help you understand your guy better and decide for yourself if he's really worth the gamble. link removed
  24. smallworld
    Linda, you obviously want to hear something other than what we're telling you, but here's the truth: Feelings are just feelings no matter how passionate and all consuming they are. Feelings can help us determine what we want out of life, but they're not predestined "facts" about who we should be with and what we should do with our lives. Given your's husbands extremely busy work schedule and your family situation, it's completely normal for you to dream and fantasize about a future life with your Ex. But fantasy and reality are quite different. Again regardless of who you end up with, you owe it to all involved to resolve the issues in your marriage first. As for your husband being too busy to go to marital therapy with you, I think if he really knew the "score", he'd quickly find a way to work it in his schedule.
  25. smallworld
    Hey Rage, I believe in telling people how I feel about them, but I also believe there's a time and place for that - when things become somewhat serious. If you're just in the "I'd like to date you" stage, you might scare off your intended by saying too much too soon. You'd be better off just showing the girl you like her in small ways by flirting, getting to know her (her interests, hopes, dreams), and yes... asking her out. You're passive around her, because the more you like her, the more you feel you have to lose if she says "No." The truth is you have more to lose by keeping your mouth shut. As long as you let fear rule your actions, you're guaranteed to not go out with her. If you're going to be afraid of something, be afraid of this: Wait too long to ask her and you might just find out that the girl you've fallen for has been swept off her feet by some other lucky guy who asked her out for coffee. Is there hope for you? YES, but you have to ask her for a coffee or ice cream (my fave) first.
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