venus777

he wasn't laughing when he said that. but yes, that was my worry, that he is messing with me, but I'm not totally confident that is the case. here this is his email. oh and the part about the you must be feeling me, he said i wouldn't have cared if i wasn't...

and use a condom!!

So, I met this very cute boy, we went on a total of two dates last week and he's called me several times, thing is, he has been a bit flakey. Let me describe the scenario, and tell me what you think. The dates went nice, he didn't kiss me and I felt good about that, cause it means he is being respectful. But it's the flakiness that drives me crazy. For example, he called me Wed night and said he wanted to see me, maybe we could have lunch the next day, so I called him on my lunch break and he wasn't dressed he said (I had a limited amt of time and had to take my break at a certain time), this was bit more understandable cause nothing was set in stone. But then he called me Thurs night and said he wanted to see me, to call him after I got off work Friday so we could hang out. When I did, he didn't answer the phone, it was 6:30pm, I called again at 8pm and asked him to call me and let me know if he still wanted to hang out or not so I could make different plans. He didn't call me back, so I got curious, I blocked my number and called him at about 8:15. He answered. I hung up. I then knew with my investigation that he had got my messages but wasn't calling me back. This bothered me, like what the heck is going on. So, I thought about it, called him at 8:30 and he didn't answer and I left a message saying I was confused, like what is going on and so it was nice meeting him, bye. He called me back like immediately and said, what? are you mad? I said, not mad, just confused, are you jerking me around? and he said, no, but you are upset, you must be feeling me! and I said, shut up (laughing) and he said, don't get shy now... He said he was sorry for not calling me back and said something about working on the computer. So I told him that while he hadn't called me back, I'd made plans with my friends to see some fights and he said he wanted to go; I told him we were going at 9:30 and he called me but I didn't have the details yet. I called him at about 10:15 with the address but he didn't call me back, and I called him when we left the place (it was weird and we left early). He didn't call me back at all. By then I was really frustrated. We went dancing it was lots of fun. By 1am he still hadn't called me, so when I got home I called him and left him a message saying I didn't like games and I didn't understand what was going on; at 1:50 I sent him an email saying that I liked to be treated good and didn't like flakiness and it was nice meeting him, but this wasn't working. He apparently was up cause he sent me an email about 20 minutes later saying that he waited for me to call him and had fallen asleep. This was odd to me cause when we spoke at about 8:30 or so he had been at his families place about 1/2 hr away from home. But anyways, he said that he didn't understand why I jumped to conclusions and so on and that he we don't know each other yet and that he thinks I'm beautiful, intelligent and special and would like us to be friends and build something... It was sweet, but he didn't really acknowledge his lack of, well, response earlier... He just said he is relaxed and taking it easy... I was really reactive and everything, I get lots of anxiety while dating, it sucks, I've had such bad experiences with guys messing with my mind that I'm afraid. I haven't told him about the emotional abuse or the guy that just used me, claiming otherwise. And I really am conscious of signals. The thing is, that with this guy the signals are mixed, he calls me a lot and is responsive, yet I feel like if he really cared he would have called me back... ya know? or am I crazy? what do you think?

well, actually a professional did diagnose me and i think it is a factor in my poor choices; it's partly true that it's about finding the right guy, but it's also true that it's about my becoming needy and thus clinging to a guy even when he is the wrong one, that i feel is associated in some way with my childhood and the current state of my family: completely fallen apart. aside from that, i look for bad boys, interesting boys, this means boys i probably can't keep cause they are all over the place, that's why i'm attracted to them, i dunno, i can't help it. but this guy i'm into, i hope it'll be different, we have only gone on two dates and he hasn't tried to kiss me, good sign, and is polite and even opened his car door for me even though he can unlock the door electronically. it's nice. sweet touch. i'm smitten. also an artist, but not flakey like the last one i dated... but i'm looking out for warning signs, and if i see them, then i'm running the other direction!

it's not about other people, it's about me, and annie, that's funny, i wonder if that's why i've been soooooo addicted to that lately. i never thought of that.

there's a book called a thinking mans guide to pleasuring a woman, there is some other part to the title. i forget. but you might want to consider buying a book like that...

So, after much searching, I've finally found a guy I have a bit of interest in; this brings up a lot of questions for me... I had a first good two relationships, then I had a really bad one, moved to the east coast with him, i was pathetic and suicidal, came back, we were best friends for a while, though we only talk occasionally now. then, i had a relationship with someone who was emotionally abusive to me, followed by a subsequent "dating" with a guy that couldn't possibly care less about me that lasted for maybe two months, with lots of drama ending it. When I look back on this I get a sudden feeling of anxiety in my stomach. Am I incapable of a relationship? Is it something inherent in me? I feel so sick just thinking about it... I feel like I've learned a lot from my experiences, namely not to give myself up to a guy I'm with well emotionally, and definitely physically, at least for a while (I don't know how long). I know that what I've done by dating this people has caused a sort of PTSD worse than that I attained in my childhood with my abusive parents. It's scary, I think in all other aspects other than the most personal and intimate of relationships, I'm totally normal, capable, strong, lots of people compliment me on how fantastic I seem given the circumstances I grew up in, but in terms of my relationships, I look back on them and they went all wrong... Has anyone else felt the same way?? And that has also been in a relationship that was good after all that?

hmmm.... i tell you, there was a time i think i was like your girlfriend, it was with the first boy i "fell in love" with. i don't think it was love, it was possession and control and my crying and begging him to stay was manipulative not loving. you will be doing a loving act breaking up with her. you may not see that now, but she is addicted to you, you are a way out so she doesn't have to think about her troubles... she may not realize it right now, but you are bad for her, like a drug, she can't get a high off of you anymore so now she is just feigning. you gotta break up with her, don't answer her calls, don't see her, cold turkey, but tell her very clearly why beforehand. and don't leave any room for any doubt.

yeah, that is going to be something you will have to struggle with for the rest of your life probably. i have a close friend that is bisexual; she had a crush on me at first, but i said i wasn't interested in that, but now she is one of my best friends! and we talk about sex all the time! it's cool. anyways, she was really hurt once cause she told a friend of hers about her sexuality and then her friend basically assumed that meant she was crushing on her, but she wasn't and she felt bad about it. you will have to deal with the fact that girls are often going to assume that means you like them even if you don't, so just trust girls that are open minded and truly understand that just because someone is * * * * * it doesn't mean they want to have sex with everyone!! Since when is * * * * * a bad word? weird. you know the Q in LGBTQ...

yeah, the only way to know is to ask, plan b is basically a really high dose of birth control. it's like 5 days worth in one or something like that.

are they? sigh. i've never actually had a good relationship before, but i would like to experience one...

well, thank you for keeping me sane by your advice, that's why dating can be so hard -- the emotions involved...

well, i think you might want to tell her. you are 15 so give yourself some credit on thinking about a very important lesson; learning to show appreciation for someone else and opening yourself up to communicate with them those feelings. it's very hard, but now is a chance to learn that. if it helps, maybe you can write down what you said to us in letter form, open up the conversation with her about it. personally, if a boy told me that he knew i was great but had a hard time saying it, i would really appreciate that confession...

I think you should be completely honest with him; tell him how you feel, but if possible not through an email, at the very least over the phone.

yum, we had lunch, and when i say yum, i mean he is yummy. we didn't kiss or anything but yowzas am i attracted to him, and i think he is attracted to me too cause he wanted to see if we could do something later today, so i'm stoked!! it's nice just to be hopeful about someone and be attracted to someone really, it's been soooo long since i really liked someone... he paid for lunch too, the last loser i dated never did (except once some cheapo burritos) but then he didn't want to give a full tip cause he didn't like the service, and i insisted, kind of a turn off when someone wants to jip on the tip...

well, i called him, he had been visiting his family, we had lunch and he had to go bring some kids some food he takes care of as a nanny; he said he would call me and see if we could hang out afterwards. aaaagh he is sooooo handsome i'm dying here. wow. just wow.

yep, second that; think about it, if you were her. and if you get together with him while he has a girlfriend, you would always wonder if he'll do it to you too... sounds like he needs to make up his mind instead of barking up other trees...

oh, i'm going to wait until around 2pm, I think, go and read and distract myself, and then if he doesn't call by then call him up and ask if he still wanted to hang out today... but i don't want to seem desperate either.

so we were going to hang out today, should i call him, ugh, i hate these dilemmas.

oh it's for today. If he doesnt call by the evening time I won't call him. i just don't understand why people say a time that they will call you at just to leave you hanging...

so... one of my biggest pet pieves is when people don't call when they say they will. this guy said he'd call "around 11", now it's 11:40 so closer to "around 12", if it was just a friend thing I'd probably call and see whats up, but with dating situations I feel like I can't, cause they have to be making as much effort as me. why do people do that? am i just obsessing about nothing? what would you do if you were me?

absolutely agree, a little tough love is in order here, you have to tell her to stop calling and that when you decide you feel ready to talk with her that you'll call her. it's really controlling of her to call you so much.

yes we have a date tomorrow, so i will update you on how it goes!!

true that, thanks for your advice, i will just be myself. after all, it's not just about him deciding if he likes me, it's also about if i like him!!

yeah, just hang in there and trust that you are doing the right thing by leaving him and not communicating with him. Stay strong, woman!!