venus777

hmmm.... i don't think what you said merited such a response. even if he was hurt. i would just stay away from him. go no contact. you don't deserve that. you deserve more than that. he needs to call and apologize and own up to the fact that's not good behavior...

yeah, i kind of think that contacting her only will cause you more pain, because trying to get her to change her mind will only push her away. I recommend you think seriously about if you want to be with her and really believe it can work. If you think you do then give her space, tell her you are sure you want to be with her but understand she might need time and might not feel the same way and that you need to put space there between you to reflect on both sides about what you want. give it time, if it's meant to be she will come back to you. if it's not then you will heal and move on.

I can't tell if I'm just tripping out about nothing or if it's something... So I'm here to ask what y'all think...?? So, I had a little fling with a boy in another country. It didn't end up so well. I'm pretty sure he was just using me. He stopped talking to me. I'm not going to get into all of the details because they aren't relevant. In the process of the fling, he introduced me to a woman who seemed awesome. Later, I saw her in the market, she gave me her phone number and told me to call her anytime. I got a good feeling from her energy, she reminded me of an old friend. When I came back to the U.S. he and I were still on relatively good terms, kind of rocky. I decided to move to the country, not because of him (he isn't living there anymore, but there is a possibility he might go back), but because I loved the place a lot (that was why I went there) and found that there was a good opportunity to volunteer with an org right down my ally or a hospital. I called the woman, she gave me lots of info and seemed very positive about me coming out there. Later I talked to dude and he was upset I called her. I said that I hadn't said anything about him, rather that I just was trying to collaborate on some projects with her (which was true). He seemed to calm down a lot and relax. He said he wanted to talk to me. But then all of a sudden he stopped answering my calls. She didn't answer her phone either, but she had told me beforehand she didn't have caller i.d (I had to give her my number when I called her). I was worried he might have said something about me to her. I kept calling him (too much) but he wouldn't answer... Mind you he is very immature and extremely macho and I had called him out on some things he didn't want to listen to and I wasn't incredibly gentle about it. When I did finally get in touch with her, she seemed really nice. She asked me who I had been in touch with at the organization. She said, oh, yes, he is a good friend of mine... I later started to worry that she might say something about me to the guy. I sent him one email last night about the grantwriting and he didn't respond, now mind you I didn't ask him a question, I just forwarded some info. Now I am paranoid. I want to go there feeling welcome but I am anxious about being unwanted or something. But I can't think of anything to write him that might solicit a response so I'm sure I'm wanted or what... Any suggestions?

hmm.. i think you guys misunderstood a bit. 1) he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend right away. i can't remember when exactly he told me, but by the time he told me we'd already slept together. 2) i'm talking about telling her friend who is also my friend. i don't know the girl. 3) they'd been separated for two months when i got together with him, the way he first presented it to me was that he "had" this girlfriend (that was why he had the plane ticket to oregon), and later i gathered they were still together. 4) it's not for ME to feel bad about what he did. I was single. HE was the one that wasn't. I do feel bad for her, and when I was with him I asked him if he was gonna tell her. First he said he was, then he said he wasn't, then he said "it would have it's moment". So whatever, he is a jerk I guess, I don't know. I don't know. I guess I always fall for jerks.

so, i met a guy and we ended up hooking up, rather quickly, which i didn't want to do, tried not to do, but he was quite persistent. after the initial hook up, we ended up together quite frequently, and then he told me he had a girlfriend, was moving to be with her, she had moved away, was gone for two months almost, hadn't talked hardly at all and so on. anyways, i don't know what to think about it all, the whole thing seemed way too easy for him for it to be the first time he cheated on her, but he insisted i was the only one he'd been with and that he didn't think she loved him, had been sad about it, and so on... before the week was up before he left he was professing his love to me and saying he wanted us to be together... he said i was more beautiful than her inside and out, cooler than her, that i liked to hang out with his friends while she didn't and so on. during the course of the week he treated me very kindly, we got along very well, BUT he already had a ticket to oregon, where she is and at the end of the week left to be with her. he told me he'd call me in a couple of days, apparently he'd left his phone charger behind, cause his phone wasn't working and going straight to voice mail. we talked about four days after he left, he seemed the same, but he also seemed different, i knew he'd gotten back with her (after all, he was staying with her). quite odd, it was hard to feel it out on the phone and considering i don't know him or trust him. i basically told him that i thought what he did to his girlfriend was no good, and how did he know i didn't have any sti's or anything? that he wasn't being good to her. he said he didn't want to talk about it, i told him i didn't want to talk to him anymore and said some mean things to him about how i didn't care about him and so on. (i was hurt and upset that he wasn't even digesting what i was saying) he then said that he wasn't having a good time, that he felt horrible about what happened and thought about it every day, that he needed some time and wanted to be friends, but needed time. now the thing is 1) i am not in love with him, i don't want to be with him, but i do want to be his friend because he is really a lot of fun, with time we could be platonic friends i'm sure, 2) i am friends with his friends, one of whom is friends with his girlfriend (who i haven't met). inevitably i'll probably talk with her. do you think if she asks if something happened between us, i should say anything? she very well might suspect it...

So--I posted recently about a guy I was seeing having some other girl over; after that happened my friend who leaves with them told me she thought nothing happened and they were just friends; he eventually told me the same. We slept together again. The next day I come over to see my friend and that girl was there again; this time with a bunch of her stuff in his room which I saw cause his door was open: she was staying the weekend. I don't know what he told her about me but she lied to me in the kitchen when I asked her what she was going to do and said that she was gonna go back home cause she was going to buy curtains with a friend. How is it that she is gonna go home when she clearly brought stuff over to his house to stay the weekend??? Anyways, I felt sick and asked him about it, he said some of the clothes were for my friend; he was avoiding the question basically. I left without saying anything. And she has stayed there. When I came over the following day she was there still as well. He tried to say hi to me and I said I never wanted to talk to him again. The problem is my friendship with his roommate. He is saying that because I don't want to talk to him anymore that I can't come to the house, but I'm best friends with his roommate so what the heck? I feel bad for my friend cause she is stuck in the middle of it all and now I'm pretty sure he told her she can't invite me. On top of all that I left a beautiful box for him and it has special sentimental value to me and he said he never got it. But I left it wrapped in paper and tied in colored thread and left on his doorknob. He said to me he hadn't seen it. I don't know whether or not to believe him. Who else could have taken it? It had his name on it!!??

yeah, it is a risk; to me he did seem perfect, sosososo different from all the other men i've dated; and i still believe he is an amazing, beautiful person. it doesn't take away the fact that he did that without any regard for my feelings, the truth is he doesn't even think at all. needless to say, the girl has a boyfriend as well, so the two of them make a perfect couple, doing things for pleasure that will hurt others without any second thought. i don't plan on telling him anything. if he calls me, i will tell him i don't want to talk about it, that i already know everything that i need to know. i'm not going to get emotional, cry or yell or anything. i'm not going to say a word about my feelings to him... the yucky part of all of it is that i was supposed to kick it with him in puerto rico and stay with his friends and now i don't know what to do because i have a plane ticket to puerto rico... probably i'll still stay with his friends and try to stay cool enough with him that he won't have a problem with it. it's incredibly expensive in puerto rico... $65 a night Minimum!!

I do have romantic feelings for him and I think that he very well knows that, just the other night we slept together (only sleeping that night) and he held my hand as he fell asleep... He does sweet things and gives me small gifts and is thoughtful in that way, he is a very, very scattered person. some people don't like him, but those that do, love him... It's true that he isn't obligated to me, but to do that right in front of me when he knows how i feel about him is still hurtful... also, communicating that he wanted to be with other women is important, because if he said that to me i wouldn't have chosen to be with him... initially he was going to move out of the country and that was his reason for not taking things slowly, but then he had problems with his passport and some other things happened, so he's stayed around and I have spent tons of time with him... so, it really feels bad. I don't think I'm going to talk to him anymore. I can't be angry with him or hold anything against him because he didn't *technically* do anything wrong, but he still hurt me a great deal...

being friends and being physically intimate... one night he said he wanted to build with me, the next day he said he didn't, he is a confused guy, really so different from the norm... he ended a four year relationship at the end of february and even some of the drama was dragged out til may, so i was planning on being patient with him, since he was being so inclusive of me in his life, that it seemed to me like he saw me as someone special...

i think it probably hurts you profoundly but you are right now involuntarily protecting yourself from your feelings, by not feeling them. talking to a counselor might be helpful. there is nothing wrong with you though, this is just your way right now. not everyone reacts the same way and thats o.k.

well, i haven't posted on here in a while... after having so many messed up relationships, i thought i found the perfect guy... he is a beautiful person, i've seen the things his does for people, but now i have a broken heart... i met him on the 19th of may, he had sent me a smile from friendster about a month prior, and i met him at an event. he was going to leave the following week and we ended up hooking up rather quickly, i've seen him almost every day since then, partly because he introduced me to a girl that is living with him and we've become best of friends. perhaps this made him take it for granted that i'd be around and he doesn't have to make an effort to see me, i don't know. but he has introduced me to all his friends, family, given me numbers for people in puerto rico he knows so i can stay with them at the end of june... he has treated me with a lot of respect, so even though we hadn't made any commitments to each other i trusted that he would not hurt me... but the oddest thing happened. well, first of all, i got upset over some racial/cultural things he said and i told him i was upset, he apologized and said we'd talk later (he was busy). i wrote a long essay about the situation, blogged it, told him about it, but when i saw him yesterday i don't think he'd read it and he didn't mention anything about the conversation. he had a girl over, she was nice, she hadn't met anyone there before yesterday. actually, at first i didn't even know she was his guest because he wasn't even really conversating with her. i did. she told me she had a boyfriend in the dominican republic. well, i was sitting there talking to her when he called her from upstairs to go up. she told me. she went upstairs and didn't come down. i left the place without saying goodbye to him because he didn't come downstairs. her car was parked outside and she had a blue bag by the couch when i left... i went home, i texted him that i wanted to talk to him, that it was important. but he didn't call me at all. i woke up at 4:30 feeling sick and i couldn't sleep. i decided spontaneously to drive by the house and see if her car was outside, because i had to know if i was worrying about something real or if it was nothing. it was there. their curtains were open and her bag was still sitting there. she'd never come downstairs. i then texted him saying i couldn't sleep and that i knew he wasn't obligated to me but that it hurt for me to see what i saw (i.e. him having a girl come up to his room without saying goodbye to me at all) but i didn't say anything about the car of course. it's probably a bit weird for me to drive by that way but i had to know for sure... i talked to my friend in the morning, she saw the car still there as well. she wants me to still come by the house and to the event he is having on friday that i've been helping with. i feel hurt, sad, he hasn't called me at all. any suggestions on how to handle this?

thank you langford, i see what you are saying. but i wrote something, like a whole synopsis of what i went through and looking at it, i see how *pathetic* I was. I mean, I can't believe I gave that guy so many chances. I feel so foolish. But I didn't trust myself, didn't trust my sense of intuition, and one moment I blame myself for expecting too much too soon, and the next I blame myself for not demanding enough. It's so confusing.... but what you wrote was beautiful, i'll try and keep it in mind...

yeah you're right, i make exuses for people. it's not that i don't agree with what people are saying necessarily but i also know that the way i write about the situation affects the advice given. for example, if i was to say, my boyfriend gets mad at me when I get home late, I don't know what to do, people could say well, talk to him about it and have a discussion about all that, but THEN if I was to say that he calls me a * * * * then you might say something different. anotherwards, I doubt MYSELF, not the posters that respond to me. I just don't know what the truth is. In the past I was in an abusive relationship and I wrote on here I think under a different name and I was given all sorts of advice on how to "talk" about it, when really what I needed was to leave the relationship. Anotherwards, I'm just really aware that how I personally see things colors the way I write. I don't trust myself at all. One moment I think, oh that guy is a jerk, the next I think, I am asking for too much too soon. That is the way I make a fool out of myself, or at least feel like one. I doubt my personal intuition, second guess myself, triple guess myself, quadruple guess myself and thus as a result anyone that responds to me. I'm just super confused that's all. And generally, yes, I blame myself. For everything. And I attract guys that blame me too, so it doesn't help anything at all.

you may have had some kind of pinched nerve, but only a doctor would be able to tell. working at a doctors office, the only people that people ever get tired of are people who come in and are rude and mean, so if you haven't been like that i don't think they would think twice about you coming in to ask about your health. and if they do, that's their problem not yours. the doctor should be able to give you a good explanation on whats going on regardless of any preconceptions (which honestly, i don't think they should have unless you're there like once a week for a different thing each time that is just fake or something.)

thats beautiful but i'm not sure i'm totally understanding it. yeah, just crying all day, not eating, hopefully i'll sleep tonight without waking i don't know, i know i'm depressed, not the type to take medication, just feel like i'm blaming myself for everything and can't see things very clearly. one moment confident, the next taking everything i say back. i just feel so confused, so lost, so angry with myself for not being smarter, not taking better care of my dignity, not being so obsessive/impulsive about the last guy i dated that really it was just my way to not have to look at myself and all my shortcomings and how i'm not going anywhere with my life, have no family, no love, no career, nothing, i'm just feeling like * * * *.

depressed, after reaching out to a love interest so much and being rejected, feeling confused, feeling deceived, but giving second chances, being low priority, understandable, i'm feeling kind of needy. it's been a long time since i've had a healthy relationship, i've gotten really confused, depressed, feeling hopeless, feeling dependent on my friends for support, i feel lost, i don't know what i'm doing with my life, at work, but whenever i'm alone, i just cry. it's been a long time since i've felt this sad, this confused. really, i just want to feel loved, feel wanted and i constantly make so much effort for that with people that really aren't offering that, but i see any glimpse of it and leap at it. i don't feel like dying or suicidal or anything, just hopeless, just depressed, wanting to be at home and just go to sleep and not move. i don't know why i'm this sad, i guess i just blame myself for everything that's happened and it's an overwhelming weight. it'd be so much easier to point my fingers at someone else.... but really my conscience doesn't let me... just ranting i guess, just letting it out somewhere.

i know he was there, cause he replied to the first email right away, we both have ipop and the email downloads right there. i said in my email, do you want to be friends or you aren't sure? or you don't? and nothing, no reply, nada. he could have said, hey, i'm not sure, it's been rough, i need some more time. but he didn't. he didn't even reply at all!!! it makes me feel like a fool making so much extra effort just to have him not do anything at all.....

not exactly the right category but kind of. posted earlier today. you can reference it. i emailed him and just asked did he want to be friends or not or not sure yet or what cause this whole thing has been really difficult and he just replied saying he hasn't been avoiding me or ignoring me, that's it, and when i wrote back asking did he want to be friends-- no reply. darn. i just like closure. like someone to say "don't call me, don't email me, i don't want to be friends" but not just answer the phone and all but not say anything. it's so weak.

So... things went super bad with the guy I was dating, my friend telling me he was a player and her roommate saying the same, and me just getting really confused and hurt, found a posting of his looking for a girl right after I'd drawn him a beautiful picture of him. We'd had a bad week prior to that where I tried asking him about exclusivity by email and he replied to me very shortly and it hurt my feelings and I said I didn't want to be his friend anymore, but then it seemed like we had repaired it, and then it all just took a turn for the worst. When I brought up the stuff my friend was saying he started saying he'd beat up the people telling me that, asking if my friend was a ho... And when I brought up the ad he posted he got real defensive and we had a string of back and forth emails that were mean. And I started saying mean things to him, feeling hurt and angry, by email. We weren't committed to each other, but it still hurt a great deal to find that because he never said anything about wanting to date anyone else and was saying on the phone to me that he wanted to be friends and build towards a relationship. And yes, I overreacted and did some things that were over the top like making another ad in reply to his saying he was a player and stuff. Needless to say we both said mean things, he called me psycho, I told him his missionary style was boring. Now, I don't know what I want exactly. I just want us to find a place of understanding I guess. Maybe I'll never find it. I don't feel like he was a bad guy but that things just got out of control and we both responded how we knew how, but from a place of pain and disconnect. Honestly, part of me wants to connect with him again and find resolution, but I don't think he is as ready for that. I left a plant at his house, a small sweet one with a card. I don't expect anything from that, but I just want to make it clear to him that his friendship is important to me. I don't care that he said mean things, I don't care about his posting really, because we'd had a rough week, what it comes down to is that things got out of control in a bad way and it seems like maybe I'm the only one that has energy to repair it. I know we are both human beings and both made mistakes. I just feel like maybe I'm more open to owning up to my flaws and to seeing a different perspective. Maybe I'm pushing him away further by asking him for resolution. I don't know. What do you think. Mostly I'm just getting it all off my chest because it was really really a rough week. I haven't really been sleeping well and lost about 6 lbs since last week, I'm already really thin, I don't need to lose weight...

yeah so the guy i was writing about... my friends warned me that something was up with him that he has a bad rep, confronted him, then he said he was wanting to beat them up and started talking about how he is going to unleash the * * * * * on me and all that.

So, I've learned I must always trust my own instincts. If something doesn't feel right it probably isn't. Also, I don't think I should focus so much on the past as being a reason for my insecurity, but just being a basis for my knowledge of reality and my instincts. I don't think I should blame myself nearly as much as I do. I've also realized from this escapade how difficult taking advice from people can be on here because one can't be sure about how clearly they are communicating with others their views, or where people are coming from. It makes this website a difficult tool for me, but at the very least a place to vent. It has been useful to a certain extent, it kept me from being played completely by someone, but I think that people respond to key words on here, depending on what mood I'm in and how I express myself but often the situation is way more complicated than people think. I don't know if that makes sense to yall.

well i wasn't sad just about him, it just is a pile of crap everything i've been through and we went through lots of drama this last week. to top it all off, i got a call from a friend today saying that her roommates say he is a major player. he says he isn't and doesn't know where those ideas come from. so i don't know, playing it cool at this point.

OUCH. I don't get it. I don't get it at all. You can look at my posts to get an idea of what happened. But my feelings are so hurt. I spent about 4 hours drawing a beautiful picture of him yesterday and posted it on his myspace and he hasn't written me about it or anything. I mean, it's beautiful. I don't know if it freaked him out or what, but it really hurts me a great deal that he is ignoring me. I called him 3 times this morning, first just super casual and then more serious, the last one saying I didn't understand why he wouldn't write me back or call me after I did something like that for him and that it really hurt. I haven't heard anything and I'm feeling immobilized, unable to get out of bed. I hardly ever do anything so special for someone. I haven't eaten anything today or gone outside and I feel horrible. Not only that, but I also lost another very special friend due to drama and my heart is totally broken.

i give love for love, sex for sex. i'm very aware of the difference between sex and love. for this most recent guy, holding hands and cuddling were way more intensive bonding experiences than sex, this is because i see sex as a form of pleasure, obviously better when you are actually in love with a person, but i don't get it confused, possibly because i had the best sex ever with the abusive boyfriend and thought i was in love with him but i'm not. now i'm feeling bad because i put my heart out there completely for people to trample on just like you say, i do. it hurts when they drop it. ugh. i know i have to be more careful.... i drew a picture of him and put it on his myspace page, then drew another one i liked better, deleted the first one. after the first one he wrote me and said that was beautiful of me and he hoped to get together soon. and then he didn't say anything after i put up the second one which was much better than the first. i don't know if he is just avoiding emailing me or if it has freaked him out. now, i just feel like doing that is putting my heart on a platter and it might be way too much for him after all that email back and forth and saying we wouldn't be friends. it's very dramatic and practically bipolar. i'm a confused girl. i want love more than anything. but i am so afraid of it at the same time because it has been such a tool of pain in my life at the same time. i can't honestly say that i've had a good relationship with anyone, other than perhaps my first two boyfriends. now i'm just feeling real crappy about it al.

no, i wasn't doing that, if anything i'm aware that pushes him away. no one wants to date someone with issues. but with him, honestly, we've dealt with so much drama already that i really doubt anything will come out of it. but if we were both more communicative in person (rather than email) we wouldn't have had so much drama.