venus777

hey tigris, does your finance know how it works. i always wonder.

so, it seems like i can't forget the last guy i dated that used me. i'm dating this other guy that actually seems pretty awesome, but anything he does that even kind of reminds me of the other guy i'm super jumpy and lash out at him. i'm so afraid of being used and hurt again. i just want to be loved and to give love, but at the same time i'm so afraid of being vulnerable to someone else. tonight we had tentative plans to maybe hang out and when he called and said he was going to hang out with his friends, i was like, so why are you keeping us separate and he laughed and said, well, another time would be fine but we'd already made plans. and i was like o.k... and he said, so i'll call you tomorrow? and i was like, i guess so (my voice saying i was not so sure about that). and we hung up. and then i called him five minutes later and said to him, look i don't want to be some girl you just **** and he was like it's not like that but if that's how you feel. and we hung up. and i called him back and left a message saying i wanted more closure than that... he called back and i explained to him how i feel like i can't ignore my past lessons, that i'm trying not to project onto him my past experience with being used, but it's really hard, that the last guy i dated never introduced me to his friends and that was one of my clues that i was being used. and from his voice i could tell he was upset, he said, i feel insulted by what you say, i'm not that kind of person, i don't use anybody. and he was with his friend so he said he'd call me tonight when he gets home... i don't know what to do... any recommendations on how to handle this?](*,)

garlic. put garlic on it (you can put it in the center of one of those corn pads and cover with a bandaid). it will burn a bit, you can put vitamin E around the wart to protect other skin and help it heal. a couple of days of that, it will form a scab and fall off. it works for ANY kind of wart.

oh, it's like my first real love... i mean i had boyfriends before him, and a long term relationship as well, but he was the first man i ever really did love and feel connected to. i believed him when he told me things, but he cheated on me and had intentions to be with other people and i didn't even know. finding the email is just the tip of the iceberg, lots of things are said/done that aren't communicated via email... i was even more naive, i broke into his account and then believed him when he told me things weren't as they appeared... i thought he loved me and just loved me, i thought we'd have a family some day... i think principally because i personally didn't want to be with someone else, i thought he'd feel the same way as me.... nope, wrong... there was a part of him he wasn't sharing with me, just as she is not sharing part of herself with you and you had no clue about it... not your fault, but you were blind to it. happens to us all.

agh. techno is impossible to dance to. i love dancing, but techno? please.

That's hilarious, but soooooo true. I know it's really hard, but you have to stop hoping... you have a naive idea of her, you had no idea what was going on, now you have to just do what is good for you, do what YOU love, what you enjoy and stop thinking bout her... We all know it's painful, pain probably brought most of us here actually... but it will get better and then you will probably start seeing the positive side about not dating her anymore...

you were not stupid. you apparently had some sort of premonition that he wanted sex, thus your saying no. it seems like you were very smart for saying no, especially given his response.

yeah, i think it was a big warning sign that he already wanted you to move in at 3 months. when people do stuff like that it's a red flag, like why do they feel like they must rush things so??? i dated a guy that was already talking about being my life partner in the first month and then he turned around and became abusive, so i see that as a warning signn i guess. sounds like he has problems, try not to take it personally, it's nothing about you and it's totally his problem!

i'd like to say it seems healthy at least that she is able to speak with you about it openly enough. and it seems like she at least tried to deal with it by leaving college. i guess at times, it can be hard to deal with things just by running from them instead of confronting them, like a ghost she has or something. there is probably a much deeper issue here than the lecturer. i'd really recommend going to therapy, maybe just her alone, maybe at times with you, because you need support to handle this as well...

you are 19. you are young. don't be hard on yourself. be patient. it will come around when it is right... yes, enjoy these relationships for what they are, take them as opportunities to learn from women about their likes and dislikes so that when you do find the woman you want you will have a greater understanding of how she ticks. everyone has their own tune they tick to, but there are still things you can learn from other women...

well, she broke up with him when she found out he was cheating on her. but they'd been together for five years before she found out about the other children. and they had two children together. she said that there were some signs something was wrong with their relationship but she kept trying to work it out... i don't think you can always guess someone is cheating on you. and personally, i'm not the type of person that wants to spend my energy tracking my guy down in order to be sure he isn't... i want our love to be free and giving, not controlling, the guy chooses he wants to be with me, i choose to be with him. but sometimes people just aren't honest about their intentions...

yeah, i totally agree with the above statement. i mean, did you get angry with him for not calling you? or did you say calmly you'd have like to have gotten a call? cause there is a difference between demanding and asking. even so, however, it doesn't make much sense to go cold turkey on you like that, so the fear of commitment thing makes more sense...

I am a health worker and I semi-counsel pregnant patients at a clinic. Today a woman came in pregnant for the third time. She had a beautiful son with her, we got to talking, she is pregnant from a different father than the first one, who she has been trying to divorce for the last two years, but he won't help pay for it and she is going to seek legal help. The clencher is that she broke up with him because he'd been cheating on her. Not just cheating. He had three children with another woman while he was with her!!! I learn about horrible stuff everyday but when I learn about stuff like that I can't help but wonder how I will *ever* trust someone that I'm with??? I see horrible stuff every day and my first love cheated on me too and I thought I was crazy for not trusting him... Wow. Just wow. I've had a terrible day today and just thinking about that makes my stomach hurt. It's so sad, how do people do stuff like that??? How do you know someone won't do that to you???

take a deep breath. spend time with YOUR friends and YOUR family that you must have missed while away. don't let yourself depend on him for all your happiness...

So... one of the things I've realized being single is that it's important to date someone that likes me for who I am, really who I am... and that I like too of course. Thing is, with past regrets and rejections and experiences many of us carry this inherent feeling with us that we aren't good enough, that we have to be cooler or harder or sexier or calmer or smarter or classier or more stylish or more hip or more... [fit in adjective] We spend all this time trying to be this other thing that we forget why we're even doing it to begin with. How fun can it be to spend all your energy trying to be someone else or hide who you are? And how much more FUN is it to just be yourself. Like the most fun I have is when I'm kicking it with my friends, but sometimes dating can be a super intense interview where you're putting on your best self so that they'll like you enough to put up with the crap you'll give them later when they've already invested themselves in you... But then, what if you never can let down that mask? What if you are always trying to *behave* around them the way you think or they've expressed that you should behave? Like what are we, ten years old?? Do we need to seek constant approval from someone else to be who we are? Or can we just be?? Isn't that what love is anyways? Actually liking someone for who they are, quirks and all, enough to put up with those things you don't like about them? And not try and change them all the time? Recognizing their autonomy as individuals to be who they are? But then WHY is it that if we can respect someone else for who they are that we can't just be Ourselves with them? If we aren't who we are then we spend so much energy on it and we don't even ENJOY ourselves... I mean, don't you hate it when you go to a party and it feels like people are just snubbing you and no one will relax? I mean do you want to be in a RELATIONSHIP that's like an endless BAD PARTY???? Agh, I write this cause I've had my own experience with feeling like I'm a constant shortcoming to the person I THOUGHT that I loved (but it's ain't love if they don't love you for who you are), and also cause some of my women friends do the same darn thing as myself. And since men and women aren't all that different, really, some of them gotta be doing the same thing... Why don't we just put the masks away and enjoy life, be who we are, as we are, if people don't like us for who we are, the truth will eventually surface anyways.... Just we'll have wasted all our time pretending instead of really getting to know someone...

yes i agree too, but you know, there are more forms of "equal opportunity" these days, the bad form of it, the equal opportunity for women to be perpetrators of torture and violence. they unfortunately are also capable of the same stuff, but yes, a balance of the feminine and masculine would bring about more peace i think...

personally, even if we just talked a little bit or just went on one date, i **always** tell people if i decide i'm not interested. i just think it sucks to leave people just wondering what is going on, i hate how that makes me feel. so i never let anything be ambiguous. and i've been told that it was truly appreciated on a few occasions... personally, i think if i went on a few dates and they went WELL, i'd be confused why he didn't call me again, ya know? it's real easy to just write a quick email or message to make it nicer for others...

he called you a name. he's a loser. he doesn't love you or care about you if he is going to rant at you and call you a name and not respect your desires. that's not love, that's control.

i was gonna say the same as above, it could very well be the depo. but i'd also give each other some space a bit to miss each other. a relationship could easily become platonic without any of that desire that comes up from distance and a bit of mystery.

i don't know, the whole idea of sex just being the penis enters the vagina is just odd to me, you are already breaking the christian law really, don't you think (not that i personally abide by it). those boundaries being so specific are just weird to me.

foot massage!!!!

hmmm... i met my current guy on craigslist, an online thing in some cities. i actually responded to two of his ads on separate occasions without knowing it was the same person, one back in october, then again in february, and i think i only responded to maybe three in total. the truth was he didn't reply to my responses, just one line responses, but i couldn't help but think WHO is this guy, so i emailed him again and was like, are you not writing me for the same reason i don't write back people who write me? they seem desperate? and it isn't totally appealng to meet people online? and he wrote back almost right away and didn't really remember my responses (probably he'd got tons of responses that he'd just deleted, that's how craigslist is), so we exchanged myspace addresses, liked each other and met a couple of days later. so we've been dating for a few weeks now and just hooked up last night for the first time, it's been really nice, i like him...

i think you should just give her a foot massage.... oh, i would love one of those....

hmm... well, the chest thing, i don't know, i don't feel it was anything to be ashamed of, he is a little thick but not fat, but i think he might be embarrassed of that or something. i mean, i had to ask him to take his shirt off... yes, the first time is bound to be uncomfortable, but i guess with my last two partners the first time was better and i'm comparing. i like this guy MUCH more than the last two so I'm hoping it will get better. Part of it is just a concern that it won't get more comfortable with time... but I guess I'm just worried he might be worried that he didn't perform well, you know.. he really was a very good lover.

So, me and my guy had sex for the first time tonight. We'd made out in the past and did some heavy petting kind of stuff and it was really enjoyable. Tonight I gave him a massage, and I sensed he was embarrassed about his chest or something, kept a pillow over it and afterwards put his shirt back on. When we had sex the pre-stuff was really sexy and lasted for a long time, thing is, the actual sex part left something to be wanted, he was kind of soft, and we got really dry (needed lube) but I don't normally get dry during sex really (wasn't going to tell him that), I couldn't figure out what it was. Maybe I'm not attracted to him? I don't think that's the case, he got me soaking wet. Thing was, I think he was insecure about his body and couldn't come for the longest time afterwards, I got dry so we had to stop and we just masturbated next to each other which was hot, but even after I came, he couldn't... He finally did, but it was a lot of work. I don't know exactly when his last partner was, maybe a year, cause when I gave his balls some attention he said it tickled, that they hadn't gotten attention in a long time. What do you think? I thought that if guys didn't have sex for a long time they would get off faster... Is there anything I can do to make him more comfortable???