venus777

How long do you all think people should be dating before becoming exclusive?

well, i sent him an email last night saying we shouldn't have sex anymore, cause i can't do that outside of a relationship, that i value his friendship and that's a priority to me. so, yeah, i didn't really follow any advice in the end. personally, i can't stand the idea of having sex with a man thinking he might be having sex with other women. that's just not my style.

so someone is supposed to be having a relationship with all the sex but no commitment? or do i just cut the sex out? it doesn't make any sense to me.

i don't think you should ask him that, he could easily have invited you to come with.

that's really cute. I will let you all know how it goes.... thank you everyone for the advice. I will ask him, but not in a heavy way, just that i appreciate our friendship and it's just good for clarity so to prevent hurt feelings and things because our friendship is the most important to me. and it's true, cause we might end up working on some projects together so if we aren't gonna get serious it's probably best not to be playing with fire....

i remember being at a party and talking to this guy i'd met at a different party very briefly and was tryng to remember where we'd met. this girl walked up to us, and i could tell by the way she looked, i don't know what it was, she was jealous. just the way she was looking at me. he introduced her to me and we figured out how we met, so it should be obvious there was nothing to be jealous of. anyways, later it became even more obvious they were a couple, so.... yeah, she was jealous.

In no way did I mean to imply it was wrong to reveal things slowly. I just tend to be upfront, I'm direct in general and it's hard for me to hold things back. Maybe I need to change, I don't know... but I tend to probably make myself more emotionally vulnerable that I should be I guess....

and if it makes any difference, we've had sex a couple of times.

See that's what I'm wondering. I mean, it's not such a big deal to ask that right? Honestly, I guess I don't play the mystery thing very well, I tend to be honest and less mysterious and upfront about my feelings, maybe I'm boring but I've always been that way......

oh the difference in dating is that it's just casual and you can be seeing multiple people as opposed to a relationship where you are committed to each other.

but what does 'more serious' really mean?

no i'm not. and he hasn't asked me if i am.

i think you should take your time and enjoy the way you are feeling without any rush, it's so wonderful to meet a new potential date...

if he is dating someone else in addition to me? we've been dating for more than a month. like 5 weeks or so. i guess basically this is an exclusivity conversation. i would honestly like to ask this in the most lighthearted way possible, any ideas?

i don't know why i deleted it, didn't think people'd feel it.

I'm off beat with The harmony Of the earth tones The silence of Garbled electronic noise Transmits voices Of anger lust anguish Guttural utterances of Our animalistic urges I'm out of breath Out of reason To get out of bed I feel the weight Of self incrimination For lack of power To stop the machine From widespread murder Women raped Their limbs chopped Til they are unidentifiable Children sold Into sex trade slavery Men forced to fight For corporate greed Their families will receive Hardly an apology for The PTSD and blown up bodies And I just talk While eating vegan cookies Organic and dairy free And the sound of my voice Annoys me All I do Is go on and on Bout things we all know Intuitively I am immobilized Part of me Wants to give away my all Part of me Wants to hourd it all Guiltily Barely hanging on To financial security It'd be easy To slide back into poverty I don't want upward mobility I just want world peace (like Miss America) But the system Is paralyzing Who am I Reeally? Swept away I try to offer myself up My entirety But selfishly Hold on to parts of me Wanting to stow myself away In the recesses of loves embrace And have a family It seems At times Contradictory The impossibility Of living ethically Makes my mind revolve The same ideas perpetually Calmness of mind Achievable they say By meditation In all the motions of the day In the mountains far away From discordant voices But one can not have Peace while life forms scream As isolated as you may be From society

i agree that it is best to move on without searching for him on dating sites. there is no way you can prevent him from doing the same to someone else. i don't think you did anything wrong, but it is bad for your health to focus on it.

no way, i think she did an o.k. thing, obviously he was messed up to her and she was honest with the other girl about him lying. i think we women need to be honest with each other, as long as it is rooted in that rather than jealousy alone. obviously it hurts when someone lies to you the way he did to her, but he was also trying to go about and hurt someone else. i would actually appreciate the heads up from another girl and would be of course cautious about believing her that she wasn't just a jealous ex. but if it rang true, i'd appreciate it.

well, any thoughts about it are appreciated. thank you.

It was a poem but i deleted it.

yeah i feel you, i'm dating a musician that is working really hard and it can be hard to pull him from his work, thing is, honestly, i'm falling for him kind of hard, and probably he can tell. but instead of sending him emails saying forget it, it's over, instead of assuming he doesn't like me and accusing him of it, i try and make light of it like saying "you didn't call me back, you sure did miss out on kicken it with me last night!" and so on... i think for us more needy folks that require reassurance that is one of the key things, asking if they are dating someone else, but that takes a lot of guts.... which i haven't aqcuired yet. i used to be more needy, like if i'd sent an email like that i'd be waiting and constantly checking for a response and if i didn't get one immediately i would write another one or something. so i distract myself with other things, rent a movie, hang out with friends. usually, if i keep myself busy i'm less preoccupied with what HE is doing!!

yes, i'm glad you are back too and will be looking for your update!

honestly, reading this is makes me think she is just dating someone else... i don't think it's your fault like you are saying. you made it clear enough you liked her.

she is essentially alone and must accept it.

my thoughts exactly...