venus777

i really think you need to leave her alone. you've pushed her away and she isn't coming back.

i wouldn't worry too much about the choice of words, for some hanging out and date are equivalent. but it does suck that he couldn't give you a heads up before he ran into you about whether he was available or not...

if she is pregnant are you going to stay in a relationship with her?

that's hilarious. you make me feel normal.

i mean, you all can only guess if you don't read it....

yeah, i called him and told him i liked his show and that my email made me electronically blush, that i probably wouldn't have had the guts to say all that in person and to have a good night. it makes me feel bad to obsess. i need to delete the email so i don't keep rereading it telling myself i'm an idiot for revealing so much about myself that might make me look real needy and high maintenance.

yeah, i'm a community health worker with pregnant women, but by the time they get to me their pregnancy is verified. but i'd heard stories of this girl lying to her boyfriend about prenatal care to keep him and he found out by asking a medical assistant about the pregnancy test, who blurted out there wasn't one (it's a violation to tell that information, but he was caught off guard cause the boyfriend asked in front of the girl). so yeah, it's something to check out. but if she decides to keep the pregnancy i caution you about saying she's doing it to keep you. for one, you need to make it clear to her that this doesn't change your relationship, but you'll help support the baby, but that you might decide to eventually date someone else and she will have to accept that. if she still decides to keep the pregnancy knowing that, then she is deciding to do so for herself. i've had women tell me at the clinic that they are being accused by exes that they are keeping the baby to keep them but that they aren't and it really hurts them and makes it hard for them to be accused of doing that when actually they are making a serious decision about being a single mom....

so this is a continuation of a topic on when i emailed a guy about commitment. it was a big mistake, we ended up emailing each other for two days and it got to the point where we weren't going to be friends. by EMAIL. this is essentially a continuation of the topic: it's lacking in complete information of course. in my heart i don't believe he just wanted sex because i initiated the sex we did have and we cuddled without sex other times and he wasn't all over me or anything. honestly, i think he replied coldly because i was cold to him and hurt him and he was hurting me back. i called him yesterday and left him a message saying that we were both being immature and hurting each other and it made me sad that we got to the point we did by email. i said a lot more than that, sent him a message saying i'd go to his show last night. i went. he came up and hugged me and said thank you for coming. then outside he came up to me and hugged me twice saying it was good to see me and thank you. and when i left he gave me a long hug and said "we'll talk". this is my dilemma i'm obsessing over at this point. before i went to his show at about 8:40 last night i sent him a long email that was real personal and texted him that i'd sent it. I saw him at the show at about 10:40 when i got there. I don't know if he'd got my message. And i'm worried that he hadn't at that point and wouldn't have treated me the same way if he had. so in actuality, i don't know if he feels good towards me or not. ugh. so basically, one of his criticisms of me was that i generalize men and am sort of bitter towards men (not exact words, but in a nutshell). and honestly, yesterday, after all that happened, i just wanted to open up to him about myself, i wasn't wanting to dump on him or make him my therapist. but essentially i told him about how in my last relationship i was abused and physically threatened, that my first boyfriend tried to rape me, that my father abused me, and my brother was controlling of me. now i just think he is going to think i have too many issues, and since i don't know if he'd read if first, i can't be sure, i feel real embarrassed. in the past i've had issues of co-dependence so i'm very in tune with myself. i know that i wasn't wanting to influence him by telling him those things, but just so he understands and i told him so in the email. i mean, as a guy, if you got this email would you just be totally fed up with me and through? ugh, i feel bad i'd opened myself up to him that much, especially by email.

yeah, it sounds like she is feeling very emotional and irrational and probably still has feelings for you reacting that way towards you. just lay low, i think she'll realize her mistake. it's hard that the friend told HER she was upset but never said anything to YOU. i hate it when people do stuff like that.... NOT helpful.

Having been in an abusive relationship and working with women as a health worker that have been in EXTREMELY abusive relationships, I can see that the level of abuse I have undergone personally really pales in comparison to theirs. But at the same time, I know that the repitition of behavior, fears of new relationships, all of that tends to play out in new relationships. It is often hard to realize the extent of abuse. My own family was a screaming and dysfunctional home, so sometimes I also think my way of dealing with conflict extends to even that. I don't want a therapist in a lover or a partner but I just want them to be really good to me and try to understand my fears. Is that too much? How does one ever heal, really? I find myself constantly pushing away those that get close to me, or carrying my baggage in a way that turns people off. I don't like talk therapy. I don't, I am already familiar with my story enough that I really don't want to repeat it again and again to someone to no end. But I don't know what to do really. And I have a hard time differentiating between what is MY problem and what is my lover or partners problem and tend to go back and forth between the two, causing excessive drama. Anyone relate to this?

well, i think that it's reality--- people have undergone a lot of stuff and if they can't be honest with someone about their past then it's not a real relationship. people find out about each others weaknesses and faults eventually, so it's better not to pretend to be anything you aren't. if they can't deal with it they can't deal.

congratulations!! way to take your relationship up to the next level!!!

and i didn't think having sex was gonna bring love. i just like sex. and love. both. and i thought he showed good potential for love, but yeah, i don't have the best sensors.

i actually copied part of your posting miracle and sent it to him. actually most of it. it was just so good. maybe he'll learn something from it.

thanks miracle... you are right about him being a dud, i don't think it just has to do with sex, but yes it has a part in the whole thing.

honestly, i don't think it was all about sex. i really don't, in the past i have experienced that, but in this case, we slept together without sex and when we had sex the last couple of times, i had initiated it, i think he was hesitant because i'd expressed feelings of not wanting to be used, so he left it in my court. honestly, i just think he is not in the space or frame of mind to be pursuing a relationship, though i sort of suspect that there is someone else involved, perhaps more recently, though it could just be that he doesn't really have the energy or frame of mind to really be mature and connect with someone. that's what i think is the real deal right there.

well, he just said "o.k." to not having sex. and that was it, i mean that is so cold. so he's out of the question. never talking to him again. i deleted him from my friends list, all my comments on his page, gone.

i plan on stopping contact with him, that's the plan. the hard part is, i just introduced him to a good friend of mine that own a center and he wants to work there, so i'll be seeing him around. he obviously is a jerk though cause he didn't even care enough to just be upfront with me earlier on...

i deleted him from my friends list and told him so and he said "wow". i don't see why men don't get that's a complete insult.

oh, he just sent an email saying "it's all peace" but he is too busy for a back and forth and we should just be friends. ouch. now, what to do? never write or call him again....

yah, i know i went about it the wrong way, and i told him that's a real concern for me. sigh. i'm an idiot, but at this point i don't even want to check my email to see what if he's written me anything, the flow of my biochemicals in my body have put me totally on edge. i just didn't want to be too vulnerable, too open with him about how i feel so i just did something stupid. i mean, i sent one email and it was nice and then, i said never mind, that was stupid, i don't think we should have sex anymore. ugh, email is terrible, whenever i email i make a total duface out of myself.

um, as a female i don't think that's necessarily true, but she would probably give you some space for a while before doing anything that's for sure.

hmmm... i know i shouldn't have done it but i wrote this guy i've been dating ~6 wks and said we shouldn't have sex anymore because it isn't good for me to have sex outside of a relationship. i expressed concerns about him possibly dating other people and the potential of getting an std and just that i also want to be special to the person i'm with. he wrote me back a one line email: ok thats it. no name, no nothing. i think i must have insulted him. but anyway, it really hurts, i guess maybe i wanted him to say: i really like you, i just want you, i'm not seeing anyone else. but i'm such an idiot.

uh, lots of girls overuse the world all over myspace with those pink glittery words on their page "Sexy!" It's annoying. But everyone wants to be sexy.

well, how long did he have to initiate things with you?? i say initiate things with him for about the same time and see how you feel, maybe by then you can understand what he is going through. then of course, he might be initiating. i dunno.